villa rubein and other stories-第49章

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〃No；〃　he　resumed；　〃Eilie　was　not　like　that；　for　she　was　never　quite

the　same　two　days　together。　　I　told　you　her　eyes　were　like　the　sky

that　was　true　of　all　of　her。　　In　one　thing；　however；　at　that　time；

she　always　seemed　the　samein　love　for　her　father。　　For　me！　　I　don't

know　what　I　should　have　expected；　but　my　presence　seemed　to　have　the

effect　of　making　her　dumb；　I　would　catch　her　looking　at　me　with　a

frown；　and　then；　as　if　to　make　up　to　her　own　natureand　a　more

loving　nature　never　came　into　this　world；　that　I　shall　maintain　to　my

dying　dayshe　would　go　to　her　father　and　kiss　him。　　When　I　talked

with　him　she　pretended　not　to　notice；　but　I　could　see　her　face　grow

cold　and　stubborn。　　I　am　not　quick；　and　it　was　a　long　time　before　I

understood　that　she　was　jealous；　she　wanted　him　all　to　herself。　　I've

often　wondered　how　she　could　be　his　daughter；　for　he　was　the　very

soul　of　justice　and　a　slow　man　tooand　she　was　as　quick　as　a　bird。

For　a　long　time　after　I　saw　her　dislike　of　me；　I　refused　to　believe

itif　one　does　not　want　to　believe　a　thing　there　are　always　reasons

why　it　should　not　seem　true；　at　least　so　it　is　with　me；　and　I　suppose

with　all　selfish　men。



〃I　spent　evening　after　evening　there；　when；　if　I　had　not　thought　only

of　myself；　I　should　have　kept　away。　　But　one　day　I　could　no　longer　be

blind。



〃It　was　a　Sunday　in　February。　　I　always　had　an　invitation　on　Sundays

to　dine　with　them　in　the　middle　of　the　day。　　There　was　no　one　in　the

sitting…room；　but　the　door　of　Eilie's　bedroom　was　open。　　I　heard　her

voice：　'That　man；　always　that　man！'　　It　was　enough　for　me；　I　went

down　again　without　coming　in；　and　walked　about　all　day。



〃For　three　weeks　I　kept　away。　　To　the　school　of　course　I　came　as

usual；　but　not　upstairs。　　I　don't　know　what　I　told　Daltonit　did　not

signify　what　you　told　him；　he　always　had　a　theory　of　his　own；　and　was

persuaded　of　its　trutha　very　single…minded　man；　sir。



〃But　now　I　come　to　the　most　wonderful　days　of　my　life。　　It　was　an

early　spring　that　year。　　I　had　fallen　away　already　from　my

resolution；　and　used　to　slink　upseldom；　it's　trueand　spend　the

evening　with　them　as　before。　　One　afternoon　I　came　up　to　the　sitting…

room；　the　light　was　failingit　was　warm；　and　the　windows　were　open。

In　the　air　was　that　feeling　which　comes　to　you　once　a　year；　in　the

spring；　no　matter　where　you　may　be；　in　a　crowded　street；　or　alone　in

a　forest；　only　oncea　feeling　likebut　I　cannot　describe　it。



〃Eilie　was　sitting　there。　　If　you　don't　know；　sir；　I　can't　tell　you

what　it　means　to　be　near　the　woman　one　loves。　　She　was　leaning　on　the

windowsill；　staring　down　into　the　street。　　It　was　as　though　she　might

be　looking　out　for　some　one。　　I　stood；　hardly　breathing。　　She　turned

her　head；　and　saw　me。　　Her　eyes　were　strange。　　They　seemed　to　ask　me

a　question。　　But　I　couldn't　have　spoken　for　the　world。　　I　can't　tell

you　what　I　feltI　dared　not　speak；　or　think；　or　hope。　　I　have　been

in　nineteen　battlesseveral　times　in　positions　of　some　danger；　when

the　lifting　of　a　finger　perhaps　meant　death；　but　I　have　never　felt

what　I　was　feeling　at　that　moment。　　I　knew　something　was　coming；　and

I　was　paralysed　with　terror　lest　it　should　not　come！〃　　He　drew　a　long

breath。



〃The　servant　came　in　with　a　light　and　broke　the　spell。　　All　that

night　I　lay　awake　and　thought　of　how　she　had　looked　at　me；　with　the

colour　coming　slowly　up　in　her　cheeks



〃It　was　three　days　before　I　plucked　up　courage　to　go　again；　and　then

I　felt　her　eyes　on　me　at　onceshe　was　making　a　'cat's　cradle'　with　a

bit　of　string；　but　I　could　see　them　stealing　up　from　her　hands　to　my

face。　　And　she　went　wandering　about　the　room；　fingering　at

everything。　　When　her　father　called　out：　'What's　the　matter　with　you；

Elie？'　she　stared　at　him　like　a　child　caught　doing　wrong。　　I　looked

straight　at　her　then；　she　tried　to　look　at　me；　but　she　couldn't；　and

a　minute　later　she　went　out　of　the　room。　　God　knows　what　sort　of

