01-the kreutzer sonata-第4章

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principal　object　of　my　life；　but　I　found　pleasure　within　the

limits　of　society's　rules；　and　innocently　believed　myself　a

profoundly　moral　being。　　The　women　with　whom　I　had　relations　did

not　belong　to　me　alone；　and　I　asked　of　them　nothing　but　the

pleasure　of　the　moment。



〃In　all　this　I　saw　nothing　abnormal。　　On　the　contrary；　from　the

fact　that　I　did　not　engage　my　heart；　but　paid　in　cash；　I　supposed

that　I　was　honest。　　I　avoided　those　women　who；　by　attaching

themselves　to　me；　or　presenting　me　with　a　child；　could　bind　my

future。　　Moreover；　perhaps　there　may　have　been　children　or

attachments；　but　I　so　arranged　matters　that　I　could　not　become

aware　of　them。



〃And　living　thus；　I　considered　myself　a　perfectly　honest　man。　　I

did　not　understand　that　debauchery　does　not　consist　simply　in

physical　acts；　that　no　matter　what　physical　ignominy　does　not　yet

constitute　debauchery；　and　that　real　debauchery　consists　in

freedom　from　the　moral　bonds　toward　a　woman　with　whom　one　enters

into　carnal　relations；　and　I　regarded　THIS　FREEDOM　as　a　merit。　　I

remember　that　I　once　tortured　myself　exceedingly　for　having

forgotten　to　pay　a　woman　who　probably　had　given　herself　to　me

through　love。　　I　only　became　tranquil　again　when；　having　sent　her

the　money；　I　had　thus　shown　her　that　I　did　not　consider　myself　as

in　any　way　bound　to　her。　　Oh；　do　not　shake　your　head　as　if　you

were　in　agreement　with　me　（he　cried　suddenly　with　vehemence）。　　I

know　these　tricks。　　All　of　you；　and　you　especially；　if　you　are

not　a　rare　exception；　have　the　same　ideas　that　I　had　then。　　If

you　are　in　agreement　with　me；　it　is　now　only。　　Formerly　you　did

not　think　so。　　No　more　did　I；　and；　if　I　had　been　told　what　I　have

just　told　you；　that　which　has　happened　would　not　have　happened。　

However；　it　is　all　the　same。　　Excuse　me　（he　continued）：　the　truth

is　that　it　is　frightful；　frightful；　frightful；　this　abyss　of

errors　and　debaucheries　in　which　we　live　face　to　face　with　the

real　question　of　the　rights　of　woman。〃　。　。　。



〃What　do　you　mean　by　the　'real'　question　of　the　rights　of

woman？〃



〃The　question　of　the　nature　of　this　special　being；　organized

otherwise　than　man；　and　how　this　being　and　man　ought　to　view　the

wife。　。　。　。



　

