01-the kreutzer sonata-第11章

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〃Then　I　get　angry　with　myself。　　I　desire　to　leave　the　room；　to

leave　them　alone；　and　I　do；　in　fact；　go　out；　but　scarcely　am　I

outside　when　I　am　invaded　by　a　fear　of　what　is　taking　place

within　my　absence。　　I　go　in　again；　inventing　some　pretext。　　Or

sometimes　I　do　not　go　in；　I　remain　near　the　door；　and　listen。　

How　can　she　humiliate　herself　and　humiliate　me　by　placing　me　in

this　cowardly　situation　of　suspicion　and　espionage？　　Oh；

abomination！　　Oh；　the　wicked　animal！　　And　he　too；　what　does　he

think　of　you？　　But　he　is　like　all　men。　　He　is　what　I　was　before

my　marriage。　　It　gives　him　pleasure。　　He　even　smiles　when　he

looks　at　me；　as　much　as　to　say：　'What　have　you　to　do　with　this？　

It　is　my　turn　now。'



〃This　feeling　is　horrible。　　Its　burn　is　unendurable。　　To

entertain　this　feeling　toward　any　one；　to　once　suspect　a　man　of

lusting　after　my　wife；　was　enough　to　spoil　this　man　forever　in　my

eyes；　as　if　he　had　been　sprinkled　with　vitriol。　Let　me　once

become　jealous　of　a　being；　and　nevermore　could　I　re…establish

with　him　simple　human　relations；　and　my　eyes　flashed　when　I

looked　at　him。



〃As　for　my　wife；　so　many　times　had　I　enveloped　her　with　this

moral　vitriol；　with　this　jealous　hatred；　that　she　was　degraded

thereby。　　In　the　periods　of　this　causeless　hatred　I　gradually

uncrowned　her。　　I　covered　her　with　shame　in　my　imagination。



〃I　invented　impossible　knaveries。　　I　suspected；　I　am　ashamed　to

say；　that　she；　this　queen　of　'The　Thousand　and　One　Nights；'

