the duchesse de langeais-第5章

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〃The　Holy　Mother　only　speaks　Latin　and　Spanish；〃　she　added。

〃I　understand　neither。　　Dear　Antoinette；　make　my　excuses　to　her。〃

The　light　fell　full　upon　the　nun's　figure；　a　thrill　of　deep　emotion　betrayed　itself　in　a　faint　quiver　of　her　veil　as　she　heard　her　name　softly　spoken　by　the　man　who　had　been　so　hard　in　the　past。

〃My　brother；〃　she　said；　drawing　her　sleeve　under　her　veil；　perhaps　to　brush　tears　away；　〃I　am　Sister　Theresa。〃

Then；　turning　to　the　Superior；　she　spoke　in　Spanish；　the　General　knew　enough　of　the　language　to　understand　what　she　said　perfectly　well；　possibly　he　could　have　spoken　it　had　he　chosen　to　do　so。

〃Dear　Mother；　the　gentleman　presents　his　respects　to　you；　and　begs　you　to　pardon　him　if　he　cannot　pay　them　himself；　but　he　knows　neither　of　the　languages　which　you　speak〃

The　aged　nun　bent　her　head　slowly；　with　an　expression　of　angelic　sweetness；　enhanced　at　the　same　time　by　the　consciousness　of　her　power　and　dignity。

〃Do　you　know　this　gentleman？〃　she　asked；　with　a　keen　glance。

〃Yes；　Mother。〃　

〃Go　back　to　your　cell；　my　daughter！〃　said　the　Mother　imperiously。　　The　General　slipped　aside　behind　the　curtain　lest　the　dreadful　tumult　within　him　should　appear　in　his　face；　even　in　the　shadow　it　seemed　to　him　that　he　could　still　see　the　Superior's　piercing　eyes。　　He　was　afraid　of　her；　she　held　his　little；　frail；　hardly…won　happiness　in　her　hands；　and　he；　who　had　never　quailed　under　a　triple　row　of　guns；　now　trembled　before　this　nun。　　The　Duchess　went　towards　the　door；　but　she　turned　back。

〃Mother；〃　she　said；　with　dreadful　calmness；　〃the　Frenchman　is　one　of　my　brothers。〃

〃Then　stay；　my　daughter；〃　said　the　Superior；　after　a　pause。

The　piece　of　admirable　Jesuitry　told　of　such　love　and　regret；　that　a　man　less　strongly　constituted　might　have　broken　down　under　the　keen　delight　in　the　midst　of　a　great　and；　for　him；　an　entirely　novel　peril。　　Oh！　how　precious　words；　looks；　and　gestures　became　when　love　must　baffle　lynx　eyes　and　tiger's　claws！　　Sister　Theresa　came　back。

〃You　see；　my　brother；　what　I　have　dared　to　do　only　to　speak　to　you　for　a　moment　of　your　salvation　and　of　the　prayers　that　my　soul　puts　up　for　your　soul　daily。　　I　am　committing　mortal　sin。　　I　have　told　a　lie。　　How　many　days　of　penance　must　expiate　that　lie！

But　I　shall　endure　it　for　your　sake。　　My　brother；　you　do　not　know　what　happiness　it　is　to　love　in　heaven；　to　feel　that　you　can　confess　love　purified　by　religion；　love　transported　into　the　highest　heights　of　all；　so　that　we　are　permitted　to　lose　sight　of　all　but　the　soul。　　If　the　doctrine　and　the　spirit　of　the　Saint　to　whom　we　owe　this　refuge　had　not　raised　me　above　earth's　anguish；　and　caught　me　up　and　set　me；　far　indeed　beneath　the　Sphere　wherein　she　dwells；　yet　truly　above　this　world；　I　should　not　have　seen　you　again。　　But　now　I　can　see　you；　and　hear　your　voice；　and　remain　calm〃

The　General　broke　in；　〃But；　Antoinette；　let　me　see　you；　you　whom　I　love　passionately；　desperately；　as　you　could　have　wished　me　to　love　you。〃

〃Do　not　call　me　Antoinette；　I　implore　you。　　Memories　of　the　past　hurt　me。　　You　must　see　no　one　here　but　Sister　Theresa；　a　creature　who　trusts　in　the　Divine　mercy。〃　　She　paused　for　a　little；　and　then　added；　〃You　must　control　yourself；　my　brother。　　Our　Mother　would　separate　us　without　pity　if　there　is　any　worldly　passion　in　your　face；　or　if　you　allow　the　tears　to　fall　from　your　eyes。〃

The　General　bowed　his　head　to　regain　self…control；　when　he　looked　up　again　he　saw　her　face　beyond　the　gratingthe　thin；　white；　but　still　impassioned　face　of　the　nun。　　All　the　magic　charm　of　youth　that　once　bloomed　there；　all　the　fair　contrast　of　velvet　whiteness　and　the　colour　of　the　Bengal　rose；　had　given　place　to　a　burning　glow；　as　of　a　porcelain　jar　with　a　faint　light　shining　through　it。　　The　wonderful　hair　in　which　she　took　such　pride　had　been　shaven；　there　was　a　bandage　round　her　forehead　and　about　her　face。　　An　ascetic　life　had　left　dark　traces　about　the　eyes；　which　still　sometimes　shot　out　fevered　glances；　their　ordinary　calm　expression　was　but　a　veil。　　In　a　few　words；　she　was　but　the　ghost　of　her　former　self。　

