the heir of redclyffe-第124章
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been wishing for it; but refraining from asking in order to spare her;
and that he was sorry when she procured it。 Again and again this
happened; she smoothed the coverings; and shook up the pillow: he would
thank her; look at her anxiously; beg her not to exert herself; but
soon grew restless; and the whole was repeated。
At last; as she was trying to arrange the coverings; he exclaimed;
'I see how it is。 This is impatience。 Now; I will not stir for an
hour;' and as he made the resolution; he smiled at treating himself so
like a child。 His power of self…restraint came to his aid; and long
before the hour was over he had fallen asleep。
This was a relief; yet that oppressed; flushed; discomposed slumber;
and heavy breathing only confirmed her fears that the fever had gained
full possession of him。 She had not the heart to write such tidings;
at least till the physician should have made them too certain; nor
could she even bear to use the word 'feverish;' in her answers to the
anxious inquiries Philip made whenever she went into his room; though
when he averted his face with a heavy sigh; she knew his conclusion was
the same as her own。
The opinion of the physician was the only thing wanting to bring home
the certainty; and that fell on her like lead in the evening; with one
comfort; however; that he thought it a less severe case than the former
one。 It was a great relief; too; that there was no wandering of mind;
only the extreme drowsiness and oppression; and when Guy was roused by
the doctor's visit; he was as clear and collected as possible; making
inquiries and remarks; and speaking in a particularly calm and quiet
manner。 As soon as the doctor was gone; he looked up to Amabel;
saying; with his own smile; only very dim;
'It would be of no use; and it would not be true; to say I had rather
you did not nurse me。 The doctor hopes there is not much danger of
infection; and it is too late for precautions。'
'I am very glad;' said Amy。
'But you must be wise; and not hurt yourself。 Will you promise me not
to sit up?'
'It is very kind of you to tell me nothing worse;' said she; with a sad
submissiveness。
He smiled again。 'I am very sorry for you;' he said; looking very
tenderly at her。 'To have us both on your hands at once! But it comes
straight from Heaven; that is one comfort; and you made up your mind to
such things when you took me。'
Sadness in his eye; a sweet smile on his lip; and serenity on his brow;
joined with the fevered cheek; the air of lassitude; and the panting;
oppressed breath; there was a strange; melancholy beauty about him; and
while Amy felt an impulse of ardent; clinging affection to one so
precious to her; there was joined with it a sort of awe and veneration
for one who so spoke; looked; and felt。 She hung over him; and
sprinkled him with Eau…de…Cologne; then as his hair teased him by
falling into his eyes; he asked her to cut the front lock off。 There
was something sad in doing this; for that 'tumble…down wave;' as
Charlotte called it; was rather a favourite of Amy's; it always seemed
to have so much sympathy with his moods; and it was as if parting with
it was resigning him to a long illness。 However; it was too
troublesome not to go; and he looked amused at the care with which she
folded up the glossy; brown wave; and treasured it in her dressing…
case; then she read to him a few verses of a psalm; and he soon fell
into another doze。
There was little more of event; day after day。 The fever never ran as
high as in Philip's case; and there was no delirium。 There was almost
constant torpor; but when for any short space he was thoroughly
awakened; his mind was perfectly clear; though he spoke little; and
then only on the subject immediately presented to him。 There he lay
for one quiet hour after another; while Amy sat by him; with as little
consciousness of time as he had himself; looking neither forward nor
backward; only to the present; to give him drink; bathe his face and
hands; arrange his pillows; or read or repeat some soothing verse。 It
always was a surprise when meal times summoned her to attend to Philip;
when she was asked for the letters for the post; when evening twilight
gathered in; or when she had to leave the night…watch to Arnaud; and go
to bed in the adjoining room。
This was a great trial; but he would not allow her to sit up; and her
own sense showed her that if this was to be a long illness; it would
not do to waste her strength。 She knew he was quiet at night; and her
trustful temper so calmed and supported her; that she was able to
sleep; and thus was not as liable to be overworked as might have been
feared; and as Philip thought she must be。
She always appeared in his room with her sweet face mournful and
anxious; but never ruffled; or with any air of haste or discomfiture;
desirous as she was to return to her husband; for; though he frequently
sent her to take care of herself or of Philip; she knew that while she
was away he always grew more restless and uncomfortable; and his look
of relief at her re…entrance said as much to her as a hundred
complaints of her absence would have done。
Philip was in the meantime sorely tried by being forced to be entirely
inactive and dependent; while he saw Amabel in such need of assistance;
and so far from being able to requite Guy's care; he could only look on
himself as the cause of their distress; and an addition to ita
burthen instead of a help。 If he had been told a little while ago what
would be the present state of things; he would almost have laughed the
speaker to scorn。 He would never have thought a child as competent as
Amy to the sole management of two sick persons; and he not able either
to advise or cheer her。 Yet he could not see anything went wrong that
depended on her。 His comforts were so cared for; that he was often
sorry she should have troubled herself about them; and though he could
have little of her company; he never was allowed to feel himself
deserted。 Anne; Arnaud; the old Italian nurse; or Amy herself; were
easily summoned; and gave him full care and attention。
He was; however; necessarily a good deal alone; and though his cousin's
books were at his disposal; eyes and head were too weak for reading;
and he was left a prey to his own thoughts。 His great comfort was;
that Guy was less ill than he had been himself; and that there was no
present danger; otherwise; he could never have endured the conviction
that all had been caused by his own imprudence。 Imprudence! Philip
was brought very low to own that such a word applied to him; yet it
would have been well for him had that been the chief burthen on his
mind。 Was it only an ordinary service of friendship and kindred that
Guy had; at the peril of his own life; rendered him? Was it not a
positive return of good for evil? Yes; evil! He now called that evil;
or at least harshness and hastiness in judgment; which he had hitherto
deemed true friendship and consideration for Guy and Amy。 Every
feeling of distrust and jealousy had been gradually softening since his
recovery began; gratitude had done much; and dismay at Guy's illness
did more。 It would have been noble and generous in Guy to act as he
had done; had Philip's surmises been correct; and this he began to
doubt; though it was his only justification; and even to wish to lose
it。 He had rather believe Guy blameless。 He would do so; if possible;
and he resolved; on the first opportunity; to beg him to give him one
last assurance that all was right; and implicitly believe him。 But how
was it possible again to assume to be a ruler and judge over Guy after
it was known how egregiously he himself had erred? There was shame;
sorrow; self…humiliation; and anxiety wherever he turned; and it was no