the price she paid-第42章

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‘‘You　mean　that　my　voice　is　worthless　because　I　haven't　the　other　elements？''

‘‘What　else　could　I　have　meant？''　said　he。　　‘‘You　haven't　the　strength。　　You　haven't　the　health。''

She　laughed　as　she　straightened　herself。　　‘‘Do　I　look　weak　and　sickly？''　cried　she。

‘‘For　the　purposes　of　a　career　as　a　female　you　are　strong　and　well；''　said　he。　　‘‘For　the　purpose　of　a　career　as　a　singer''　　He　smiled　and　shook　his　head。　‘‘A　singer　must　have　muscles　like　wire　ropes；　like　a　blacksmith　or　a　washerwoman。　　The　other　day　we　were　climbing　a　hilla　not　very　steep　hill。　　You　stopped　five　times　for　breath；　and　twice　you　sat　down　to　rest。''

She　was　literally　hanging　her　head　with　shame。　　‘‘I　wasn't　very　well　that　day；''　she　murmured。

‘‘Don't　deceive　yourself；''　said　he。　　‘‘Don't　indulge　in　the　fatal　folly　of　self…excuse。''

‘‘Go　on；''　she　said　humbly。　　‘‘I　want　to　hear　it　all。''

‘‘Is　your　throat　sore　to…day？''　pursued　he。

She　colored。　　‘‘It's　better；''　she　murmured。

‘‘A　singer　with　sore　throat！''　mocked　he。　　‘‘You've　had　a　slight　fogginess　of　the　voice　all　summer。''

‘‘It's　this　sea　air；''　she　eagerly　protested。　　‘‘It　affects　everyone。''

‘‘No　self…excuse；　please；''　interrupted　he。　　‘‘Cigarettes；　champagne；　all　kinds　of　foolish　food；　an　impaired　digestionthat's　the　truth；　and　you　know　it。''

‘‘I've　got　splendid　digestion！　　I　can　eat　anything！''　she　cried。　　‘‘Oh；　you　don't　know　the　first　thing　about　singing。　　You　don't　know　about　temperament；　about　art；　about　all　the　things　that　singing　really　means。''

‘‘We　were　talking　of　careers；''　said　he。　　‘‘A　career　means　a　person　who　can　be　relied　upon　to　do　what　is　demanded　of　him。　　A　singer's　career　means　a　powerful　body；　perfect　health；　a　sound　digestion。　　Without　them；　the　voice　will　not　be　reliable。　　What　you　need　is　not　singing　teachers；　but　teachers　of　athletics　and　of　hygiene。　To　hear　you　talk　about　a　career　is　like　listening　to　a　child。　　You　think　you　can　become　a　professional　singer　by　paying　money　to　a　teacher。　　There　are　lawyers　and　doctors　and　business　men　in　all　lines　who　think　that　way　about　their　professionsthat　learning　a　little　routine　of　technical　knowledge　makes　a　lawyer　or　a　doctor　or　a　merchant　or　a　financier。''

‘‘Tell　meWHAT　ought　I　to　learn？''

‘‘Learn　to　thinkand　to　persist。　　Learn　to　concentrate。　　Learn　to　make　sacrifices。　　Learn　to　handle　yourself　as　a　great　painter　handles　his　brush　and　colors。　Then　perhaps　you'll　make　a　career　as　a　singer。　　If　not；　it'll　be　a　career　as　something　or　other。''

She　was　watching　him　with　a　wistful；　puzzled　expression。　‘‘Could　I　ever　do　all　that？''

‘‘Anyone　could；　by　working　away　at　it　every　day。　If　you　gain　only　one　inch　a　day；　in　a　year　you'll　have　gained　three　hundred　and　sixty…five　inches。　　And　if　you　gain　an　inch　a　day　for　a　while　and　hold　it；　you　soon　begin　to　gain　a　foot　a　day。　　But　there's　no　need　to　worry　about　that。''　　He　was　gazing　at　her　now　with　an　expression　of　animation　that　showed　how　feverishly　alive　he　was　behind　that　mask　of　calmness。　　‘‘The　day's　workthat's　the　story　of　success。　　Do　the　day's　work　persistently；　thoroughly；　intelligently。　　Never　mind　about　to…morrow。　　Thinking　of　it　means　dreaming　or　despairingboth　futilities。　　Just　the　day's　work。''

‘‘I　begin　to　understand；''　she　said　thoughtfully。　‘‘You　are　right。　　I've　done　nothing。　　Oh；　I've　been　a　foolmore　foolish　even　than　I　thought。''

A　long　silence；　then　she　said；　somewhat　embarrassed　and　in　a　low　voice；　though　there　was　no　danger　of　those　in　front　of　them　hearing：

‘‘I　want　you　to　know　that　there　has　been　nothing　wrongbetween　Stanley　and　me。''

‘‘Do　you　wish　me　to　put　that　to　your　credit　or　to　your　discredit？''　inquired　he。

‘‘What　do　you　mean？''

‘‘Why；　you've　just　told　me　that　you　haven't　given　Stanley　anything　at　all　for　his　moneythat　you've　cheated　him　outright。　　The　thing　itself　is　discreditable；　but　your　tone　suggests　that　you　think　I'll　admire　you　for　it。''

‘‘Do　you　mean　to　say　that　you'd　think　more　highly　of　me　if　I　werewhat　most　women　would　be　in　the　same　circumstances？''

‘‘I　mean　to　say　that　I　think　the　whole　business　is　discreditable　to　both　of　youto　his　intelligence；　to　your　character。''

