the foundations of personality-第66章

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y　sensual　urge；　in　so　far　as　he　can；　must　guide　himself　by　the　resistance　of　society；　by　the　necessity　of　camouflage；　the　fear　of　public　opinion　and　often　the　impediment　of　his　own　early　training。　Men　and　women　start　out　perhaps　as　romantic　idealists；　enter　marriage；　and　in　the　course　of　their　experiences　become　almost　frankly　sensual。　And　in　the　opposite　direction；　men　and　women　wildly　passionate　in　youth　develop　counter　tendencies　that　swing　them　into　restraint　and　serene　self…control。　There　are　those　to　whom　sex　is　mere　appetite；　to　be　indulged　and　put　out　of　the　way；　so　as　not　to　interfere　with　the　great　purposes　of　success；　there　are　those　to　whom　it　is　a　religion；　carried　on　with　ceremonials　and　rites；　there　are　those　to　whom　it　is　an　obsession；　and　their　minds　are　in　a　sexual　stew　at　all　times。　There　are　the　under…inhibited；　spoken　of　above；　and　there　are　the　over…inhibited；　Puritanical；　rebelling　at　the　flesh　as　such；　disguising　all　their　emotions；　reluctant　to　admit　their　humanness　and　the　validity　of　pleasure。

The　romantic　ideal；　glorifying　a　sort　of　asexual　love　of　perfect　men　and　women；　asceticism　which　permits　sex　only　as　a　sort　of　necessary　evil　and　sensuality　which　proclaims　the　pleasure　of　sex　as　the　only　joy　and　scoffs　at　inhibition　influence　the　lives　of　us　all。　The　effect　of　the　forbidden；　the　tantalizing　curiosity　aroused　and　the　longing　to　rise　above　the　level　of　lust　make　the　sex　adjustment　the　most　difficult　of　all　and　produce　the　queerest　results。　Sex　is　a　road　to　power　and　to　failure；　a　road　to　health　and　sickness。　As　in　all　adjustments；　there　are　some　who　are　conscious　of　but　few　difficulties；　who　are　moral　or　immoral　without　struggle　or　discontent。　Contrasted　with　these　are　the　ones　who　find　morality　a　great　burden；　and　those　who；　yielding　to　desire；　find　continuous　inner　conflict　and　dissatisfaction　and　lowered　self…valuation　as　a　result。　Our　society　is　organized　on　chastity　and　continence　prior　to　marriage；　purity　and　constancy　after　marriage。　That　noble　ideal　has　never　been　realized；　the　stories　of　Pagan　times；　of　the　Middle　Ages　and　of　the　present　day；　as　well　as　everyday　human　experience；　show　that　the　male　certainly　has　not　lived　up　to　his　part　of　the　bargain。　Legalized　prostitution　in　most　countries；　illegal　prostitution　in　the　United　States　and　England；　in　addition　to　the　enormous　amount　of　clandestine　relationships；　are　a　sufficient　commentary　on　the　results。　The　increasing　divorce　rate；　the　feminist　movement；　the　legalizing　of　the　〃illegitimate〃　child　in　Norway　and　Sweden　and　the　almost　certain　arrival　of　similar　laws　in　all　countries　indicate　a　softer　attitude　toward　sex　restrictions。　The　rapidly　increasing　age　of　marriage　means　simply　that　continence　will　be　more　and　more　difficult；　for　I　am　not　one　of　those　who　believe　that　the　repression　of　this　vital　instinct　is　without　harm。　Continence　is　socially　necessary；　but　beyond　a　certain　age　it　is　physically　and　mentally　harmful。　Man　is　thus　placed　on　the　horns　of　a　dilemma　from　which　it　will　take　the　greatest　wisdom　and　the　finest　humanity　to　extricate　him。　But　I　cannot　lay　claim　to　any　part　of　the　knowledge　and　ability　necessary　to　formulate　the　plan。　Let　us　at　least　be　candid；　let　us　not　say　grandiloquently　that　the　sexual　urge　can　be　indefinitely　repressed　without　harm　to　the　average　individual。　We　may　safely　assert　that　there　are　people；　men　and　women　both；　to　whom　the　sex　impulses　are　vague　and　of　little　force；　but　to　the　great　majority；　at　least　of　men；　sex　desire　is　almost　a　hunger；　and　unsatisfied　it　brings　about　a　restlessness　and　dissatisfaction　that　enters　into　all　the　mental　life。　On　what　basis　society　will　meet　this　situation　I　do　not　pretend　to　know；　but　this　is　certain；that　all　over　the　civilized　world　there　is　apparent　an　organizing　rebellion　against　the　social　impediment　to　sexual　satisfaction。　For　it　must　be　remembered　that　sexual　satisfaction　is　not　alone　naked　desire。　It　is　thatbut　sublimated　into　finer　things　as　well。　It　is　the　desire　for　stability　of　affection；　for　a　sympathetic　beloved；　an　outlet　for　emotion；　a　longing　for　respectable　unitary　status。　