when the world shook-第7章

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or　（according　to　Bastin）　a　conventional　golden…harped　and　haloed

immortality；　a　word　of　which　he　did　not　in　the　least　understand

the　meaning？



Or　was　it　something　quite　different　from　either　of　these；

something　vast　and　splendid　beyond　the　reach　of　vision；

something　God…sent；　beginning　and　ending　in　the　Eternal　Absolute

and　at　last　partaking　of　His　attributes　and　nature　and　from　aeon

to　aeon　shot　through　with　His　light？　And　how　was　the　truth　to　be

learned？　I　asked　my　Eastern　friends；　and　they　talked　vaguely　of

long　ascetic　preparation；　of　years　upon　years　of　learning；　from

whom　I　could　not　quite　discover。　I　was　sure　it　could　not　be　from

them；　because　clearly　they　did　not　know；　they　only　passed　on　what

they　had　heard　elsewhere；　when　or　how　they　either　could　not　or

would　not　explain。　So　at　length　I　gave　it　up；　having　satisfied

myself　that　all　this　was　but　an　effort　of　Oriental　imagination

called　into　life　by　the　sweet　influences　of　the　Eastern　stars。



I　gave　it　up　and　went　away；　thinking　that　I　should　forget。　But

I　did　not　forget。　I　was　quick　with　a　new　hope；　or　at　any　rate

with　a　new　aspiration；　and　that　secret　child　of　holy　desire　grew

and　grew　within　my　soul；　till　at　length　it　flashed　upon　me　that

this　soul　of　mine　was　itself　the　hidden　Master　from　which　I　must

learn　my　lesson。　No　wonder　that　those　Eastern　friends　could　not

give　his　name；　seeing　that　whatever　they　really　knew；　as

distinguished　from　what　they　had　heard；　and　it　was　little　enough；

each　of　them　had　learned　from　the　teaching　of　his　own　soul。



Thus；　then；　I　too　became　a　dreamer　with　only　one　longing；　the

longing　for　wisdom；　for　that　spirit　touch　which　should　open　my

eyes　and　enable　me　to　see。



Yet　now　it　happened　strangely　enough　that　when　I　seemed　within

myself　to　have　little　further　interest　in　the　things　of　the

world；　and　least　of　all　in　women；　I；　who　had　taken　another　guest

to　dwell　with　me；　those　things　of　the　world　came　back　to　me　and

in　the　shape　of　Woman　the　Inevitable。　Probably　it　was　so　decreed

since　is　it　not　written　that　no　man　can　live　to　himself　alone；　or

lose　himself　in　watching　and　nurturing　the　growth　of　his　own

soul？





It　happened　thus。　I　went　to　Rome　on　my　way　home　from　India；　and

stayed　there　a　while。　On　the　day　after　my　arrival　I　wrote　my　name

in　the　book　of　our　Minister　to　Italy　at　that　time；　Sir　Alfred

Upton；　not　because　I　wished　him　to　ask　me　to　dinner；　but　for　the

reason　that　I　had　heard　of　him　as　a　man　of　archeological　tastes

and　thought　that　he　might　enable　me　to　see　things　which　otherwise

I　should　not　see。



As　it　chanced　he　knew　about　me　through　some　of　my　Devonshire

neighbours　who　were　friends　of　his；　and　did　ask　me　to　dinner　on

the　following　night。　I　accepted　and　found　myself　one　of　a

considerable　party；　some　of　them　distinguished　English　people　who

wore　Orders；　as　is　customary　when　one　dines　with　the

representative　of　our　Sovereign。　Seeing　these；　and　this　shows

that　in　the　best　of　us　vanity　is　only　latent；　for　the　first　time

in　my　life　I　was　sorry　that　I　had　none　and　was　only　plain　Mr。

Arbuthnot　who；　as　Sir　Alfred　explained　to　me　politely；　must　go　in

to　dinner　last；　because　all　the　rest　had　titles；　and　without　even

a　lady　as　there　was　not　one　to　spare。



Nor　was　my　lot　bettered　when　I　got　there；　as　I　found　myself

seated　between　an　Italian　countess　and　a　Russian　prince；　neither

of　whom　could　talk　English；　while；　alas；　I　knew　no　foreign

language；　not　even　French　in　which　they　addressed　me；　seeming

surprised　that　I　did　not　understand　them。　I　was　humiliated　at　my

own　ignorance；　although　in　fact　I　was　not　ignorant；　only　my

education　had　been　classical。　Indeed　I　was　a　good　classic　and　had

kept　up　my　knowledge　more　or　less；　especially　since　I　became　an

idle　man。　In　my　confusion　it　occurred　to　me　that　the　Italian

countess　might　know　Latin　from　which　her　own　language　was

derived；　and　addressed　her　in　that　tongue。　She　stared；　and　Sir