‘‘You　are　frank；''　said　she；　trying　to　hide　her　anger。

‘‘I　am　frank；''　replied　he；　undisturbed。　　He　looked　at　her。　　‘‘Why　should　I　not　be？''

‘‘You　know　that　I　need　you；　that　I　don't　dare　resent；''　said　she。　　‘‘So　isn't　ita　little　cowardly？''

‘‘Why　do　you　need　me？　　Not　for　money；　for　you　know　you'll　not　get　that。''

‘‘I　don't　want　it；''　cried　she；　agitated。　　‘‘I　never　thought　of　it。''

‘‘Yes；　you've　probably　thought　of　it；''　replied　he　coolly。　　‘‘But　you　will　not　get　it。''

‘‘Well；　that's　settledI'll　not　get　it。''

‘‘Then　why　do　you　need　me？　　Of　what　use　can　I　be　to　you？　　Only　one　use　in　the　world。　　To　tell　you　the　truththe　exact　truth。　　Is　not　that　so？''

‘‘Yes；''　she　said。　　‘‘That　is　what　I　want　from　you　what　I　can't　get　from　anyone　else。　　No　one　else　knows　the　truthnot　even　Mrs。　Brindley；　though　she's　intelligent。　　I　take　back　what　I　said　about　your　being　cowardly。　　Oh；　you　do　stab　my　vanity　so！　　You　mustn't　mind　my　crying　out。　　I　can't　help　itat　least；　not　till　I　get　used　to　you。''

‘‘Cry　out；''　said　he。　　‘‘It　does　no　harm。''

‘‘How　wonderfully　you　understand　me！''　exclaimed　she。　　‘‘That's　why　I　let　you　say　to　me　anything　you　please。''

He　was　smiling　peculiarlya　smile　that　somehow　made　her　feel　uncomfortable。　　She　nerved　herself　for　some　still　deeper　stab　into　her　vanity。　　He　said；　his　gaze　upon　her　and　ironical：

‘‘I'm　sorry　I　can't　return　the　compliment。''

‘‘What　compliment？''　asked　she。

‘‘Can't　say　that　you　understand　me。　　Why　do　you　think　I　am　doing　this？''

She　colored。　　‘‘Oh；　no　indeed；　Mr。　Keith；''　she　protested；　‘‘I　don't　think　you　are　in　love　with　meor　anything　of　that　sort。　　Indeed；　I　do　not。　　I　know　you　better　than　that。''

‘‘Really？''　said　he；　amused。　　‘‘Then　you　are　not　human。''

‘‘How　can　you　think　me　so　vain？''　she　protested。

‘‘Because　you　are　so；''　replied　he。　　‘‘You　are　as　vainno　more　so；　but　just　as　much　soas　the　average　pretty　and　attractive　woman　brought　up　as　you　have　been。　　You　are　not　obsessed　by　the　notion　that　your　physical　charms　are　all…powerful；　and　in　that　fact　there　is　hope　for　you。　　But　you　attach　entirely　too　much　importance　to　them。　　You　will　find　them　a　hindrance　for　a　long　time　before　they　begin　to　be　a　help　to　you　in　your　career。　　And　they　will　always　be　a　temptation　to　you　to　take　the　easy；　stupid　way　of　making　a　livingthe　only　way　open　to　most　women　that　is　not　positively　repulsive。''

‘‘I　think　it　is　the　most　repulsive；''　said　Mildred。

‘‘Don't　cant；''　replied　he；　unimpressed。　　‘‘It's　not　so　repulsive　to　your　sort　of　woman　as　manual　labor　or　as　any　kind　of　work　that　means　no　leisure；　no　luxury　and　small　pay。''

‘‘I　wonder；''　said　Mildred。　　‘‘II'm　afraid　you're　right。　　But　I　WON'T　admit　it。　　I　don't　dare。''

‘‘That's　the　finest；　truest　thing　I've　ever　heard　you　say；''　said　Keith。

Mildred　was　pleased　out　of　all　proportion　to　the　compliment。　　Said　she　with　frank　eagerness；　‘‘Then　I'm　not　altogether　hopeless？''

‘‘As　a　character；　no　indeed；''　replied　he。　　‘‘But　as　a　career　　I　was　about　to　say；　you　may　set　your　mind　at　rest。　　I　shall　never　try　to　collect　for　my　services。　I　am　doing　all　this　solely　out　of　obstinacy。''

‘‘Obstinacy？''　asked　the　puzzled　girl。

‘‘The　impossible　attracts　me。　　That's　why　I've　never　been　interested　to　make　a　career　in　law　or　politics　or　those　things。　　I　care　only　for　the　thing　that　can't　be　done。　　When　I　saw　you　and　studied　you；　as　I　study　every　new　thing；　I　decided　that　you　could　not　possibly　make　a　career。''

‘‘Why　have　you　changed　your　mind？''　she　interrupted　eagerly。

‘‘I　haven't；''　replied　he。　　‘‘If　I　had；　I　should　have　lost　interest　in　you。　　Just　as　soon　as　you　show　signs　of　making　a　career；　I　shall　lose　interest　in　you。　　I　have　a　friend；　a　doctor；　who　will　take　only　cases　where　cure　is　impossible。　　Looking　at　you；　it　occurred　to　me　that　here　was　a　chance　to　make　an　experiment　more　interesting　than　any　of　his。　　And　as　I　have　no　other　impossible　task　inviting　me　at　present；　I　decided　to　undertake　youif　you　were　willing。''

‘‘Why　do　you　tell　me　this？''　she　asked。　　‘‘To　discourage　me？''