the price she paid-第40章
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but he preferred the quiet of obscurity。 He could be a rich man； but he preferred to be comparatively poor。
Said Mildred： ‘‘I suppose some womansome disappointment in lovehas killed ambition； and everything like that。''
‘‘I don't think so；'' replied Baird。 ‘‘The men who knew him as a boy say he was always as he is now。 He lived in the Arabian desert for two years。''
‘‘Why didn't he stay？'' laughed Mildred。 ‘‘That life would exactly suit him。''
‘‘It did；'' said Stanley。 ‘‘But his father died； and he had to come home and support his motheruntil she died。 That's the way his whole life has been。 He drifts in the current of circumstances。 He might let himself be blown away to…morrow to the other end of the earth and stay away yearsor never come back。''
‘‘But how would he live？''
‘‘On his wits。 And as well or as poorly as he cared。 He's the sort of man everyone instinctively asks advice ofme； you； his valet； the farmer who meets him at a boundary fence； the fellow who sits nest him in a trainanyone。''
Mildred did not merely cease to dislike him； she went farther； and rapidly。 She began to like him； to circle round that tantalizing； indolent mystery as a deer about a queer bit of brush in the undergrowth。 She liked to watch him。 She was alternately afraid to talk before him and recklessly confidentialall with no response or sign of interest from him。 If she was silent； when they were alone together； he was silent； too。 If she talked； still he was silent。 What WAS he thinking about？ What did he think of her？that especially。
‘‘What ARE you thinking？'' she interrupted herself to say one afternoon as they sat together on the strand under a big sunshade。 She had been talking on and on about her careertalking conceitedly； as her subject intoxicated hertelling him what triumphs awaited her as soon as she should be ready to debut。 As he did not answer； she repeated her question； adding：
‘‘I knew you weren't listening to me； or I shouldn't have had the courage to say the foolish things I did。''
‘‘No； I wasn't；'' admitted he。
‘‘Why not？''
‘‘For the reason you gave。''
‘‘That what I said wasjust talk？''
‘‘Yes。''
‘‘You don't believe I'll do those things？''
‘‘Do you？''
‘‘I've GOT to believe it；'' said she。 ‘‘If I didn't'' She came to a full stop。
‘‘If you didn't； then what？'' It was the first time he had ever flattered her with interest enough to ask her a question about herself。
‘‘If I didn't believe I was going to succeedand succeed big'' she began。 After a pause； she added； ‘‘I'd not dare say it。''
‘‘Or think it；'' said he。
She colored。 ‘‘What do you mean？'' she asked。
He did not reply。
‘‘What do you mean； Mr。 Keith？'' she urged。
‘‘You are always asking me questions to which you already know the answer；'' said he。
‘‘You're referring to a week or so ago； when I asked you why you disliked me？''
No answer。 No sign of having heard。 No outward sign of interest in anything； even in the cigarette drooping from the corner of his mouth。
‘‘Wasn't that it？'' she insisted。
‘‘You are always asking me questions to which you already know the answer；'' repeated he。
‘‘I am annoying you？''
No answer。
She laughed。 ‘‘Do you want me to go away and leave you in peace with thatlaw caseor whatever it is？''
‘‘I don't like to be alone。''
‘‘But anyone would do？a dog？''
No reply。
‘‘You mean； a dog would be better because it doesn't ask questions to which it knows the answer。''
No reply。
‘‘Well； I have a pleasant…sounding voice。 As I'm saying nothing； it may be soothinglike the sound of the waves。 I've learned to take you as you are。 I rather like your pose。''
No reply。 No sign that he was even tempted to rise to this bait and protest。
‘‘But you don't like mine；'' she went on。 ‘‘Yes； it is a pose。 But I've got to keep it up； and to pretend to myself that it isn't。 And it isn't altogether。 I shall be a successful singer。''
‘‘When？'' said he。 Actually he was listening！
She answered： ‘‘Inabout two years； I think。''
No comment。
