the cost-第8章

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e　best。〃

〃I　see　I've　offended　you。〃　　Scarborough　spoke　regretfully。　　〃Please　don't　think　I'm　not　appreciating　your　kindness。　　ButI've　made　a　sort　of　agreement　with　myself　never　to　join　anything　that　isn't　organized　for　a　general　purpose　and　that　won't　admit　anybody　who　has　that　purpose；　too。〃

Pierson　thought　on　this　for　a　moment。　　〃Pardon　me　for　saying　so；　but　that's　nonsense。　　You　can't　afford　to　stand　alone。　　It'll　make　everything　harder　for　youmany　things　impossible。　　You've　got　to　yield　to　the　prejudices　of　people　in　these　matters。　　Why；　even　the　barbs　have　no　use　for　each　other　and　look　up　to　us。　　When　we　have　an　election　in　the　Literary　Society　I　can　control　more　barb　votes　than　any　one　else　in　college。　　And　the　reason　iswell；　you　can　imagine。〃　　（Mr。　Pierson　was　only　twenty　years　old　when　he　made　that　speech。）

〃It　doesn't　disturb　me　to　think　of　myself　as　alone。〃　　The　strong　lines　in　Scarborough's　face　were　in　evidence。　　〃But　it　would　disturb　me　if　I　were　propped　up　and　weren't　sure　I　could　stand　alone。　　I'm　afraid　to　lean　on　any　one　or　anythingmy　prop　might　give　way。　　And　I　don't　want　any　friends　or　any　associates　who　value　me　for　any　other　reason　than　what　I　myself　am。　　I　purpose　never　to　‘belong'　to　anything　or　anybody。〃

Pierson　laughed。　　〃Do　as　you　please；〃　he　said。　〃I'd　like　to　myself　if　it　wasn't　such　an　awful　lot　of　trouble！〃

〃Not　in　the　end；〃　replied　Scarborough。

〃Oh；　bother　the　end。　　To…day's　good　enough　for　me。〃

〃You'd　better　not　let　Miss　Shrewsbury　hear　you　say　that；〃　said　Scarborough；　his　eyes　mocking。

Pierson　grew　serious　at　once。　　〃Splendid　girl；　isn't　she？〃　　She　happened　to　be　the　first　he　had　known　at　all　well　who　hadn't　agreed　with　him　in　everything　he　said；　hadn't　shown　the　greatest　anxiety　to　please　him　and　hadn't　practically　thrown　herself　at　his　head。　　His　combination　of　riches；　good　looks；　an　easy…going　disposition　and　cleverness　had　so　agitated　those　who　had　interested　him　theretofore　that　they　had　overreached　themselves。　　Besides；　his　mother　had　been　subtly　watchful。

〃Indeed；　yes；〃　assented　Scarborough；　heartily　but　not　with　enthusiasmhe　always　thought　of　Olivia　as　Pauline's　cousin。

The　four　had　arranged　to　go　together　to　Indian　Rock　on　the　following　Sunday。　　When　the　day　came　Olivia　was　not　well；　Pierson　went　to　a　poker　game　at　his　fraternity　house；　Pauline　and　Scarborough　walked　alone。　　As　she　went　through　the　woods　beside　him　she　was　thinking　so　intensely　that　she　could　not　talk。　　But　he　was　not　disturbed　by　her　silencewas　it　not　enough　to　be　near　her；　alone　with　her；　free　to　look　at　her；　so　graceful　and　beautiful；　so　tasteful　in　dress；　in　every　outward　way　what　he　thought　a　woman　ought　to　be？　　Presently　she　roused　herself　and　began　a　remark　that　was　obviously　mere　politeness。

He　interrupted　her。　　〃Don't　mind　me。　　Go　on　with　your　thinkingunless　it's　something　you　can　say。〃

She　gave　him　a　quizzical；　baffling　smile。　　〃How　it　would　startle　you　if　I　did！〃　she　said。　　〃ButI　shan't。　　And〃she　frowned　impatiently〃there's　no　use　in　thinking　about　it。　　It's　all　in　the　future。〃

〃And　one　can't　control　the　future。〃

〃Yes；　indeedone　can；〃　she　protested。

〃I　wish　you'd　tell　me　how。　　Are　you　sure　you　don't　mean　you　could　so　arrange　matters　that　the　future　would　control　you？　　Anybody　can　SURRENDER　to　the　future　and　give　it　hostages。　　But　that's　not　controlling；　is　it？〃

〃Certainly　it　isif　you　give　the　hostages　in　exchange　for　what　you　want。〃　　And　she　looked　triumphant。

〃But　how　do　you　know　what　you'll　want　in　the　future？　　The　most　I　can　say　is　that　I　know　a　few　things　I　shan't　want。〃

〃I　shouldn't　like　to　be　of　that　disposition；〃　she　said。

〃But　I'm　afraid　you　are；　whether　you　like　it　or　not。〃　　Scarborough　was　half…serious；　half　in　jest。

〃Are　you　the　same　person　you　were　a　month　ago？〃

Pauline　glanced　away。　　〃What　do　you　mean？〃　she　asked。

〃I　mean　in　thoughtin　feeling。〃

〃Yesand　no；〃　she　replied　presently；　when　she　had　recovered　from　the　shock　of　his　chance　knock　at　the　very　door　of　her　secret。　　〃My　coming　here　has　made　a　sort　of　revolution　in　me　already。　　I　believe　I've　a　moremore　grown…up　way　of　looking　at　things。　　And　I've　been　getting　into　the　habit　of　thinkingandand　actingfor　myself。〃

