april hopes-第58章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


because　they　were　not　in　the　least　frank　with　each　other。　　She　let　Dan
beat　about　the　bush　to　his　heart's　content；　and　waited　for　him　at　the
point　which　she　knew　he　was　coming　to；　with　an　unconsciousness　which　he
knew　was　factitious；　neither　of　them　got　tired　of　this；　or　failed　freshly
to　admire　the　other's　strategy。




XL。

It　cannot　be　pretended　that　Alice　was　quite　pleased　with　the　way　her
friends　took　her　engagement；　or　rather　the　way　in　which　they　spoke　of　Dan。
It　seemed　to　her　that　she　alone；　or　she　chiefly；　ought　to　feel　that
sweetness　and　loveliness　of　which　every　one　told　her；　as　if　she　could　not
have　known　it。　　If　he　was　sweet　and　lovely　to　every　one；　how　was　he
different　to　her　except　in　degree？　　Ought　he　not　to　be　different　in　kind？
She　put　the　case　to　Miss　Cotton；　whom　it　puzzled；　while　she　assured　Alice
that　he　was　different　in　kind　to　her；　though　he　might　not　seem　so；　the
very　fact　that　he　was　different　in　degree　proved　that　he　was　different　in
kind。　　This　logic　sufficed　for　the　moment　of　its　expression；　but　it　did
not　prevent　Alice　from　putting　the　case　to　Dan　himself。　　At　one　of　those
little　times　when　she　sat　beside　him　alone　and　rearranged　his　necktie；　or
played　with　his　watch　chain；　or　passed　a　critical　hand　over　his　cowlick；
she　asked　him　if　he　did　not　think　they　ought　to　have　an　ideal　in　their
engagement。　　〃What　ideal？〃　he　asked。　　He　thought　it　was　all　solid　ideal
through　and　through。　　〃Oh；〃　she　said；　〃be　more　and　more　to　each　other。〃
He　said　he　did　not　see　how　that　could　be；　if　there　was　anything　more　of
him；　she　was　welcome　to　it；　but　he　rather　thought　she　had　it　all。　　She
explained　that　she　meant　being　less　to　others；　and　he　asked　her　to　explain
that。

〃Well；　when　we're　anywhere　together；　don't　you　think　we　ought　to　show　how
different　we　are　to　each　other　from　what　we　are　to　any　one　else。〃

Dan　laughed。　　〃I'm　afraid　we　do；　Alice；　I　always　supposed　one　ought　to
hide　that　little　preference　as　much　as　possible。　　You　don't　want　me　to　be
dangling　after　you　every　moment？〃

〃No…o…o。　　But　notdangle　after　others。〃

Dan　sighed　a　littlea　little　impatiently。　　〃Do　I　dangle　after　others？〃

〃Of　course　not。　　But　show　that　we're　thoroughly　united　in　all　our　tastes
and　feelings；　andlike　and　dislike　the　same　persons。〃

〃I　don't　think　that　will　be　difficult；〃　said　Dan。

She　was　silent　a　moment；　and　then　she　said；　〃You　don't　like　to　have　me
bring　up　such　things？〃

〃Oh　yes；　I　do。　　I　wish　to　be　and　do　just　what　you　wish。〃

〃But　I　can　see；　I　can　understand；　that　you　would　sooner　pass　the　time
without　talking　of　them。　　You　like　to　be　perfectly　happy；　and　not　to　have
any　cares　whenwhen　you're　with　me　this　way？〃

〃Well；　yes；　I　suppose　I　do；〃　said　Dan；　laughing　again。　　〃I　suppose　I
rather　do　like　to　keep　pleasure　and　duty　apart。　　But　there's　nothing　you
can　wish；　Alice；　that　isn't　a　pleasure　to　me。〃

〃I'm　very　different；〃　said　the　girl。　　〃I　can't　be　at　peace　unless　I　know
that　I　have　a　right　to　be　so。　　But　now；　after　this；　I'm　going　to　do　your
way。　　If　it's　your　way；　it'll　be　the　right　wayfor　me。〃　　She　looked
sublimely　resolved；　with　a　grand　lift　of　the　eyes；　and　Dan　caught　her　to
him　in　a　rapture；　breaking　into　laughter。

〃Oh；　don't！　　Mine's　a　bad　waythe　worst　kind　of　a　way；〃　he　cried。

〃It　makes　everybody　like　you；　and　mine　makes　nobody　like　me。〃

〃It　makes　me　like　you；　and　that's　quite　enough。　　I　don't　want　other　people
to　like　you！〃

〃Yes；　that's　what　I　mean！〃　cried　Alice；　and　now　she　flung　herself　on　his
neck；　and　the　tears　came。　　〃Do　you　suppose　it　can　be　very　pleasant　to　have
everybody　talking　of　you　as　if　everybody　loved　you　as　muchas　much　as　I
do？〃　　She　clutched　him　tighter　and　sobbed。

〃O　Alice！　　Alice！　　Alice！　　Nobody　could　ever　be　what　you　are　to　me！〃　He
soothed　and　comforted　her　with　endearing　words　and　touches；　but　before　he
could　have　believed　her　half　consoled　she　pulled　away　from　him；　and　asked；
with　shining　eyes；　〃Do　you　think　Mr。　Boardman　is　a　good　influence　in　your
life？〃

〃Boardman！〃　cried　Mavering；　in　astonishment。　　〃Why；　I　thought　you　liked
Boardman？〃

