villa rubein and other stories-第14章

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child　listening　to　a　story。



〃Go　on；〃　she　said。



〃I　stayed　at　Meran　two　years；　till　I'd　learnt　all　I　could　there；　then

a　brother　of　my　mother's　helped　me　to　get　to　Vienna；　I　was　lucky

enough　to　find　work　with　a　man　who　used　to　decorate　churches。　　We

went　about　the　country　together。　　Once　when　he　was　ill　I　painted　the

roof　of　a　church　entirely　by　myself；　I　lay　on　my　back　on　the　scaffold

boards　all　day　for　a　weekI　was　proud　of　that　roof。〃　　He　paused。



〃When　did　you　begin　painting　pictures？〃



〃A　friend　asked　me　why　I　didn't　try　for　the　Academie。　　That　started

me　going　to　the　night　schools；　I　worked　every　minuteI　had　to　get　my

living　as　well；　of　course；　so　I　worked　at　night。



Then　when　the　examination　came；　I　thought　I　could　do　nothingit　was

just　as　if　I　had　never　had　a　brush　or　pencil　in　my　hand。　　But　the

second　day　a　professor　in　passing　me　said；　'Good！　Quite　good！'　　That

gave　me　courage。　　I　was　sure　I　had　failed　though；　but　I　was　second

out　of　sixty。〃



Christian　nodded。



〃To　work　in　the　schools　after　that　I　had　to　give　up　my　business；　of

course。　　There　was　only　one　teacher　who　ever　taught　me　anything；　the

others　all　seemed　fools。　　This　man　would　come　and　rub　out　what　you'd

done　with　his　sleeve。　　I　used　to　cry　with　ragebut　I　told　him　I

could　only　learn　from　him；　and　he　was　so　astonished　that　he　got　me

into　his　class。〃



〃But　how　did　you　live　without　money？〃　asked　Christian。



His　face　burned　with　a　dark　flush。　　〃I　don't　know　how　I　lived；　you

must　have　been　through　these　things　to　know；　you　would　never

understand。〃



〃But　I　want　to　understand；　please。〃



〃What　do　you　want　me　to　tell　you？　　How　I　went　twice　a　week　to　eat

free　dinners！　　How　I　took　charity！　　How　I　was　hungry！　　There　was　a

rich　cousin　of　my　mother'sI　used　to　go　to　him。　　I　didn't　like　it。

But　if　you're　starving　in　the　winter〃



Christian　put　out　her　hand。



〃I　used　to　borrow　apronsful　of　coals　from　other　students　who　were　as

poorbut　I　never　went　to　the　rich　students。〃



The　flush　had　died　out　of　his　face。



〃That　sort　of　thing　makes　you　hate　the　world！　　You　work　till　you

stagger；　you're　cold　and　hungry；　you　see　rich　people　in　their

carriages；　wrapped　in　furs；　and　all　the　time　you　want　to　do　something

great。　　You　pray　for　a　chance；　any　chance；　nothing　comes　to　the　poor！

It　makes　you　hate　the　world。〃



Christian's　eyes　filled　with　tears。　　He　went　on：



〃But　I　wasn't　the　only　one　in　that　condition；　we　used　to　meet。

Garin；　a　Russian　with　a　brown　beard　and　patches　of　cheek　showing

through；　and　yellow　teeth；　who　always　looked　hungry。　　Paunitz；　who

came　from　sympathy！　　He　had　fat　cheeks　and　little　eyes；　and　a　big

gold　chainthe　swine！　And　little　Misek。　　It　was　in　his　room　we　met；

with　the　paper　peeling　off　the　walls；　and　two　doors　with　cracks　in

them；　so　that　there　was　always　a　draught。　　We　used　to　sit　on　his　bed；

and　pull　the　dirty　blankets　over　us　for　warmth；　and　smoketobacco

was　the　last　thing　we　ever　went　without。　　Over　the　bed　was　a　Virgin

and　ChildMisek　was　a　very　devout　Catholic；　but　one　day　when　he　had

had　no　dinner　and　a　dealer　had　kept　his　picture　without　paying　him；

he　took　the　image　and　threw　it　on　the　floor　before　our　eyes；　it

broke；　and　he　trampled　on　the　bits。　　Lendorf　was　another；　a　heavy

fellow　who　was　always　puffing　out　his　white　cheeks　and　smiting

himself；　and　saying：　'Cursed　society！'　　And　Schonborn；　an　aristocrat

who　had　quarrelled　with　his　family。　　He　was　the　poorest　of　us　all；

but　only　he　and　I　would　ever　have　dared　to　do　anythingthey　all　knew

that！〃



Christian　listened　with　awe。　　〃Do　you　mean？〃　she　said；　〃do　you　mean；

that　you？〃



〃You　see！　you're　afraid　of　me　at　once。　　It's　impossible　even　for　you

to　understand。　　It　only　makes　you　afraid。　　A　hungry　man　living　on

charity；　sick　with　rage　and　shame；　is　a　wolf　even　to　you！〃



Christian　looked　straight　into　his　eyes。



〃That's　not　true。　　If　I　can't　understand；　I　can　feel。　　Would　you　be