CHAPTER　V。



〃Yes：　for　ten　years　I　lived　the　most　revolting　existence；　while

dreaming　of　the　noblest　love；　and　even　in　the　name　of　that　love。　

Yes；　I　want　to　tell　you　how　I　killed　my　wife；　and　for　that　I　must

tell　you　how　I　debauched　myself。　　I　killed　her　before　I　knew　her。



I　killed　THE　wife　when　I　first　tasted　sensual　joys　without　love；

and　then　it　was　that　I　killed　MY　wife。　　Yes；　sir：　it　is　only

after　having　suffered；　after　having　tortured　myself；　that　I　have

come　to　understand　the　root　of　things；　that　I　have　come　to

understand　my　crimes。　　Thus　you　will　see　where　and　how　began　the

drama　that　has　led　me　to　misfortune。



〃It　is　necessary　to　go　back　to　my　sixteenth　year；　when　I　was

still　at　school；　and　my　elder　brother　a　first…year　student。　　I

had　not　yet　known　women　but；　like　all　the　unfortunate　children　of

our　society；　I　was　already　no　longer　innocent。　　I　was　tortured；

as　you　were；　I　am　sure；　and　as　are　tortured　ninety…nine

one…hundredths　of　our　boys。　　I　lived　in　a　frightful　dread；　I

prayed　to　God；　and　I　prostrated　myself。



〃I　was　already　perverted　in　imagination；　but　the　last　steps

remained　to　be　taken。　　I　could　still　escape；　when　a　friend　of　my

brother；　a　very　gay　student；　one　of　those　who　are　called　good

fellows；that　is；　the　greatest　of　scamps；and　who　had　taught　us

to　drink　and　play　cards；　took　advantage　of　a　night　of

intoxication　to　drag　us　THERE。　　We　started。　　My　brother；　as

innocent　as　I；　fell　that　night；　and　I；　a　mere　lad　of　sixteen；

polluted　myself　and　helped　to　pollute　a　sister…woman；　without

understanding　what　I　did。　　Never　had　I　heard　from　my　elders　that

what　I　thus　did　was　bad。　　It　is　true　that　there　are　the　ten

commandments　of　the　Bible；　but　the　commandments　are　made　only　to

be　recited　before　the　priests　at　examinations；　and　even　then　are

not　as　exacting　as　the　commandments　in　regard　to　the　use　of　ut　in

conditional　propositions。



〃Thus；　from　my　elders；　whose　opinion　I　esteemed；　I　had　never

heard　that　this　was　reprehensible。　　On　the　contrary；　I　had　heard

people　whom　I　respected　say　that　it　was　good。　　I　had　heard　that

my　struggles　and　my　sufferings　would　be　appeased　after　this　act。　

I　had　heard　it　and　read　it。　　I　had　heard　from　my　elders　that　it

was　excellent　for　the　health；　and　my　friends　have　always　seemed

to　believe　that　it　contained　I　know　not　what　merit　and　valor。　　So

nothing　is　seen　in　it　but　what　is　praiseworthy。　　As　for　the

danger　of　disease；　it　is　a　foreseen　danger。　　Does　not　the

government　guard　against　it？　　And　even　science　corrupts　us。〃



〃How　so；　science？〃　I　asked。



〃Why；　the　doctors；　the　pontiffs　of　science。　Who　pervert　young

people　by　laying　down　such　rules　of　hygiene？　　Who　pervert　women

by　devising　and　teaching　them　ways　by　which　not　to　have　children？



〃Yes：　if　only　a　hundredth　of　the　efforts　spent　in　curing　diseases

were　spent　in　curing　debauchery；　disease　would　long　ago　have

ceased　to　exist；　whereas　now　all　efforts　are　employed；　not　in

extirpating　debauchery；　but　in　favoring　it；　by　assuring　the

harmlessness　of　the　consequences。　Besides；　it　is　not　a　question

of　that。　　It　is　a　question　of　this　frightful　thing　that　has

happened　to　me；　as　it　happens　to　nine…tenths；　if　not　more；　not

only　of　the　men　of　our　society；　but　of　all　societies；　even

peasants；this　frightful　thing　that　I　had　fallen；　and　not

because　I　was　subjected　to　the　natural　seduction　of　a　certain

woman。　　No；　no　woman　seduced　me。　　I　fell　because　the　surroundings

in　which　I　found　myself　saw　in　this　degrading　thing　only　a

legitimate　function；　useful　to　the　health；　because　others　saw　in

it　simply　a　natural　amusement；　not　only　excusable；　but　even

innocent　in　a　young　man。　I　did　not　understand　that　it　was　a　fall；

and　I　began　to　give　myself　to　those　pleasures　（partly　from　desire

and　partly　from　necessity）　which　I　was　led　to　believe　were

characteristic　of　my　age；　just　as　I　had　begun　to　drink　and　smoke。



〃And　yet　there　was　in　this　first　fall　something　peculiar　and

touching。　　I　remember　that　straightway　I　was　filled　with　such　a

profound　sadness　that　I　had　a　desire　to　weep；　to　weep　over　the

loss　forever　of　my　relations　with　woman。　　Yes；　my　relations　with

woman　were　lost　forever。　　Pure　relations　with　women；　from　that

time　forward；　I　could　no　longer　have。　　I　had　become　what　is

called　a　voluptuary；　and　to　be　a　voluptuary　is　a　physical

condition　like　the　condition　of　a　victim　of　the　morphine　habit；

of　a　drunkard；　and　of　a　smoker。



〃Just　as　the　victim　of　the　morphine　habit；　the　drunkard；　the

smoker；　is　no　longer　a　normal　man；　so　the　man　who　has　known

several　women　for　his　pleasure　is　no　longer　normal？　　He　is

abnormal　forever。　　He　is　a　voluptuary。　　Just　as　the　drunkard　and

the　victim　of　the　morphine　habit　may　be　recognized　by　their　face

and　manner；　so　we　may　recognize　a　voluptuary。　　He　may　repress

himself　and　struggle；　but　nevermore　will　he　enjoy　simple；　pure；

and　fraternal　relations　toward　woman。　　By　his　way　of　glancing　at

a　young　woman　one　may　at　once　recognize　a　voluptuary；　and　I

became　a　voluptuary；　and　I　have　remained　one。



　

CHAPTER　VI。



〃Yes；　so　it　is；　and　that　went　farther　and　farther　with　all　sorts

of　variations。　　My　God！　when　I　remember　all　my　cowardly　acts　and

bad　deeds；　I　am　frightened。　　And　I　remember　that　'me'　who；　during

that　period；　was　still　the　butt　of　his　comrades'　ridicule　on

account　of　his　innocence。



〃And　when　I　hear　people　talk　of　the　gilded　youth；　of　the

officers；　of　the　Parisians；　and　all　these　gentlemen；　and　myself；

living　wild　lives　at　the　age　of　thirty；　and　who　have　on　our

consciences　hundreds　of　crimes　toward　women；　terrible　and　varied；

when　we　enter　a　parlor　or　a　ball…room；　washed；　shaven；　and

perfumed；　with　very　white　linen；　in　dress　coats