the foundations of personality-第77章

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d　habitually　and　remarkably　in　one　direction。　Thus　with　the　man　F。；　who　has　quick　imagination；　and　whose　ability　to　forecast　is　inextricably　mixed　with　a　liability　to　fear。　It　is　true　that　some　do　not　fear　because　they　do　not　foresee；　and　that　placidity　and　calmness　are　less　often　due　to　courage　than　to　lack　of　imagination。　F。　feared　animals　excessively　as　a　child　and　injury　to　himself　as　a　boy；　so　that　he　played　few　rough　games。　To　a　large　extent　his　parents　fostered　this　fear　in　him　by　carefully　guarding　and　watching　him；　by　putting　him　through　that　neurasthenic　regimen　so　brilliantly　described　by　Arthur　Guiterman　in　his　story　of　the　aseptic　pup。　Yet　he　had　a　brother　as　carefully　brought　up　as　himself　who　became　a　rough…and…tumble　lad；　with　as　little　likelihood　to　fear　as　any　boy。　So　that　we　may　only　assume　that　F。's　training　fostered　fear　in　him；　it　did　not　cause　it。　At　the　age　of　thirteen　the　fear　of　death　entered　F。's　life；　the　occasion　being　the　death　of　an　uncle。　The　mourning；　the　quick　fleeting　sight　of　the　dead　man　in　the　black　box；　the　interment　of　the　once　vigorous；　joyous　man　in　the　earth　struck　terror　into　the　heart　of　the　boy。　From　that　time　much　of　his　life　was　controlled　by　his　struggles　with　the　fear　of　death；　and　his　history　is　his　reaction　to　that　fear。　At　fourteen　he　astonished　his　free…thinking　family　by　becoming　a　devout　Christian；　by　praying；　attending　church　regularly　and　by　becoming　so　moral　in　his　conduct　as　to　warrant　the　belief　that　there　was　something　wrong　with　him。　Indeed；　had　a　psychiatrist　examined　him　at　this　time；　there　is　no　doubt　he　would　have　diagnosed　his　condition　as　a　beginning　Dementia　Precox。　But　he　was　not；　he　simply　was　compensating　for　his　fear　of　death。　At　sixteen　he　entered　an　academy　where　he　was　forced　to　go　into　athletics。　The　fear　of　injury　and　death　plagued　him　so　that　he　broke　down；　but　this　breakdown　did　not　last　long；　and　he　reentered　athletics　and　did　fairly　well。　Indeed；　in　order　to　break　himself　of　fear；　he　became　outwardly　a　rather　daring　gymnast；　hoping　that　what　he　had　so　often　read　of　the　sickly　and　puny　becoming　strong　and　vigorous　through　training　would　be　true　of　him。　As　soon　as　he　reached　a　stage　in　school　where　compulsory　training　was　dropped；　he　discontinued　athletics；　with　much　inward　relief。　In　fact；　pride；　fear　of　being　considered　a　coward；　was　mainly　responsible　for　his　efforts　in　this　direction。　In　college　he　fell　under　the　influence　of　Omar　Khayam　and　the　epicurean　reaction　to　death。　He　feverishly　entered　pleasure　and　swung　easily　from　religious　fervor　to　a　complete　agnosticism。　He　became　a　first…nighter；　knew　all　the　chorus　girls　it　was　possible　for　him　to　become　acquainted　with；　learned　to　drink　but　never　learned　to　enjoy　it。　In　fact；　after　each　sensual　indulgence　his　reaction　against　himself　led　him　to　a　despair　which　might　have　terminated　in　suicide　were　it　not　that　he　feared　death　more　than　the　reproaches　of　his　conscience。　Then　he　fell　under　the　influence　of　a　group　of　men　and　women　in　his　college　town；　philanthropists　and　social　reformers；　whose　enthusiasm　and　energy　seemed　to　him　miraculous；　and　as　he　grew　to　know　them　he　realized　with　a　something　like　ecstasy　and　yet　governed　by　intelligence；　that　in　such　work　was　a　compensation　for　death　that　might　satisfy　both　his　emotions　and　his　intelligence。　Again　to　the　surprise　of　his　parents；　and　in　the　face　of　their　prediction　that　he　would　soon　〃tire〃　of　this　fad；　he　entered　into　their　activities　and　proved　himself　a　devoted　worker。　Too　devoted；　for　now　and　then　he　needs　medical　attention；　and　it　was　in　one　of　these　〃neurasthenic〃　periods　that　I　met　him。　I　learned　that　the　spur　that　kept　him　going；　that　made　him　energetic；　was　the　fear　that　death　would　overtake　him　before　he　achieved　anything　worth　while；　that　he　hated　to　die　and　was　appalled　by　the　thought　of　death；　but　that　he　could　forget　all　this　in　work　of　a　socially　useful　kind。　F。　might　almost　stand　for　mankind　in　his　reactions　to　death。　He　seemed　to　me　almost　too　good　to　be　true　as　a　demonstration　of　a　pet　thesis　of　mine；　namely；　that　the　fear　of　death　is　behind　an　enormous　amount　of　men's　deeds　and　beliefs。　