april hopes-第59章
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Nothing is sacred to her。 It was she who took up with those army women
that night。〃
〃Well; Alice; I must say you can give things as ugly names as the next
one。 I haven't seen Mrs。 Brinkley the whole winter; except in your
company。 But she has more sense than all the other women I know。〃
〃Oh; thank you!〃
〃You know I don't mean you;〃 he pushed on。 〃And she isn't a pessimist。
She's very kindhearted; and that night she was very polite and good to
those army women; as you call them; when you had refused to say a word or
do anything for them。〃
〃I knew it had been rankling in your mind all along;〃 said the girl 〃I
expected it to coma out sooner or later。 And you talk about renunciation!
You never forget nor forgive the slightest thing。 But I don't ask your
forgiveness。〃
〃Alice!〃
〃No。 You are as hard as iron。 You have that pleasant outside manner that
makes people think you're very gentle and yielding; but all the time
you're like adamant。 I would rather die than ask your forgiveness for
anything; and you'd rather let me than give it。〃
〃Well; then; I ask your forgiveness; Alice; and I'm sure you won't let me
die without it。〃
They regarded each other a moment。 Then the tenderness gushed up in their
hearts; a passionate tide; and swept them into each other's arms。
〃O Dan;〃 she cried; 〃how sweet you are! how good! how lovely! Oh; how
wonderful it is! I wanted to hate you; but I couldn't。 I couldn't do
anything but love you。 Yes; now I understand what love is; and how it can
do everything; and last for ever。〃
XLI。
Mavering came to lunch the next day; and had a word with Mrs。 Pasmer
before Alice came in。 Mr。 Pasmer usually lunched at the club。
〃We don't see much of Mrs。 Saintsbury nowadays;〃 he suggested。
〃No; it's a great way to Cambridge;〃 said Mrs。 Pasmer; stifling; in a
little sigh of apparent regret for the separation; the curiosity she felt
as to Dan's motive in mentioning Mrs。 Saintsbury。 She was very patient
with him when he went on。
〃Yes; it is a great way。 And a strange thing about it is that when you're
living here it's a good deal further from Boston to Cambridge than it is
from Cambridge to Boston。〃
〃Yes;〃 said Mrs。 Pasmer; 〃every one notices that。〃
Dan sat absently silent for a time before he said; 〃Yes; I guess I must go
out and see Mrs。 Saintsbury。〃
〃Yes; you ought。 She's very fond of you。 You and Alice ought both to
go。〃
〃Does Mrs。 Saintsbury like me?〃 asked Dan。 〃Well; she's awfully nice。
Don't you think she's awfully fond of formulating people?〃
〃Oh; everybody in Cambridge does that。 They don't gossip; they merely
accumulate materials for the formulation of character。〃
〃And they get there just the same!〃 cried Dan。 〃Mrs。 Saintsbury used to
think she had got me down pretty fine;〃 he suggested。
〃Yes!〃 said Mrs。 Pasmer; with an indifference which they both knew she did
not feel。
〃Yes。 She used to accuse me of preferring to tack; even in a fair wind。〃
He looked inquiringly at Mrs。 Pasmer; and she said; 〃How ridiculous!〃
〃Yes; it was。 Well; I suppose I am rather circuitous about some things。〃
〃Oh; not at all!〃
〃And I suppose I'm rather a trial to Alice in that way。〃
He looked at Mrs。 Pasmer again; and she said: 〃I don't believe you are;
in the least。 You can't tell what is trying to a girl。〃
〃No;〃 said Dan pensively; 〃I can't。〃 Mrs。 Pasmer tried to render the
interest in her face less vivid。 〃I can't tell where she's going to bring
up。 Talk about tacking!〃
〃Do you mean the abstract girl; or Alice?〃
〃Oh; the abstract girl;〃 said Dan; and they laughed together。 〃You think
Alice is very straightforward; don't you?〃
〃Very;〃 said Mrs。 Pasmer; looking down with a smile〃for a girl。〃
〃Yes; that's what I mean。 And don't you think the most circuitous kind of
fellow would be pretty direct compared with the straight…forwardest kind
of girl?〃
There was a rueful defeat and bewilderment in Dan's face that made Mrs。
Pasmer laugh。 〃What has she been doing now?〃 she asked。
