donal grant-第111章
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cry any more！ There it lay motionless； like a lump of white clay。
She looked at meand neverin this worldsmiled again！nor cried
eitherall I could do to make her！〃
The wretched man burst into tears； and the heart of Donal gave a
leap for joy。 Common as tears are； fall as they may for the
foolishest things； they may yet be such as to cause joy in paradise。
The man himself may not know why he weeps； and his tears yet
indicate his turning on his road。 The earl was as far from a good
man as man well could be； there were millions of spiritual miles
betwixt him and the image of God； he had wept it was hard to say at
whatnot at his own cruelty； not at his wife's suffering； not in
pity of the little soul that went away at last out of no human
embrace； himself least of all could have told why he wept； yet was
that weeping some sign of contact between his human soul and the
great human soul of God； it was the beginning of a possible
communion with the Father of all！ Surely God saw this； and knew the
heart he had madesaw the flax smoking yet！ He who will not let us
out until we have paid the uttermost farthing； rejoices over the
offer of the first golden grain。
Donal dropped on his knees and prayed：
〃O Father of us all！〃 he said； 〃in whose hands are these unruly
hearts of ours； we cannot manage ourselves； we ruin our own selves；
but in thee is our help found！〃
Prayer went from him； he rose from his knees。
〃Go on； go on； don't stop！〃 cried the earl。 〃He may hear youwho
can tell！〃
Donal went down on his knees again。
〃O God！〃 he said； 〃thou knowest us； whether we speak to thee or not；
take from this man his hardness of heart。 Make him love thee。〃
There he stopped again。 He could say no more。
〃I can't pray； my lord；〃 he said； rising。 〃I don't know why。 It
seems as if nothing I said meant anything。 I will pray for you when
I am alone。〃
〃Are there so many devils about me that an honest fellow can't pray
in my company？〃 cried the earl。 〃I will pray myself； in spite of the
whole swarm of them； big and little！O God； save me！ I don't want
to be damned。 I will be good if thou wilt make me。 I don't care
about it myself； but thou canst do as thou pleasest。 It would be a
fine thing if a rascal like me were to escape the devil through thy
goodness after all。 I'm worth nothing； but there's my wife！ Pray；
pray； Lord God； let me one day see my wife again！For Christ's
sakeain't that the way； Grant？Amen。〃
Donal had dropped on his knees once more when the earl began to
pray。 He uttered a hearty Amen。 The earl turned sharply towards him；
and saw he was weeping。 He put out his hand to him； and said；
〃You'll stand my friend； Grant？〃
CHAPTER LXXX。
AWAY…FARING。
Suddenly what strength lady Arctura had； gave way； and she began to
sink。 But it was spring with the summer at hand； they hoped she
would recover sufficiently to be removed to a fitter climate。 She
did not herself think so。 She had hardly a doubt that her time was
come。 She was calm； often cheerful； but her spirits were variable。
Donal's heart was sorer than he had thought it could be again。
One day； having been reading a little to her； he sat looking at her。
He did not know how sad was the expression of his countenance。 She
looked up； smiled； and said；
〃You think I am unhappy！you could not look at me like that if you
did not think so！ I am only tired； I am not unhappy。 I hardly know
now what unhappiness is！ If ever I look as if I were unhappy； it is
only that I am waiting for more life。 It is on the way； I feel it
is； because I am so content with everything； I would have nothing
other than it is。 It is very hard for God that his children will not
trust him to do with them what he pleases！ I am sure； Mr。 Grant； the
world is all wrong； and on the way to be all wondrously right。 It
will cost God much labour yet： we will cost him as little as we
canwon't we？Oh； Mr。 Grant； if it hadn't been for you； God would
have been far away still！ For a God I should have had something half
an idol； half a commonplace tyrant！ I should never have dreamed of
the glory of God！〃
〃No； my lady！〃 returned Donal； 〃if God had not sent me； he would
have sent somebody else； you were ready！〃
〃I am very glad he sent you！ I should never have loved any other so
much！〃
Donal's eyes filled with tears。 He was simple as a child。 No male
vanity； no self…exultation that a woman should love him； and tell
him she loved him； sprang up in his heart。 He knew she loved him； he
loved her； all was so natural it could not be otherwise： he never
presumed to imagine her once thinking of him as he had thought of
Ginevra。 He was her servant； willing and loving as any angel of God：
that was alland enough！
〃You are not vexed with your pupilare you？〃 she resumed； again
looking up in his face； this time with a rosy flush on her own。
〃Why？〃 said Donal； with wonder。
〃For speaking so to my master。〃
〃Angry because you love me？〃
〃No； of course！〃 she responded； at once satisfied。 〃You knew that
must be！ How could I but love youbetter than any one else in the
world！ You have given me life！ I was dead。You have been like
another father to me！〃 she added； with a smile of heavenly
tenderness。 〃But I could not have spoken to you like this； if I had
not known I was dying。〃
The word shot a sting as of fire through Donal's heart。
〃You are always a child； Mr。 Grant；〃 she went on； 〃death is making a
child of me； it makes us all children： as if we were two little
children together； I tell you I love you。Don't look like that；〃
she continued； 〃you must not forget what you have been teaching me
all this timethat the will of God； the perfect God； is all in all！
He is not a God far off： to know that is enough to have lived for！
You have taught me that； and I love you with a true heart
fervently。〃
Donal could not speak。 He knew she was dying。
〃Mr。 Grant；〃 she began again； 〃my soul is open to his eyes； and is
not ashamed。 I know I am going to do what would by the world be
counted unwomanly； but you and I stand before our Father； not before
the world。 I ask you in plain words； knowing that if you cannot do
as I ask you willingly； you will not do it。 And be sure I shall
plainly be dying before I claim the fulfilment of your promise if
you give it。 I do not want your answer all at once： you must think
about it。〃
Here she paused a while； then said；
〃I want you to marry me； if you will； before I go。〃
Donal could not yet speak。 His soul was in a tumult of emotion。
〃I am tired；〃 she said。 〃Please go and think it over。 If you say no；
I shall only say； 'He knows best what is best！' I shall not be
ashamed。 Only you must not once think what the world would say： of
all people we have nothing to do with the world！ We have nothing to
do but with God and love！ If he be pleased with us； we can afford to
smile at what his silly children think of us： they mind only what
their vulgar nurses say； not what their perfect father says： we need
not mind themneed we？I wonder at myself；〃 she went on； for Donal
did not utter a word； 〃for being able to speak like this； but then I
have been thinking of it for a long timechiefly as I lie awake。 I
am never afraid nownot though I lie awake all night： 'perfect love
casteth out fear；' you know。 I have God to love； and Jesus to love；
and you to love； and my own father to love！ When you know him； you
will see how good a man can be without having been brought up like
you！Oh； Donal； do say something； or I shall cry； and crying kills
me！〃
She was sitting on a low chair； with the sunlight across her
lapfor she was again in the sunny Garland…roomand the firelight
on her face。 Donal knelt gently down； and laid his hands in the
sunlight on her lap； just as if he were going to say his prayers at
his mother's knee。 She laid both her hands on his。
〃I have something to tell you；〃 he said； 〃and then you must speak
again。〃
〃Tell me；〃 said Arctura； with a little gasp。
〃When I came here；〃 said Donal； 〃I thought my heart so broken that
it would never lovethat way； I meanany more。 But I loved God
better than ever： and as one I would fain help； I loved you from the
very first。 But I