〃I　do；　and　I　respect　him　very　much。　　But　that　isn't　the　question。　　Don't
you　think　we　ought　to　ask　ourselves　how　others　influence　us？〃

〃Well；　I　don't　see　much　of　Boardy　nowadays；　but　I　like　to　drop　down　and
touch　earth　in　Boardy　once　in　a　whileI'm　in　the　air　so　much。　　Board　has
more　common…sense；　more　solid　chunk…wisdom；　than　anybody　I　know。　　He's
kept　me　from　making　a　fool　of　myself　more　times〃

〃Wasn't　he　with　you　that　day　withwith　those　women　in　Portland？〃

Dan　winced　a　little；　and　then　laughed。　　〃No；　he　wasn't。　　That　was　the
trouble。　　Boardman　was　off　on　the　press　boat。　　I　thought　I　told　you。　　But
if　you　object　to　Boardman〃

〃I　don't。　　You　mustn't　think　I　object　to　people　when　I　ask　you　about　them。
All　that　I　wished　was　that　you　should　think　yourself　what　sort　of
influence　he　was。　　I　think　he's　a　very　good　influence。〃

〃He's　a　splendid　fellow；　Boardman　is；　Alice！〃　cried　Dan。　　〃You　ought　to
have　seen　how　he　fought　his　way　through　college　on　such　a　little　money；
and　never　skulked　or　felt　mean。　　He　wasn't　appreciated　for　it；　the　men
don't　notice　these　things　much；　but　he　didn't　want　to　have　it　noticed；
always　acted　as　if　it　was　neither　here　nor　there；　and　now　I　guess　he　sends
out　home　whatever　he　has　left　after　keeping　soul　and　body　together　every
week。〃

He　spoke；　perhaps；　with　too　great　an　effect　of　relief。　　Alice　listened；　as
it　seemed；　to　his　tone　rather　than　his　words；　and　said　absently

〃Yes；　that's　grand。　　But　I　don't　want　you　to　act　as　if　you　were　afraid　of
me　in　such　things。〃

〃　Afraid？〃　Dan　echoed。

〃I　don't　mean　actually　afraid；　but　as　if　you　thought　I　couldn't　be
reasonable；　as　if　you　supposed　I　didn't　expect　you　to　make　mistakes　or　to
be　imperfect。〃

〃Yes；　I　know　you're　very　reasonable；　and　you're　more　patient　with　me　than
I　deserve；　I　know　all　that；　and　it's　only　my　wish　to　come　up　to　your
standard；　I　suppose；　that　gives　me　that　apprehensive　appearance。〃

〃That　was　what　vexed　me　with　you　there　at　Campobello；　when　youasked　me　〃

〃Yes；　I　know。〃

〃You　ought　to　have　understood　me　better。　　You　ought　to　know　now　that　I
don't　wish　you　to　do　anything　on　my　account；　but　because　it's　something　we
owe　to　others。〃

〃Oh；　excuse　me！　　I'd　much　rather　do　it　for　you；〃　cried　Dan；　but　Alice
looked　so　grave；　so　hurt；　that　he　hastened　on：　〃How　in　the　world　does　it
concern　others　whether　we　are　devoted　or　not；　whether　we're　harmonious　and
two…souls…with…but…a…single…thought；　and　all　that？〃　　He　could　not　help
being　light　about　it。

〃How？〃　Alice　repeated。　　〃Won't　it　give　them　an　idea　of　whatwhatof　how
muchhow　trulyif　we　care　for　each　otherhow　people　ought　to　care？　　We
don't　do　it　for　ourselves。　　That　would　be　selfish　and　disgusting。　　We　do
it　because　it's　something　that　we　owe　to　the　idea　of　being　engagedof
having　devoted　our　lives　to　each　other；　and　would　showwould　teach〃

〃Oh　yes！　　I　know　what　you　mean；〃　said　Dan；　and　he　gave　way　in　a　sputtering
laugh。　　〃But　they　wouldn't　understand。　　They'd　only　think　we　were　spoons
on　each　other；　and　if　they　noticed　that　I　cooled　off　toward　people　I'd
liked；　and　warmed　up　toward　those　you　liked；　they'd　say　you　made　me。〃

〃Should　you　care？〃　asked　Alice　sublimely；　withdrawing　a　little　from　his
arm。

〃Oh　no！　only　on　your　account；〃　he　answered；　checking　his　laugh。

〃You　needn't　on　my　account；〃　she　returned。　　〃If　we　sacrifice　some　little
preferences　to　each　other；　isn't　that　right？　　I　shall　be　glad　to　sacrifice
all　of　mine　to　you。　　Isn't　ourmarriage　to　be　full　of　such　sacrifices？　　I
expect　to　give　up　everything　to　you。〃　　She　looked　at　him　with　a　sad
severity。

He　began　to　laugh　again。　　〃Oh　no；　Alice！　　Don't　do　that！　　I　couldn't　stand
it。　　I　want　some　little　chance　at　the　renunciations　myself。〃

She　withdrew　still　further　from　his　side；　and　said；　with　a　cold　anger；
〃It's　that　detestable　Mrs。　Brinkley。〃

〃Mrs。　Brinkley！〃　shouted　Dan。

〃Yes；　with　her　pessimism。　　I　have　heard　her　talk。　　She　influences　you。
Nothing　is　sacred　to　her。　　It　was　she　who　took　up　with　those　army　women
that　night。〃

〃Well；　Alice；　I　must　say　you　can　give　things　as　ugly　names　as　the　next
one。　　I　h