the price she paid-第62章

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aking　feeble　attempts　to　lift　the　gloom　with　affected　cheerfulness。　Ransdell　returned　to　the　stage；　went　up　to　Mildred；　who　was　sitting　idly　turning　the　leaves　of　a　part…book。

‘‘Miss　Gower；''　said　he；　and　never　had　his　voice　been　so　friendly　as　in　these　regretful　accents；　‘‘don't　try　to　go　on　to…day。　　You're　evidently　not　yourself。　　Go　home　and　rest　for　a　few　days。　　We'll　get　along　with　your　understudy；　Miss　Esmond。　　When　Mr。　Crossley　wants　to　put　you　in　again；　he'll　send　for　you。　　You　mustn't　be　discouraged。　　I　know　how　beginners　take　these　things　to　heart。　　Don't　fret　about　it。　　You　can't　fail　to　succeed。''

Mildred　rose　and；　how　she　never　knew；　crossed　the　stage。　　She　stumbled　into　the　flats；　fumbled　her　way　to　the　passageway；　to　her　dressing…room。　　She　felt　that　she　must　escape　from　that　theater　quickly；　or　she　would　give　way　to　some　sort　of　wild　attack　of　nerves。　　She　fairly　ran　through　the　streets　to　Mrs。　Belloc's；　shut　herself　in　her　room。　　But　instead　of　the　relief　of　a　storm　of　tears；　there　came　a　black；　hideous　depression。　　Hour　after　hour　she　sat；　almost　without　motion。　　The　afternoon　waned；　the　early　darkness　came。　　Still　she　did　not　movecould　not　move。　　At　eight　o'clock　Mrs。　Belloc　knocked。　　Mildred　did　not　answer。　　Her　door　opened　she　had　forgotten　to　lock　it。　　In　came　Mrs。　Belloc。

‘‘Isn't　that　you；　sitting　by　the　window？''　she　said。

‘‘Yes；''　replied　Mildred。

‘‘I　recognized　the　outline　of　your　hat。　　Besides；　who　else　could　it　be　but　you？　　I've　saved　some　dinner　for　you。　　I　thought　you　were　still　out。''

Mildred　did　not　answer。

‘‘What's　the　matter？''　said　Agnes？　　‘‘Ill？　bad　news？''

‘‘I've　lost　my　position；''　said　Mildred。

A　pause。　　Then　Mrs。　Belloc　felt　her　way　across　the　room　until　she　was　touching　the　girl。　　‘‘Tell　me　about　it；　dear；''　said　she。

In　a　monotonous；　lifeless　way　Mildred　told　the　story。　It　was　some　time　after　she　finished　when　Agnes　said：

‘‘That's　badbad；　but　it　might　be　worse。　　You　must　go　to　see　the　manager；　Crossley。''

‘‘Why？''　said　Mildred。

‘‘Tell　him　what　you　told　me。''

Mildred's　silence　was　dissent。

‘‘It　can't　do　any　harm；''　urged　Agnes。

‘‘It　can't　do　any　good；''　replied　Mildred。

‘‘That　isn't　the　way　to　look　at　it。''

A　long　pause。　　Then　Mildred　said：　　‘‘If　I　got　a　place　somewhere　else；　I'd　meet　the　same　thing　in　another　form。''

‘‘You've　got　to　risk　that。''

‘‘Besides；　I'd　never　have　had　a　chance　of　succeeding　if　Mr。　Ransdell　hadn't　taught　me　and　stood　behind　me。''

It　was　many　minutes　before　Agnes　Belloc　said　in　a　hesitating；　restrained　voice：　　‘‘They　say　that　success　any　kind　of　successhas　its　price；　and　that　one　has　to　be　ready　to　pay　that　price　or　fail。''

Again　the　profound　silence。　　Into　it　gradually　penetrated　the　soft；　insistent　sound　of　the　distant　roar　of　New　Yorka　cruel；　clamorous；　devouring　sound　like　a　demand　for　that　price　of　success。　　Said　Agnes　timidly：

‘‘Why　not　go　to　see　Mr。　Ransdell。''

‘‘He　wouldn't　make　it　up；''　said　Mildred。　　‘‘And　I　I　couldn't。　　I　tried　to　marry　Stanley　Baird　for　moneyand　I　couldn't。　　It　would　be　the　same　way　nowonly　more　so。''

‘‘But　you've　got　to　do　something。''

‘‘Yes；　and　I　will。''　　Mildred　had　risen　abruptly；　was　standing　at　the　window。　　Agnes　Belloc　could　feel　her　soul　rearing　defiantly　at　the　city　into　which　she　was　gazing。　　‘‘I　will！''　she　replied。

‘‘It　sounds　as　if　you'd　been　pushed　to　where　you'd　turn　and　make　a　fight；''　said　Agnes。

‘‘I　hope　so；''　said　Mildred。　　‘‘It's　high　time。''

