the price she paid-第32章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


d　and　disappeared　behind　the　bushes　completely　screening　the　walk　from　the　drive。　　At　once　the　taxi　was　under…way　again。　　She；　waiting　where　the　screen　of　bushes　was　securely　thick；　saw　the　taxi　that　had　followed　them　in　the　East　Side　flash　byin　pursuit　of　Mrs。　Belloc　alone。

She　was　freeat　least　until　some　mischance　uncovered　her　to　the　little　general。　　At　Mrs。　Brindley's　she　found　a　note　awaiting　hera　note　from　Stanley　Baird：


DEAR　MILDRED：

I'm　of　for　the　Far　West；　and　probably　shall　not　be　in　town　again　until　the　early　summer。　　The　club　forwards　my　mail　and　repeats　telegrams　as　marked。　　Go　in　and　win；　and　don't　hesitate　to　call　on　me　if　you　need　me。　　No　false　pride；　PLEASE！　　I'm　getting　out　of　the　way　because　it's　obviously　best　for　the　present。

STANLEY。


As　she　finished；　her　sense　of　freedom　was　complete。　She　had　not　realized　how　uneasy　she　was　feeling　about　Stanley。　　She　did　not　doubt　his　generosity；　did　not　doubt　that　he　genuinely　intended　to　leave　her　free；　and　she　believed　that　his　delicacy　was　worthy　of　his　generosity。　　Still；　she　was　constantly　fearing　lest　circumstances　should　thrust　them　bothas　much　against　his　will　as　hersinto　a　position　in　which　she　would　have　to　choose　between　seeming；　not　to　say　being；　ungrateful；　and　playing　the　hypocrite；　perhaps　basely；　with　him。　The　little　general　eluded；　Stanley　voluntarily　removed；　she　was　indeed　free。　　Now　she　could　work　with　an　un…

troubled　mind；　could　show　Mrs。　Brindley　that　intelligent　and　persistent　workher　‘‘biggest　if　in　all　the　world''was　in　fact　a　very　simple　matter。

She　had　not　been　settled　at　Mrs。　Brindley's　many　hours　before　she　discovered　that　not　only　was　she　free　from　all　hindrances；　but　was　to　have　a　positive　and　great　help。　　Mrs。　Brindley's　talent　for　putting　people　at　their　ease　was　no　mere　drawing…room　trick。

She　made　Mildred　feel　immediately　at　home；　as　she　had　not　felt　at　home　since　her　mother　introduced　James　Presbury　into　their　house　at　Hanging　Rock。　　Mrs。　Brindley　was　absolutely　devoid　of　pretenses。　　When　Mildred　spoke　to　her　of　this　quality　in　her　she　said：

‘‘I　owe　that　to　my　husband。　　I　was　brought　up　like　everybody　elseto　be　more　or　less　of　a　poser　and　a　hypocrite。　　In　fact；　I　think　there　was　almost　nothing　genuine　about　me。　　My　husband　taught　me　to　be　myself；　to　be　afraid　of　nobody's　opinion；　to　show　myself　just　as　I　was　and　to　let　people　seek　or　avoid　me　as　they　saw　fit。　　He　was　that　sort　of　man　himself。''

‘‘He　must　have　been　a　remarkable　man；''　said　Mildred。

‘‘He　was；''　replied　Mrs。　Brindley。　　‘‘But　not　attractiveat　least　not　to　me。　　Our　marriage　was　a　mistake。　　We　quarreled　whenever　we　were　not　at　work　with　the　music。　　If　he　had　not　died；　we　should　have　been　divorced。''　　She　smiled　merrily。　　‘‘Then　he　would　have　hired　me　as　his　musical　secretary；　and　we'd　have　got　on　beautifully。''

Mildred　was　still　thinking　of　Mrs。　Brindley's　freedom　from　pretense。　　‘‘I've　never　dared　be　myself；''　confessed　she。　　‘‘I　don't　know　what　myself　really　is　like。　I　was　thinking　the　other　day　how　for　one　reason　and　another　I've　been　a　hypocrite　all　my　life。　　You　see；　I've　always　been　a　dependenthave　always　had　to　please　someone　in　order　to　get　what　I　wanted。''

‘‘You　can　never　be　yourself　until　you　have　an　independent　income；　however　small；''　said　Mrs。　Brindley。　‘‘I've　had　that　joy　only　since　my　husband　died。　　It's　as　well　that　I　didn't　have　it　sooner。　　One　is　the　better　for　having　served　an　apprenticeship　at　self…repression　and　at　pretending　to　virtues　one　has　not。　　Only　those　who　earn　their　freedom　know　how　to　use　it。　　If　I　had　had　it　ten　or　fifteen　years　ago　I'd　have　been　an　intolerable　tyrant；　making　everyone　around　me　unhappy　and　therefore　myself。　　The　ideal　world　would　be　one　where　everyone　was　born　free　and　never　knew　anything　else。　Then；　no　one　being　afraid　or　having　to　serve；　everyone　would　have　to　be　considerate　in　order　to　get　himself　tolerated。''

‘‘I　wonder　if　I　really　ever　shall　be　able　to　earn　a　living？''　sighed　Mildred。

‘‘You　must　decide　that　whatever　you　can　make　shall　be　for　you　a　living；''　said　the　older　woman。　　‘‘I　have　lived　on　my　fixed　income；　which　is　under　two　thousand　a　year。　　And　I　am　ready　to　do　it　again　rather　than　tolerate　anything　or　anybody　that　does　not　suit　me。''

