albert savarus-第18章
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to bed after my dinner； and work at night。 The Vicar…General； a
man of parts； and very influential； who placed the Chapter's case
in my hands after they had lost it in the lower Court； of course
professed their gratitude。 'Monsieur；' said I； 'I will win your
suit； but I want no fee； I want more' （start of alarm on the
Abbe's part）。 'You must know that I am a great loser by putting
myself forward in antagonism to the town。 I came here only to
leave the place as deputy。 I mean to engage only in commercial
cases； because commercial men return the members； they will
distrust me if I defend 〃the priests〃for to them you are simply
priests。 If I undertake your defence； it is because I was； in
1828； private secretary to such a Minister' （again a start of
surprise on the part of my Abbe）； 'and Master of Appeals； under
the name of Albert de Savarus' （another start）。 'I have remained
faithful to monarchical opinions； but； as you have not the
majority of votes in Besancon； I must gain votes among the
citizens。 So the fee I ask of you is the votes you may be able
secretly to secure for me at the opportune moment。 Let us each
keep our own counsel； and I will defend； for nothing； every case
to which a priest of this diocese may be a party。 Not a word about
my previous life； and we will be true to each other。'
〃When he came to thank me afterwards； he gave me a note for five
hundred francs； and said in my ear； 'The votes are a bargain all
the same。'I have in the course of five interviews made a friend；
I think； of this Vicar…General。
〃Now I am overwhelmed with business； and I undertake no cases but
those brought to me by merchants； saying that commercial questions
are my specialty。 This line of conduct attaches business men to
me； and allows me to make friends with influential persons。 So all
goes well。 Within a few months I shall have found a house to
purchase in Besancon； so as to secure a qualification。 I count on
your lending me the necessary capital for this investment。 If I
should die； if I should fail； the loss would be too small to be
any consideration between you and me。 You will get the interest
out of the rental； and I shall take good care to look out for
something cheap； so that you may lose nothing by this mortgage；
which is indispensable。
〃Oh！ my dear Leopold； no gambler with the last remains of his
fortune in his pocket； bent on staking it at the Cercle des
Etrangers for the last time one night； when he must come away rich
or ruined； ever felt such a perpetual ringing in his ears； such a
nervous moisture on his palms； such a fevered tumult in his brain；
such inward qualms in his body as I go through every day now that
I am playing my last card in the game of ambition。 Alas！ my dear
and only friend； for nearly ten years now I have been struggling。
This battle with men and things； in which I have unceasingly
poured out my strength and energy； and so constantly worn the
springs of desire； has； so to speak； undermined my vitality。 With
all the appearance of a strong man of good health； I feel myself a
wreck。 Every day carries with it a shred of my inmost life。 At
every fresh effort I feel that I should never be able to begin
again。 I have no power； no vigor left but for happiness； and if it
should never come to crown my head with roses； the /me/ that is
really me would cease to exist； I should be a ruined thing。 I
should wish for nothing more in the world。 I should want to cease
from living。 You know that power and fame； the vast moral empire
that I crave； is but secondary； it is to me only a means to
happiness； the pedestal for my idol。
〃To reach the goal and die； like the runner of antiquity！ To see
fortune and death stand on the threshold hand in hand！ To win the
beloved woman just when love is extinct！ To lose the faculty of
enjoyment after earning the right to be happy！Of how many men
has this been the fate！
〃But there surely is a moment when Tantalus rebels； crosses his
arms； and defies hell； throwing up his part of the eternal dupe。
That is what I shall come to if anything should thwart my plan；
if； after stooping to the dust of provincial life； prowling like a
starving tiger round these tradesmen； these electors； to secure
their votes； if； after wrangling in these squalid cases； and
giving them my timethe time I might have spent on Lago Maggiore；
seeing the waters she sees； basking in her gaze； hearing her voice
if； after all； I failed to scale the tribune and conquer the
glory that should surround the name that is to succeed to that of
Argaiolo！ Nay； more than this； Leopold； there are days when I feel
a heady languor； deep disgust surges up from the depths of my
soul； especially when； abandoned to long day…dreams； I have lost
myself in anticipation of the joys of blissful love！ May it not be
that our desire has only a certain modicum of power； and that it
perishes； perhaps； of a too lavish effusion of its essence？ For；
after all； at this present； my life is fair； illuminated by faith；
work； and love。
〃Farewell； my friend； I send love to your children； and beg you to
remember me to your excellent wife。Yours；
〃ALBERT。〃
Rosalie read this letter twice through； and its general purport was
stamped on her heart。 She suddenly saw the whole of Albert's previous
existence； for her quick intelligence threw light on all the details；
and enabled her to take it all in。 By adding this information to the
little novel published in the /Review/； she now fully understood
Albert。 Of course； she exaggerated the greatness； remarkable as it
was； of this lofty soul and potent will； and her love for Albert
thenceforth became a passion； its violence enhanced by all the
strength of her youth； the weariness of her solitude； and the unspent
energy of her character。 Love is in a young girl the effect of a
natural law； but when her craving for affection is centered in an
exceptional man； it is mingled with the enthusiasm which overflows in
a youthful heart。 Thus Mademoiselle de Watteville had in a few days
reached a morbid and very dangerous stage of enamored infatuation。 The
Baroness was much pleased with her daughter； who； being under the
spell of her absorbing thoughts； never resisted her will； seemed to be
devoted to feminine occupations； and realized her mother's ideal of a
docile daughter。
The lawyer was now engaged in Court two or three times a week。 Though
he was overwhelmed with business； he found time to attend the trials；
call on the litigious merchants； and conduct the /Review/； keeping up
his personal mystery； from the conviction that the more covert and
hidden was his influence； the more real it would be。 But he neglected
no means of success； reading up the list of electors of Besancon； and
finding out their interests； their characters； their various
friendships and antipathies。 Did ever a Cardinal hoping to be made
Pope give himself more trouble？
One evening Mariette； on coming to dress Rosalie for an evening party；
handed to her； not without many groans over this treachery； a letter
of which the address made Mademoiselle de Watteville shiver and redden
and turn pale again as she read the address：
To Madame la Duchesse d'Argaiolo
（nee Princesse Soderini）
At Belgirate；
Lago Maggiore； Italy。
In her eyes this direction blazed as the words /Mene/； /Tekel/；
/Upharsin/； did in the eyes of Belshazzar。 After concealing the
letter； Rosalie went downstairs to accompany her mother to Madame de
Chavoncourt's； and as long as the endless evening lasted； she was
tormented by remorse and scruples。 She had already felt shame at
having violated the secrecy of Albert's letter to Leopold； she had
several times asked herself whether； if he knew of her crime； infamous
inasmuch as it necessarily goes unpunished； the high…minded Albert
could esteem her。 Her conscience answered an uncompromising 〃No。〃
She had expiated her sin by self…imposed penances； she fasted； she
mortified herself by remaining on her knees； her arms outstretched for
hours
