donal grant-第109章

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constitution　like　yours；　and　the　world　before　me；　there　might　be
some　good　in　a　paring　or　two　of　self…denial；　but　you　wouldn't　stab
your　murderer　for　fear　of　the　clasp　knife　closing　on　your　hand！　you
would　not　fire　your　pistol　at　him　for　fear　of　its　bursting　and
blowing　your　brains　out！〃

〃I　have　no　desire　to　keep　you　alive；　my　lord；　but　I　would　give　my
life　to　let　you　get　some　of　the　good　of　this　world　before　you　pass
to　the　next。　To　lengthen　your　life　infinitely；　I　would　not　give　you
a　single　drop　of　any　one　of　those　cursed　drugs！〃

He　rang　the　bell　again。

〃You're　a　friendly　fellow！〃　grunted　his　lordship；　and　went　back　to
his　bed　to　ponder　how　to　gain　the　solace　of　his　passion。

Mrs。　Brookes　came。

〃Will　you　please　send　to　Mr。　Avory；　the　new　surgeon；〃　said　Donal；
〃and　ask　him；　in　my　name；　to　come　to　the　castle。〃

The　earl　was　so　ill；　however；　as　to　be　doubtful；　much　as　he　desired
them；　whether；　while　rendering　him　for　the　moment　less　sensible　to
them；　any　of　his　drugs　would　do　no　other　than　increase　his
sufferings。　He　lay　with　closed　eyes；　a　strange　expression　of　pain
mingled　with　something　like　fear　every　now　and　then　passing　over　his
face。　I　doubt　if　his　conscience　troubled　him。　It　is　in　general
those；　I　think；　who　through　comparatively　small　sins　have　come　to
see　the　true　nature　of　them；　whose　consciences　trouble　them　greatly。
Those　who　have　gone　from　bad　to　worse　through　many　years　of　moral
decay；　are　seldom　troubled　as　other　men；　or　have　any　bands　in　their
death。　His　lordship；　it　is　true；　suffered　terribly　at　times　because
of　the　things　he　had　done；　but　it　was　through　the　medium　of　a　roused
imagination　rather　than　a　roused　conscience：　the　former　deals　with
consequences；　the　latter　with　the　deeds　themselves。

He　declared　he　would　see　no　doctor　but　his　old　attendant　Dowster；
yet　all　the　time　was　longing　for　the　young　man　to　appear：　he
mightwho　could　tell？save　him　from　the　dreaded　jaws　of　death！

He　came。　Donal　went　to　him。　He　had　summoned　him；　he　said；　without
his　lordship's　consent；　but　believed　he　would　see　him；　the　earl　had
been　long　in　the　habit　of　using　narcotics　and　stimulants；　though　not
alcohol；　he　thought；　he　trusted　Mr。　Avory　would　give　his　sanction　to
the　entire　disuse　of　them；　for　they　were　killing　him；　body　and　soul。

〃To　give　them　up　at　once　and　entirely　would　cost　him　considerable
suffering；〃　said　the　doctor。

〃He　knows　that；　and　does　not　in　the　least　desire　to　give　them　up。　It
is　absolutely　necessary　he　should　be　delivered　from　the　passion。〃

〃If　I　am　to　undertake　the　case；　it　must　be　after　my　own　judgment；〃
said　the　doctor。

〃You　must　undertake　two　things；　or　give　up　the　case；〃　persisted
Donal。

〃I　may　as　well　hear　what　they　are。〃

〃One　is；　that　you　make　his　final　deliverance　from　the　habit　your
object；　the　other；　that　you　will　give　no　medicine　into　his　own
hands。〃

〃I　agree　to　both；　but　all　will　depend　on　his　nurse。〃

〃I　will　be　his　nurse。〃

The　doctor　went　to　see　his　patient。　The　earl　gave　one　glance　at　him；
recognized　firmness；　and　said　not　a　word。　But　when　he　would　have
applied　to　his　wrist　an　instrument　recording　in　curves　the　motions
of　the　pulse；　he　would　not　consent。　He　would　have　no　liberties　taken
with　him；　he　said。

〃My　lord；　it　is　but　to　inquire　into　the　action　of　your　heart；〃　said
Mr。　Avory。

〃I'll　have　no　spying　into　my　heart！　It　acts　just　like　other
people's！〃

The　doctor　put　his　instrument　aside；　and　laid　his　finger　on　the
pulse　instead：　his　business　was　to　help；　not　to　conquer；　he　said　to
himself：　if　he　might　not　do　what　he　would；　he　would　do　what　he
could。

While　he　was　with　the　earl；　Donal　found　lady　Arctura；　and　told　her
all　he　had　done。　She　thanked　him　for　understanding　her。




CHAPTER　LXXIX。

A　SLOW　TRANSITION。

A　dreary　time　followed。　Sometimes　the　patient　would　lie　awake　half
the　night；　howling　with　misery；　and　accusing　Donal　of　heartless
cruelty。　He　knew　as　well　as　he　what　would　ease　his　pain　and　give　him
sleep；　but　not　a　finger　would　he　move　to　save　him！　He　was　taking　the
meanest　of　revenges！　What　did　it　matter　to　him　what　became　of　his
soul！　Surely　it　was　worse　to　hate　as　he　made　him　hate　than　to
swallow　any　amount　of　narcotics！