‘‘You don't believe it？''
‘‘Do you？'' A pause。 ‘‘Why ask these questions you've already answered yourself？''
‘‘I'll tell you why；'' replied she； her face suddenly flushed with earnestness。 ‘‘Because I want you to help me。 You help everyone else。 Why not me？''
‘‘You never asked me；'' said he。
‘‘I didn't know I wanted it until just nowas I said it。 But YOU must have known； because you are so much more experienced than Iand understand peoplewhat's going on in their minds； deeper than they can see。'' Her tone became indignant； reproachful。 ‘‘Yes； you must have known I needed your help。 And you ought to have helped me； even if you did dislike me。 You've no right to dislike anyone as young as I。''
He was looking at her now； the intensely alive blue eyes sympathetic； penetrating； understanding。 It was frightful to be so thoroughly understoodall one's weaknesses laid bareyet it was a relief and a joy； too like the cruel healing knife of the surgeon。 Said he：
‘‘I do not like kept women。''
She gasped； grew ghastly。 It was a frightful insult； one for which she was wholly unprepared。 ‘‘You believethat？'' she said slowly。
‘‘Another of those questions；'' he said。 And he looked calmly away； out over the sea； as if his interest in the conversation were at an end。
What should she say？ How denyhow convince him？ For convince him she must； and then go away and never permit him to speak to her again until he had apologized。 She said quietly： ‘‘Mr。 Keith； you have insulted me。''
‘‘I do not like kept women； either with or without a license；'' said he in the same even； indifferent way。 ‘‘When you ceased to be a kept woman； I would help you； if I could。 But no one can help a kept woman。''
There was nothing to do but to rise and go away。 She rose and went toward the house。 At the veranda she paused。 He had not moved。 She returned。 He was still inspecting the horizon； the cigarette depending from his lipshow DID he keep it alight？ She said：
‘‘Mr。 Keith； I am sure you did not mean to insult me。 What did you mean？''
‘‘Another of those questions；'' said he。
‘‘Honestly； I do not understand。''
‘‘Then think。 And when you have thought； you will understand。''
‘‘But I have thought。 I do not understand。''
‘‘Then it would be useless to explain；'' said he。 ‘‘That is one of those vital things which； if one cannot understand them for oneself； one is hopelessis beyond helping。''
‘‘You mean I am not in earnest about my career？''
‘‘Another of those questions。 If you had not seen clearly what I meant； you would have been really offended。 You'd have gone away and not come back。''
She saw that this was true。 And； seeing； she wondered how she could have been so stupid as not to have seen it at once。 She had yet to learn that overlooking the obvious is a universal human failing and that seeing the obvious is the talent and the use of the superior of earththe few who dominate and determine the race。
‘‘You reproach me for not having helped you；'' he went on。 ‘‘How does it happen that you are uneasy in mindso uneasy that you are quarreling at me？''
A light broke upon her。 ‘‘You have been drawing me on； from the beginning；'' she cried。 ‘‘You have been helping memaking me see that I needed help。''
‘‘No；'' said he。 ‘‘I've been waiting to see whether you would rouse from your dream of grandeur。''
‘‘YOU have been rousing me。''
‘‘No；'' he said。 ‘‘You've roused yourself。 So you may be worth helping or； rather； worth encouraging； for no one can HELP you but yourself。''
She looked at him pathetically。 ‘‘But what shall I do？'' she asked。 ‘‘I've got no money； no experience； no sense。 I'm a vain； luxury…loving fool； cursed with awith ais it a conscience？''
‘‘I hope it's something more substantial。 I hope it's common sense。''
‘‘But I have been workinghonestly I have。''
‘‘Don't begin lying to yourself again。''
‘‘Don't be harsh with me。''
He drew in his legs； in preparation for risingno doubt to go away。
‘‘I don't mean that；'' she cried testily。 ‘‘You are not harsh with me。 It's the truth that's harshthe truth I'm beginning to seeand