deceived　me　with　my　serf；　under　my　very　eyes；　and　laughing　at　me。



Thus；　with　each　new　access　of　jealousy　（I　speak　always　of

causeless　jealousy）；　I　entered　into　the　furrow　dug　formerly　by　my

filthy　suspicions；　and　I　continually　deepened　it。　　She　did　the

same　thing。　　If　I　have　reasons　to　be　jealous；　she　who　knew　my

past　had　a　thousand　times　more。　　And　she　was　more　ill…natured　in

her　jealousy　than　I。　　And　the　sufferings　that　I　felt　from　her

jealousy　were　different；　and　likewise　very　painful。



〃The　situation　may　be　described　thus。　　We　are　living　more　or　less

tranquilly。　　I　am　even　gay　and　contented。　　Suddenly　we　start　a

conversation　on　some　most　commonplace　subject；　and　directly　she

finds　herself　disagreeing　with　me　upon　matters　concerning　which

we　have　been　generally　in　accord。　　And　furthermore　I　see　that；

without　any　necessity　therefor；　she　is　becoming　irritated。　　I

think　that　she　has　a　nervous　attack；　　or　else　that　the　subject　of

conversation　is　really　disagreeable　to　her。　　We　talk　of　something

else；　and　that　begins　again。　　Again　she　torments　me；　and　becomes

irritated。　　I　am　astonished　and　look　for　a　reason。　　Why？　　For

what？　　She　keeps　silence；　answers　me　with　monosyllables；

evidently　making　allusions　to　something。　　I　begin　to　divine　that

the　reason　of　all　this　is　that　I　have　taken　a　few　walks　in　the

garden　with　her　cousin；　to　whom　I　did　not　give　even　a　thought。　　I

begin　to　divine；　but　I　cannot　say　so。　　If　I　say　so；　I　confirm　her

suspicions。　　I　interrogate　her；　I　question　her。　　She　does　not

answer；　but　she　sees　that　I　understand；　and　that　confirms　her

suspicions。



〃'What　is　the　matter　with　you？'　I　ask。



〃'Nothing；　I　am　as　well　as　usual；'　she　answers。



〃And　at　the　same　time；　like　a　crazy　woman；　she　gives　utterance　to

the　silliest　remarks；　to　the　most　inexplicable　explosions　of

spite。



〃Sometimes　I　am　patient；　but　at　other　times　I　break　out　with

anger。　　Then　her　own　irritation　is　launched　forth　in　a　flood　of

insults；　in　charges　of　imaginary　crimes　and　all　carried　to　the

highest　degree　by　sobs；　tears；　and　retreats　through　the　house　to

the　most　improbable　spots。　　I　go　to　look　for　her。　　I　am　ashamed

before　people；　before　the　children；　but　there　is　nothing　to　be

done。　　She　is　in　a　condition　where　I　feel　that　she　is　ready　for

anything。　　I　run；　and　finally　find　her。　　Nights　of　torture

follow；　in　which　both　of　us；　with　exhausted　nerves；　appease　each

other；　after　the　most　cruel　words　and　accusations。



〃Yes；　jealousy；　causeless　jealousy；　is　the　condition　of　our

debauched　conjugal　life。　　And　throughout　my　marriage　never　did　I

cease　to　feel　it　and　to　suffer　from　it。　　There　were　two　periods

in　which　I　suffered　most　intensely。　　The　first　time　was　after　the

birth　of　our　first　child；　when　the　doctors　had　forbidden　my　wife

to　nurse　it。　　I　was　particularly　jealous；　in　the　first　place；

because　my　wife　felt　that　restlessness　peculiar　to　animal　matter

when　the　regular　course　of　life　is　interrupted　without　occasion。　

But　especially　was　I　jealous　because；　having　seen　with　what

facility　she　had　thrown　off　her　moral　duties　as　a　mother；　I

concluded　rightly；　though　unconsciously；　that　she　would　throw　off

as　easily　her　conjugal　duties；　feeling　all　the　surer　of　this　

because　she　was　in　perfect　health；　as　was　shown　by　the　fact　that；

in　spite　of　the　prohibition　of　the　dear　doctors；　she　nursed　her

following　children；　and　even　very　well。〃



〃I　see　that　you　have　no　love　for　the　doctors；〃　said　I；　having

noticed　Posdnicheff's　extraordinarily　spiteful　expression　of　face

and　tone　of　voice　whenever　he　spoke　of　them。



〃It　is　not　a　question　of　loving　them　or　of　not　loving　them。　　They

have　ruined　my　life；　as　they　have　ruined　the　lives　of　thousands

of　beings　before　me；　and　I　cannot　help　connecting　the　consequence

with　the　cause。　　I　conceive　that　they　desire；　like　the　lawyers

and　the　rest；　to　make　money。　　I　would　willingly　have　given　them

half　of　my　incomeand　any　one　would　have　done　it　in　my　place；

understanding　what　they　doif　they　had　consented　not　to　meddle

in　my　conjugal　life；　and　to　keep　themselves　at　a　distance。　　I

have　compiled　no　statistics；　but　I　know　scores　of　casesin

reality；　they　are　innumerablewhere　they　have　killed；　now　a

child　in　its　mother's　womb；　asserting　positively　that　the　mother

could　not　give　birth　to　it　（when　the　mother　could　give　birth　to

it　very　well）；　now　mothers；　under　the　pretext　of　a　so…called

operation。　　No　one　has　counted　these　murders；　just　as　no　one

counted　the　murders　of　the　Inquisition；　because　it　was　supposed

that　they　were　committed　for　the　benefit　of　humanity。　

Innumerable　are　the　crimes　of　the　doctors！　　But　all　these　crimes

are　nothing　compared　with　the　materialistic　demoralization　which

they　introduce　into　the　world　through　women。　　I　say　nothing　of

the　fact　that；　if　it　were　to　follow　their　advice；thanks　to　the

microbe　which　they　see　everywhere；humanity；　instead　of　tending

to　union；　would　proceed　straight　to　complete　disunion。　

Everybody；　according　to　their　doctrine；　should　isolate　himself；

and　never　remove　from　his　mouth　a　syringe　filled　with　phenic　acid

（moreover；　they　have　found　out　now　that　it　does　no　good）。　　But　I

would　pass　over　all　these　things。　　The　supreme　poison　is　the

perversion　of　people；　especially　of　women。　　One　can　no　longer　say

now：　'You　live　badly；　live　better。'　One　can　no　longer　say　it

either　to　himself　or　to　others；　for；　if　you　live　badly　（say　the

doctors）；　the　cause　is　in　the　nervous　system　or　in　something

similar；　and　it　is　necessary　to　go　to　consult　them；　and　they　will

prescribe　for　you　thirty…five　copecks'　worth　of　remedies　to　be

bought　at　the　drug…store；　and　you　must　swallow　them。　　Your

condition　grows　worse？　　Again　to　the　doctors；　and　more　remedies！　

An　excellent　business！



〃But　to　return　to　our　subject。　　I　was　saying　that　my　wife　nursed

her　children　well；　that　the　nursing　and　the　gestation　of　the

children；　and　the　children　in　general；　quieted　my　tortures　of

jealousy；　but　that；　on　the　other　hand；　they　provoked　torments　of

a　different　sort。



　　

CHAPTER　XVI。



〃The　children　came　rapidly；　one　after　another；　and　there

happened　what　happens　in　our　society　with　children　and　doctors。　

Yes；　children；　maternal　love；　it　is　a　painful　thing。　　Children；

to　a　woman　of　our　society；　are　not　a　joy；　a　pride；　nor　a

fulfilment　of　her　vocation；　but　a　cause　of　fear；　anxiety；　and

interminable　suffering；　torture。　　Women　say　it；　they　think　it；

and　they　feel　it　too。　　Chil