〃Ah！　you　that　have　come　to　be　my　life；　you　must　come　out　of　this　tomb！　　You　were　mine；　you　had　no　right　to　give　yourself；　even　to　God。　　Did　you　not　promise　me　to　give　up　all　at　the　least　command　from　me？　　You　may　perhaps　think　me　worthy　of　that　promise　now　when　you　hear　what　I　have　done　for　you。　　I　have　sought　you　all　through　the　world。　　You　have　been　in　my　thoughts　at　every　moment　for　five　years；　my　life　has　been　given　to　you。　　My　friends；　very　powerful　friends；　as　you　know；　have　helped　with　all　their　might　to　search　every　convent　in　France；　Italy；　Spain；　Sicily；　and　America。　　Love　burned　more　brightly　for　every　vain　search。　　Again　and　again　I　made　long　journeys　with　a　false　hope；　I　have　wasted　my　life　and　the　heaviest　throbbings　of　my　heart　in　vain　under　many　a　dark　convent　wall。　　I　am　not　speaking　of　a　faithfulness　that　knows　no　bounds；　for　what　is　it？nothing　compared　with　the　infinite　longings　of　my　love。　　If　your　remorse　long　ago　was　sincere；　you　ought　not　to　hesitate　to　follow　me　today。〃

〃You　forget　that　I　am　not　free。〃

〃The　Duke　is　dead；〃　he　answered　quickly。

Sister　Theresa　flushed　red。

〃May　heaven　be　open　to　him！〃　she　cried　with　a　quick　rush　of　feeling。　　〃He　was　generous　to　me。But　I　did　not　mean　such　ties；　it　was　one　of　my　sins　that　I　was　ready　to　break　them　all　without　scruplefor　you。〃

〃Are　you　speaking　of　your　vows？〃　the　General　asked；　frowning。　　〃I　did　not　think　that　anything　weighed　heavier　with　your　heart　than　love。　　But　do　not　think　twice　of　it；　Antoinette；　the　Holy　Father　himself　shall　absolve　you　of　your　oath。　　I　will　surely　go　to　Rome；　I　will　entreat　all　the　powers　of　earth；　if　God　could　come　down　from　heaven；　I　would〃

〃Do　not　blaspheme。〃

〃So　do　not　fear　the　anger　of　God。　　Ah！　I　would　far　rather　hear　that　you　would　leave　your　prison　for　me；　that　this　very　night　you　would　let　yourself　down　into　a　boat　at　the　foot　of　the　cliffs。　　And　we　would　go　away　to　be　happy　somewhere　at　the　world's　end；　I　know　not　where。　　And　with　me　at　your　side；　you　should　come　back　to　life　and　health　under　the　wings　of　love。〃

〃You　must　not　talk　like　this；〃　said　Sister　Theresa；　〃you　do　not　know　what　you　are　to　me　now。　　I　love　you　far　better　than　I　ever　loved　you　before。　　Every　day　I　pray　for　you；　I　see　you　with　other　eyes。　　Armand；　if　you　but　knew　the　happiness　of　giving　yourself　up；　without　shame；　to　a　pure　friendship　which　God　watches　over！　　You　do　not　know　what　joy　it　is　to　me　to　pray　for　heaven's　blessing　on　you。　　I　never　pray　for　myself：　　God　will　do　with　me　according　to　His　will；　but；　at　the　price　of　my　soul；　I　wish　I　could　be　sure　that　you　are　happy　here　on　earth；　and　that　you　will　be　happy　hereafter　throughout　all　ages。　　My　eternal　life　is　all　that　trouble　has　left　me　to　offer　up　to　you。　　I　am　old　now　with　weeping；　I　am　neither　young　nor　fair；　and　in　any　case；　you　could　not　respect　the　nun　who　became　a　wife；　no　love；　not　even　motherhood；　could　give　me　absolution。　。　。　。　　What　can　you　say　to　outweigh　the　uncounted　thoughts　that　have　gathered　in　my　heart　during　the　past　five　years；　thoughts　that　have　changed；　and　worn；　and　blighted　it？　　I　ought　to　have　given　a　heart　less　sorrowful　to　God。〃

〃What　can　I　say？　　Dear　Antoinette；　I　will　say　this；　that　I　love　you；　that　affection；　love；　a　great　love；　the　joy　of　living　in　another　heart　that　is　ours；　utterly　and　wholly　ours；　is　so　rare　a　thing　and　so　hard　to　find；　that　I　doubted　you；　and　put　you　to　sharp　proof；　but　now；　today；　I　love　you；　Antoinette；　with　all　my　soul's　strength。　。　。　。　　If　you　will　follow　me　into　solitude；　I　will　hear　no　voice　but　yours；　I　will　see　no　other　face。〃

〃Hush；　Armand！　　You　are　shortening　the　little　time　that　we　may　be　together　here　on　earth。〃

〃Antoinette；　will　you　come　with　me？〃

〃I　am　never　away　from　you。　　My　life　is　in　your　heart；　not　through　the　selfish　ties　of　earthly　happiness；　or　vanity；　or　enjoyment；　pale　and　withered　as　I　am；　I　live　here　for　you；　in　the　breast　of　God。　　As　God　is　just；　you　shall　be　happy〃

〃Words；　words　all　of　it！　　Pale　and　withered？　　How　if　I　want　you？

How　if　I　cannot　be　happy　without　you？　　Do　you　still　think　of　nothing　but　duty　with　you