for the term of his natural life-第80章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


ut　a　subject　in　which　he　took　no　interest；　he　turned　the　conversation　remorselessly。　　He　would　not　have　wittingly　offended　her；　but　it　seemed　to　him　natural　to　yawn　when　he　was　weary；　to　sleep　when　he　was　fatigued；　and　to　talk　only　about　those　subjects　which　interested　him。　　Had　anybody　told　him　that　he　was　selfish；　he　would　have　been　astonished。　　Thus　it　came　about　that　Sylvia　one　day　discovered　that　she　led　two　livesone　in　the　body；　and　one　in　the　spiritand　that　with　her　spiritual　existence　her　husband　had　no　share。　　This　discovery　alarmed　her；　but　then　she　smiled　at　it。　　〃As　if　Maurice　could　be　expected　to　take　interest　in　all　my　silly　fancies；〃　said　she；　and；　despite　a　harassing　thought　that　these　same　fancies　were　not　foolish；　but　were　the　best　and　brightest　portion　of　her；　she　succeeded　in　overcoming　her　uneasiness。　〃A　man's　thoughts　are　different　from　a　woman's；〃　she　said；　〃he　has　his　business　and　his　worldly　cares；　of　which　a　woman　knows　nothing。　I　must　comfort　him；　and　not　worry　him　with　my　follies。〃

As　for　Maurice；　he　grew　sometimes　rather　troubled　in　his　mind。　He　could　not　understand　his　wife。　　Her　nature　was　an　enigma　to　him；　her　mind　was　a　puzzle　which　would　not　be　pieced　together　with　the　rectangular　correctness　of　ordinary　life。　　He　had　known　her　from　a　child；　had　loved　her　from　a　child；　and　had　committed　a　mean　and　cruel　crime　to　obtain　her；　but　having　got　her；　he　was　no　nearer　to　the　mystery　of　her　than　before。　　She　was　all　his　own；　he　thought。　　Her　golden　hair　was　for　his　fingers；　her　lips　were　for　his　caress；　her　eyes　looked　love　upon　him　alone。　　Yet　there　were　times　when　her　lips　were　cold　to　his　kisses；　and　her　eyes　looked　disdainfully　upon　his　coarser　passion。　　He　would　catch　her　musing　when　he　spoke　to　her；　much　as　she　would　catch　him　sleeping　when　she　read　to　himbut　she　awoke　with　a　start　and　a　blush　at　her　forgetfulness；　which　he　never　did。　　He　was　not　a　man　to　brood　over　these　things；　and；　after　some　reflective　pipes　and　ineffectual　rubbings　of　his　head；　he　〃gave　it　up〃。　　How　was　it　possible；　indeed；　for　him　to　solve　the　mental　enigma　when　the　woman　herself　was　to　him　a　physical　riddle？　It　was　extraordinary　that　the　child　he　had　seen　growing　up　by　his　side　day　by　day　should　be　a　young　woman　with　little　secrets；　now　to　be　revealed　to　him　for　the　first　time。　　He　found　that　she　had　a　mole　on　her　neck；　and　remembered　that　he　had　noticed　it　when　she　was　a　child。　Then　it　was　a　thing　of　no　moment；　now　it　was　a　marvellous　discovery。　He　was　in　daily　wonderment　at　the　treasure　he　had　obtained。　　He　marvelled　at　her　feminine　devices　of　dress　and　adornment。　　Her　dainty　garments　seemed　to　him　perfumed　with　the　odour　of　sanctity。

The　fact　was　that　the　patron　of　Sarah　Purfoy　had　not　met　with　many　virtuous　women；　and　had　but　just　discovered　what　a　dainty　morsel　Modesty　was。




