the price she paid-第22章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


good　sum。

She　had　an　instinct　that　the　general　would　do　something　disagreeable　about　the　French　and　English　ports　of　departure　for　America。　　But　perhaps　he　would　not　think　of　the　Italian　ports。　　That　night　she　set　out　for　Genoa；　and　three　days　later；　in　a　different　dress　and　with　her　hair　done　as　she　never　wore　it；　sailed　as　Miss　Mary　Stevens　for　America　on　a　German　Mediterranean　boat。

She　had　taken　the　whole　of　a　cabin　on　the　quieter　deck　below　the　promenade；　paying　for　it　nearly　half　of　what　was　left　of　the　four　thousand　francs。　　The　first　three　days　she　kept　to　her　cabin　except　at　the　dinner…hour；　when　she　ventured　to　the　deck　just　outside　and　walked　up　and　down　for　exercise。　　Then　followed　four　days　of　nasty　weather　during　which　she　did　not　leave　her　bed。　　As　the　sea　calmed；　she；　wretched　and　reckless；　had　a　chair　put　for　herself　under　her　window　and　sat　there；　veiled　and　swathed　and　turning　her　face　away　whenever　a　rare　wandering　passenger　happened　to　pass　along。　　Toward　noon　a　man　paused　before　her　to　light　a　cigarette。　　She；　forgetting　for　the　moment　her　precautions；　looked　at　him。　　It　chanced　that　he　looked　at　her　at　exactly　the　same　instant。　　Their　glances　met。　　He　started　nervously；　moved　on　a　few　steps；　returned。　　Said　she　mockingly：

‘‘You　know　you　needn't　speak　if　you　don't　want　to；　Stanley。''

‘‘There　isn't　a　soul　on　board　that　anybody　ever　knew　or　that　ever　knew　anybody；''　said　he。　　‘‘So　why　not？''

‘‘And　you　look　horribly　bored。''

‘‘Unspeakably；''　replied　Baird。　　‘‘I've　spoken　to　no　one　since　I　left　Paris。''

‘‘What　are　you　doing　on　this　ship？''　inquired　she。

‘‘To　be　perfectly　honest；''　said　he；　‘‘I　came　this　way　to　avoid　you。　　I　was　afraid　you'd　take　passage　on　my　steamer　just　to　amuse　yourself　with　my　nervousness。　Andhere　you　are！''

‘‘Amusing　myself　with　your　nervousness。''

‘‘But　I'm　not　nervous。　　There's　no　danger。　　Will　you　let　me　have　a　chair　put　beside　yours？''

‘‘It　will　be　a　charity　on　your　part；''　said　she。

When　he　was　comfortably　settled；　he　explained　his　uneasiness。　　‘‘I　see　I've　got　to　tell　you；''　said　he；　‘‘for　I　don't　want　you　to　think　me　a　shouting　ass。　　The　fact　is　my　wife　wants　to　get　a　divorce　from　me　and　to　soak　me　for　big　alimony。　　She's　a　woman　who'll　do　anything　to　gain　her　end；　andwell；　for　some　reason　she's　always　been　jealous　of　you。　　I　didn't　care　to　get　into　trouble；　or　to　get　you　into　trouble。''

‘‘I'm　traveling　as　Mary　Stevens；''　said　Mildred。　‘‘No　one　knows　I'm　aboard。''

‘‘Oh；　I'm　sure　we're　quite　safe。　　We　can　enjoy　the　rest　of　this　voyage。''

A　sea　voyage　not　merely　induces　but　compels　a　feeling　of　absolute　detachment　from　the　world。　　To　both　Stanley　and　Mildred　their　affairsthe　difficulties　in　which　they　were　involved　on　terra　firmaceased　for　the　time　to　have　any　reality。　　The　universe　was　nothing　but　a　vast　stretch　of　water　under　a　vast　stretch　of　sky；　the　earth　and　the　things　thereof　were　a　retrospect　and　a　foreboding。　　Without　analyzing　it；　both　he　and　she　felt　that　they　were　freefree　from　cares；　from　responsibilitiesfree　to　amuse　themselves。　　And　they　proceeded　to　enjoy　themselves　in　the　necessarily　quiet　and　limited　way　imposed　by　the　littleness　of　their　present　world　and　the　meagerness　of　the　resources。

As　neither　had　the　kind　of　mind　that　expands　in　abstractions；　they　were　soon　talking　in　the　most　intimate　and　personal　way　about　themselveswere　confessing　things　which　neither　would　have　breathed　to　anyone　on　land。　　It　was　the　man　who　set　the　example　of　breaking　through　the　barriers　of　conventional　restraint　perhaps　of　delicacy；　though　it　must　be　said　that　human　beings　are　rarely　so　fine　in　their　reticences　as　the　theory　of　refinement　would　have　us　believe。　　Said　Stanley；　after　the　preliminaries　of　partial　confidence　and　halting　avowal　that　could　not　be　omitted；　even　at　sea；　by　a　man　of　‘‘gentlemanly　instinct''：

‘‘I　don't　know　why　I　shouldn't　own　up。　　I　know　you'll　never　tell　anybody。　　Fact　is；　I　and　my　wife　were　never　in　love　with　each　other　for　a　second。　　We　married　because　we　were　in　the　same　set　and　because　our　incomes　together　gave　us　enough　to　do　the　thing　rather　well。''　After　a　solemn　pause。　　‘‘I　was　in　love　with　another　womanone　I　couldn't　marry。　　But　I'll　not　go　into　that。　　As　for　my　wife；　I　don't　think　she　was　in　love　with　anyone。　　She's　as　cold　as　a　stone。''

