april hopes-第61章
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purpose of getting Mrs。 Pasmer out of the room; and sitting down with his
arm around Alice's waist。 When he had accomplished this it seemed
sufficient in itself; and she had to think; to struggle to recall things
beyond it; above it。 He could not be made to see at such times how their
lives could be more in unison than they were。 When she proposed doing
something for him which he knew was disagreeable to her; he would not let
her; and when she hinted at anything she wished him to do for her because
she knew it was disagreeable to him; he consented so promptly; so
joyously; that she perceived he could not have given the least thought to
it。
She felt every day that they were alien in their tastes and aims; their
pleasures were not the same; and though it was sweet; though it was
charming; to have him give up so willingly all his preferences; she felt;
without knowing that the time must come when this could not be so; that it
was all wrong。
〃But these very differences; these antagonisms; if you wish to call them
so;〃 suggested Miss Cotton; in talking Alice's misgivings over with her;
〃aren't they just what will draw you together more and more? Isn't it
what attracted you to each other? The very fact that you are such perfect
counterparts〃
〃Yes;〃 the girl assented; 〃that's what we're taught to believe。〃 She
meant by the novels; to which we all trust our instruction in such
matters; and her doubt doubly rankled after she had put it to silence。
She kept on writing to Dan's mother; though more and more perfunctorily;
and now Eunice and now Minnie Mavering acknowledged her letters。 She knew
that they must think she was silly; but having entered by Dan's connivance
upon her folly; she was too proud to abandon it。
At last; after she had ceased to expect it; came a letter from his mother;
not a brief note; but a letter which the invalid had evidently tasked
herself to make long and full; in recognition of Alice's kindness in
writing to her so much。 The girl opened it; and; after a verifying glance
at the signature; began to read it with a thrill of tender triumph; and
the fond prevision of the greater pleasure of reading it again with Dan。
But after reading it once through; she did not wait for him before reading
it again and again。 She did this with bewilderment; intershot with
flashes of conviction; and then doubts of this conviction。 When she could
misunderstand no longer; she rose quietly and folded the letter; and put
it carefully back into its envelope and into her writing desk; where she
sat down and wrote; in her clearest and firmest hand; this note to
Mavering
〃I wish to see you immediately。
〃ALICE PASMER。〃
XLIII
Dan had learned; with a lover's keenness; to read Alice's moods in the
most colourless wording of her notes。 She was rather apt to write him
notes; taking back or reaffirming the effect of something that had just
passed between them。 Her note were tempered to varying degrees of heat
and cold; so fine that no one else would have felt the difference; but
sensible to him in their subtlest intention。
Perhaps a mere witness of the fact would have been alarmed by a note which
began without an address; except that on the envelope; and ended its
peremptory brevity with the writer's name signed in full。 Dan read
calamity in it; and he had all the more trouble to pull himself together
to meet it because he had parted with unusual tenderness from Alice the
night before; after an evening in which it seemed to him that their ideals
had been completely reconciled。
The note came; as her notes were apt to come; while Dan was at breakfast;
which he was rather luxurious about for so young a man; and he felt
formlessly glad afterward that he had drunk his first cup of coffee before
he opened it; for it chilled the second cup; and seemed to take all
character out of the omelet。
He obeyed it; wondering what the doom menaced in it might be; but knowing
that it was doom; and leaving his breakfast half…finished; with a dull
sense of the tragedy of doing so。
He would have liked to ask for Mrs。 Pasmer first; and interpose a moment
of her cheerful unreality between himself and his interview with Alice;
but he decided that he had better not do this; and they met at once; with
the width of the room between them。 Her look was one that made it
impassable to the simple impulse he usually had to take her in his arms
and kiss her。 But as she stood holding out a letter to him; with the
apparent intention that he should come and take it; he traversed the
intervening space and took it。
〃Why; it's from mother!〃 he said joyously; with a glance at the
handwriting。
〃Will you please explain it?〃 said Alice; and Dan began to read it。
It began with a good many excuses for not having written before; and went
on with a pretty expression of interest in Alice's letters and gratitude
for them; Mrs。 Mavering assured the girl that she could not imagine what a
pleasure they had been to her。 She promised herself that they should be
great friends; and she said that she looked forward eagerly to the time;
now drawing near; when Dan should bring her home to them。 She said she
knew Alice would find it dull at the Falls except for him; but they would
all do their best; and she would find the place very different from what
she had seen it in the winter。 Alice could make believe that she was
there just for the summer; and Mrs。 Mavering hoped that before the summer
was gone she would be so sorry for a sick old woman that she would not
even wish to go with it。 This part of the letter; which gave Dan away so
hopelessly; as he felt; was phrased so touchingly; that he looked up from
it with moist eyes to the hard cold judgment in the eyes of Alice。
〃Will you please explain it?〃 she repeated。
He tried to temporise。 〃Explain what?〃
Alice was prompt to say; 〃Had you promised your mother to take me home to
live?〃
Dan did not answer。
〃You promised my mother to go abroad。 What else have you promised?〃 He
continued silent; and she added; 〃You are a faithless man。〃 They were the
words of Romola; in the romance; to Tito; she had often admired them; and
they seemed to her equally the measure of Dan's offence。
〃Alice〃
〃Here are your letters and remembrances; Mr。 Mavering。〃 Dan mechanically
received the packet she had been holding behind her; with a perverse freak
of intelligence he observed that; though much larger now; it was tied up
with the same ribbon which had fastened it when Alice returned his letters
and gifts before。 〃Good…bye。 I wish you every happiness consistent with
your nature。〃
She bowed coldly; and was about to leave him; as she had planned; but she
had not arranged that he should be standing in front of the door; and he
was there; with no apparent intention of moving。
〃Will you allow me to pass?〃 she was forced to ask; however; haughtily。
〃No!〃 he retorted; with a violence that surprised him。 〃I will not let
you pass till you have listened to metill you tell me why you treat me
so。 I won't stand itI've had enough of this kind of thing。〃
It surprised Alice too a little; and after a moment's hesitation she said;
〃I will listen to you;〃 so much more gently than she had spoken before
that Dan relaxed his imperative tone; and began to laugh。 〃But;〃 she
added; and her face clouded again; 〃it will be of no use。 My mind is made
up this time。 Why should we talk?〃
Why; because mine isn't;〃 said Dan。 〃What is the matter; Alice? Do you
think I would force you; or even ask you; to go home with me to live
unless you were entirely willing? It could only be a temporary
arrangement anyway。〃
〃That isn't the question;〃 she retorted。 〃The question is whether you've
promised your mother one thing and me another。〃
〃Well; I don't know about promising;〃 said Dan; laughing a little more
uneasily; but still laughing。 〃As nearly as I can remember; I wasn't
consulted about the matter。 Your mother proposed one thing; and my mother
proposed another。〃
〃And you agreed to both。 That is quite enoughquite characteristic!〃
Dan flushed; and stopped laughing。 〃I don't know what you mean b