CHAPTER　XVIII。

IN　THE　HOSPITAL。



The　hospital　of　Port　Arthur　was　not　a　cheerful　place；　but　to　the　tortured　and　unnerved　Rufus　Dawes　it　seemed　a　paradise。　　There　at　leastdespite　the　roughness　and　contempt　with　which　his　gaolers　ministered　to　him　he　felt　that　he　was　considered。　　There　at　least　he　was　free　from　the　enforced　companionship　of　the　men　whom　he　loathed；　and　to　whose　level　he　felt；　with　mental　agony　unspeakable；　that　he　was　daily　sinking。　Throughout　his　long　term　of　degradation　he　had；　as　yet；　aided　by　the　memory　of　his　sacrifice　and　his　love；　preserved　something　of　his　self…respect；　but　he　felt　that　he　could　not　preserve　it　long。　　Little　by　little　he　had　come　to　regard　himself　as　one　out　of　the　pale　of　love　and　mercy；　as　one　tormented　of　fortune；　plunged　into　a　deep　into　which　the　eye　of　Heaven　did　not　penetrate。　　Since　his　capture　in　the　garden　of　Hobart　Town；　he　had　given　loose　rein　to　his　rage　and　his　despair。　　〃I　am　forgotten　or　despised；　I　have　no　name　in　the　world；　what　matter　if　I　become　like　one　of　these？〃　　It　was　under　the　influence　of　this　feeling　that　he　had　picked　up　the　cat　at　the　command　of　Captain　Burgess。　As　the　unhappy　Kirkland　had　said；　〃As　well　you　as　another〃；　and　truly；　what　was　he　that　he　should　cherish　sentiments　of　honour　or　humanity？　But　he　had　miscalculated　his　own　capacity　for　evil。　　As　he　flogged；　he　blushed；　and　when　he　flung　down　the　cat　and　stripped　his　own　back　for　punishment；　he　felt　a　fierce　joy　in　the　thought　that　his　baseness　would　be　atoned　for　in　his　own　blood。　　Even　when；　unnerved　and　faint　from　the　hideous　ordeal；　he　flung　himself　upon　his　knees　in　the　cell；　he　regretted　only　the　impotent　ravings　that　the　torture　had　forced　from　him。　He　could　have　bitten　out　his　tongue　for　his　blasphemous　utterings　not　because　they　were　blasphemous；　but　because　their　utterance；　by　revealing　his　agony；　gave　their　triumph　to　his　tormentors。　When　North　found　him；　he　was　in　the　very　depth　of　this　abasement；　and　he　repulsed　his　comforternot　so　much　because　he　had　seen　him　flogged；　as　because　he　had　heard　him　cry。　　The　self…reliance　and　force　of　will　which　had　hitherto　sustained　him　through　his　self…imposed　trial　had　failed　himhe　feltat　the　moment　when　he　needed　it　most；　and　the　man　who　had　with　unflinched　front　faced　the　gallows；　the　desert；　and　the　sea；　confessed　his　debased　humanity　beneath　the　physical　torture　of　the　lash。　　He　had　been　flogged　before；　and　had　wept　in　secret　at　his　degradation；　but　he　now　for　the　first　time　comprehended　how　terrible　that　degradation　might　be　made；　for　he　realized　how　the　agony　of　the　wretched　body　can　force　the　soul　to　quit　its　last　poor　refuge　of　assumed　indifference；　and　confess　itself　conquered。

Not　many　months　before；　one　of　the　companions　of　the　chain；　suffering　under　Burgess's　tender　mercies；　had　killed　his　mate　when　at　work　with　him；　and；　carrying　the　body　on　his　back　to　the　nearest　gang；　had　surrendered　himselfgoing　to　his　death　thanking　God　he　had　at　last　found　a　way　of　escape　from　his　miseries；　which　no　one　would　envy　him　save　his　comrades。　　The　heart　of　Dawes　had　been　filled　with　horror　at　a　deed　so　bloody；　and　he　had；　with　others；　commented　on　the　cowardice　of　the　man　that　would　thus　shirk　the　responsibility　of　that　state　of　life　in　which　it　had　pleased　man　and　the　devil　to　place　him。　　Now　he　understood　how　and　why　the　crime　had　been　committed；　and　felt　only　pity。　Lying　awake　with　back　that　burned　beneath　its　lotioned　rags；　when　lights　were　low；　in　the　breathful　silence　of　the　hospital；　he　registered　in　his　heart　a　terrible　oath　that　he　would　die　ere　he　would　again　be　made　such　hideous　sport　for　his　enemies。　　In　this　frame　of　mind；　with　such　shreds　of　honour　and　worth　as　had　formerly　clung　to　him　blown　away　in　the　whirlwind　of　his　passion；　he　bethought　him　of　the　strange　man　who　had　deigned　to　clasp　his　hand　and　call　him　〃brother〃。　He　had　wept　no　unmanly　tears　at　this　sudden　flow　of　tenderness　in　one　whom　he　had　thought　as　callous　as　the　rest。　　He　had　been　touched　with　wondrous　sympathy　at　the　confession　of　weakness　made　to　him；　in　a　moment　when　his　own　weakness　had　overcome　him　to　his　shame。　Soothed　by　the　brief　rest　that　his　fortnight　of　hospital　seclusion　had　afforded　him；　he　had　begun；　in　a　languid　and　speculative　way；　to　turn　his　thoughts　to　religion。　　He　had　read　of　martyrs　who　had　borne　agonies　unspeakable；　upheld　by　their　confidence　in　Heaven　and　God。　In　his　old　wild　youth　he　had　scoffed　at　prayers　and　priests；　in　the　hate　to　his　kind　that　had　grown　upon　him　with　his　later　years　he　had　despised　a　creed　that　told　men　to　love　one　another。　　〃God　is　love；　my　brethren；〃　said　the　chaplain　on　Sundays；　and　all　the　week　the　thongs　of　the　overseer　cracked；　and　the　cat　hissed　and　swung。　　Of　what　practical　value　was　a　piety　that　preached　but　did　not　practise？　　It　was　admirable　for　the　〃religious　instructor〃　to　tell　a　prisoner　that　he　must　not　give　way　to　evil　passions；　but　must　bear　his　punishment　with　meekness。　It　was　only　right　that　he　should　advise　him　to　〃put　his　trust　in　God〃。　But　as　a　hardened　prisoner；　convicted　of　getting　drunk　in　an　unlicensed　house　of　entertainment；　had　said；　〃God's　terrible　far　from　Port　Arthur。〃

Rufus　Dawes　had　smiled　at　the　spectacle　of　priests　admonishing　men；　who　knew　what　he　knew　and　had　seen　what　he　had　seen；　for　the　trivialities　of　lying　and　stealing。　　He　had　believed　all　priests　impostors　or　fools；　all　religion　a　mockery