Alfred；　who　was　not　far　off　and　overheard　me　（he　also　knew

Latin）；　burst　into　laughter　and　proceeded　to　explain　the　joke　in

a　loud　voice；　first　in　French　and　then　in　English；　to　the

assembled　company；　who　all　became　infected　with　merriment　and

also　stared　at　me　as　a　curiosity。



Then　it　was　that　for　the　first　time　I　saw　Natalie；　for　owing　to

a　mistake　of　my　driver　I　had　arrived　rather　late　and　had　not　been

introduced　to　her。　As　her　father's　only　daughter；　her　mother

being　dead；　she　was　seated　at　the　end　of　the　table　behind　a

fan…like　arrangement　of　white　Madonna　lilies；　and　she　had　bent

forward　and；　like　the　others；　was　looking　at　me；　but　in　such　a

fashion　that　her　head　from　that　distance　seemed　as　though　it　were

surrounded　and　crowned　with　lilies。　Indeed　the　greatest　art　could

not　have　produced　a　more　beautiful　effect　which　was；　however；

really　one　of　naked　accident。



An　angel　looking　down　upon　earth　through　the　lilies　of

Heaventhat　was　the　rather　absurd　thought　which　flashed　into　my

mind。　I　did　not　quite　realise　her　face　at　first　except　that　it

seemed　to　be　both　dark　and　fair；　as　a　fact　her　waving　hair　which

grew　rather　low　upon　her　forehead；　was　dark；　and　her　large；　soft

eyes　were　grey。　I　did　not　know；　and　to　this　moment　I　do　not　know

if　she　was　really　beautiful；　but　certainly　the　light　that　shone

through　those　eyes　of　hers　and　seemed　to　be　reflected　upon　her

delicate　features；　was　beauty　itself。　It　was　like　that　glowing

through　a　thin　vase　of　the　purest　alabaster　within　which　a　lamp

is　placed；　and　I　felt　this　effect　to　arise　from　no　chance；　like

that　of　the　lily…setting；　but；　as　it　were；　from　the　lamp　of　the

spirit　within。




Our　eyes　met；　and　I　suppose　that　she　saw　the　wonder　and

admiration　in　mine。　At　any　rate　her　amused　smile　faded；　leaving

the　face　rather　serious；　though　still　sweetly　serious；　and　a

tinge　of　colour　crept　over　it　as　the　first　hue　of　dawn　creeps

into　a　pearly　sky。　Then　she　withdrew　herself　behind　the　screen　of

lilies　and　for　the　rest　of　that　dinner　which　I　thought　was　never

coming　to　an　end；　practically　I　saw　her　no　more。　Only　I　noted　as

she　passed　out　that　although　not　tall；　she　was　rounded　and

graceful　in　shape　and　that　her　hands　were　peculiarly　delicate。



Afterwards　in　the　drawing…room　her　father；　with　whom　I　had

talked　at　the　table；　introduced　me　to　her；　saying：



〃My　daughter　is　the　real　archaeologist；　Mr。　Arbuthnot；　and　I

think　if　you　ask　her；　she　may　be　able　to　help　you。〃



Then　he　bustled　away　to　speak　to　some　of　his　important　guests；

from　whom　I　think　he　was　seeking　political　information。



〃My　father　exaggerates；〃　she　said　in　a　soft　and　very

sympathetic　voice；　〃but　perhaps〃and　she　motioned　me　to　a　seat

at　her　side。



Then　we　talked　of　the　places　and　things　that　I　more

particularly　desired　to　see　and；　well；　the　end　of　it　was　that　I

went　back　to　my　hotel　in　love　with　Natalie；　and　as　she　afterwards

confessed；　she　went　to　bed　in　love　with　me。



It　was　a　curious　business；　more　like　meeting　a　very　old　friend

from　whom　one　had　been　separated　by　circumstances　for　a　score　of

years　or　so　than　anything　else。　We　were；　so　to　speak；　intimate

from　the　first；　we　knew　all　about　each　other；　although　here　and

there　was　something　new；　something　different　which　we　could　not

remember；　lines　of　thought；　veins　of　memory　which　we　did　not

possess　in　common。　On　one　point　I　am　absolutely　clear：　it　was　not

solely　the　everyday　and　ancient　appeal　of　woman　to　man　and　man　to

woman　which　drew　us　together；　though　doubtless　this　had　its　part

in　our　attachment　as　under　our　human　conditions　it　must　do；

seeing　that　it　is　Nature's　bait　to　ensure　the　continuance　of　the

race。　It　was　something　more；　something　quite　beyond　that

elementary　impulse。



At　any　rate　we　loved；　and　one　evening　in　the　shelter　of　the

solemn　walls　of　the　great　Coliseum　at　Rome；　which　at　that　hour

were　shut　to　all　except　ourselves；　we　confessed　our　love。　I

really　think　we　must　have　chosen　the　spot　by　tacit　but　mutual

consent