april hopes-第44章

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next　evening　after　some　night　of　rare　and　happy　excitement；　the　family　saw
her　nurse　carrying　the　pictures　and　flowers　and　vases　out　of　her　room；　in
sign　of　her　renunciation　of　them　all；　and　assembled　silently；　shrinkingly；
in　her　chamber；　to　take　each　their　portion　of　her　anguish；　of　the　blame
and　the　penalty。　　The　household　adjusted　itself　to　her　humours；　for　she
was　supreme　in　it。

When　Dan　used　to　come　home　from　Harvard　she　put　on　a　pretty　cap　for　him；
and　distinguished　him　as　company　by　certain　laces　hiding　her　wasted　frame；
and　giving　their　pathetic　coquetry　to　her　transparent　wrists。　　He　was　her
favourite；　and　the　girls　acknowledged　him　so；　and　made　their　fun　of　her
for　spoiling　him。　　He　found　out　as　he　grew　up　that　her　broken　health　dated
from　his　birth；　and　at　first　this　deeply　affected　him；　but　his　young　life
soon　lost　the　keenness　of　the　impression；　and　he　loved　his　mother　because
she　loved　him；　and　not　because　she　had　been　dying　for　him　so　many　years。

As　he　now　came　into　her　room；　and　the　waiting…woman　went　out　of　it　with
her　usual；　〃Well；　Mr。　Dan！〃　the　tenderness　which　filled　him　at　sight　of
his　mother　was　mixed　with　that　sense　of　guilt　which　had　tormented　him　at
times　ever　since　he　met　his　sisters。　　He　was　going　to　take　himself　from
her；　he　realised　that。

〃Well；　Dan！〃　she　called；　so　gaily　that　he　said　to　himself；　〃No；　father
hasn't　told　her　anything　about　it；〃　and　was　instantly　able　to　answer　her
as　cheerfully；　〃Well；　mother！〃

He　bent　over　her　to　kiss　her；　and　the　odour　of　the　clean　linen　mingling
with　that　of　the　opium；　and　the　cologne　with　which　she　had　tried　to　banish
its　scent；　opened　to　him　one　of　those　vast　reaches　of　associations　which
perfumes　can　unlock；　and　he　saw　her　lying　there　through　those　years　of
pain；　as　many　as　half　his　life；　and　suddenly　the　tears　gushed　into　his
eyes；　and　he　fell　on　his　knees；　and　hid　his　face　in　the　bed…clothes　and
sobbed。

She　kept　smoothing　his　head；　which　shook　under　her　thin　hand；　and　saying；
〃Poor　Dan！　poor　Dan！〃　but　did　not　question　him。　　He　knew　that　she　knew
what　he　had　come　to　tell　her；　and　that　his　tears；　which　had　not　been　meant
for　that；　had　made　interest　with　her　for　him　and　his　cause；　and　that　she
was　already　on　his　side。

He　tried　boyishly　to　dignify　the　situation　when　he　lifted　his　face；　and　he
said；　〃I　didn't　mean　to　come　boohooing　to　you　in　this　way；　and　I'm　ashamed
of　myself。〃

〃I　know；　Dan；　but　you've　been　wrought　up；　and　I　don't　wonder。　　You　mustn't
mind　your　father　and　your　sisters。　　Of　course；　they're　rather　surprised；
and　they　don't　like　your　taking　yourself　from　themwe；　none　of　us　do。〃


At　these　honest　words　Dan　tried　to　become　honest　too。　　At　least　he　dropped
his　pretence　of　dignity；　and　became　as　a　little　child　in　his　simple　greed
for　sympathy。　　〃But　it　isn't　necessarily　that；　is　it；　mother？〃

〃Yes；　it's　all　that；　Dan；　and　it's　all　right；　because　it's　that。　　We　don't
like　it；　but　our　not　liking　it　has　nothing　to　do　with　its　being　right　or
wrong。〃

〃I　supposed　that　father　would　have　been　pleased；　anyway；　for　he　has　seen
her；　andand　。　　Of　course　the　girls　haven't；　but　I　think　they　might　have
trusted　my　judgment　a　little。　　I'm　not　quite　a　fool。〃

His　mother　smiled。　　〃Oh；　it　isn't　a　question　of　the　wisdom　of　your　choice；
it's　the　unexpectedness。　　We　all　saw　that　you　were　very　unhappy　when　you
were　here　before；　and　we　supposed　it　had　gone　wrong。〃

〃It　had；　mother；〃　said　Dan。　　〃She　refused　me　at　Campobello。　　But　it　was　a
misunderstanding；　and　as　soon　as　we　met〃

〃I　knew　you　had　met　again；　and　what　you　had　come　home　for；　and　I　told　your
father　so；　when　he　came　to　say　you　were　here。〃

〃Did　you；　mother？〃　he　asked；　charmed　at　her　having　guessed　that。

〃Yes。　　She　must　be　a　good　girl　to　send　you　straight　home　to　tell　us。〃

〃You　knew　I　wouldn't　have　thought　of　that　myself；〃　said　Dan　joyously。　　〃I
wanted　to　write；　I　thought　that　would　do　just　as　well。　　I　hated　to　leave
her；　but　she　made　me　come。　　She　is　the　best；　and　the　wisest；　and　the　most
unselfish　…　　O　mother；　I　can't　tell　you　about　her！　　You　must　see　her。　　You
can't　realise　her　till　you　see　her；　mother。　　You'll　like　each　other；　I'm
sure　of　that。　　You're　just　alike。〃　　It　seemed　to　Dan　that　they　were
exactly　alike。

