donal grant-第16章
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For a moment he felt it the symbol of life； yet an unattainable
hopeless thing。 He hung suspended between heaven and earth； an
outcast of both； a denizen of neither！ The true life seemed ever to
retreat； never to await his grasp。 Nothing but the beholding of the
face of the Son of Man could set him at rest as to its reality；
nothing less than the assurance from his own mouth could satisfy him
that all was true； all well： life was a thing so essentially divine；
that he could not know it in itself till his own essence was pure！
But alas； how dream…like was the old story！ Was God indeed to be
reached by the prayers； affected by the needs of men？ How was he to
feel sure of it？ Once more； as often heretofore； he found himself
crying into the great world to know whether there was an ear to
hear。 What if there should come to him no answer？ How frightful
then would be his loneliness！ But to seem not to be heard might be
part of the discipline of his darkness！ It might be for the
perfecting of his faith that he must not yet know how near God was
to him！
〃Lord；〃 he cried； 〃eternal life is to know thee and thy Father； I do
not know thee and thy Father； I have not eternal life； I have but
life enough to hunger for more： show me plainly of the Father whom
thou alone knowest。〃
And as he prayed； something like a touch of God seemed to begin and
grow in him till it was more than his heart could hold； and the
universe about him was not large enough to hold in its hollow the
heart that swelled with it。
〃God is enough；〃 he said； and sat in peace。
CHAPTER XIII。
A SOUND。
All at once came to his ear through the night a strange something。
Whence or what it was he could not even conjecture。 Was it a moan
of the river from below？ Was it a lost music…tone that had wandered
from afar and grown faint？ Was it one of those mysterious sounds he
had read of as born in the air itself； and not yet explained of
science？ Was it the fluttered skirt of some angelic song of
lamentation？for if the angels rejoice； they surely must lament！
Or was it a stilled human moaning？ Was any wrong being done far
down in the white…gleaming meadows below； by the banks of the river
whose platinum…glimmer he could descry through the molten
amethystine darkness of the starry night？
Presently came a long…drawn musical moan： it must be the sound of
some muffled instrument！ Verily night was the time for strange
things！ Could sounds be begotten in the fir trees by the rays of
the hot sun； and born in the stillness of the following dark； as the
light which the diamond receives in the day glows out in the gloom？
There are parents and their progeny that never exist together！
Again the soundhardly to be called sound！ It resembled a
vibration of organ…pipe too slow and deep to affect the hearing；
only this rather seemed too high； as if only his soul heard it。 He
would steal softly down the dumb stone…stair！ Some creature might
be in trouble and needing help！
He crept back along the bartizan。 The stair was dark as the very
heart of the night。 He groped his way down。 The spiral stair is
the safest of all： you cannot tumble far ere brought up by the
inclosing cylinder。 Arrived at the bottom； and feeling about； he
could not find the door to the outer air which the butler had shown
him； it was wall wherever his hands fell。 He could not find again
the stair he had left； he could not tell in what direction it lay。
He had got into a long windowless passage connecting two wings of
the house； and in this he was feeling his way； fearful of falling
down some stair or trap。 He came at last to a doorlow…browed like
almost all in the house。 Opening itwas it a thinner darkness or
the faintest gleam of light he saw？ And was that again the sound he
had followed； fainter and farther off than beforea downy
wind…wafted plume from the skirt of some stray harmony？ At such a
time of the night surely it was strange！ It must come from one who
could not sleep； and was solacing himself with sweet sounds；
breathing a soul into the uncompanionable silence！ If so it was； he
had no right to search farther！ But how was he to return？ He dared
hardly move； lest he should be found wandering over the house in the
dead of night like a thief； or one searching after its secrets。 He
must sit down and wait for the morning： its earliest light would
perhaps enable him to find his way to his quarters！
Feeling about him a little； his foot struck against the step of a
stair。 Examining it with his hands； he believed it the same he had
ascended in the morning： even in a great castle； could there be two
such royal stairs？ He sat down upon it； and leaning his head on his
hands； composed himself to a patient waiting for the light。
Waiting pure is perhaps the hardest thing for flesh and blood to do
well。 The relations of time to mind are very strange。 Some of
their phenomena seem to prove that time is only of the
mindbelonging to the intellect as good and evil belong to the
spirit。 Anyhow； if it were not for the clocks of the universe； one
man would live a year； a century； where another would live but a
day。 But the mere motion of time； not to say the consciousness of
empty time； is fearful。 It is this empty time that the fool is
always trying to kill： his effort should be to fill it。 Yet nothing
but the living God can fill itthough it be but the shape our
existence takes to us。 Only where he is； emptiness is not。
Eternity will be but an intense present to the child with whom is
the Father。
Such thoughts alighted； flitted； and passed； for the first few
moments； through the mind of Donal； as he sat half consciously
waiting for the dawn。 It was thousands of miles away； over the
great round of the sunward…turning earth！ His imagination woke； and
began to picture the great hunt of the shadows； fleeing before the
arrows of the sun； over the broad face of the mighty worldits
mountains； seas； and plains in turn confessing the light； and
submitting to him who slays for them the haunting demons of their
dark。 Then again the moments were the small cogs on the wheels of
time； whereby the dark castle in which he sat was rushing ever
towards the light： the cogs were caught and the wheels turned
swiftly； and the time and the darkness sped。 He forgot the labour
of waiting。 If now and then he fancied a tone through the darkness；
it was to his mind the music…march of the morning to his rescue from
the dungeon of the night。
But that was no musical tone which made the darkness shudder around
him！ He sprang to his feet。 It was a human groana groan as of
one in dire pain； the pain of a soul's agony。 It seemed to have
descended the stair to him。 The next instant Donal was feeling his
way upcautiously； as if on each succeeding step he might come
against the man who had groaned。 Tales of haunted houses rushed
into his memory。 What if he were but pursuing the groan of an actor
in the pasta creature the slave of his own conscious memorya
mere haunter of the present which he could not influenceone
without physical relation to the embodied； save in the groans he
could yet utter！ But it was more in awe than in fear that he went。
Up and up he felt his way； all about him as still as darkness and
the night could make it。 A ghostly cold crept through his skin； it
was drawn together as by a gently freezing process； and there was a
pulling at the muscles of his chest； as if his mouth were being
dragged open by a martingale。
As he felt his way along the wall； sweeping its great endless circle
round and round in spiral ascent； all at once his hand seemed to go
through it； he started and stopped。 It was the door of the room
into which he had been shown to meet the earl！ It stood wide open。
A faint glimmer came through the window from the star…filled sky。
He stepped just within the doorway。 Was not that another glimmer
on the floorfrom the back of the roomthrough a door he did not
remember having seen yesterday？ There again was the groan； and nigh
at hand！ Someone must be in sore need！ He approached the door and
looked through。 A lamp； nearly spent； hung from the c
