the price she paid-第25章

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‘‘I'm　a　fool；''　she　said　to　herself。　　‘‘I'm　certain　to　get　into　all　sorts　of　trouble。　　How　can　it　be　otherwise；　when　I've　no　money；　no　friends；　no　experience；　no　way　of　making　a　livingno　honest　wayperhaps　no　way　of　the　other　kind；　either？''　　There　are　many　women　who　ecstasize　their　easily　tickled　vanities　by　fancying　that　if　they　were　so　disposed　they　need　only　flutter　an　eyelid　to　have　men　by　the　legion　striving　for　their　favors；　each　man　with　a　bag　of　gold。　　Mildred；　inexperienced　as　she　was；　had　no　such　delusions。　　Her　mind　happened　not　to　be　of　that　chastely　licentious　caste　which　continually　revolves　and　fantastically　exaggerates　the　things　of　the　body。

She　could　not　understand　her　own　indifference　about　the　future。　　She　did　not　realize　that　it　was　wholly　due　to　Stanley　Baird's　offer。　　She　was　imagining　she　was　regarding　that　offer　as　something　she　might　possibly　consider；　but　probably　would　not。　　She　did　not　know　that　her　soul　had　seized　upon　it；　had　enfolded　it　and　would　on　no　account　let　it　go。　　It　is　the　habit　of　our　secret　selves　thus　to　make　decisions　and　await　their　own　good　time　for　making　us　acquainted　with　them。

With　her　bag　on　the　seat　beside　her　she　set　out　to　find　a　temporary　lodging。　　Not　until　several　hotels　had　refused　her　admittance　on　the　pretext　that　they　were　‘‘full　up''　did　she　realize　that　a　young　woman　alone　is　an　object　of　suspicion　in　New　York。　　When　a　fourth　room…clerk　expressed　his　polite　regrets　she　looked　him　straight　in　the　eye　and　said：

‘‘I　understand。　　But　I　can't　sleep　in　the　street。　　You　must　tell　me　where　I　can　go。''

‘‘Well；　there's　the　Ripon　over　in　Seventh　Avenue；''　said　he。

‘‘Is　it　respectable？''　said　she。

‘‘Oh；　it's　very　clean　and　comfortable　there；''　said　he。　‘‘They'll　treat　you　right。''

‘‘Is　it　respectable？''　said　she。

‘‘Well；　now；　it　doesn't　LOOK　queer；　if　that's　what　you　mean；''　replied　he。　　‘‘You'll　do　very　nicely　there。　　You　can　be　just　as　quiet　as　you　want。''

She　saw　that　hotel　New　York　would　not　believe　her　respectable。　　So　to　the　Ripon　she　went；　and　was　admitted　without　discussion。　　As　the　last　respectable　clerk　had　said；　it　did　not　LOOK　queer。　　But　it　FELT　queer；　she　resolved　that　she　would　go　into　a　boarding…house　the　very　next　day。

Here　again　what　seemed　simple　proved　difficult。　　No　respectable　boarding…house　would　have　Miss　Mary　Stevens。　　She　was　confident　that　nothing　in　her　dress　or　manner　hinted　mystery。　　Yet　those　sharp…eyed　land…　ladies　seemed　to　know　at　once　that　there　was　something　peculiar　about　her。　　Most　of　them　became　rude　the　instant　they　set　eyes　upon　her。　　A　fewof　the　obviously　less　prosperous　classtalked　with　her；　seemed　to　be　listening　for　something　which　her　failing　to　say　decided　them　upon　all　but　ordering　her　out　of　the　house。　　She；　hindered　by　her　innocence；　was　slow　in　realizing　that　she　could　not　hope　for　admission　to　any　select　respectable　circle；　even　of　high…class　salesladies　and　clerks；　unless　she　gave　a　free　and　clear　account　of　herself　whence　she　had　come；　what　she　was　doing；　how　she　got　her　money。

Toward　the　end　of　the　second　day's　wearisome　and　humiliating　search　she　found　a　house　that　would　admit　her。　　It　was　a　pretentious；　well…furnished　big　house　in　Madison　Avenue。　　The　pricethirty…five　dollars　a　week　for　board；　a　bedroom　with　a　folding　bed　in　an　alcove；　and　a　bath；　was　more　than　double　what　she　had　counted　on　paying；　but　she　discovered　that　decent　and　clean　lodgings　and　food　fit　to　eat　were　not　to　be　had　for　less。　　‘‘And　I　simply　can't　live　pig…fashion；''　said　she。　　‘‘I'd　be　so　depressed　that　I　could　do　nothing。　　I　can't　live　like　a　wild　animal；　and　I　won't。''　　She　had　some　vague　notionforebodingthat　this　was　not　the　proper　spirit　with　which　to　face　life。　　‘‘I　suppose　I'm　horribly　foolish；''　reflected　she；　‘‘but　if　I　must　go　down；　I'll　go　down　with　my　colors　flying。''　　She　did　not　know　precisely　what　that　phrase　meant；　but　it　sounded　fine　and　brave　and　heartened　her　to　take　the　expensive　lodgings。

The　landlady　was　a　Mrs。　Belloc。　　Mildred　had　not　talked　with　her　twenty　minutes　before　she　had　a　feeling　that　this　name　was　assumed。　　The　evening　of　her　first　day　in　the　house　she　learned　that　her　guess　was　correct　learned　it　from　the　landlady　herself。　　After　dinner　Mrs。　Belloc　came　into　her　room　to　cheer　her　up；　to　find　out　about　her　and　to　tell　her　about　herself。

