01-the kreutzer sonata-第17章

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began　the　mutual　trickery　and　deceit。　　I　smiled　agreeably；

pretending　that　all　this　pleased　me　extremely。　　He；　looking　at　my

wife；　as　all　debauches　look　at　beautiful　women；　with　an　air　of

being　interested　solely　in　the　subject　of　conversation；that　is；

in　that　which　did　not　interest　him　at　all。



〃She　tried　to　seem　indifferent。　　But　my　expression；　my　jealous　or

false　smile；　which　she　knew　so　well；　and　the　voluptuous　glances

of　the　musician；　evidently　excited　her。　　I　saw　that；　after　the

first　interview；　her　eyes　were　already　glittering；　glittering

strangely；　and　that；　thanks　to　my　jealousy；　between　him　and　her

had　been　immediately　established　that　sort　of　electric　current

which　is　provoked　by　an　identity　of　expression　in　the　smile　and

in　the　eyes。



〃We　talked；　at　the　first　interview；　of　music；　of　Paris；　and　of

all　sorts　of　trivialities。　　He　rose　to　go。　　Pressing　his　hat

against　his　swaying　hip；　he　stood　erect；　looking　now　at　her　and

now　at　me；　as　if　waiting　to　see　what　she　would　do。　　I　remember

that　minute；　precisely　because　it　was　in　my　power　not　to　invite

him。　　I　need　not　have　invited　him；　and　then　nothing　would　have

happened。　　But　I　cast　a　glance　first　at　him；　then　at　her。　　'Don't

flatter　yourself　that　I　can　be　jealous　of　you；'　I　thought；

addressing　myself　to　her　mentally；　and　I　invited　the　other　to

bring　his　violin　that　very　evening；　and　to　play　with　my　wife。　

She　raised　her　eyes　toward　me　with　astonishment；　and　her　face

turned　purple；　as　if　she　were　seized　with　a　sudden　fear。　　She

began　to　excuse　herself；　saying　that　she　did　not　play　well

enough。　　This　refusal　only　excited　me　the　more。　I　remember　the

strange　feeling　with　which　I　looked　at　his　neck；　his　white　neck；

in　contrast　with　his　black　hair；　separated　by　a　parting；　when；

with　his　skipping　gait；　like　that　of　a　bird；　he　left　my　house。　　I

could　not　help　confessing　to　myself　that　this　man's　presence

caused　me　suffering。　'It　is　in　my　power；'　thought　I；　'to　so

arrange　things　that　I　shall　never　see　him　again。　　But　can　it　be

that　I；　_I_；　fear　him？　　No；　I　do　not　fear　him。　It　would　be　too

humiliating！'



