father goriot-第39章

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moments　in　my　life　when　I　have　envied　my　servants；　and　would　have

changed　places　with　my　maid。　It　was　madness　to　think　of　going　to

our　father；　Anastasie　and　I　have　bled　him　dry；　our　poor　father

would　have　sold　himself　if　he　could　have　raised　six　thousand

francs　that　way。　I　should　have　driven　him　frantic　to　no　purpose。

You　have　saved　me　from　shame　and　death；　I　was　beside　myself　with

anguish。　Ah！　monsieur；　I　owed　you　this　explanation　after　my　mad

ravings。　When　you　left　me　just　now；　as　soon　as　you　were　out　of

sight；　I　longed　to　escape；　to　run　away　。　。　。　where；　I　did　not

know。　Half　the　women　in　Paris　lead　such　lives　as　mine；　they　live

in　apparent　luxury；　and　in　their　souls　are　tormented　by　anxiety。

I　know　of　poor　creatures　even　more　miserable　than　I；　there　are

women　who　are　driven　to　ask　their　tradespeople　to　make　out　false

bills；　women　who　rob　their　husbands。　Some　men　believe　that　an

Indian　shawl　worth　a　thousand　louis　only　cost　five　hundred

francs；　others　that　a　shawl　costing　five　hundred　francs　is　worth

a　hundred　louis。　There　are　women；　too；　with　narrow　incomes；　who

scrape　and　save　and　starve　their　children　to　pay　for　a　dress。　I

am　innocent　of　these　base　meannesses。　But　this　is　the　last

extremity　of　my　torture。　Some　women　will　sell　themselves　to　their

husbands；　and　so　obtain　their　way；　but　I；　at　any　rate；　am　free。

If　I　chose；　Nucingen　would　cover　me　with　gold；　but　I　would　rather

weep　on　the　breast　of　a　man　whom　I　can　respect。　Ah！　tonight；　M。

de　Marsay　will　no　longer　have　a　right　to　think　of　me　as　a　woman

whom　he　has　paid。〃　She　tried　to　conceal　her　tears　from　him；

hiding　her　face　in　her　hands；　Eugene　drew　them　away　and　looked　at

her；　she　seemed　to　him　sublime　at　that　moment。



〃It　is　hideous；　is　it　not；〃　she　cried；　〃to　speak　in　a　breath　of

money　and　affection。　You　cannot　love　me　after　this；〃　she　added。



The　incongruity　between　the　ideas　of　honor　which　make　women　so

great；　and　the　errors　in　conduct　which　are　forced　upon　them　by

the　constitution　of　society；　had　thrown　Eugene's　thoughts　into

confusion；　he　uttered　soothing　and　consoling　words；　and　wondered

at　the　beautiful　woman　before　him；　and　at　the　artless　imprudence

of　her　cry　of　pain。



〃You　will　not　remember　this　against　me？〃　she　asked；　〃promise　me

that　you　will　not。〃



〃Ah！　madame；　I　am　incapable　of　doing　so；〃　he　said。　She　took　his

hand　and　held　it　to　her　heart；　a　movement　full　of　grace　that

expressed　her　deep　gratitude。



〃I　am　free　and　happy　once　more；　thanks　to　you；〃　she　said。　〃Oh！　I

have　felt　lately　as　if　I　were　in　the　grasp　of　an　iron　hand。　But

after　this　I　mean　to　live　simply　and　to　spend　nothing。　You　will

think　me　just　as　pretty；　will　you　not；　my　friend？　Keep　this；〃　she

went　on；　as　she　took　only　six　of　the　banknotes。　〃In　conscience　I

owe　you　a　thousand　crowns；　for　I　really　ought　to　go　halves　with

you。〃



Eugene's　maiden　conscience　resisted；　but　when　the　Baroness　said；

〃I　am　bound　to　look　on　you　as　an　accomplice　or　as　an　enemy；〃　he

took　the　money。



〃It　shall　be　a　last　stake　in　reserve；〃　he　said；　〃in　case　of

misfortune。〃



〃That　was　what　I　was　dreading　to　hear；〃　she　cried；　turning　pale。

〃Oh；　if　you　would　that　I　should　be　anything　to　you；　swear　to　me

that　you　will　never　re…enter　a　gaming…house。　Great　Heaven！　that　I

should　corrupt　you！　I　should　die　of　sorrow！〃



They　had　reached　the　Rue　Saint…Lazare　by　this　time。　The　contrast

between　the　ostentation　of　wealth　in　the　house；　and　the　wretched

condition　of　its　mistress；　dazed　the　student；　and　Vautrin's

cynical　words　began　to　ring　in　his　ears。



〃Seat　yourself　there；〃　said　the　Baroness；　pointing　to　a　low　chair

beside　the　fire。　〃I　have　a　difficult　letter　to　write；〃　she　added。

〃Tell　me　what　to　say。〃



〃Say　nothing；〃　Eugene　answered　her。　〃Put　the　bills　in　an

envelope；　direct　it；　and　send　it　by　your　maid。〃



〃Why；　you　are　a　love　of　a　man；〃　she　said。　〃Ah！　see　what　it　is　to

have　been　well　brought　up。　That　is　the　Beauseant　through　and