〃Mrs。 Pasmer;〃 said Dan; 〃you and I are the only frank and open people I
know。 Well; she began to talk last night about influencethe influence
of other people on us; and she killed off nearly all the people I like
before I knew what she was up to; and she finished with Mrs。 Brinkley。
I'm glad she didn't happen to think of you; Mrs。 Pasmer; or I shouldn't be
associating with you at the present moment。〃 This idea seemed to give
Mrs。 Pasmer inexpressible pleasure。 Dan went on: 〃Do you quite see the
connection between our being entirely devoted to each other and my
dropping Mrs。 Brinkley?〃
〃I don't know;〃 said Mrs。 Pasmer。 〃Alice doesn't like satirical people。〃
〃Well; of course not。 But Mrs。 Brinkley is such an admirer of hers。〃
〃I dare say she tells you so。〃
〃Oh; but she is!〃
〃I don't deny it;〃 said Mrs。 Pasmer。 〃But if Alice feels something
inimicalantipaticoin her atmosphere; it's no use talking。〃
〃Oh no; it's no use talking; and I don't know that I want to talk。〃 After
a pause; Mavering asked; 〃Mrs。 Pasmer; don't you think that where two
people are going to be entirely devoted to each other; and self…
sacrificing to each other; they ought to divide; and one do all the
devotion; and the other all the self…sacrifice?〃
Mrs。 Pasmer was amused by the droll look in Dan's eyes。 〃I think they
ought to be willing to share evenly;〃 she said。
〃Yes; that's what I sayshare and share alike。 I'm not selfish about
those little things。〃 He blew off a long sighing breath。 〃Mrs。 Pasmer;
don't you think we ought to have an ideal of conduct?〃
Mrs。 Pasmer abandoned herself to laughter。 〃O Dan! Dan! You will be the
death of me。〃
〃We will die together; then; Mrs。 Pasmer。 Alice will kill me。〃 He
regarded her with a sad sympathy in his eye as she laughed and laughed
with delicious intelligence of the case。 The intelligence was perfect;
from their point of view; but whether it fathomed the girl's whole
intention or aspiration is another matter。 Perhaps this was not very
clear to herself。 At any rate; Mavering did not go any more to see Mrs。
Brinkley; whose house he had liked to drop into。 Alice went several
times; to show; she said; that she had no feeling in the matter; and Mrs。
Brinkley; when she met Dan; forbore to embarrass him with questions or
reproaches; she only praised Alice to him。
There were not many other influences that Alice cut him off from; she even
exposed him to some influences that might have been thought deleterious。
She made him go and call alone upon certain young ladies whom she
specified; and she praised several others to him; though she did not
praise them for the same things that he did。 One of them was a girl to
whom Alice had taken a great fancy; such as often buds into a romantic
passion between women; she was very gentle and mild; and she had none of
that strength of will which she admired in Alice。 One night there was a
sleighing party to a hotel in the suburbs; where they had dancing and then
supper。 After the supper they danced 〃Little Sally Waters〃 for a finale;
instead of the Virginia Reel; and Alice would not go on the floor with
Dan; she said she disliked that dance; but she told him to dance with Miss
Langham。 It became a gale of fun; and in the height of it Dan slipped and
fell with his partner。 They laughed it off; with the rest; but after a
while the girl began to cry; she had received a painful bruise。 All the
way home; while the others laughed and sang and chattered; Dan was
troubled about this poor girl; his anxiety became a joke with the whole
sleighful of people。
When he parted with Alice at her door; he said; 〃I'm afraid I hurt Miss
Langham; I feel awfully about it。〃
〃Yes; there's no doubt of that。 Good night!〃
She left him to go off to his lodging; hot and tingling with indignation
at her injustice。 But kindlier thoughts came to him before he slept; and
he fell asleep with a smile of tenderness for her on his lips。 He could
see how he was wrong to go out with any one else when Alice said she
disliked the dance; he ought not to have taken advantage of her generosity
in appo