01-the kreutzer sonata-第14章

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〃The　periods　of　what　we　call　love　arrived　as　often　as　formerly。　

They　were　more　brutal；　without　refinement；　without　ornament；　but

they　were　short；　and　generally　followed　by　periods　of　irritation

without　cause；　irritation　fed　by　the　most　trivial　pretexts。　　We

had　spats　about　the　coffee；　the　table…cloth；　the　carriage；　games

of　cards；trifles；　in　short；　which　could　not　be　of　the　least

importance　to　either　of　us。　　As　for　me；　a　terrible　execration　was

continually　boiling　up　within　me。　　I　watched　her　pour　the　tea；

swing　her　foot；　lift　her　spoon　to　her　mouth；　and　blow　upon　hot

liquids　or　sip　them；　and　I　detested　her　as　if　these　had　been　so

many　crimes。



〃I　did　not　notice　that　these　periods　of　irritation　depended　very

regularly　upon　the　periods　of　love。　　Each　of　the　latter　was

followed　by　one　of　the　former。　　A　period　of　intense　love　was

followed　by　a　long　period　of　anger；　a　period　of　mild　love　induced

a　mild　irritation。　　We　did　not　understand　that　this　love　and　this

hatred　were　two　opposite　faces　of　the　same　animal　feeling。　　To

live　thus　would　be　terrible；　if　one　understood　the　philosophy　of

it。　　But　we　did　not　perceive　this；　we　did　not　analyze　it。　　It　is

at　once　the　torture　and　the　relief　of　man　that；　when　he　lives

irregularly；　he　can　cherish　illusions　as　to　the　miseries　of　his

situation。　　So　did　we。　　She　tried　to　forget　herself　in　sudden　and

absorbing　occupations；　in　household　duties；　the　care　of　the

furniture；　her　dress　and　that　of　her　children；　in　the　education

of　the　latter；　and　in　looking　after　their　health。　　These　were

occupations　that　did　not　arise　from　any　immediate　necessity；　but

she　accomplished　them　as　if　her　life　and　that　of　her　children

depended　on　whether　the　pastry　was　allowed　to　burn；　whether　a

curtain　was　hanging　properly；　whether　a　dress　was　a　success；

whether　a　lesson　was　well　learned；　or　whether　a　medicine　was

swallowed。



〃I　saw　clearly　that　to　her　all　this　was；　more　than　anything　else；

a　means　of　forgetting；　an　intoxication；　just　as　hunting；

card…playing；　and　my　functions　at　the　Zemstvo　served　the　same

purpose　for　me。　　It　is　true　that　in　addition　I　had　an

intoxication　literally　speaking；tobacco；　which　I　smoked　in

large　quantities；　and　wine；　upon　which　I　did　not　get　drunk；　but

of　which　I　took　too　much。　　Vodka　before　meals；　and　during　meals

two　glasses　of　wine；　so　that　a　perpetual　mist　concealed　the

turmoil　of　existence。



〃These　new　theories　of　hypnotism；　of　mental　maladies；　of　hysteria

are　not　simple　stupidities；　but　dangerous　or　evil　stupidities。　

Charcot；　I　am　sure；　would　have　said　that　my　wife　was　hysterical；

and　of　me　he　would　have　said　that　I　was　an　abnormal　being；　and　he

would　have　wanted　to　treat　me。　　But　in　us　there　was　nothing

requiring　treatment。　　All　this　mental　malady　was　the　simple

result　of　the　fact　that　we　were　living　immorally。　　Thanks　to　this

immoral　life；　we　suffered；　and；　to　stifle　our　sufferings；　we

tried　abnormal　means；　which　the　doctors　call　the　'symptoms'　of　a

mental　malady；hysteria。



〃There　was　no　occasion　in　all　this　to　apply　for　treatment　to

Charcot　or　to　anybody　else。　Neither　suggestion　nor　bromide　would

have　been　effective　in　working　our　cure。　　The　needful　thing　was

an　examination　of　the　origin　of　the　evil。　　It　is　as　when　one　is

sitting　on　a　nail；　if　you　see　the　nail；　you　see　that　which　is

irregular　in　your　life；　and　you　avoid　it。　　Then　the　pain　stops；

without　any　necessity　of　stifling　it。　　Our　pain　arose　from　the

irregularity　of　our　life；　and　also　my　jealousy；　my　irritability；

and　the　necessity　of　keeping　myself　in　a　state　of　perpetual

semi…intoxication　by　hunting；　card…playing；　and；　above　all；　the

use　of　wine　and　tobacco。　　It　was　because　of　this　irregularity

that　my　wife　so　passionately　pursued　her　occupations。　　The　sudden

changes　of　her　disposition；　from　extreme　sadness　to　extreme

gayety；　and　her　babble；　arose　from　the　need　of　forgetting

herself；　of　forgetting　her　life；　in　the　continual　intoxication　of