His　reaction　was　of　the　compensatory　type；　where　the　fear　arouses　counter…emotions；　counter…activities。　F。's　is　a　noble　response　to　fear；　just　as　the　cowardly　reaction　is　the　ignoble　response。　I　shall　not　depict　the　coward。　There　are　some　in　whose　lives　the　fear　of　death；　injury；　illness　or　loss　is　in　constant　operation　to　prevent　activity；　to　lower　energy　and　effort。　One　finds　the　coward　very　commonly　in　the　clinics　for　nervous　diseases；　and　in　some　cases　the　formidable　term　of　psychasthenia　is　merely　camouflage　for　the　more　direct　English　word。　There　is　a　type　of　the　timid；　who　will　not　stand　up　for　their　rights；　who　receive　meekly；　as　if　it　were　their　due；　the　buffets　of　fortune。　This　type　is　well　exemplified　in　F。　B。；　who　passes　through　life　cheated　by　every　rogue　and　walked　on　by　any　strong…willed　person　that　comes　along。　As　a　boy　he　was　bullied　by　nearly　all　his　playmates；　did　the　chores；　was　selected　for　the　〃booh〃　parts　in　games　and　never　dared　resent　it；　though　he　was　fully　conscious　that　he　was　being　put　upon。　When　he　went　to　work　in　a　factory　he　was　the　one　selected　for　all　those　practical　jokes　in　which　minor　cruelty　manifests　itself。　His　parents　also　bullied　him；　so　that　he　was　compelled　to　turn　over　most　of　his　earnings　to　them　and　was　allowed　to　keep　so　little　that　he　was　shabby；　half…starved　and　without　any　of　the　luxuries　for　which　even　his　timid　soul　longed。　F。　B。　was　mortally　afraid　of　girls；　they　seemed　to　him　to　be　terrible　and　beautiful　creatures；　very　scornful　and　awe…inspiring。　They　made　him　feel　inferior　in　a　way　that　sent　him　edging　from　their　presence；　and　though　he　sometimes　surged　with　passion　he　avoided　any　contact　with　them。　As　a　good　workman　he　received　good　pay；　for　he　chanced；　by　the　merest　luck；　to　fall　into　the　hands　of　a　kind　employer；　who　profited　by　his　kindness；　for　F。　B。　gave　more　than　a　dollar　of　value　for　each　dollar　he　received。　Timid；　he　gave　to　the　employer　a　great　loyalty；　which　was　in　part　based　on　his　awe　of　any　aggressive　personality。　In　society　this　man　was　tongue…tied；　embarrassed　and　overawed　by　the　well…dressed　and　prosperous…looking。　His　sense　of　inferiority　was　in　no　way　compensated　for；　and　to　avoid　pain　he　became　a　sort　of　recluse；　doing　his　work　and　returning　to　his　shell；　so　to　speak；　each　night。　When　he　was　thirty…six　his　mother　died；　his　father　having　died　earlier。　This　left　him　rather　well　to　do；　for　his　thrifty　parents　had　well　utilized　his　earnings。　At　once　a　thoughtful　woman　of　his　acquaintance；　distantly　related　by　marriage；　set　out　to　capture　him；　and　by　forcing　the　issue　led　him　to　the　altar。　Needless　to　say；　she　ruled　the　household；　and　F。　B。's　only　consolation　lay　in　the　crop　of　children　that　soon　appeared　in　the　house；　for　timidity　is　no　barrier　to　parenthood。　This　consolation　rather　tends　to　disappear　as　the　children　grow　older；　for　they　become　his　masters。　Such　men　as　F。　B。　have　a　collar　around　their　necks　to　which　any　one　may　fit　a　chain。　Does　F。　B。　rejoice　in　inferiority；　in　the　masochistic　sense　spoken　of　before？　Is　his　humility　a　sign　of　inversion；　in　the　Freudian　sense；　a　sort　of　homosexuality？　Possibly；　and　there　are　very　crude　and　coarse　phrases　of　the　common　man　indicating　a　sexual　feeling　in　all　victory　and　defeat。　But　I　am　inclined　to　call　this　a　sort　of　monothymia；　a　mood　of　fear　and　negative　self…　feeling　coloring　all　the　reactions。　I　have　previously　cited　the　case　of　the　man　obsessed　by　fear　in　all　the　relations　of　life；shrinking；　self…acknowledged　inferioritywho　lost　it　with　〃a　few　drinks　under　my　belt。〃　〃Dutch　courage〃　drove　from　many　a　man　the　inferiority　and　the　fear　that　plagued　his　soul。　True；　it　drove　him　into　a　worse　situation；　but　for　a　few　moments　he　tasted　something　of　the　life　that　heroes　and　the　great　have。　If　we　can　ever　find　something　that　will　not　degrade　as　it　exalts；　all　the　world　will　rush　to　use　it。　Of　the　monothymic　types　the　choleric　or　angry　are　about　as　common　as　those　predisposed　to　fear。　The　anger　emotion　is　aroused　by　a　thwarting　of　the　instincts　and　purposes；　and　in　the　main　the　strongly　egoistic　are　those　most　given　to　explosive　or　c