nonsense　I　talkedI　was　too　happy。



〃Then　began　our　love。　　I　can't　tell　you　of　that　time。　　Often　and

often　Dalton　said　to　me：　'What's　come　to　the　child？　　Nothing　I　can　do

pleases　her。'　　All　the　love　she　had　given　him　was　now　for　me；　but　he

was　too　simple　and　straight　to　see　what　was　going　on。　　How　many　times

haven't　I　felt　criminal　towards　him！　　But　when　you're　happy；　with　the

tide　in　your　favour；　you　become　a　coward　at　once。。。。









V



〃Well；　sir；〃　he　went　on；　〃we　were　married　on　her　eighteenth　birthday。

It　was　a　long　time　before　Dalton　became　aware　of　our　love。　　But　one

day　he　said　to　me　with　a　very　grave　look：



〃'Eilie　has　told　me；　Brune；　I　forbid　it。　　She's　too　young；　and

you'retoo　old！'　I　was　then　forty…five；　my　hair　as　black　and　thick

as　a　rook's　feathers；　and　I　was　strong　and　active。　　I　answered　him：

'We　shall　be　married　within　a　month！'　　We　parted　in　anger。　　It　was　a

May　night；　and　I　walked　out　far　into　the　country。　　There's　no　remedy

for　anger；　or；　indeed；　for　anything；　so　fine　as　walking。　　Once　I

stoppedit　was　on　a　common；　without　a　house　or　light；　and　the　stars

shining　like　jewels。　　I　was　hot　from　walking；　I　could　feel　the　blood

boiling　in　my　veinsI　said　to　myself　'Old；　are　you？'　And　I　laughed

like　a　fool。　　It　was　the　thought　of　losing　herI　wished　to　believe

myself　angry；　but　really　I　was　afraid；　fear　and　anger　in　me　are　very

much　the　same。　　A　friend　of　mine；　a　bit　of　a　poet；　sir；　once　called

them　'the　two　black　wings　of　self。'　　And　so　they　are；　so　they　are。。。！

The　next　morning　I　went　to　Dalton　again；　and　somehow　I　made　him

yield。　　I'm　not　a　philosopher；　but　it　has　often　seemed　to　me　that　no

benefit　can　come　to　us　in　this　life　without　an　equal　loss　somewhere；

but　does　that　stop　us？　　No；　sir；　not　often。。。。



〃We　were　married　on　the　3oth　of　June　1876；　in　the　parish　church。　　The

only　people　present　were　Dalton；　Lucy；　and　Lucy's　husbanda　big；

red…faced　fellow；　with　blue　eyes　and　a　golden　beard　parted　in　two。

It　had　been　arranged　that　we　should　spend　the　honeymoon　down　at　their

inn　on　the　river。　　My　wife；　Dalton　and　I；　went　to　a　restaurant　for

lunch。　　She　was　dressed　in　grey；　the　colour　of　a　pigeon's　feathers。〃

He　paused；　leaning　forward　over　the　crutch　handle　of　his　stick；

trying　to　conjure　up；　no　doubt；　that　long…ago　image　of　his　young

bride　in　her　dress　〃the　colour　of　a　pigeon's　feathers；〃　with　her　blue

eyes　and　yellow　hair；　the　little　frown　between　her　brows；　the　firmly

shut　red　lips；　opening　to　speak　the　words；　〃For　better；　for　worse；

for　richer；　for　poorer；　in　sickness　and　in　health。〃



〃At　that　time；　sir；〃　he　went　on　suddenly；　〃I　was　a　bit　of　a　dandy。　　I

wore；　I　remember；　a　blue　frock…coat；　with　white　trousers；　and　a　grey

top　hat。　　Even　now　I　should　always　prefer　to　be　well　dressed。。。。



〃We　had　an　excellent　lunch；　and　drank　Veuve　Clicquot；　a　wine　that　you

cannot　get　in　these　days！　　Dalton　came　with　us　to　the　railway

station。　　I　can't　bear　partings；　and　yet；　they　must　come。



〃That　evening　we　walked　out　in　the　cool　under　the　aspen…trees。　　What

should　I　remember　in　all　my　life　if　not　that　nightthe　young

bullocks　snuffling　in　the　gatewaysthe　campion　flowers　all　lighted

up　along　the　hedgesthe　moon　with　a　halo…bats；　too；　in　and　out　among

the　stems；　and　the　shadows　of　the　cottages　as　black　and　soft　as　that

sea　down　there。　　For　a　long　time　we　stood　on　the　river…bank　beneath　a

lime…tree。　　The　scent　of　the　lime　flowers！　　A　man　can　only　endure

about　half　his　joy；　about　half　his　sorrow。　　Lucy　and　her　husband；〃　he

went　on；　presently；　〃his　name　was　Frank　Tora　man　like　an　old

Viking；　who　ate　nothing　but　milk；　bread；　and　fruitwere　very　good　to

us！　　It　was　like　Paradise　in　that　innthough　the　commissariat；　I　am

bound　to　say；　was　limited。　　The　sweetbriar　grew　round　our　bedroom

windows；　when　the　breeze　blew　the　leaves　across　the　openingit　was

like　a　bath　of　perfume。　　Eilie　grew　as　brown　as　a　gipsy　while　we　were

there。　　I　don't　think　any　man　could　have　loved　her　more　than　I　did。

But　there　were　times　when　my　h