The　unit　of　respectable　human　life　is　the　married　couple；　the　girl　wants　that　social　recognition；　and　so　does　her　man。　Both　yearn　to　cast　off　from　their　old　homes　and　start　a　new　one；　as　an　initial　step　in　successful　living。　The　thought　of　childrena　little　form　in　a　little　bed；　and　the　man　and　woman　gazing　in　an　ecstasy　of　pride　and　affection　upon　itmakes　all　other　pleasures　seem　unworthy　and　gives　to　the　ache　for　intimacy　a　high　moral　sanction。　This　brings　us　to　the　point　where　we　must　consider　those　characteristics　that　make　up　domesticity　and　homekeeping。　Early　impressions　and　the　consistent　teaching　of　literature；　stage；　press　and　religion　have　given　to　the　home　a　semi…sacred　character；　which　is　one　of　the　great　components　of　the　desire　to　marry；　especially　for　women。　The　home　is；　in　the　minds　of　most　of　those　who　enter　into　marriage；　a　place　owned；　peculiarly　possessed；　and　it　offers　freedom　from　the　restraints　of　society　and　the　inhibitions　of　ceremony　and　custom。　Both　the　man　and　woman　like　to　think　that　here　is　the　place　where　their　love　can　find　free　expression；　where　she　will　care　for　him　and　he　will　provide　for　her；　and　where　their　children　can　grow　in　beauty；　intelligence　and　moral　worth　under　their　guidance。　But　this　is　only　the　sentimental　side　of　their　thought；　the　part　they　give　freest　expression　to　because　it　is　most　respectable　and　〃nice。〃　In　the　background　of　their　minds　is　the　desire　for　ownership；　the　wish　to　say；　〃This　is　mine　and　here　I　rule。〃　Into　that　comes　the　ideal　that　the　stability　of　society　is　involved　and　the　homekeeper　is　its　most　important　citizen；　but　when　we　study　the　real　evolution　of　the　home；　study　the　laws　pertaining　to　the　family；　we　find　that　the　husband　and　father　had　a　little　kingdom　with　wife　and　children　as　subjects；　and　that　only　gradually　has　there　come　from　that　monarchical　idea　the　more　democratic　conception　cherished　to…day。　Men　and　women　may　be　considered　as　domestic　or　non…domestic。　The　domestic　type　of　man　is　ordinarily　〃steady〃　in　purpose　and　absorbed　more　in　work　than　in　the　seeking　of　pleasure；　is　either　strongly　inhibited　sexually　or　else　rather　easily　satisfied；　cherishes　the　ideal　of　respectability　highly；　is　conventional　and　habituated；　usually　has　a　strong　property　feeling　and　is　apt　to　have　a　decided　paternal　feeling。　He　may　of　course　be　seclusive　and　apt　to　feel　the　constraints　of　contact　with　others　as　wearying　and　unsatisfactory；　he　is　not　easily　bored　or　made　restless。　All　this　is　a　broad　sketch；　even　the　most　domestic　find　in　the　home　a　certain　amount　of　tyranny　and　monotony；　they　yearn　now　and　then　for　adventure　and　new　romance　and　think　of　the　freedom　of　their　bachelor　days　with　regret　over　their　passing。　They　may　decide　that　married　home　life　is　best；　but　the　choice　is　not　without　difficulty　and　is　accompanied　by　an　irrepressible；　though　hidden　dissatisfaction。　On　the　whole；　however；　the　domestic　man　finds　the　home　a　haven　of　relief　and　a　source　of　pleasurable　feeling。　The　non…domestic　man　may　be　of　a　dozen　types。　Perhaps　he　is　incurably　romantic　and　hates　the　thought　of　settling　down　and　putting　away　for　good　the　search　for　the　perfect　woman。　Perhaps　he　is　uninhibted　sexually　or　over…excitable　in　this　respect；　and　is　therefore　restless　and　unfaithful。　He　may　be　bored　by　monotony；　a　restless　seeker　of　new　experiences　and　new　work；　possessed　by　the　devils　of　wanderlust。　He　may　be　an　egoist　incapable　of　the　continuous　self…sacrifice　and　self…abnegation　demanded　by　the　home；quarrelsome　and　selfish。　Sometimes　he　is　wedded　to　an　ideal　of　achievement　or　work　and　believes　that　he　travels　best　who　travels　alone。　Often　in　these　days　of　late　marriage　he　has　waited　until　he　could　〃afford〃　to　marry　and　then　finds　that　his　habits　chain　him　to　single　life。　Or　he　may　be　an　unconventional　non…believer　in　the　home　and　marriage；　though　these　are　really　rare。　The　drinker；　the　roue；　the　wanderer；　the　selfish；　the　nonconventional；　the　soarer；　the　restless；　the　inefficient　and　the　misogynist　all　make　poor　husbands　and　fathers　and　find　the　home　a　burden　too　crippling　to　be　borne。　One　of　the　outstanding　figures　of　the　past　is　the　do