Mildred　smiled　ironically。

Baird　saw　and　flushed。　　‘‘At　least；　she　was　to　me。　I　was　ready　to　make　a　sort　of　bluff。　　You　see；　a　man　feels　guilty　in　those　circumstances　and　doesn't　want　to　humiliate　a　woman。　　But　she''　he　laughed　unpleasantly‘‘she　wasn't　bothering　about　MY　feelings。　That's　a　nice；　selfish　little　way　you　ladies　have。''

‘‘She　probably　saw　through　you　and　hated　you　for　playing　the　hypocrite　to　her；''　said　Mildred。

‘‘You　may　be　right；　I　never　thought　of　that；''　confessed　he。　　‘‘She　certainly　had　a　vicious　way　of　hammering　the　other　woman　indirectly。　　Not　that　she　ever　admitted　being　jealous。　　I　guess　she　knew。　　Everybody　usually　knows　everything。''

‘‘And　there　was　a　great　deal　of　talk　about　you　and　me；''　said　Mildred　placidly。

‘‘I　didn't　say　it　was　you；''　protested　Stanley；　reddening。

‘‘No　matter；''　said　Mildred。　　‘‘Don't　bother　about　that。　　It's　all　past　and　gone。''

‘‘Well；　at　any　rate；　my　marriage　was　the　mistake　of　my　life。　　I'm　determined　that　she　shan't　trip　me　up　and　trim　me　for　any　alimony。　　And　as　matters　stand；　she　can't。　　She　left　me　of　her　own　accord。''

‘‘Then；''　said　Mildred　thoughtfully；　‘‘if　the　wife　leaves　of　her　own　accord；　she　can't　get　alimony？''

‘‘Certainly　notnot　a　cent。''

‘‘I　supposed　so；''　said　she。　　‘‘I'm　not　sure　I'd　take　it　if　I　could　get　it。　　Still；　I　suppose　I　would。''　　She　laughed。　　‘‘What's　the　use　of　being　a　hypocrite　with　oneself？　　I　know　I　would。　　All　I　could　get。''

‘‘Then　you　had　no　LEGAL　excuse　for　leaving？''

‘‘No；''　said　she。　　‘‘Ijust　bolted。　　I　don't　know　what's　to　become　of　me。　　I　seem　not　to　care；　at　present；　but　no　doubt　I　shall　as　soon　as　we　see　land　again。''

‘‘You'll　go　back　to　him；''　said　Stanley。

‘‘No；''　replied　she；　without　emphasis　or　any　accent　whatever。

‘‘Sure　you　will；''　rejoined　he。　　‘‘It's　your　living。　What　else　can　you　do？''

‘‘That's　what　I　must　find　out。　　Surely　there's　something　else　for　a　woman　besides　such　a　married　life　as　mine。　　I　can't　and　won't　go　back　to　my　husband。　　And　I　can't　and　won't　go　to　the　house　at　Hanging　Rock。　Those　two　things　are　settled。''

‘‘You　mean　that？''

‘‘Absolutely。　　And　I've　gotless　than　three　hundred　and　fifty　dollars　in　the　whole　world。''

Baird　was　silent。　　He　was　roused　from　his　abstraction　by　gradual　consciousness　of　an　ironical　smile　on　the　face　of　the　girl；　for　she　did　not　look　like　a　married　woman。　　‘‘You　are　laughing　at　me。　　Why？''　inquired　he。

‘‘I　was　reading　your　thoughts。''

‘‘You　think　you've　frightened　me？''

‘‘Naturally。　　Isn't　a　confession　such　as　I　made　enough　to　frighten　a　man？　　It　sounded　as　though　I　were　getting　ready　to　ask　alms。''

‘‘So　it　did；''　said　he。　　‘‘But　I　wasn't　thinking　of　it　in　that　way。　　You　WILL　be　in　a　frightful　fix　pretty　soon；　won't　you？''

‘‘It　looks　that　way。　　But　you　need　not　be　uneasy。''

‘‘Oh；　I　want　to　help　you。　　I'll　do　everything　I　can。　I　was　trying　to　think　of　something　you　could　make　money　at。　　I　was　thinking　of　the　stage；　but　I　suppose　you'd　balk　at　that。　　I'll　admit　it　isn't　the　life　for　a　lady。　　But　the　same　thing's　true　of　whatever　money　can　be　made　at。　　If　I　were　you；　I'd　go　back。''

‘‘If　I　were　myself；　I'd　go　back；''　said　Mildred。　‘‘But　I'm　not　myself。''

‘‘You　will　be　again；　as　soon　as　you　face　the　situation。''

‘‘No；''　said　she　slowly；　‘‘no；　I　shall　never　be　myself　again。''

‘‘But　you　could　have　everything　a　woman　wants。　Except；　of　courseperhaps　　But　you　never　struck　me　as　being　especially　sentimental。''

‘‘Sentiment　has　nothing　to　do　with　it；''　rejoined　she。　‘‘Do　you　think　I　could　get　a　place　on　the　stage？''

‘‘Oh；　you'd　have　to　study　a　while；　I　suppose。''

‘‘But　I　can't　afford　that。　　If　I　could　afford　to　study；　I'd　have　my　voice　trained。''

Baird's　face　lighted　up　with　enthusiasm。　　‘‘The　very　thing！''　he　cried。　　‘‘You've　got　a　voice；　a　grand…opera　voice。　　I've　heard　lots　of　people　say　so；　and　it　sounded　that　way　to　me。　　You　must　cultivate　yo