the price she paid-第24章

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‘‘But　you've　got　to　go　back；　Milly；''　cried　her　mother；　in　tears。

‘‘You　mean　that　you　can't　support　me？''

‘‘And　your　brother　Frank''　Mrs。　Presbury's　eyes　flashed　and　her　rather　stout　cheeks　quivered。　　‘‘I　never　thought　I'd　tell　anybody；　but　I'll　tell　you。　　I　never　liked　your　brother　Frank；　and　he　never　liked　me。　That　sounds　dreadful；　doesn't　it？''

‘‘No；　mother　dear；''　said　Mildred　gently。　　‘‘I've　learned　that　life　isn't　at　all　asas　everybody　pretends。''

‘‘Indeed　it　isn't；''　said　her　mother。　　‘‘Mothers　always　have　favorites　among　their　children；　and　very　often　a　mother　dislikes　one　of　her　children。　　Of　course　she　hides　her　feeling　and　does　her　duty。　　But　all　the　same　she　can't　help　the　feeling　that　is　down　in　her　heart。　　I　had　a　presentiment　before　he　was　born　that　I　wouldn't　like　him；　and　sure　enough；　I　didn't。　　And　he　didn't　like　me；　or　his　father；　or　any　of　us。''

‘‘It　would　never　occur　to　me　to　turn　to　him；''　said　Mildred。

‘‘Then　you　see　that　you've　got　to　go　back　to　the　general。　　You　can't　get　a　divorce　and　alimony；　for　it　was　you　that　left　himand　for　no　cause。　　He　was　within　his　rights。''

Mildred　hesitated；　confessed：　　‘‘I　had　thought　of　going　back　to　him　and　acting　in　such　a　way　that　he'd　be　glad　to　give　me　a　divorce　and　an　allowance。''

‘‘Yes；　you　might　do　that；''　said　her　mother。　　‘‘A　great　many　women　do。　　And；　after　all；　haven't　they　a　right　to？　　A　lady　has　got　to　have　proper　support；　and　is　it　just　to　ask　her　to　live　with　a　man　she　loathes？''

‘‘I　haven't　thought　of　the　right　or　wrong　of　it；''　said　Mildred。　　‘‘It　looks　to　me　as　though　right　and　wrong　have　very　little　to　do　with　life　as　it's　lived。　　They're　for　hypocritesand　fools。''

‘‘Mildred！''　exclaimed　her　mother；　deeply　shocked。

Mildred　was　not　a　little　shocked　at　her　own　thoughts　as　she　inspected　them　in　the　full　light　into　which　speech　had　dragged　them。　　‘‘Anyhow；''　she　went　on；　‘‘I　soon　saw　that　such　a　plan　was　hopeless。　　He's　not　the　man　to　be　trifled　with。　　Long　before　I　could　drive　him　to　give　me　a　living　and　let　me　go　he　would　have　driven　me　to　flight　or　suicide。''

Her　mother　had　now　had　time　to　reflect　upon　Mildred's　revelations。　　Aided　by　the　impressions　she　herself　had　gotten　of　the　little　general；　she　began　to　understand　why　her　daughter　had　fled　and　why　she　would　not　return。　She　felt　that　the　situation　was　one　which　time　alone　could　solve。　　Said　she：　　‘‘Well；　the　best　thing　is　for　you　to　stay　on　here　and　wait　until　he　makes　some　move。''

‘‘He'll　have　me　watchedthat's　all　he'll　do；''　said　Mildred。　　‘‘When　he　gets　ready　he'll　divorce　me　for　deserting　him。''

Mrs。　Presbury　felt　that　she　was　right。　　But；　concealing　her　despondency；　she　said：　　‘‘All　we　can　do　is　to　wait　and　see。　　You　must　send　for　your　luggage。''

‘‘I've　nothing　but　a　large　bag；''　said　Mildred。　　‘‘I　checked　it　in　the　parcel…room　of　the　New　York　station。''

Mrs。　Presbury　was　overwhelmed。　　How　account　to　Hanging　Rock　for　the　reappearance　of　a　baggageless　and　husbandless　bride？　　But　she　held　up　bravely。　With　a　cheerfulness　that　did　credit　to　her　heart　and　showed　how　well　she　loved　her　daughter　she　said：　　‘‘We　must　do　the　best　we　can。　　We'll　get　up　some　story。''

‘‘No；''　said　Mildred。　　‘‘I'm　going　back　to　New　York。　　You　can　tell　people　here　what　you　please　that　I've　gone　to　rejoin　him　or　to　wait　for　himany　old　thing。''

‘‘At　least　you'll　wait　and　talk　with　Presbury；''　pleaded　her　mother。　　‘‘He　is　VERY　sensible。''

‘‘If　he　has　anything　to　suggest；''　said　Mildred；　‘‘he　can　write　it。　　I'll　send　you　my　address。''

‘‘Milly；''　cried　her　mother；　agitated　to　the　depths；　‘‘where　ARE　you　going？　　WHAT　are　you　going　to　do？　You　look　so　strangenot　at　all　like　yourself。''

‘‘I'm　going　to　a　hotel　to…nightprobably　to　a　boarding…house　to…morrow；''　said　Mildred。　　‘‘In　a　few　days　I　shall　begin　to''　she　hesitated；　decided　against　confidence''　begin　to　support　myself　at　something　or　other。''

‘‘You　must　be　crazy！''　cried　her　mother。　　‘‘You　wouldn't　do　anythingand　you　couldn't。''

