father goriot-第68章
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apprehension of a crisis that set in; in fact; before very long。
〃Ah! dear boy; is that you?〃 said Father Goriot; recognizing
Eugene。
〃Do you feel better?〃 asked the law student; taking his hand。
〃Yes。 My head felt as if it were being screwed up in a vise; but
now it is set free again。 Did you see my girls? They will be here
directly; as soon as they know that I am ill they will hurry here
at once; they used to take such care of me in the Rue de la
Jussienne! Great Heavens! if only my room was fit for them to
come into! There has been a young man here; who has burned up all
my bark fuel。〃
〃I can hear Christophe coming upstairs;〃 Eugene answered。 〃He is
bringing up some firewood that that young man has sent you。〃
〃Good; but how am I to pay for the wood。 I have not a penny left;
dear boy。 I have given everything; everything。 I am a pauper now。
Well; at least the golden gown was grand; was it not? (Ah! what
pain this is!) Thanks; Christophe! God will reward you; my boy; I
have nothing left now。〃
Eugene went over to Christophe and whispered in the man's ear; 〃I
will pay you well; and Sylvie too; for your trouble。〃
〃My daughters told you that they were coming; didn't they;
Christophe? Go again to them; and I will give you five francs。
Tell them that I am not feeling well; that I should like to kiss
them both and see them once again before I die。 Tell them that;
but don't alarm them more than you can help。〃
Rastignac signed to Christophe to go; and the man went。
〃They will come before long;〃 the old man went on。 〃I know them
so well。 My tender…hearted Delphine! If I am going to die; she
will feel it so much! And so will Nasie。 I do not want to die;
they will cry if I die; and if I die; dear Eugene; I shall not
see them any more。 It will be very dreary there where I am going。
For a father it is hell to be without your children; I have
served my apprenticeship already since they married。 My heaven
was in the Rue de la Jussienne。 Eugene; do you think that if I go
to heaven I can come back to earth; and be near them in spirit? I
have heard some such things said。 It is true? It is as if I could
see them at this moment as they used to be when we all lived in
the Rue de la Jussienne。 They used to come downstairs of a
morning。 'Good…morning; papa!' they used to say; and I would take
them on my knees; we had all sorts of little games of play
together; and they had such pretty coaxing ways。 We always had
breakfast together; too; every morning; and they had dinner with
mein fact; I was a father then。 I enjoyed my children。 They did
not think for themselves so long as they lived in the Rue de la
Jussienne; they knew nothing of the world; they loved me with all
their hearts。 MON DIEU! why could they not always be little
girls? (Oh! my head! this racking pain in my head!) Ah! ah!
forgive me; children; this pain is fearful; it must be agony
indeed; for you have used me to endure pain。 MON DIEU! if only I
held their hands in mine; I should not feel it at all。Do you
think that they are on the way? Christophe is so stupid; I ought
to have gone myself。 HE will see them。 But you went to the ball
yesterday; just tell me how they looked。 They did not know that I
was ill; did they; or they would not have been dancing; poor
little things? Oh! I must not be ill any longer。 They stand too
much in need of me; their fortunes are in danger。 And such
husbands as they are bound to! I must get well! (Oh! what pain
this is! what pain this is! 。 。 。 ah! ah!)I must get well; you
see; for they MUST have money; and I know how to set about making
some。 I will go to Odessa and manufacture starch there。 I am an
old hand; I will make millions。 (Oh! this is agony!)〃
Goriot was silent for a moment; it seemed to require his whole
strength to endure the pain。
〃If they were here; I should not complain;〃 he said。 〃So why
should I complain now?〃
He seemed to grow drowsy with exhaustion; and lay quietly for a
long time。 Christophe came back; and Rastignac; thinking that
Goriot was asleep; allowed the man to give his story aloud。
〃First of all; sir; I went to Madame la Comtesse;〃 he said; 〃but
she and her husband were so busy that I couldn't get to speak to
her。 When I insisted that I must see her; M。 de Restaud came out
to me himself; and went on like this: 'M。 Goriot is dying; is he?
Very well; it is the best thing he can do。 I want Mme。 de Restaud
to transact some important business; when it is all finished she
can go。' The gentleman looked angry; I thought。 I was just going
away when Mme。 de Restaud came out into an ante…chamber through a
door that I did not notice; and said; 'Christophe; tell my father
that my husband wants me to discuss some matters with him; and I
cannot leave the house; the life or death of my children is at
stake; but as soon as it is over; I will come。' As for Madame la
Baronne; that is another story! I could not speak to her either;
and I did not even see her。 Her waiting…woman said; 'Ah yes; but
madame only came back from a ball at a quarter to five this
morning; she is asleep now; and if I wake her before mid…day she
will be cross。 As soon as she rings; I will go and tell her that
her father is worse。 It will be time enough then to tell her bad
news!' I begged and I prayed; but; there! it was no good。 Then I
asked for M。 le Baron; but he was out。〃
〃To think that neither of his daughters should come!〃 exclaimed
Rastignac。 〃I will write to them both。〃
〃Neither of them!〃 cried the old man; sitting upright in bed。
〃They are busy; they are asleep; they will not come! I knew that
they would not。 Not until you are dying do you know your
children。 。 。 。 Oh! my friend; do not marry; do not have
children! You give them life; they give you your deathblow。 You
bring them into the world; and they send you out of it。 No; they
will not come。 I have known that these ten years。 Sometimes I
have told myself so; but I did not dare to believe it。〃
The tears gathered and stood without overflowing the red sockets。
〃Ah! if I were rich still; if I had kept my money; if I had not
given all to them; they would be with me now; they would fawn on
me and cover my cheeks with their kisses! I should be living in a
great mansion; I should have grand apartments and servants and a
fire in my room; and THEY would be about me all in tears; and
their husbands and their children。 I should have had all that;
nowI have nothing。 Money brings everything to you; even your
daughters。 My money。 Oh! where is my money? If I had plenty of
money to leave behind me; they would nurse me and tend me; I
should hear their voices; I should see their faces。 Ah; God! who
knows? They both of them have hearts of stone。 I loved them too
much; it was not likely that they should love me。 A father ought
always to be rich; he ought to keep his children well in hand;
like unruly horses。 I have gone down on my knees to them。
Wretches! this is the crowning act that brings the last ten years
to a proper close。 If you but knew how much they made of me just
after they were married。 (Oh! this is cruel torture!) I had just
given them each eight hundred thousand francs; they were bound to
be civil to me after that; and their husbands too were civil。 I
used to go to their houses: it was 'My kind father' here; 'My
dear father' there。 There was always a place for me at their
tables。 I used to dine with their husbands now and then; and they
were very respectful to me。 I was still worth something; they
thought。 How should they know? I had not said anything about my
affairs。 It is worth while to be civil to a man who has given his
daughters eight hundred thousand francs apiece; and they showed
me every attention thenbut it was all for my money。 Grand
people are not great。 I found that out by experience! I went to
the theatre with them in their carriage; I might stay as long as
I cared to stay