the price she paid-第57章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


them；　you　wear　yourself　out　and　waste　your　time。''

‘‘There's　only　one　thing　that　makes　me　nervous；''　said　Mildred。　　‘‘Everyone　I've　ever　talked　with　about　going　on　the　stageeveryone　who　has　talked　candidly　has　said''

‘‘Yes；　I　know；''　said　Mrs。　Belloc；　as　Mildred　paused　to　search　for　smooth…sounding　words　in　which　to　dress；　without　disguising；　a　distinctly　ugly　idea。　　‘‘I've　heard　that；　too。　　I　don't　know　whether　there's　anything　in　it　or　not。''　　She　looked　admiringly　at　Mildred；　who　that　morning　was　certainly　lovely　enough　to　tempt　any　man。　‘‘If　there　is　anything　in　it；　why；　I　reckon　YOU'D　be　up　against　it。　　That's　the　worst　of　having　men　at　the　top　in　any　trade　and　profession。　　A　woman's　got　to　get　her　chance　through　some　man；　and　if　he　don't　choose　to　let　her　have　it；　she's　likely　to　fail。''

Mildred　showed　how　this　depressed　her。

‘‘But　don't　you　fret　about　that　till　you　have　to；''　advised　Mrs。　Belloc。　　‘‘I've　a　notion　that；　even　if　it's　true；　it　may　not　apply　to　you。　　Where　a　woman　offers　for　a　place　that　she　can　fill　about　as　well　as　a　hundred　other　women；　she's　at　the　man's　mercy；　but　if　she　knows　that　she's　far　and　away　the　best　for　the　place；　I　don't　think　a　man's　going　to　stand　in　his　own　light。　　Let　him　see　that　he　can　make　money　through　YOU；　money　he　won't　make　if　he　don't　get　you。　　Then；　I　don't　think　you'll　have　any　trouble。''

But　Mildred's　depression　did　not　decrease。　　‘‘If　my　voice　could　only　be　relied　on！''　she　exclaimed。　　‘‘Isn't　it　exasperating　that　I've　got　a　delicate　throat！''

‘‘It's　always　something；''　said　Mrs。　Belloc。　　‘‘One　thing's　about　as　bad　as　another；　and　anything　can　be　overcome。''

‘‘No；　not　in　my　case；''　said　Mildred。　　‘‘The　peculiar　quality　of　my　voicewhat　makes　it　unusualis　due　to　the　delicateness　of　my　throat。''

‘‘Maybe　so；''　said　Mrs。　Belloc。

‘‘Of　course；　I　can　always　singafter　a　fashion；''　continued　Mildred。　　‘‘But　to　be　really　valuable　on　the　stage　you've　got　to　be　able　always　to　sing　at　your　best。　So　I'm　afraid　I'm　in　the　class　of　those　who'll　suit；　one　about　as　well　as　another。''

‘‘You've　got　to　get　out　of　that　class；''　said　Mrs。　Belloc。　　‘‘The　men　in　that　class；　and　the　women；　have　to　do　any　dirty　work　the　boss　sees　fit　to　give　'emand　not　much　pay；　either。　　Let　me　tell　you　one　thing；　Miss　Stevens。　　If　you　can't　get　among　the　few　at　the　top　in　the　singing　game；　you　must　look　round　for　some　game　where　you　can　hope　to　be　among　the　few。　　No　matter　WHAT　it　is。　　By　using　your　brains　and　working　hard；　there's　something　you　can　do　better　than　pretty　nearly　anybody　else　can　or　will　do　it。　　You　find　that。''

The　words　sank　in；　sank　deep。　　Mildred；　sense　of　her　surroundings　lost；　was　gazing　straight　ahead　with　an　expression　that　gave　Mrs。　Belloc　hope　and　even　a　certain　amount　of　confidence。　　There　was　a　distinct　advance；　for；　after　she　reflected　upon　all　that　Mildred　had　told　her；　little　of　her　former　opinion　of　Mildred's　chances　for　success　had　remained　but　a　hope　detained　not　without　difficulty。　　Mrs。　Belloc　knew　the　human　race　unusually　well　for　a　womanunusually　well　for　a　human　being　of　whatever　sex　or　experience。　　She　had　discovered　how　rare　is　the　temperament；　the　combination　of　intelligence　and　tenacity；　that　makes　for　success。　She　had　learned　that　most　people；　judged　by　any　stand…　ard；　were　almost　total　failures；　that　most　of　the　more　or　less　successful　were　so　merely　because　the　world　had　an　enormous　amount　of　important　work　to　be　done；　even　though　half…way；　and　had　no　one　but　those　half…　competents　to　do　it。　　As　incompetence　in　a　man　would　be　tolerated　where　it　would　not　be　in　a　woman；　obviously　a　woman；　to　get　on；　must　have　the　real　temperament　of　success。