‘‘Now　that　you've　come；''　said　she；　‘‘the　house　is　full　upexcept　some　little　rooms　at　the　top　that　I'd　as　lief　not　fill。　　The　probabilities　are　that　any　ladies　who　would　take　them　wouldn't　be　refined　enough　to　suit　those　I　have。　　There　are　six；　not　counting　me；　every　one　with　a　bath　and　two　with　private　parlors。　　And　as　they're　all　handsome；　sensible　women；　ladylike　and　steady；　I　think　the　prospects　are　that　they'll　pay　promptly　and　that　I　won't　have　any　trouble。''

Mildred　reflected　upon　this　curious　statement。　　It　sounded　innocent　enough；　yet　what　a　peculiar　way　to　put　a　simple　fact。

‘‘Of　course　it's　none　of　my　business　how　people　live　as　long　as　they　keep　up　the　respectabilities；''　pursued　Mrs。　Belloc。　　‘‘It　don't　do　to　inquire　into　people　in　New　York。　　Most　of　'em　come　here　because　they　want　to　live　as　they　please。''

‘‘No　doubt；''　said　Mildred　a　little　nervously；　for　she　suspected　her　landlady　of　hitting　at　her；　and　wondered　if　she　had　come　to　cross…examine　her　and；　if　the　results　were　not　satisfactory；　to　put　her　into　the　street。

‘‘I　know　_I_　came　for　that　reason；''　pursued　Mrs。　Belloc。　　‘‘I　was　a　school…teacher　up　in　New　England　until　about　two　years　ago。　　Did　you　ever　teach　school？''

‘‘Not　yet；''　said　Mildred。　　‘‘And　I　don't　think　I　ever　shall。　　I　don't　know　enough。''

‘‘Oh；　yes；　you　do。　　A　teacher　doesn't　need　to　know　much。　　The　wages　are　so　poorat　least　up　in　New　Englandthat　they　don't　expect　you　to　know　anything。　It's　all　in　the　books。　　I　left　because　I　couldn't　endure　the　life。　　Lord！　how　dull　those　little　towns　are！　Ever　live　in　a　little　town？''

‘‘All　my　life；''　said　Mildred。

‘‘Well；　you'll　never　go　back。''

‘‘I　hope　not。''

‘‘You　won't。　　Why　should　you？　　A　sensible　woman　with　looksespecially　if　she　knows　how　to　carry　her　clothescan　stay　in　New　York　as　long　as　she　pleases；　and　live　off　the　fat　of　the　land。''

‘‘That's　good　news；''　said　Mildred。　　She　began　to　like　the　landladynot　for　what　she　said；　but　for　the　free　and　frank　and　friendly　way　of　the　sayinga　human　way；　a　comradely　way；　a　live…and…let…live　way。

‘‘I　didn't　escape　from　New　England　without　a　struggle；''　continued　Mrs。　Belloc；　who　was　plainly　showing　that　she　had　taken　a　great　fancy　to　‘‘Mary　Stevens。''

‘‘I　suppose　it　was　hard　to　save　the　money　out　of　your　salary；''　said　Mildred。

Mrs。　Belloc　laughed。　　She　was　about　thirty…five　years　old；　though　her　eyes　and　her　figure　were　younger　than　that。　　Her　mouth　was　pleasant　enough；　but　had　lost　some　of　its　freshness。　　‘‘Save　money！''　cried　she。　‘‘I'd　never　have　succeeded　that　way。　　I'd　be　there　yet。　I　had　never　marriedhad　two　or　three　chances；　but　all　from　poor　sticks　looking　for　someone　to　support　them。　　I　saw　myself　getting　old。　　I　was　looking　years　older　than　I　do　now。　　Talk　about　sea　air　for　freshening　a　woman　upit　isn't　in　it　with　the　air　of　New　York。　Here's　the　town　where　women　stay　young。　　If　I　had　come　here　five　years　ago　I　could　almost　try　for　the　squab　class。''

‘‘Squab　class？''　queried　Mildred。

‘‘Yes；　squabs。　　Don't　you　see　them　around　everywhere？　the　women　dressed　like　girls　of　sixteen　to　eighteenand　some　of　them　are　that；　and　younger。　They　go　hopping　and　laughing　aboutand　they　seem　to　please　the　men　and　to　have　no　end　of　a　good　time。　Especially　the　oldish　men。　　Oh；　yes；　you　know　a　squab　on　sighttight　skirt；　low　shoes　and　silk　stockings；　cute　pretty　face；　always　laughing；　hat　set　on　rakishly　and　hair　done　to　match；　and　always　a　big　purse　or　bagwith　a　yellow…back　or　so　in　itas　a　kind　of　a　hint；　I　guess。''

Mildred　had　seen　squabs。　　‘‘I've　envied　themin　a　way；''　said　she。　　‘‘Their　parents　seem　to　let　them　do　about　as　they　please。''

‘‘Their　parents　don't　knowor　don't　care。　　Sometimes　it's　one；　sometimes　the　other。　　They　travel　in　two　sets。　　One　is　where　they　meet　young　fellows　of　their　own　classthe　kind　they'll　probably　marry；　unless　they　happen　to　draw　the　capital　prize。　　The　other　s