〃And　there　in　the　hall；　knowing　that　my　wife　heard　me；　I　insisted

that　he　should　come　that　very　evening　with　his　violin。　　He

promised　me；　and　went　away。　　In　the　evening　he　arrived　with　his

violin；　and　they　played　together。　　But　for　a　long　time　things　did

not　go　well；　we　had　not　the　necessary　music；　and　that　which　we

had　my　wife　could　not　play　at　sight。　　I　amused　myself　with　their

difficulties。　　I　aided　them；　I　made　proposals；　and　they　finally

executed　a　few　pieces；songs　without　words；　and　a　little　sonata

by　Mozart。　　He　played　in　a　marvellous　manner。　　He　had　what　is

called　the　energetic　and　tender　tone。　As　for　difficulties；　there

were　none　for　him。　Scarcely　had　he　begun　to　play；　when　his　face

changed。　　He　became　serious；　and　much　more　sympathetic。　　He　was；

it　is　needless　to　say；　much　stronger　than　my　wife。　　He　helped

her；　he　advised　her　simply　and　naturally；　and　at　the　same　time

played　his　game　with　courtesy。　　My　wife　seemed　interested　only　in

the　music。　　She　was　very　simple　and　agreeable。　　Throughout　the

evening　I　feigned；　not　only　for　the　others；　but　for　myself；　an

interest　solely　in　the　music。　Really；　I　was　continually　tortured

by　jealousy。　　From　the　first　minute　that　the　musician's　eyes　met

those　of　my　wife；　I　saw　that　he　did　not　regard　her　as　a

disagreeable　woman；　with　whom　on　occasion　it　would　be　unpleasant

to　enter　into　intimate　relations。



〃If　I　had　been　pure；　I　should　not　have　dreamed　of　what　he　might

think　of　her。　　But　I　looked　at　women；　and　that　is　why　I

understood　him　and　was　in　torture。　　I　was　in　torture；　especially

because　I　was　sure　that　toward　me　she　had　no　other　feeling　than

of　perpetual　irritation；　sometimes　interrupted　by　the　customary

sensuality；　and　that　this　man；thanks　to　his　external　elegance

and　his　novelty；　and；　above　all；　thanks　to　his　unquestionably

remarkable　talent；　thanks　to　the　attraction　exercised　under　the

influence　of　music；　thanks　to　the　impression　that　music　produces

upon　nervous　natures；this　man　would　not　only　please；　but　would

inevitably；　and　without　difficulty；　subjugate　and　conquer　her；

and　do　with　her　as　he　liked。



〃I　could　not　help　seeing　this。　　I　could　not　help　suffering；　or

keep　from　being　jealous。　　And　I　was　jealous；　and　I　suffered；　and

in　spite　of　that；　and　perhaps　even　because　of　that；　an　unknown

force；　in　spite　of　my　will；　impelled　me　to　be　not　only　polite；

but　more　than　polite；　amiable。　I　cannot　say　whether　I　did　it　for

my　wife；　or　to　show　him　that　I　did　not　fear　HIM；　or　to　deceive

myself；　but　from　my　first　relations　with　him　I　could　not　be　at　my

ease。　　I　was　obliged；　that　I　might　not　give　way　to　a　desire　to

kill　him　immediately；　to　'caress'　him。　　I　filled　his　glass　at　the

table；　I　grew　enthusiastic　over　his　playing；　I　talked　to　him　with

an　extremely　amiable　smile；　and　I　invited　him　to　dinner　the

following　Sunday；　and　to　play　again。　　I　told　him　that　I　would

invite　some　of　my　acquaintances；　lovers　of　his　art；　to　hear　him。



〃Two　or　three　days　later　I　was　entering　my　house；　in　conversation

with　a　friend；　when　in　the　hall　I　suddenly　felt　something　as

heavy　as　a　stone　weighing　on　my　heart；　and　I　could　not　account

for　it。　　And　it　was　this；　it　was　this：　in　passing　through　the

hall；　I　had　noticed　something　which　reminded　me　of　HIM。　　Not

until　I　reached　my　study　did　I　realize　what　it　was；　and　I

returned　to　the　hall　to　verify　my　conjecture。　Yes；　I　was　not

mistaken。　　It　was　his　overcoat　（everything　that　belonged　to　him；

I；　without　realizing　it；　had　observed　with　extraordinary

attention）。　　I　questioned　the　servant。　　That　was　it。　He　had　come。



I　passed　near　the　parlor；　through　my　children's　study…room。　

Lise；　my　daughter；　was　sitting　before　a　book；　and　the　old　nurse；

with　my　youngest　child；　was　beside　the　table；　turning　the　cover

of　something　or　other。　　In　the　parlor　I　heard　a　slow　arpeggio；

and　his　voice；　deadened；　and　a　denial　from　her。　　She　said：　'No；

no！　　There　is　something　else！'　　And　it　seemed　to　me　that　some　one

was　purposely　deadening　the　words　by　the　aid　of　the　piano。



〃My　God！　　How　my　heart　leaped！　　What　were　my　imaginations！　　When

I　remember　the　beast　that　lived　in　me　at　that　moment；　I　am　seized

with　fright。　　My　heart　was　first　compressed；　then　stopped；　and

then　began　to　beat　like　a　hammer。　　The　principal　feeling；　as　in

every　bad　feeling；　was　pity　for　myself。　　'Before　the　children；

before　the　old　nurse；'　thought　I；　'she　dishonors　me。　　I　will　go

away。　　I　can　endure　it　no　longer。　　God　knows　what　I　should　do　if。

。　。　。　　But　I　must　go　in。'



The　old　nurse　raised　her　eyes　to　mine；　as　if　she　understood；　and

advised　me　to　keep　a　sharp　watch。　　'I　must　go　in；'　I　said　to

myself；　and；　without　knowing　what　I　did；　I　opened　the　door。　He

was　sitting　at　the　piano　and　making　arpeggios　with　his　long；

white；　curved　fingers。　　She　was　standing　in　the　angle　of　the

grand　piano；　before　the　open　score。　　She　saw　or　heard　me　first；

and　raised　her　eyes　to　mine。　　Was　she　stunned；　was　she　pretending

not　to　be　frightened；　or　was　she　really　not　frightened　at　all？　

In

any　case；　she　did　not　tremble；　she　did　not　stir。　She　blushed；　but

only　a　little　later。



〃'How　glad　I　am　that　you　have　come！　　We　have　not　decided　what　we

will　play　Sunday；'　said　she；　in　a　tone　that　she　would　not　have

had　if　she　had　been　alone　with　me。



〃This　tone；　and　the　way　in　which　she　said　'we'　in　speaking　of

herself　and　of　him；　revolted　me。　　I　saluted　him　silently。　　He

shook　hands　with　me　directly；　with　a　smile　that　seemed　to　me　full

of　mockery。　　He　explained　to　me　that　he　had　brought　some　scores；

in　order　to　prepare　for　the　Sunday　concert；　and　that　they　were

not　in　accord　as　to　the　piece　to　choose；whether　difficult；

classic　things；　notably　a　sonata　by　Beethoven；　or　lighter　pieces。



And　as　he　spoke；　he　looked　at　me。　　It　was　all　so　natural；　so

simple；　that　there　was　absolutely　nothing　to　be　sai