〃That's　a　dangerous　habit　to　formin　a　hurry；〃　said　Scarborough。　　〃One　oughtn't　to　try　to　swim　a　wide　river　just　after　he's　had　his　first　lesson　in　swimming。〃

Pauline；　for　no　apparent　reason；　flushed　crimson　and　gave　him　a　nervous　lookit　almost　seemed　a　look　of　fright。

〃But；〃　he　went　on；　〃we　were　talking　of　the　change　in　you。　　If　you've　changed　so　much　in；　thirty　days；　or；　say；　in　sixty…seven　daysyou've　been　here　that　long；　I　believethink　of　your　whole　life。　　The　broader　your　mind　and　your　life　become；　the　less　certain　you'll　be　what　sort　of　person　to…morrow　will　find　you。　　It　seems　to　meI　know　that；　for　myself；　I'm　determined　to　keep　the　future　clear。　　I'll　never　tie　myself　to　the　past。〃

〃But　there　are　some　things　one　MUST　anchor　fast　to。〃　　Pauline　was　looking　as　if　Scarborough　were　trying　to　turn　her　adrift　in　an　open　boat　on　a　lonely　sea。　　〃There　arefriends。　　You　wouldn't　desert　your　friends；　would　you？〃

〃I　couldn't　help　it　if　they　insisted　on　deserting　me。　　I'd　keep　them　if　their　way　was　mine。　　If　it　wasn'tthey'd　give　me　up。〃

〃But　if　you　wereweremarried？〃

Scarborough　became　intensely　self…conscious。

〃WellI　don't　knowthat　is〃　　He　paused；　went　on：　　〃I　shouldn't　marry　until　I　was　sureher　way　and　mine　were　the　same。〃

〃The　right　sort　of　woman　makes　her　husband's　way　hers；〃　said　she。

〃Does　she？　　I　don't　know　much　about　women。　　But　it　has　always　seemed　to　me　that　the　kind　of　woman　I'd　admire　would　be　one　who　had　her　own　ideals　and　ideas　of　lifeand　thatifif　she　liked　me；　it　would　be　because　we　suited　each　other。　　You　wouldn't　want　to　belike　those　princesses　that　are　brought　up　without　any　beliefs　of　any　sort　so　that　they　can　accept　the　beliefs　of　the　kingdom　of　the　man　they　happen　to　marry？〃

Pauline　laughed。　　〃I　couldn't；　even　if　I　wished；〃　she　said。

〃I　should　say　not！〃　he　echoed；　as　if　the　idea　in　connection　with　such　an　indelibly　distinct　young　woman　were　preposterous。

〃But　you　have　such　a　queer　way　of　expressing　yourself。　　At　first　I　thought　you　were　talking　of　upsetting　everything。〃

〃I？　　Mercy；　no。　　I've　no　idea　of　upsetting　anything。　　I'm　only　hoping　I　can　help　straighten　a　few　things　that　have　been　tumbled　over　or　turned　upside　down。〃

Gradually；　as　they　walked　and　talked；　her　own　affairsDumont's　and　hersretreated　to　the　background　and　she　gave　Scarborough　her　whole　attention。　　Even　in　those　dayshe　was　then　twenty…threehis　personality　usually　dominated　whomever　he　was　with。　　It　was　not　his　size　or　appearance　of　strength；　it　was　not　any　compulsion　of　manner；　it　was　not　even　what　he　said　or　the　way　he　said　it。　　All　of　theseand　his　voice　contributed；　but　the　real　secret　of　his　power　was　that　subtile　magnetic　something　which　we　try　to　fixand　failwhen　we　say　〃charm。〃

He　attracted　Pauline　chiefly　because　he　had　a　way　of　noting　the　little　thingsmatters　of　dress；　the　flowers；　colors　in　the　sky　or　the　landscape；　the　uncommon；　especially　the　amusing；　details　of　personalityand　of　connecting　these　trifles　in　unexpected　ways　with　the　large　aspects　of　things。　　He　saw　the　mystery　of　the　universe　in　the　contour　of　a　leaf；　he　saw　the　secret　of　a　professor's　character　in　the　way　he　had　built　out　his　whiskers　to　hide　an　absolute　lack　of　chin　and　to　give　the　impression　that　a　formidable　chin　was　there。　　He　told　her　stories　of　life　on　his　father's　farm　that　made　her　laugh；　other　stories　that　made　her　feel　like　crying。　　Andhe　brought　out　the　best　there　was　in　her。　　She　was　presently　talking　of　the　things　about　which　she　had　always　been　reticentthe　real　thoughts　of　her　mind；　those　she　had　suppressed　because　she　had　had　no　sympathetic　listener；　those　she　looked　forward　to　talking　over　with　Dumont　in　that　happy　time　when　they　would　be　together　and　would　renew　the　intimacy　interrupted　since　their　High　School　days。

When　she　burst　in　upon　Olivia　her　eyes　were　sparkling　and　her　cheeks　glowing。　　〃The　air　was　glorious；〃　she　said；　〃and　Mr。　Scarborough；　is　SO　interesting。〃

And　Olivia　said　to　herself：　　〃In　spite　of　his　tight　clothes　he　may　cure　her　of　that