She　thought　out　several　more　or　less　ingenious　indirect　routes　into　Mr。　Crossley's　stronghold；　for　use　in　case　frontal　attack　failed。　　But　she　did　not　need　them。　Still；　the　hours　she　spent　in　planning　them　were　by　no　means　wasted。　　No　time　is　wasted　that　is　spent　in　desperate；　concentrated　thinking　about　any　of　the　practical　problems　of　life。　　And　Mildred　Gower；　as　much　as　any　other　woman　of　her　trainingor　lack　of　training　was　deficient　in　ability　to　use　her　mind　purposefully。　Most　of　us　let　our　minds　act　like　a　sheep　in　a　pasturego　wandering　hither　and　yon；　nibbling　at　whatever　happens　to　offer。　　Only　the　superior　few　deliberately　select　a　pasture；　select　a　line　of　procedure　in　that　pasture　and　keep　to　it；　concentrating　upon　what　is　useful　to　us；　and　that　alone。　　So　it　was　excellent　experience　for　Mildred　to　sit　down　and　think　connectedly　and　with　wholly　absorbed　mind　upon　the　phase　of　her　career　most　important　at　the　moment。　　When　she　had　worked　out　all　the　plans　that　had　promise　in　them　she　went　tranquilly　to　sleep；　a　stronger　and　a　more　determined　person；　for　she　had　said　with　the　energy　that　counts：　　‘‘I　shall　see　him；　somehow。　　If　none　of　these　schemes　works；　I'll　work　out　others。　　He's　got　to　see　me。''

But　it　was　no　occult　‘‘bearing　down''　that　led　him　to　order　her　admitted　the　instant　her　card　came。　　He　liked　her；　he　wished　to　see　her　again；　he　felt　that　it　was　the　decent　thing；　and　somehow　not　difficult　gently　but　clearly　to　convey　to　her　the　truth。　　On　her　side　she；　who　had　looked　forward　to　the　interview　with　some　nervousness；　was　at　her　ease　the　moment　she　faced　him　alone　in　that　inner　office。　　He　had　extraordinary　personal　charmmore　than　Ransdell；　though　Ransdell　had　the　charm　invariably　found　in　a　handsome　human　being　with　the　many…sided　intellect　that　gives　lightness　of　mind。　　Crossley　was　not　intellectual；　not　in　the　least。　　One　had　only　to　glance　at　him　to　see　that　he　was　one　of　those　men　who　reserve　all　their　intelligence　for　the　practical　sides　of　the　practical　thing　that　forms　the　basis　of　their　material　career。　　He　knew　something　of　many　things；　had　a　wonderful　assortment　of　talents　could　sing；　could　play　piano　or　violin；　could　compose；　could　act；　could　do　mystifying　card　tricks；　could　order　women's　clothes　as　discriminatingly　as　he　could　order　his　ownall　these　things　a　little；　but　nothing　much　except　making　a　success　of　musical　comedy　and　comic　opera。　　He　had　an　ambition；　carefully　restrained　in　a　closet　of　his　mind；　where　it　could　not　issue　forth　and　interfere　with　his　business。　　This　ambition　was　to　be　a　giver　of　grand　opera　on　a　superb　scale。　　He　regarded　himself　as　a　mere　money…makerwas　not　ashamed　of　this；　but　neither　was　he　proud　of　it。　　His　ambition　then　represented　a　dream　of　a　rise　to　something　more　than　business　man；　to　friend　and　encourager　and　wet　nurse　to　art。

Mildred　Gower　had　happened　to　set　his　imagination　to　working。　　The　discovery　that　she　was　one　of　those　whose　personalities　rouse　high　expectations　only　to　mock　them　had　been　a　severe　blow　to　his　confidence　in　his　own　judgment。　　Though　he　pretended　to　believe；　and　had　the　habit　of　saying　that　he　was　‘‘weak　and　soft；''　was　always　being　misled　by　his　good　nature；　he　really　believed　himself　an　unerring　judge　of　human　beings；　and；　as　his　success　evidenced；　he　was　not　far　wrong。　　Thus；　though　convinced　that　Mildred　was　a　‘‘false　alarm；''　his　secret　vanity　would　not　let　him　release　his　original　idea。　　He　had　the　tenacity　that　is　an　important　element　in　all　successes；　and　tenacity　become　a　fixed　habit　has　even　been　known　to　ruin　in　the　end　the　very　careers　it　has　made。

Said　Mildred；　in　a　manner　which　was　astonishingly　unemotional　and　businesslike：　　‘‘I've　not　come　to　tattle　and　to　whine；　Mr。　Crossley。　　I've　hesitated　about　coming　at　all；　partly　because　I've　an　instinct　it's　useless；　partly　because　what　I　have　to　say　isn't　easy。''

Crossley's　expression　hardened。　　The　old　story！　excuses；　excuses；　self…excusesomebody　else　to　blame。

‘‘If　it　hadn't　been　for　Mr。　Ransdellthe　trouble　he　took　with　me；　the　coaching　he　gave　meI'd　have　been　a　ridiculous　failure　at　the　very　first　rehearsal。　　But　it　is　to　Mr。　Ransdell　that　my　failure　is　due。''

‘‘My　dear　Miss　Gower；''　said　Crossley；　polite　but　cold；　‘‘I　regret　hearing　you　say　that。　　The　fact　is　very　different。　　Not　until　you　had　done　soso　unacceptably　at　several　rehearsals　that　news　of　it　reached　me　by　another　waynot　until　I　myself　went　to　Mr。　Ransdell　about　you　did　he　admit　that　there　could　be　a　possibility　of　a　doubt　of　your　succeeding。　　I　had　to　go　to　rehearsal　myself　and　directly　order　him　to　restore　Miss　Esmond　and　lay　you　off。''

Mildred　was　not　unprepared。　　She　received　this　tranquilly。　　‘‘Mr。　Ransdell　is　a　very　clever　man；''　said　she　with　perfect　good　hu