april hopes-第77章

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and　she　could　not　conceive　of　an　abject　humility　and　longing　for　sympathy
in　her　heart。　　If　Alice　felt；　when　she　saw　Mrs。　Brinkley；　that　she　had　a
providential　opportunity　to　punish　herself　for　her　injustice　to　Dan；　the
fact　could　not　be　established　upon　Mrs。　Brinkley's　theory　of　her。　　If　the
ascetic　impulse　is　the　most　purely　selfish　impulse　in　human　nature；　Mrs。
Brinkley　might　not　have　been　mistaken　in　suspecting　her　of　an　ignoble
motive；　though　it　might　have　had　for　the　girl　the　last　sublimity　of　self…
sacrifice。　　The　woman　who　disliked　her　and　pitied　her　knew　that　she　had
no　arts；　and　rather　than　adopt　so　simple　a　theory　of　her　behaviour　as　her
husband　had　advanced　she　held　all　the　more　strenuously　to　her　own　theory
that　Alice　was　practising　her　mother's　arts。　　This　was　inevitable；　partly
from　the　sense　of　Mrs。　Pasmer's　artfulness　which　everybody　had；　and　partly
from　the　allegiance　which　we　payand　women　especially　like　to　payto　the
tradition　of　the　playwrights　and　the　novelists；　that　social　results　of　all
kinds　are　the　work　of　deep；　and　more　or　less　darkling；　design　on　the　part
of　other　womensuch　other　women　as　Mrs。　Pasmer。

Mrs。　Brinkley　continued　to　talk；　but　the　god　spoke　no　more　from　behind　the
newspaper；　and　afterward　Mrs。　Brinkley　lay　a　long　time　awake；　hardening
her　heart。　　But　she　was　haunted　to　the　verge　of　her　dreams　by　that　girl's
sick　look；　by　her　languid　walk；　and　by　the　effect　which　she　had　seen　her
own　words　take　upon　Mrs。　Pasmeran　effect　so　admirably　disowned；　so
perfectly　obvious。　　Before　she　could　get　to　sleep　she　was　obliged　to　make
a　compromise　with　her　heart；　in　pursuance　of　which；　when　she　found　Mrs。
Pasmer　at　breakfast　alone　in　the　morning；　she　went　up　to　her；　and　said；
holding　her　hand　a　moment；　〃I　hope　your　daughter　slept　well　last　night。〃

〃No；〃　said　Mrs。　Pasmer；　slipping　her　hand　away；　〃I　can't　say　that　she
did。〃　　There　was　probably　no　resentment　expressed　in　the　way　she　withdrew
her　hand；　but　the　other　thought　there　was。

〃I　wish　I　could　do　something　for　her；〃　she　cried。

〃Oh；　thank　you；〃　said　Mrs。　Pasmer。　　〃It's　very　good　of　you。〃　　And　Mrs。
Brinkley　fancied　she　smiled　rather　bitterly。

Mrs。　Brinkley　went　out　upon　the　seaward　verandah　of　the　hotel　with　this
bitterness　of　Mrs。　Pasmer's　smile　in　her　thoughts；　and　it　disposed　her　to
feel　more　keenly　the　quality　of　Miss　Pasmer's　smile。　　She　found　the　girl
standing　there　at　a　remote　point　of　that　long　stretch　of　planking；　and
looking　out　over　the　water；　she　held　with　both　hands　across　her　breast　the
soft　chuddah　shawl　which　the　wind　caught　and　fluttered　away　from　her
waist。　　She　was　alone；　said　as　Mrs。　Brinkley's　compunctions　goaded　her
nearer；　she　fancied　that　the　saw　Alice　master　a　primary　dislike　in　her
face；　and　put　on　a　look　of　pathetic　propitiation。　　She　did　not　come
forward　to　meet　Mrs。　Brinkley；　who　liked　better　her　waiting　to　be
approached；　but　she　smiled　gratefully　when　Mrs。　Brinkley　put　out　her　hand；
and　she　took　it　with　a　very　cold　one。

〃You　must　find　it　chilly　here；〃　said　the　elder　woman。

〃I　had　better　be　out　in　the　air　all　I　could；　the　doctor　said；〃　answered
Alice。

〃Well；　then；　come　with　me　round　the　corner；　there's　a　sort　of　recess
there；　and　you　won't　be　blown　to　pierces；〃　said　Mrs。　Brinkley；　with
authority。　　They　sat　down　together　in　the　recess；　and　she　added：　〃I　used
to　sit　here　with　Miss　Van　Hook；　she　could　hear　better　in　the　noise　the
waves　made。　　I　hope　it　isn't　too　much　for　you。〃

〃Oh　no；〃　said　Alice。　　〃Mamma　said　you　told　her　they　were　here。〃　　Mrs。
Brinkley　reassured　herself　from　this；　Miss　Van　Hook's　name　had　rather
slipped　out；　but　of　course　Mrs。　Pasmer　had　not　repeated　what　she　had　said
about　Dan　in　this　connection。　　〃I　wish　I　could　have　seen　Julia；〃　Alice
went　on。　　〃It　would　have　been　quite　like　Campobello　again。〃

〃Oh；　quite；〃　said　Mrs。　Brinkley；　with　a　short　breath；　and　not　knowing
whither　this　tended。　　Alice　did　not　leave　her　in　doubt。

〃I　should　like　to　have　seen　her；　and　begged　her　for　the　way　I　treated　her
the　last　part　of　the　time　there。　　I　feel　as　if　I　could　make　my　whole　life
a　reparation；〃　she　added　passionately。