through；〃　she　went　on；　smiling　at　him。



〃She　is　charming；〃　thought　Eugene；　more　and　more　in　love。　He

looked　round　him　at　the　room；　there　was　an　ostentatious　character

about　the　luxury；　a　meretricious　taste　in　the　splendor。



〃Do　you　like　it？〃　she　asked；　as　she　rang　for　the　maid。



〃Therese；　take　this　to　M。　de　Marsay；　and　give　it　into　his　hands

yourself。　If　he　is　not　at　home；　bring　the　letter　back　to　me。〃



Therese　went；　but　not　before　she　had　given　Eugene　a　spiteful

glance。



Dinner　was　announced。　Rastignac　gave　his　arm　to　Mme。　de　Nucingen；

she　led　the　way　into　a　pretty　dining…room；　and　again　he　saw　the

luxury　of　the　table　which　he　had　admired　in　his　cousin's　house。



〃Come　and　dine　with　me　on　opera　evenings；　and　we　will　go　to　the

Italiens　afterwards；〃　she　said。



〃I　should　soon　grow　used　to　the　pleasant　life　if　it　could　last；

but　I　am　a　poor　student；　and　I　have　my　way　to　make。〃



〃Oh！　you　will　succeed；〃　she　said　laughing。　〃You　will　see。　All

that　you　wish　will　come　to　pass。　_I_　did　not　expect　to　be　so

happy。〃



It　is　the　wont　of　women　to　prove　the　impossible　by　the　possible；

and　to　annihilate　facts　by　presentiments。　When　Mme。　de　Nucingen

and　Rastignac　took　their　places　in　her　box　at　the　Bouffons；　her

face　wore　a　look　of　happiness　that　made　her　so　lovely　that　every

one　indulged　in　those　small　slanders　against　which　women　are

defenceless；　for　the　scandal　that　is　uttered　lightly　is　often

seriously　believed。　Those　who　know　Paris；　believe　nothing　that　is

said；　and　say　nothing　of　what　is　done　there。



Eugene　took　the　Baroness'　hand　in　his；　and　by　some　light　pressure

of　the　fingers；　or　a　closer　grasp　of　the　hand；　they　found　a

language　in　which　to　express　the　sensations　which　the　music　gave

them。　It　was　an　evening　of　intoxicating　delight　for　both；　and

when　it　ended；　and　they　went　out　together；　Mme。　de　Nucingen

insisted　on　taking　Eugene　with　her　as　far　as　the　Pont　Neuf；　he

disputing　with　her　the　whole　of　the　way　for　a　single　kiss　after

all　those　that　she　had　showered　upon　him　so　passionately　at　the

Palais…Royal；　Eugene　reproached　her　with　inconsistency。



〃That　was　gratitude；〃　she　said；　〃for　devotion　that　I　did　not　dare

to　hope　for；　but　now　it　would　be　a　promise。〃




〃And　will　you　give　me　no　promise；　ingrate？〃



He　grew　vexed。　Then；　with　one　of　those　impatient　gestures　that

fill　a　lover　with　ecstasy；　she　gave　him　her　hand　to　kiss；　and　he

took　it　with　a　discontented　air　that　delighted　her。



〃I　shall　see　you　at　the　ball　on　Monday；〃　she　said。



As　Eugene　went　home　in　the　moonlight；　he　fell　to　serious

reflections。　He　was　satisfied；　and　yet　dissatisfied。　He　was

pleased　with　an　adventure　which　would　probably　give　him　his

desire；　for　in　the　end　one　of　the　prettiest　and　best…dressed

women　in　Paris　would　be　his；　but；　as　a　set…off；　he　saw　his　hopes

of　fortune　brought　to　nothing；　and　as　soon　as　he　realized　this

fact；　the　vague　thoughts　of　yesterday　evening　began　to　take　a

more　decided　shape　in　his　mind。　A　check　is　sure　to　reveal　to　us

the　strength　of　our　hopes。　The　more　Eugene　learned　of　the

pleasures　of　life　in　Paris；　the　more　impatient　he　felt　of　poverty

and　obscurity。　He　crumpled　the　banknote　in　his　pocket；　and　found

any　quantity　of　plausible　excuses　for　appropriating　it。



He　reached　the　Rue　Neuve…Sainte…Genevieve　at　last；　and　from　the

stairhead　he　saw　a　light　in　Goriot's　room；　the　old　man　had

lighted　a　candle；　and　set　the　door　ajar；　lest　the　student　should

pass　him　by；　and　go　to　his　room　without　〃telling　him　all　about

his　daughter；〃　to　use　his　own　expression。　Eugene；　accordingly；

told　him　everything　without　reserve。



〃Then　they　think　that　I　am　ruined！〃　cried　Father　Goriot；　in　an

agony　of　jealousy　and　desperation。　〃Why；　I　have　still　thirteen

hundred　livres　a　year！　MON　DIEU！　Poor　little　girl！　why　did　she

not　come　to　me？　I　would　have　sold　my　rentes；　she　should　have　had

some　of　the　principal；　and　I　would　have　bought　a　life…annuity

with　the　rest。　My　good　neighbor；　why　did　not