‘‘Let's　not　discuss　it；　mamma；''　said　the　girl　tranquilly。

The　mother　looked　at　her　with　eyes　full　of　the　suspicion　one　lady　cannot　but　have　as　to　the　projects　of　another　lady　in　such　circumstances。

‘‘Mildred；''　she　said　pleadingly；　‘‘you　must　be　careful。　　You'll　find　yourself　involved　in　a　dreadful　scandal。　I　know　you　wouldn't　DO　anything　WRONG　no　matter　how　you　were　driven。　　But''

‘‘I'll　not　do　anything　FOOLISH；　mamma；''　interrupted　the　girl。　　‘‘You　are　thinking　about　men；　aren't　you？''

‘‘Men　are　always　ready　to　destroy　a　woman；''　said　her　mother。　　‘‘You　must　be　careful''

Mildred　was　laughing。　　‘‘Oh；　mamma；''　she　cried；　‘‘do　be　sensible　and　do　give　me　credit　for　a　little　sense。　　I've　got　a　very　clear　idea　of　what　a　woman　ought　to　do　about　men；　and　I　assure　you　I'm　not　going　to　be　FOOLISH。　And　you　know　a　woman　who　isn't　foolish　can　be　trusted　where　a　woman　who's　only　protected　by　her　principles　would　yield　to　the　first　temptationor　hunt　round　for　a　temptation。''

‘‘But　you　simply　can't　go　to　New　York　and　live　there　all　aloneand　with　nothing！''

‘‘Can　I　stay　herefor　more　than　a　few　days？''

‘‘But　maybe；　after　a　few　days''　stammered　her　mother。

‘‘You　see；　I've　got　to　begin；''　said　Mildred。　　‘‘So　why　delay？　　I'd　gain　nothing。　　I'd　simply　start　Hanging　Rock　to　gossipingand　start　Mr。　Presbury　to　acting　like　a　fiend　again。''

Her　mother　refused　to　be　convincedwas　the　firmer；　perhaps；　because　she　saw　that　Mildred　was　unshakable　in　her　resolve　to　leave　forthwiththe　obviously　sensible　and　less　troublesome　course。　　They　employed　the　rest　of　Mildred's　three　hours'　stop　in　arguingwhen　Mildred　was　not　raging　against　the　little　general。　　Her　mother　was　more　than　willing　to　assist　her　in　this　denunciation；　but　Mildred　preferred　to　do　it　all　herself。　She　hadperhaps　by　unconsciously　absorbed　training　from　her　lawyer　fatheran　unusual　degree　of　ability　to　see　both　sides　of　a　question。　　When　she　assailed　her　husband；　she　saw　only　her　own　side；　but　somehow　when　her　mother　railed　and　raved；　she　began　to　see　another　sideand　the　sight　was　not　agreeable。　　She　wished　to　feel　that　her　husband　was　altogether　in　the　wrong；　she　did　not　wish　to　have　intruded　upon　her　such　facts　as　that　she　had　sold　herself　to　himquite　in　the　customary　way　of　ladies；　but　nevertheless　quite　shamelessly　or　that　in　strict　justice　she　had　done　nothing　for　him　to　entitle　her　to　a　liberal　money　allowance　or　any　allowance　at　all。

On　the　train；　going　back　to　New　York；　she　admitted　to　herself　that　the　repulsive　little　general　had　held　strictly　to　the　terms　of　the　bargain''　but　only　a　devil　and　one　with　not　a　single　gentlemanly　instinct　would　insist　on　such　a　bargain。''　　It　took　away　much　of　the　shame；　and　all　of　the　sting；　of　despising　herself　to　feel　that　she　was　looking　still　lower　when　she　turned　to　despising　him。

To　edge　out　the　little　general　she　began　to　think　of　her　mother；　but　as　she　passed　in　review　what　her　mother　had　said　and　how　she　had　said　it　she　saw　that　for　all　the　protests　and　arguings　her　mother　was　more　than　resigned　to　her　departure。　　Mildred　felt　no　bitterness；　ever　since　she　could　remember　her　mother　had　been　a　shifter　of　responsibility。　　Still；　to　stare　into　the　face　of　so　disagreeable　a　fact　as　that　one　had　no　place　on　earth　to　go　to；　no　one　on　earth　to　turn　to；　not　even　one's　own　motherto　stare　on　at　that　grimacing　ugliness　did　not　tend　to　cheerfulness。　　Mildred　tried　to　think　of　the　futurebut　how　could　she　think　of　something　that　was　nothing？　　She　knew　that　she　would　go　on；　somehow；　in　some　direction；　but　by　no　effort　of　her　imagination　could　she　picture　it。　　She　was　so　impressed　by　the　necessity　of　considering　the　future　that；　to　rouse　herself；　she　tried　to　frighten　herself　with　pictures　of　poverty　and　misery；　of　herself　a　derelict　in　the　vast　and　cold　desert　of　New　Yorkperhaps　in　rags；　hungry；　ill；　but　all　in　vain。　　She　did　not　believe　it。　Always　she　had　had　plenty　to　wear　and　to　eat；　and　comfortable　surroundings。　　She　could　no　more　think　of　herself　as　without　those　things　than　a　living　person　can　imagine　himself　dead。

‘‘I'm　a　fool；''　she　said　to　herself。　　‘‘I'm　certain　to　get　into　all　sorts　of　trouble。　　How　can　it　be　otherwise；　when　I've　no　money；　no　friends；　no　experience；　no　way　of