〃I　tell　you；　Grant；〃　he　said　once；　〃I　was　never　so　cruel　to　those　I
treated　worst。　There's　nothing　in　the　Persian　hells；　which　beat　all
the　rest；　to　come　up　to　what　I　go　through　for　want　of　my　comfort。
Promise　to　give　it　me；　and　I　will　tell　you　where　to　find　some。〃

As　often　as　Donal　refused　he　would　break　out　in　a　torrent　of　curses；
then　lie　still　for　a　space。

〃How　do　you　think　you　will　do　without　it；〃　Donal　once　rejoined；
〃when　you　find　yourself　bodiless　in　the　other　world？〃

〃I'm　not　there　yet！　When　that　comes；　it　will　be　under　new
conditions；　if　not　unconditioned　altogether。　We'll　take　the　world　we
have。　So；　my　dear　boy；　just　go　and　get　me　what　I　want。　There　are　the
keys！〃

〃I　dare　not。〃

〃You　wish　to　kill　me！〃

〃I　wouldn't　keep　you　alive　to　eat　opium。　I　have　other　work　than
that。　Not　a　finger　would　I　move　to　save　a　life　for　such　a　life。　But
I　would　willingly　risk　my　own　to　make　you　able　to　do　without　it。
There　would　be　some　good　in　that！〃

〃Oh；　damn　your　preaching！〃

But　the　force　of　the　habit　abated　a　little。　Now　and　then　it　seemed
to　return　as　strong　as　ever；　but　the　fit　went　off　again。　His
sufferings　plainly　decreased。

The　doctor；　having　little　yet　of　a　practice；　was　able　to　be　with　him
several　hours　every　day；　so　that　Donal　could　lie　down。　As　he　grew
better；　Davie；　or　mistress　Brookes；　or　lady　Arctura　would　sit　with
him。　But　Donal　was　never　farther　off　than　the　next　room。　The　earl's
madness　was　the　worst　of　any；　a　moral　madness：　it　could　not　fail　to
affect　the　brain；　but　had　not　yet　put　him　beyond　his　own　control。
Repeatedly　had　Donal　been　on　the　verge　of　using　force　to　restrain
him；　but　had　not　yet　found　himself　absolutely　compelled　to　do　so：
fearless　of　him；　he　postponed　it　always　to　the　very　last；　and　the
last　had　not　yet　arrived。

The　gentle　ministrations　of　his　niece　by　and　by　seemed　to　touch　him。
He　was　growing　to　love　her　a　little；　He　would　smile　when　she　came
into　the　room；　and　ask　her　how　she　did。　Once　he　sat　looking　at　her
for　some　timethen　said；

〃I　hope　I　did　not　hurt　you　much。〃

〃When？〃　she　asked。

〃Then；〃　he　answered。

〃Oh；　no；　you　did　not　hurt　memuch！〃

〃Another　time；　I　was　very　cruel　to　your　aunt：　do　you　think　she　will
forgive　me！〃

〃Yes；　I　do。〃

〃Then　you　have　forgiven　me？〃

〃Of　course　I　have。〃

〃Then　of　course　God　will　forgive　me　too！〃

〃He　willif　you　leave　off；　you　know；　uncle。〃

〃That's　more　than　I　can　promise。〃

〃If　you　try；　he　will　help　you。〃

〃How　can　he？　It　is　a　second　nature　now！〃

〃He　is　your　first　nature。　He　can　help　you　too　by　taking　away　the
body　and　its　nature　together。〃

〃You're　a　fine　comforter！　God　will　help　me　to　be　good　by　taking　away
my　life！　A　nice　encouragement　to　try！　Hadn't　I　better　kill　myself
and　save　him　the　trouble！〃

〃It's　not　the　dying；　uncle！　no　amount　of　dying　would　ever　make　one
good。　It　might　only　make　it　less　difficult　to　be　good。〃

〃But　I　might　after　all　refuse　to　be　good！　I　feel　sure　I　should！　He
had　better　let　me　alone！〃

〃God　can　do　more　than　that　to　compel　us　to　be　gooda　great　deal
more　than　that！　Indeed；　uncle；　we　must　repent。〃

He　said　no　more　for　some　minutes；　then　suddenly　spoke　again。

〃I　suppose　you　mean　to　marry　that　rascal　of　a　tutor！〃　he　said。

She　started　up；　and　called　Donal。　But　to　her　relief　he　did　not
answer：　he　was　fast　asleep。

〃He　would　not　thank　you　for　the　suggestion；　I　fear；〃　she　said；
sitting　down　again。　〃He　is　far　above　me！〃

〃Is　there　no　chance　for　Forgue　then？〃

〃Not　the　smallest。　I　would　rather　have　died　where　you　left　me
than〃

〃If　you　love　me；　don't　mention　that！〃　he　cried。　〃I　was　not
myselfindeed　I　was　not！　I　don't　know　nowthat　is；　I　can't　believe
sometimes　I　ever　did　it。〃

〃Uncle；　have　you　asked　God　to　forgive　you！〃

〃I　havea　thousand　times。〃

〃Then　I　will　never　speak　of　it　again。〃

In　general；　however；　he　was　sullen；　cantankerous；　abusive。　They　were
all　compassionate　to　him；　treating　him　like　a　spoiled；　but　not　the
less　in　reality　a　sickly　child。　A