varied　and　very　brief　occupations。



〃Thus　we　lived　in　a　perpetual　fog；　in　which　we　did　not

distinguish　our　condition。　　We　were　like　two　galley…slaves

fastened　to　the　same　ball；　cursing　each　other；　poisoning　each

other's　existence；　and　trying　to　shake　each　other　off。　　I　was

still　unaware　that　ninety…nine　families　out　of　every　hundred　live

in　the　same　hell；　and　that　it　cannot　be　otherwise。　　I　had　not

learned　this　fact　from　others　or　from　myself。　　The　coincidences

that　are　met　in　regular；　and　even　in　irregular　life；　are

surprising。　　At　the　very　period　when　the　life　of　parents　becomes

impossible；　it　becomes　indispensable　that　they　go　to　the　city　to

live；　in　order　to　educate　their　children。　　That　is　what　we　did。〃



Posdnicheff　became　silent；　and　twice　there　escaped　him；　in　the

half…darkness；　sighs；　which　at　that　moment　seemed　to　me　like

suppressed　sobs。　Then　he　continued。



　　

CHAPTER　XVIII。



〃So　we　lived　in　the　city。　　In　the　city　the　wretched　feel　less

sad。　　One　can　live　there　a　hundred　years　without　being　noticed；

and　be　dead　a　long　time　before　anybody　will　notice　it。　　People

have　no　time　to　inquire　into　your　life。　All　are　absorbed。　

Business；　social　relations；　art；　the　health　of　children；　their

education。　　And　there　are　visits　that　must　be　received　and　made；

it　is　necessary　to　see　this　one；　it　is　necessary　to　hear　that　one

or　the　other　one。　　In　the　city　there　are　always　one；　two；　or

three　celebrities　that　it　is　indispensable　that　one　should　visit。



Now　one　must　care　for　himself；　or　care　for　such　or　such　a　little

one；　now　it　is　the　professor；　the　private　tutor；　the　governesses；

。　。　。　and　life　is　absolutely　empty。　　In　this　activity　we　were

less　conscious　of　the　sufferings　of　our　cohabitation。　　Moreover；

in　the　first　of　it；　we　had　a　superb　occupation；the　arrangement

of　the　new　dwelling；　and　then；　too；　the　moving　from　the　city　to

the　country；　and　from　the　country　to　the　city。



〃Thus　we　spent　a　winter。　　The　following　winter　an　incident

happened　to　us　which　passed　unnoticed；　but　which　was　the

fundamental　cause　of　all　that　happened　later。　　My　wife　was

suffering；　and　the　rascals　（the　doctors）　would　not　permit　her　to

conceive　a　child；　and　taught　her　how　to　avoid　it。　　I　was

profoundly　disgusted。　　I　struggled　vainly　against　it；　but　she

insisted　frivolously　and　obstinately；　and　I　surrendered。　　The

last　justification　of　our　life　as　wretches　was　thereby

suppressed；　and　life　became　baser　than　ever。



〃The　peasant　and　the　workingman　need　children；　and　hence　their

conjugal　relations　have　a　justification。　　But　we；　when　we　have　a

few　children；　have　no　need　of　any　more。　　They　make　a　superfluous

confusion　of　expenses　and　joint　heirs；　and　are　an　embarrassment。　

Consequently　we　have　no　excuses　for　our　existence　as　wretches；

but　we　are　so　deeply　degraded　that　we　do　not　see　the　necessity　of

a　justification。　　The　majority　of　people　in　contemporary　society

give　themselves　up　to　this　debauchery　without　the　slightest

remorse。　　We　have　no　conscience　left；　except；　so　to　speak；　the

conscience　of　public　opinion　and　of　the　criminal　code。　　But　in

this　matter　neither　of　these　consciences　is　struck。　　There　is　not

a　being　in　society　who　blushes　at　it。　Each　one　practices　it；X；

Y；　Z；　etc。　　What　is　the　use　of　multiplying　beggars；　and　depriving

ourselves　of　the　joys　of　social　life？　　There　is　no　necessity　of

having　conscience　before　the　criminal　code；　or　of　fearing　it：

low　girls；　soldiers'　wives　who　throw　their　children　into　ponds　or

wells；　these　certainly　must　be　put　in　prison。　　But　with　us　the

suppression　is　effected　opportunely　and　properly。



〃Thus　we　passed　two　years　more。　　The　method　prescribed　by　the

rascals　had　evidently　succeeded。　　My　wife　had　grown　stouter　and

handsomer。　　It　was　the　beauty　of　the　end　of　summer。　　She　felt　it；

and　paid　much　attention　to　her　person。　　She　had　acquired　that

provoking　beauty　that　stirs　men。　　She　was　in　all　the　brilliancy

of　the　wife　of　thirty　years；　who　conceives　no　children；　eats