weir of hermiston-第29章
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point。
This is the price paid by age for unseasonable ardours of feeling。 It
must have been so for Kirstie at any time when the occasion chanced; but
it so fell out that she was deprived of this delight in the hour when
she had most need of it; when she had most to say; most to ask; and when
she trembled to recognise her sovereignty not merely in abeyance but
annulled。 For; with the clairvoyance of a genuine love; she had pierced
the mystery that had so long embarrassed Frank。 She was conscious; even
before it was carried out; even on that Sunday night when it began; of
an invasion of her rights; and a voice told her the invader's name。
Since then; by arts; by accident; by small things observed; and by the
general drift of Archie's humour; she had passed beyond all possibility
of doubt。 With a sense of justice that Lord Hermiston might have
envied; she had that day in church considered and admitted the
attractions of the younger Kirstie; and with the profound humanity and
sentimentality of her nature; she had recognised the coming of fate。
Not thus would she have chosen。 She had seen; in imagination; Archie
wedded to some tall; powerful; and rosy heroine of the golden locks;
made in her own image; for whom she would have strewed the bride…bed
with delight; and now she could have wept to see the ambition falsified。
But the gods had pronounced; and her doom was otherwise。
She lay tossing in bed that night; besieged with feverish thoughts。
There were dangerous matters pending; a battle was toward; over the fate
of which she hung in jealousy; sympathy; fear; and alternate loyalty and
disloyalty to either side。 Now she was reincarnated in her niece; and
now in Archie。 Now she saw; through the girl's eyes; the youth on his
knees to her; heard his persuasive instances with a deadly weakness; and
received his overmastering caresses。 Anon; with a revulsion; her temper
raged to see such utmost favours of fortune and love squandered on a
brat of a girl; one of her own house; using her own name … a deadly
ingredient … and that 〃didna ken her ain mind an' was as black's your
hat。〃 Now she trembled lest her deity should plead in vain; loving the
idea of success for him like a triumph of nature; anon; with returning
loyalty to her own family and sex; she trembled for Kirstie and the
credit of the Elliotts。 And again she had a vision of herself; the day
over for her old…world tales and local gossip; bidding farewell to her
last link with life and brightness and love; and behind and beyond; she
saw but the blank butt…end where she must crawl to die。 Had she then
come to the lees? she; so great; so beautiful; with a heart as fresh as
a girl's and strong as womanhood? It could not be; and yet it was so;
and for a moment her bed was horrible to her as the sides of the grave。
And she looked forward over a waste of hours; and saw herself go on to
rage; and tremble; and be softened; and rage again; until the day came
and the labours of the day must be renewed。
Suddenly she heard feet on the stairs … his feet; and soon after the
sound of a window…sash flung open。 She sat up with her heart beating。
He had gone to his room alone; and he had not gone to bed。 She might
again have one of her night cracks; and at the entrancing prospect; a
change came over her mind; with the approach of this hope of pleasure;
all the baser metal became immediately obliterated from her thoughts。
She rose; all woman; and all the best of woman; tender; pitiful; hating
the wrong; loyal to her own sex … and all the weakest of that dear
miscellany; nourishing; cherishing next her soft heart; voicelessly
flattering; hopes that she would have died sooner than have
acknowledged。 She tore off her nightcap; and her hair fell about her
shoulders in profusion。 Undying coquetry awoke。 By the faint light of
her nocturnal rush; she stood before the looking…glass; carried her
shapely arms above her head; and gathered up the treasures of her
tresses。 She was never backward to admire herself; that kind of modesty
was a stranger to her nature; and she paused; struck with a pleased
wonder at the sight。 〃Ye daft auld wife!〃 she said; answering a thought
that was not; and she blushed with the innocent consciousness of a
child。 Hastily she did up the massive and shining coils; hastily donned
a wrapper; and with the rushlight in her hand; stole into the hall。
Below stairs she heard the clock ticking the deliberate seconds; and
Frank jingling with the decanters in the dining…room。 Aversion rose in
her; bitter and momentary。 〃Nesty; tippling puggy!〃 she thought; and
the next moment she had knocked guardedly at Archie's door and was
bidden enter。
Archie had been looking out into the ancient blackness; pierced here and
there with a rayless star; taking the sweet air of the moors and the
night into his bosom deeply; seeking; perhaps finding; peace after the
manner of the unhappy。 He turned round as she came in; and showed her a
pale face against the window…frame。
〃Is that you; Kirstie?〃 he asked。 〃Come in!〃
〃It's unco late; my dear;〃 said Kirstie; affecting unwillingness。
〃No; no;〃 he answered; 〃not at all。 Come in; if you want a crack。 I am
not sleepy; God knows!〃
She advanced; took a chair by the toilet table and the candle; and set
the rushlight at her foot。 Something … it might be in the comparative
disorder of her dress; it might be the emotion that now welled in her
bosom … had touched her with a wand of transformation; and she seemed
young with the youth of goddesses。
〃Mr。 Erchie;〃 she began; 〃what's this that's come to ye?〃
〃I am not aware of anything that has come;〃 said Archie; and blushed;
and repented bitterly that he had let her in。
〃O; my dear; that'll no dae!〃 said Kirstie。 〃It's ill to blend the eyes
of love。 O; Mr。 Erchie; tak a thocht ere it's ower late。 Ye shouldna
be impatient o' the braws o' life; they'll a' come in their saison; like
the sun and the rain。 Ye're young yet; ye've mony cantie years afore
ye。 See and dinna wreck yersel' at the outset like sae mony ithers!
Hae patience … they telled me aye that was the owercome o' life … hae
patience; there's a braw day coming yet。 Gude kens it never cam to me;
and here I am; wi' nayther man nor bairn to ca' my ain; wearying a'
folks wi' my ill tongue; and you just the first; Mr。 Erchie!〃
〃I have a difficulty in knowing what you mean;〃 said Archie。
〃Weel; and I'll tell ye;〃 she said。 〃It's just this; that I'm feared。
I'm feared for ye; my dear。 Remember; your faither is a hard man;
reaping where he hasna sowed and gaithering where he hasna strawed。
It's easy speakin'; but mind! Ye'll have to look in the gurly face o'm;
where it's ill to look; and vain to look for mercy。 Ye mind me o' a
bonny ship pitten oot into the black and gowsty seas … ye're a' safe
still; sittin' quait and crackin' wi' Kirstie in your lown chalmer; but
whaur will ye be the morn; and in whatten horror o' the fearsome
tempest; cryin' on the hills to cover ye?〃
〃Why; Kirstie; you're very enigmatical to…night … and very eloquent;〃
Archie put in。
〃And; my dear Mr。 Erchie;〃 she continued; with a change of voice; 〃ye
mauna think that I canna sympathise wi' ye。 Ye mauna think that I
havena been young mysel'。 Lang syne; when I was a bit lassie; no twenty
yet … 〃 She paused and sighed。 〃Clean and caller; wi' a fit like the
hinney bee;〃 she continned。 〃I was aye big and buirdly; ye maun
understand; a bonny figure o' a woman; though I say it that suldna …
built to rear bairns … braw bairns they suld hae been; and grand I would
hae likit it! But I was young; dear; wi' the bonny glint o' youth in my
e'en; and little I dreamed I'd ever be tellin' ye this; an auld; lanely;
rudas wife! Weel; Mr。 Erchie; there was a lad cam' courtin'