She　now　knew　enough　about　Mildred　to　be　able　to　‘‘place''　her　in　the　‘‘lady''　classthose　brought　up　not　only　knowing　how　to　do　nothing　with　a　money　value　（except　lawful　or　unlawful　man…trapping）；　but　also　trained　to　a　sensitiveness　and　refinement　and　false　shame　about　work　that　made　it　exceedingly　difficult　if　not　impossible　for　them　to　learn　usefulness。　　She　knew　all　Mildred's　handicaps；　both　those　the　girl　was　conscious　of　and　those　far　heavier　ones　which　she　fatuously　regarded　as　advantages。　　How　was　Mildred　ever　to　learn　to　dismiss　and　disregard　herself　as　the　pretty　woman　of　good　social　position；　an　object　of　admiration　and　consideration？　　Mildred；　in　the　bottom　of　her　heart；　was　regarding　herself　as　already　successfulsuccessful　at　the　highest　a　woman　can　achieve　or　ought　to　aspire　to　achievewas　regarding　her　career；　however　she　might　talk　or　might　fancy　she　believed；　as　a　mere　livelihood；　a　side　issue。　　She　would　be　perhaps　more　than　a　little　ashamed　of　her　stage　connections；　should　she　make　any；　until　she　should　be　at　the　very　top　and　how　get　to　the　top　when　one　is　working　under　the　handicap　of　shame？　　Above　all；　how　was　this　indulgently　and　shelteredly　reared　lady　to　become　a　work…　ing　woman；　living　a　routine　life；　toiling　away　day　in　and　day　out；　with　no　let　up；　permitting　no　one　and　nothing　to　break　her　routine？　　‘‘Really；''　thought　Agnes　Belloc；　‘‘she　ought　to　have　married　that　Baird　manor　stayed　on　with　the　nasty　general。　　I　wonder　why　she　didn't！　　That's　the　only　thing　that　gives　me　hope。　　There　must　be　something　in　hersomething　that　don't　appearsomething　she　doesn't　know　about；　herself。　　What　is　it？　　Maybe　it　was　only　vanity　and　vacillation。　　Again；　I　don't　know。''

The　difficulty　Mrs。　Belloc　labored　under　in　her　attempt　to　explore　and　map　Mildred　Gower　was　a　difficulty　we　all　labor　under　in　those　same　enterprises。　　We　cannot　convince　ourselvesin　spite　of　experience　after　experiencethat　a　human　character　is　never　consistent　and　homogeneous；　is　always　conglomerate；　that　there　are　no　two　traits；　however　naturally　exclusive；　which　cannot　coexist　in　the　same　personality；　that　circumstance　is　the　dominating　factor　in　human　action　and　brings　forward　as　dominant　characteristics　now　one　trait　or　set　of　traits；　consistent　or　inconsistent；　and　now　another。　　The　Alexander　who　was　Aristotle's　model　pupil　was　the　same　Alexander　as　the　drunken　debaucher。　Indeed；　may　it　not　be　that　the　characters　which　play　the　large　parts　in　the　comedy　of　life　are　naturally　those　that　offer　to　the　shifting　winds　of　circumstances　the　greatest　variety　of　strongly　developed　and　contradictory　qualities？　　For　example；　if　it　was　Mildred's　latent　courage　rescued　her　from　Siddall；　was　it　not　her　strong　tendency　to　vacillation　that　saved　her　from　a　loveless　and　mercenary　marriage　to　Stanley　Baird？　　Perhaps　the　deep　underlying　truth　is　that　all　unusual　people　have　in　common　the　character　that　centers　a　powerful　aversion　to　stagnation；　thus；　now　by　their　strong　qualities；　now　by　their　weaknesses；　they　are　swept　inevitably　on　and　on　and　ever　on。　　Good　to…day；　bad　to…morrow；　good　again　the　day　after；　weak　in　this　instance；　strong　in　that；　now　brave　and　now　cowardly；　soft　at　one　time；　hard　at　another；　generous　and　the　reverse　by　turns；　they　are　consistent　only　in　that　they　are　never　at　rest；　but　incessantly　and　inevitably　go。

Mildred　reluctantly　rose；　moved　toward　the　door　with　lingering　step。　　‘‘I　guess　I'd　better　make　a　start；''　said　she。

‘‘That's　the　talk；''　said　Mrs。　Belloc　heartily。　　But　the　affectionate　glance　she　sent　after　the　girl　was　dubious　even　pitying。



IX


TWO　minutes'　walk　through　to　Broadway；　and　she　was　at　her　destination。　　There；　on　the　other　side　of　the　way；　stood　the　Gayety　Theater；　with　the　offices　of　Mr。　Clarence　Crossley　overlooking　the　intersection　of　the　two　streets。　　Crossley　was　intrenched　in　the　remotest　of　a　series　of　rooms；　each　tenanted　by　under…staffers　of　diminishing　importance　as　you　drew　way　from　the　great　man。　　It　was　next　to　impossible　to　get　at　him　a　cause　of　much　sneering　and　dissatisfaction　in　theatrical　circles。　　Crossley；　they　said；　was　exclusive；　had　the　swollen　head；　had　forgotten　that　only　a　few　years　before　he　had　been　a　cheap　little　ticket…seller　grateful　for　a　bow　from　any　actor　who　had　ever　had　his　name　up。　　Crossley　insisted　that　he　was　not　a　victim　of　folie　de　grandeur；　that；　on　the　contrary；　he　had　become　less　vain　as　he　had　risen；　where　he　could　see　how　trivial　a　thing　rising　was　and　how　accidental。　　Said　he：

‘‘Why　do　I　shut　myself　in？　　Because　I'm　what　I　am　a　good　thi