‘‘I　shall　have　to　be　extremely　careful；''　laughed　Mildred。　　‘‘I　shall　be　a　dreadful　hypocrite　with　you。''

Mrs。　Brindley　smiled；　but　underneath；　Mildred　saw　or　perhaps　feltthat　her　new　friend　was　indeed　not　one　to　be　trifled　with。　　She　said：

‘‘You　and　I　will　get　on。　　We'll　let　each　other　alone。　We　have　to　be　more　or　less　intimate；　but　we'll　never　be　familiar。''

After　a　time　she　discovered　that　Mrs。　Brindley's　first　name　was　Cyrilla；　but　Mrs。　Brindley　and　Miss　Stevens　they　remained　to　each　other　for　a　long　timeuntil　circumstances　changed　their　accidental　intimacy　into　enduring　friendship。　　Not　to　anticipate；　in　the　course　of　that　same　conversation　Mildred　said：

‘‘If　there　is　anything　about　meabout　my　life　that　you　wish　me　to　explain；　I　shall　be　glad　to　do　so。''

‘‘I　know　all　I　wish　to　know；''　replied　Cyrilla　Brindley。　　‘‘Your　face　and　your　manner　and　your　way　of　speaking　tell　me　all　the　essentials。''

‘‘Then　you　must　not　think　it　strange　when　I　say　I　wish　no　one　to　know　anything　about　me。''

‘‘It　will　be　impossible　for　you　entirely　to　avoid　meeting　people；''　said　Cyrilla。　　‘‘You　must　have　some　simple　explanation　about　yourself；　or　you　will　attract　attention　and　defeat　your　object。''

‘‘Lead　people　to　believe　that　I'm　an　orphanperhaps　of　some　obscure　familywho　is　trying　to　get　up　in　the　world。　　That　is　practically　the　truth。''

Mrs。　Brindley　laughed。　　‘‘Quite　enough　for　New　York；''　said　she。　　‘‘It　is　not　interested　in　facts。　　All　the　New…Yorker　asks　of　you　is；　‘Can　you　pay　your　bills　and　help　me　pay　mine？'　''

Competent　men　are　rare；　but；　thanks　to　the　advantage　of　the　male　sex　in　having　to　make　the　struggle　for　a　living；　they　are　not　so　rare　as　competent　women。　Mrs。　Brindley　was　the　first　competent　woman　Mildred　had　ever　known。　　She　had　spent　but　a　few　hours　with　her　before　she　began　to　appreciate　what　a　bad　atmosphere　she　had　always　breathedbad　for　a　woman　who　has　her　way　to　make　in　the　world；　or　indeed　for　any　woman　not　willing　to　be　content　as　mere　more　or　less　shiftless；　more　or　less　hypocritical　and　pretentious；　dependent　and　parasite。　　Mrs。　Brindleywell　bred　and　well　educatedknew　all　the　little　matters　which　Mildred　had　been　taught　to　regard　as　the　whole　of　a　lady's　education。　　But　Mildred　saw　that　these　trifles　were　but　a　trifling　incident　in　Mrs。　Brindley's　knowledge。　　She　knew　real　things；　this　woman　who　was　a　thorough…going　housekeeper　and　who　trebled　her　income　by　giving　music　lessons　a　few　hours　a　day　to　such　pupils　as　she　thought　worth　the　teaching。　　When　she　spoke；　she　always　said　something　one　of　the　first　things　noticed　by　Mildred；　who；　being　too　lazy　to　think　except　as　her　naturally　good　mind　insisted　on　exercising　itself；　usually　talked　simply　to　kill　time　and　without　any　idea　of　getting　anywhere。　　But　while　Cyrillawithout　in　the　least　intending　itroused　her　to　a　painful　sense　of　her　own　limitations；　she　did　not　discourage　her。　　Mildred　also　began　to　feel　that　in　this　new　atmosphere　of　ideas；　of　work；　of　accomplishment；　she　would　rapidly　develop　into　a　different　sort　of　person。　　It　was　extremely　fortunate　for　her；　thought　she；　that　she　was　living　with　such　a　person　as　Cyrilla　Brindley。　　In　the　old　atmosphere；　or　with　any　taint　of　it；　she　would　have　been　unable　to　become　a　serious　person。　　She　would　simply　have　dawdled　along；　twaddling　about　‘‘art''　and　seriousness　and　careers　and　sacrifice；　content　with　the　amateur's　methods　and　the　amateur's　resultsand　deluding　herself　that　she　was　making　progress。　　Now　It　was　as　different　as　public　school　from　private　school　public　school　where　the　mind　is　rudely　stimulated；　private　school　where　it　is　sedulously　mollycoddled。　　She　had　come　out　of　the　hothouse　into　the　open。

At　first　she　thought　that　Jennings　was　to　be　as　great　a　help　to　her　as　Cyrilla　Brindley。　　Certainly　if　ever　there　was　a　man　with　the　air　of　a　worker　and　a　place　with　the　air　of　a　workshop；　that　man　and　that　place　were　Eugene　Jennings　and　his　studio　in　Carnegie　Hall。　When　Mildred　entered；　o