the　same　now　if　it　were　to　come　again？〃



〃Yes；　it　drives　me　mad　even　now　to　think　of　people　fatted　with

prosperity；　sneering　and　holding　up　their　hands　at　poor　devils　who

have　suffered　ten　times　more　than　the　most　those　soft　animals　could

bear。　　I'm　older；　I've　livedI　know　things　can't　be　put　right　by

violencenothing　will　put　things　right；　but　that　doesn't　stop　my

feeling。〃



〃Did　you　do　anything？　　You　must　tell　me　all　now。〃



〃We　talkedwe　were　always　talking。〃



〃No；　tell　me　everything！〃



Unconsciously　she　claimed；　and　he　seemed　unconsciously　to　admit　her

right　to　this　knowledge。



〃There's　not　much　to　tell。　　One　day　we　began　talking　in　low　voices

Garin　began　it；　he　had　been　in　some　affair　in　Russia。　　We　took　an

oath；　after　that　we　never　raised　our　voices。　　We　had　a　plan。　　It　was

all　new　to　me；　and　I　hated　the　whole　thingbut　I　was　always　hungry；

or　sick　from　taking　charity；　and　I　would　have　done　anything。　　They

knew　that；　they　used　to　look　at　me　and　Schonborn；　we　knew　that　no　one

else　had　any　courage。　　He　and　I　were　great　friends；　but　we　never

talked　of　that；　we　tried　to　keep　our　minds　away　from　the　thought　of

it。　　If　we　had　a　good　day　and　were　not　so　hungry；　it　seemed

unnatural；　but　when　the　day　had　not　been　goodthen　it　seemed　natural

enough。　　I　wasn't　afraid；　but　I　used　to　wake　up　in　the　night；　I　hated

the　oath　we　had　taken；　I　hated　every　one　of　those　fellows；　the　thing

was　not　what　I　was　made　for；　it　wasn't　my　work；　it　wasn't　my　nature；

it　was　forced　on　meI　hated　it；　but　sometimes　I　was　like　a　madman。〃



〃Yes；　yes；〃　she　murmured。



〃All　this　time　I　was　working　at　the　Academie；　and　learning　all　I

could。。。。　　One　evening　that　we　met；　Paunitz　was　not　there。　　Misek　was

telling　us　how　the　thing　had　been　arranged。　　Schonborn　and　I　looked

at　each　otherit　was　warmperhaps　we　were　not　hungryit　was

springtime；　too；　and　in　the　Spring　it's　different。　　There　is

something。〃



Christian　nodded。



〃While　we　were　talking　there　came　a　knock　at　the　door。　　Lendorf　put

his　eye　to　the　keyhole；　and　made　a　sign。　　The　police　were　there。

Nobody　said　anything；　but　Misek　crawled　under　the　bed；　we　all

followed；　and　the　knocking　grew　louder　and　louder。　　In　the　wall　at

the　back　of　the　bed　was　a　little　door　into　an　empty　cellar。　　We　crept

through。　　There　was　a　trap…door　behind　some　cases；　where　they　used　to

roll　barrels　in。　　We　crawled　through　that　into　the　back　street。　　We

went　different　ways。〃



He　paused；　and　Christian　gasped。



〃I　thought　I　would　get　my　money；　but　there　was　a　policeman　before　my

door。　　They　had　us　finely。　　It　was　Paunitz；　if　I　met　him　even　now　I

should　wring　his　neck。　　I　swore　I　wouldn't　be　caught；　but　I　had　no

idea　where　to　go。　　Then　I　thought　of　a　little　Italian　barber　who　used

to　shave　me　when　I　had　money　for　a　shave；　I　knew　he　would　help。　　He

belonged　to　some　Italian　Society；　he　often　talked　to　me；　under　his

breath；　of　course。　　I　went　to　him。　　He　was　shaving　himself　before

going　to　a　ball。　　I　told　him　what　had　happened；　it　was　funny　to　see

him　put　his　back　against　the　door。　　He　was　very　frightened；

understanding　this　sort　of　thing　better　than　I　didfor　I　was　only

twenty　then。　　He　shaved　my　head　and　moustache　and　put　me　on　a　fair

wig。　　Then　he　brought　me　macaroni；　and　some　meat；　to　eat。　　He　gave　me

a　big　fair　moustache；　and　a　cap；　and　hid　the　moustache　in　the　lining。

He　brought　me　a　cloak　of　his　own；　and　four　gulden。　　All　the　time　he

was　extremely　frightened；　and　kept　listening；　and　saying：　'Eat！'



〃When　I　had　done；　he　just　said：　'Go　away；　I　refuse　to　know　anything

more　of　you。'



〃I　thanked　him　and　went　out。　　I　walked　about　all　that　night；　for　I

couldn't　think　of　anything　to　do　or　anywhere　to　go。　　In　the　morning　I

slept　on　a　seat　in　one　of　the　squares。　　Then　I　thought　I　would　go　to

the　Gallerien；　and　I　spent　the　whole　day　looking　at　the　pictures。

When　the　Galleries　were　shut　I　was　very　tired；　so　I　went　into　a　cafe；

and　had　some　beer。　　When　I　came　out　I　sat　on　the　sam