〃Then　perhaps　we　sha'n't；〃　suggested　his　mother。　　〃Let　me　see　her
picture。〃

〃How　did　you　know　I　had　it？　　If　it　hadn't　been　for　her；　I　shouldn't　have
brought　any。　　She　put　it　into　my　pocket　just　as　I　was　leaving。　　She　said
you　would　all　want　to　see　what　she　looked　like。〃

He　had　taken　it　out　of　his　pocket；　and　he　held　it；　smiling　fondly　upon　it。
Alice　seemed　to　smile　back　at　him。　　He　had　lost　her　in　the　reluctance　of
his　father　and　sisters；　and　now　his　motherit　was　his　mother　who　had
given　her　to　him　again。　　He　thought　how　tenderly　he　loved　his　mother。

When　he　could　yield　her　the　photograph；　she　looked　long　and　silently　at
it。　　〃She　has　a　great　deal　of　character；　Dan。〃

〃There　you've　hit　it；　mother！　　I'd　rather　you　would　have　said　that　than
anything　else。　　But　don't　you　think　she's　beautiful？　　She's　the　gentlest
creature；　when　you　come　to　know　her！　　I　was　awfully　afraid　of　her　at
first。　　I　thought　she　was　very　haughty。　　But　she　isn't　at　all。　　She's
really　very　self…depreciatory；　she　thinks　she　isn't　good　enough　for　me。
You　ought　to　hear　her　talk；　mother；　as　I　have。　　She's　full　of　the　noblest
idealsof　being　of　some　use　in　the　world；　of　being　self…devoted；　andall
that　kind　of　thing。　　And　you　can　see　that　she's　capable　of　it。　　Her　aunt's
in　a　Protestant　sisterhood；〃　he　said；　with　a　solemnity　which　did　not　seem
to　communicate　itself　to　his　mother；　for　Mrs。　Mavering　smiled。　　Dan　smiled
too；　and　said：　〃But　I　can't　tell　you　about　Alice；　mother。　　She's　perfect。〃
His　heart　overflowed　with　proud　delight　in　her；　and　he　was　fool　enough　to
add；　〃She's　so　affectionate！〃

His　mother　kept　herself　from　laughing。　　〃I　dare　say　she　is；　Danwith
you。〃　　Then　she　hid　all　but　her　eyes　with　the　photograph；　and　gave　way。

〃What　a　donkey！〃　said　Dan；　meaning　himself。　　〃If　I　go　on；　I　shall　disgust
you　with　her。　　What　I　mean　is　that　she　isn't　at　all　proud；　as　I　used　to
think　she　was。〃

〃No　girl　is；　under　the　circumstances。　　She　has　all　she　can　do　to　be　proud
of　you。〃

〃Do　you　think　so；　mother？〃　〃　he　said；　enraptured　with　the　notion。　　〃I've
done　my　bestor　my　worstnot　to　give　her　any　reason　to　be　so。〃

〃She　doesn't　'want　anythe　less　the　better。　　You　silly　boy！　　Don't　you
suppose　she　wants　to　make　you　out　of　whole　cloth　just　as　you　do　with　her？
She　doesn't　want　any　facts　to　start　with；　they'd　be　in　the　way。　　Well；
now；　I　can　make　out；　with　your　help；　what　the　young　lady　is；　but　what　are
the　father　and　mother？　　They're　rather　important　in　these　cases。〃

〃Oh；　they're　the　nicest　kind　of　people；〃　said　Dan；　in　optimistic
generalisation。　　〃You'd　like　Mrs。　Pasmer。　　She's　awfully　nice。〃

〃Do　you　say　that　because　you　think　I　wouldn't？〃　asked　his　mother。　　〃Isn't
she　rather　sly　and　hum…bugging？〃

〃Well；　yes；　she　is；　to　a　certain　extent；〃　Dan　admitted；　with　a　laugh。
〃But　she　doesn't　mean　any　harm　by　it。　　She's　extremely　kind…hearted。〃

〃To　you？　　I　dare　say。　　And　Mr。　Pasmer　is　rather　under　her　thumb？〃

〃Well；　yes；　you　might　say　thumb；〃　Dan　consented；　feeling　it　useless　to
defend　the　Pasmers　against　this　analysis。

〃We　won't　say　heel；〃　returned　his　mother；　〃we're　too　polite。　　And　your
father　says　he　had　the　reputation　in　college　of　being　one　of　the　most
selfish　fellows　in　the　world。　　He's　never　done　anything　since　but　lose
most　of　his　money。　　He's　been　absolutely　idle　and　useless　all　his　days。〃
She　turned　her　vivid　blue　eyes　suddenly　upon　her　son's。

Dan　winced。　　〃You　know　how　hard　father　is　upon　people　who　haven't　done
anything。　　It's　a　mania　of　his。　　Of　course　Mr。　Pasmer　doesn't　show　to
advantage　where　there's　nono　leisure　class。〃

〃Poor　man！〃

Dan　was　going　to　say；　〃He's　very　amiable；　though；〃　but　he　was　afraid　of
his　mother's　retorting；　〃To　you？〃　and　he　held　his　peace；　looking
chapfallen。

Whether　his　mother　took　pity　on　him　or　not；　her　next　sally　was　consoling。
〃But　your　Alice　may　not　take　after　either　of　them。　　Her　father　is　the
worst　of　his　breed；　it　seems；　the　rest　are　useful　peop