Mrs。　Brinkley　believed　that　this　was　the　mere　frenzy　of　sentimentality；
the　exaltation　of　a　selfish　asceticism；　but　at　the　break　in　the　girl's
voice　and　the　aversion　of　her　face　she　could　not　help　a　thrill　of　motherly
tenderness　for　her。　　She　wanted　to　tell　her　she　was　an　unconscious　humbug；
bent　now　as　always　on　her　own　advantage；　and　really　indifferent　to　others
she　also　wanted　to　comfort　her；　and　tell　her　that　she　exaggerated；　and　was
not　to　blame。　　She　did　neither；　but　when　Alice　turned　her　face　back　she
seemed　encouraged　by　Mrs。　Brinkley's　look　to　go　on：　〃I　didn't　appreciate
her　then；　she　was　very　generous　and　high…mindedtoo　high…minded　for　me　to
understand；　even。　　But　we　don't　seem　to　know　how　good　others　are　till　we
wrong　them。〃

〃Yes；　that　is　very　true；〃　said　Mrs。　Brinkley。　　She　knew　that　Alice　was
obviously　referring　to　the　breach　between　herself　and　Miss　Anderson
following　the　night　of　the　Trevor　theatricals；　and　the　dislike　for　her
that　she　had　shown　with　a　frankness　some　of　the　ladies　had　thought　brutal。
Mrs。　Brinkley　also　believed　that　her　words　had　a　tacit　meaning；　and　she
would　have　liked　to　have　the　hardness　to　say　she　had　seen　an　unnamed
victim　of　Alice　doing　his　best　to　console　the　other　she　had　specified。
But　she　merely　said　drily；　〃Yes；　perhaps　that's　the　reason　why　we're
allowed　to　injure　people。〃

〃It　must　be；〃　said　Alice　simply。　　〃Did　Miss　Anderson　ever　speak　of　me？〃

〃No；　I　can't　remember　that　she　ever　did。〃　　Mrs。　Brinkley　did　not　feel
bound　to　say　that　she　and　Miss　Van　Hook　had　discussed　her　at　large；　and
agreed　perfectly　about　her。

〃I　should　like　to　see　her；　I　should　like　to　write　to　her。〃

Mrs。　Brinkley　felt　that　she　ought　not　to　suffer　this　intimate　tendency　in
the　talk：

〃You　must　find　a　great　many　other　acquaintances　in　the　hotel；　Miss
Pasmer。〃

〃Some　of　the　Frankland　girds　are　here；　and　the　two　Bellinghams。　　I　have
hardly　spoken　to　them　yet。　　Do　you　think　that　where　you　have　even　been　in
the　right；　if　you　have　been　harsh；　if　you　have　been　hasty；　if　you　haven't
made　allowances；　you　ought　to　offer　some　atonement？〃

〃Really；　I　can't　say；〃　said　Mrs。　Brinkley；　with　a　smile　of　distaste。　　〃I'm
afraid　your　question　isn't　quite　in　my　line　of　thinking；　it's　more　in　Miss
Cotton's　way。　　You'd　better　ask　her　some　time。〃

〃No；〃　said　Alice　sadly；　〃she　would　flatter　me。〃

〃Ah！　I　always　supposed　she　was　very　conscientious。〃

〃She's　conscientious；　but　she　likes　me　too　well。〃

〃Oh！〃　commented　Mrs。　Brinkley　to　herself；　〃then　you　know　I　don't　like　you；
and　you'll　use　me　in　one　way；　if　you　can't　in　another。　　Very　well！〃　　But
she　found　the　girl's　trust　touching　somehow；　though　the　sentimentality　of
her　appeal　seemed　as　tawdry　as　ever。

〃I　knew　you　would　be　just；〃　added　Alice　wistfully。

〃Oh；　I　don't　know　about　atonements！〃　said　Mrs。　Brinkley；　with　an　effect　of
carelessness。　　〃It　seems　to　me　that　we　usually　make　them　for　our　own
sake。〃

〃I　have　thought　of　that；〃　said　Alice；　with　a　look　of　expectation。

〃And　we　usually　astonish　other　people　when　we　offer　them。〃

〃Either　they　don't　like　it；　or　else　they　don't　feel　so　much　injured　as　we
had　supposed。〃

〃0h；　but　there's　no　question〃

〃If　Miss　Anderson〃

〃Miss　Anderson？　　Ohoh　yes！〃

〃If　Miss　Anderson　for　example；〃　pursued　Mrs。　Brinkley；　〃felt　aggrieved
with　you。　　But　really　I've　no　right　to　enter　into　your　affairs；　Miss
Pasmer。〃

〃Oh　Yes；　yes！do！　　I　asked　you　to；〃　the　girl　implored。

〃I　doubt　if　it　will　help　matters　for　her　to　know　that　you　regret　anything；
and　if　she　shouldn't　happen　to　have　thought　that　you　were　unjust　to　her；
it　would　make　her　uncomfortable　for　nothing。〃

〃Do　you　think　so？〃　asked　the　girl；　with　a　disappointment　that　betrayed
itself　in　her　voice　and　eyes。

〃I　never　feel　I　myself　competent　to　advise；〃　said　Mrs。　Brinkley。　　〃I　can
criticiseanybody　canand　I　do；　pretty　freely；　but　advice　is　a　more
serious　matter。　　Each　of　us　must　act　from　herselffrom　what　she　thinks　is
right。〃

〃Yes；　I　see。　　Thank　you　so　much；　Mrs。　Brinkley。〃

〃After　all；　we　have　a　right　to　do　ourselves　good；　e