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第124章

the heir of redclyffe-第124章

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been wishing for it; but refraining from asking in order to spare her; 

and that he was sorry when she procured it。  Again and again this 

happened; she smoothed the coverings; and shook up the pillow: he would 

thank her; look at her anxiously; beg her not to exert herself; but 

soon grew restless; and the whole was repeated。



At last; as she was trying to arrange the coverings; he exclaimed;



'I see how it is。  This is impatience。  Now; I will not stir for an 

hour;' and as he made the resolution; he smiled at treating himself so 

like a child。  His power of self…restraint came to his aid; and long 

before the hour was over he had fallen asleep。



This was a relief; yet that oppressed; flushed; discomposed slumber; 

and heavy breathing only confirmed her fears that the fever had gained 

full possession of him。  She had not the heart to write such tidings; 

at least till the physician should have made them too certain; nor 

could she even bear to use the word 'feverish;' in her answers to the 

anxious inquiries Philip made whenever she went into his room; though 

when he averted his face with a heavy sigh; she knew his conclusion was 

the same as her own。



The opinion of the physician was the only thing wanting to bring home 

the certainty; and that fell on her like lead in the evening; with one 

comfort; however; that he thought it a less severe case than the former 

one。  It was a great relief; too; that there was no wandering of mind; 

only the extreme drowsiness and oppression; and when Guy was roused by 

the doctor's visit; he was as clear and collected as possible; making 

inquiries and remarks; and speaking in a particularly calm and quiet 

manner。  As soon as the doctor was gone; he looked up to Amabel; 

saying; with his own smile; only very dim;



'It would be of no use; and it would not be true; to say I had rather 

you did not nurse me。  The doctor hopes there is not much danger of 

infection; and it is too late for precautions。'



'I am very glad;' said Amy。



'But you must be wise; and not hurt yourself。  Will you promise me not 

to sit up?'



'It is very kind of you to tell me nothing worse;' said she; with a sad 

submissiveness。



He smiled again。  'I am very sorry for you;' he said; looking very 

tenderly at her。  'To have us both on your hands at once!  But it comes 

straight from Heaven; that is one comfort; and you made up your mind to 

such things when you took me。'



Sadness in his eye; a sweet smile on his lip; and serenity on his brow; 

joined with the fevered cheek; the air of lassitude; and the panting; 

oppressed breath; there was a strange; melancholy beauty about him; and 

while Amy felt an impulse of ardent; clinging affection to one so 

precious to her; there was joined with it a sort of awe and veneration 

for one who so spoke; looked; and felt。  She hung over him; and 

sprinkled him with Eau…de…Cologne; then as his hair teased him by 

falling into his eyes; he asked her to cut the front lock off。  There 

was something sad in doing this; for that 'tumble…down wave;' as 

Charlotte called it; was rather a favourite of Amy's; it always seemed 

to have so much sympathy with his moods; and it was as if parting with 

it was resigning him to a long illness。  However; it was too 

troublesome not to go; and he looked amused at the care with which she 

folded up the glossy; brown wave; and treasured it in her dressing…

case; then she read to him a few verses of a psalm; and he soon fell 

into another doze。



There was little more of event; day after day。  The fever never ran as 

high as in Philip's case; and there was no delirium。  There was almost 

constant torpor; but when for any short space he was thoroughly 

awakened; his mind was perfectly clear; though he spoke little; and 

then only on the subject immediately presented to him。  There he lay 

for one quiet hour after another; while Amy sat by him; with as little 

consciousness of time as he had himself; looking neither forward nor 

backward; only to the present; to give him drink; bathe his face and 

hands; arrange his pillows; or read or repeat some soothing verse。  It 

always was a surprise when meal times summoned her to attend to Philip; 

when she was asked for the letters for the post; when evening twilight 

gathered in; or when she had to leave the night…watch to Arnaud; and go 

to bed in the adjoining room。



This was a great trial; but he would not allow her to sit up; and her 

own sense showed her that if this was to be a long illness; it would 

not do to waste her strength。  She knew he was quiet at night; and her 

trustful temper so calmed and supported her; that she was able to 

sleep; and thus was not as liable to be overworked as might have been 

feared; and as Philip thought she must be。



She always appeared in his room with her sweet face mournful and 

anxious; but never ruffled; or with any air of haste or discomfiture; 

desirous as she was to return to her husband; for; though he frequently 

sent her to take care of herself or of Philip; she knew that while she 

was away he always grew more restless and uncomfortable; and his look 

of relief at her re…entrance said as much to her as a hundred 

complaints of her absence would have done。



Philip was in the meantime sorely tried by being forced to be entirely 

inactive and dependent; while he saw Amabel in such need of assistance; 

and so far from being able to requite Guy's care; he could only look on 

himself as the cause of their distress; and an addition to ita 

burthen instead of a help。  If he had been told a little while ago what 

would be the present state of things; he would almost have laughed the 

speaker to scorn。 He would never have thought a child as competent as 

Amy to the sole management of two sick persons; and he not able either 

to advise or cheer her。  Yet he could not see anything went wrong that 

depended on her。  His comforts were so cared for; that he was often 

sorry she should have troubled herself about them; and though he could 

have little of her company; he never was allowed to feel himself 

deserted。  Anne; Arnaud; the old Italian nurse; or Amy herself; were 

easily summoned; and gave him full care and attention。



He was; however; necessarily a good deal alone; and though his cousin's 

books were at his disposal; eyes and head were too weak for reading; 

and he was left a prey to his own thoughts。  His great comfort was; 

that Guy was less ill than he had been himself; and that there was no 

present danger; otherwise; he could never have endured the conviction 

that all had been caused by his own imprudence。  Imprudence!  Philip 

was brought very low to own that such a word applied to him; yet it 

would have been well for him had that been the chief burthen on his 

mind。  Was it only an ordinary service of friendship and kindred that 

Guy had; at the peril of his own life; rendered him?  Was it not a 

positive return of good for evil?  Yes; evil!  He now called that evil; 

or at least harshness and hastiness in judgment; which he had hitherto 

deemed true friendship and consideration for Guy and Amy。  Every 

feeling of distrust and jealousy had been gradually softening since his 

recovery began; gratitude had done much; and dismay at Guy's illness 

did more。  It would have been noble and generous in Guy to act as he 

had done; had Philip's surmises been correct; and this he began to 

doubt; though it was his only justification; and even to wish to lose 

it。  He had rather believe Guy blameless。  He would do so; if possible; 

and he resolved; on the first opportunity; to beg him to give him one 

last assurance that all was right; and implicitly believe him。  But how 

was it possible again to assume to be a ruler and judge over Guy after 

it was known how egregiously he himself had erred?  There was shame; 

sorrow; self…humiliation; and anxiety wherever he turned; and it was no

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