april hopes-第41章

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to　the　silken　rope；　but　now　it　seemed　to　him　an　emblem　of　voluntary
suffering　and　self…sacrifice；　like　a　devotee's　hempen　girdle。　　He
perceived　that　the　love　of　this　angelic　girl　would　elevate　him　and　hallow
his　whole　life　if　he　would　let　it。　　He　answered　her；　fervently；　that　he
would　be　guided　by　her　in　this　as　in　everything；　that　he　knew　he　was
selfish；　and　he　was　afraid　he　was　not　very　good；　but　it　was　not　because　he
had　not　wished　to　be　so；　it　was　because　he　had　not　had　any　incentive。　　He
thought　how　much　nobler　and　better　this　was　than　the　talk　he　had　usually
had　with　girls。　　He　said　that　of　course　he　would　go　home　and　tell　his
people；　he　saw　now　that　it　would　make　them　happier　if　they　could　hear　it
directly　from　him。　　He　had　only　thought　of　writing　because　he　could　not
bear　to　think　of　letting　a　day　pass　without　seeing　her；　but　if　he　took　the
early　morning　train　he　could　get　back　the　same　night；　and　still　have　three
hours　at　Ponkwasset　Falls；　and　he　would　go　the　next　day；　if　she　said　so。

〃Go　to…day；　Dan；〃　she　said；　and　she　stretched　out　her　hand　impressively
across　the　table　toward　him。　　He　seized　it　with　a　gush　of　tenderness；　and
they　drew　together　in　their　resolution　to　live　for　others。　　He　said　he
would　go　at　once。　　But　the　next　train　did　not　leave　till　two　o'clock；　and
there　was　plenty　of　time。　　In　the　meanwhile　it　was　in　the　accomplishment
of　their　high　aims　that　they　sat　down　on　the　sofa　together　and　talked　of
their　future；　Alice　conditioned　it　wholly　upon　his　people's　approval　of
her；　which　seemed　wildly　unnecessary　to　Mavering；　and　amused　him
immensely。

〃Yes；〃　she　said；　〃I　know　you　will　think　me　strange　in　a　great　many　things；
but　I　shall　never　keep　anything　from　you；　and　I'm　going　to　tell　you　that　I
went　to　matins　this　morning。〃

〃To　matins？〃　echoed　Dan。　　He　would　not　quite　have　liked　her　a　Catholic；　he
remembered　with　relief　that　she　had　said　she　was　not　a　Roman　Catholic；
though　when　he　came　to　think；　he　would　not　have　cared　a　great　deal。
Nothing　could　have　changed　her　from　being　Alice。

〃Yes；　I　wished　to　consecrate　the　first　morning　of　our　engagement；　and　I'm
always　going。　　I　determined　that　I　would　go　before　breakfastthat　was
what　made　breakfast　so　late。　　Don't　you　like　it？〃　she　asked　timidly。

〃Like　it！〃　he　said。　　〃I'm　going　with　you：〃

〃Oh　no！〃　she　turned　upon　him。　　〃That　wouldn't　do。〃　　She　became　grave
again。　　〃I'm　glad　you　approve　of　it；　for　I　should　feel　that　there　was
something　wanting　to　our　happiness。　　If　marriage　is　a　sacrament；　why
shouldn't　an　engagement　be？〃

〃It　is；〃　said　Dan；　and　he　felt　that　it　was　holy；　till　then　he　had　never
realised　that　marriage　was　a　sacrament；　though　he　had　often　heard　the
phrase。

At　the　end　of　an　hour　they　took　a　tender　leave　of　each　other；　hastened　by
the　sound　of　Mrs。　Pasmer's　voice　without。　　Alice　escaped　from　one　door
before　her　mother　entered　by　the　other。　　Dan　remained；　trying　to　look
unconcerned；　but　he　was　sensible　of　succeeding　so　poorly　that　he　thought
he　had　better　offer　his　hand　to　Mrs。　Pasmer　at　once。　　He　told　her　that　he
was　going　up　to　Ponkwasset　Falls　at　two　o'clock；　and　asked　her　to　please
remember　him　to　Mr。　Pasmer。

She　said　she　would；　and　asked　him　if　he　were　to　be　gone　long。

〃Oh　no；　just　overnighttill　I　can　tell　them　what's　happened。〃　　He　felt　it
a　comfort　to　be　trivial　with　Mrs。　Pasmer；　after　bracing　up　to　Alice's
ideals。　　〃I　suppose　they'll　have　to　know。〃

〃What　an　exemplary　son！〃　said　Mrs。　Pasmer。　　〃Yes；　I　suppose　they　will。〃

〃I　supposed　it　would　be　enough　if　I　wrote；　but　Alice　thinks　I'd　better
report　in　person。〃

〃I　think　you　had；　indeed！　　And　it　will　be　a　good　thing　for　you　both　to
have　the　time　for　clarifying　your　ideas。　　Did　she　tell　you　she　had　been　at
matins　this　morning？〃　　A　light　of　laughter　trembled　in　Mrs。　Pasmer's　eyes；
and　Mavering　could　not　keep　a　responsive　gleam　out　of　his　own。　　In　an
instant　the　dedication　of　his　engagement　by　morning　prayer　ceased　to　be　a
high　and　solemn　thought；　and　became　deliciously　amusing；　and　this　laughing
Alice　over　with　her　mother　did　more　to　realise　the　fact　that　she　was　his
than　anything　else　had　yet　done。

In　that　dark　passage　outside　he　felt　two　arms　go　tenderly　round　his　neck；
and　a　soft　shape　strain　itself　to　his　heart。　　〃I　know　you　have　been
laughing　about　me。　　But　you　may。　　I'm　yours　now；　even　to　laugh　at；　if　you
want。〃

〃You　are　mine　to　fall　down　and　worship；〃　he　vowed；　with　an　instant
revulsion　of　feeling。

Alice　didn't　say　anything；　he　felt　her　hand　fumbling　about　his　coat　lapel。
〃Where　is　your　breast　pocket？〃　she　asked；　and　he　took　hold　of　her　hand；
which　left　a　carte…de…visite…shaped　something　in　his。

〃It　isn't　very　good；〃　she　murmured；　as　well　as　she　could；　with　her　lips
against　his　cheek；　〃but　I　thought　you'd　like　to　show　them　some　proof　of　my
existence。　　I　shall　have　none　of　yours　while　you're　gone。〃

〃O　Alice！　you　think　of　everything！〃

His　heart　was　pierced　by　the　soft　reproach　implied　in　her　words；　he　had
not　thought　to　ask　her　for　her　photograph；　but　she　had　thought　to　give　it；
she　must　have　felt　it　strange　that　he　had　not　asked　for　it；　and　she　had
meant　to　slip　it　in　his　pocket　and　let　him　find　it　there。　　But　even　his
pang　of　self…upbraiding　was　a　part　of　his　transport。　　He　seemed　to　float
down　the　stairs；　his　mind　was　in　a　delirious　whirl。　　〃I　shall　go　mad；〃　he
said　to　himself　in　the　excess　of　his　joy〃I　shall　die！〃




XXVIII。

The　parting　scene　with　Alice　persisted　in　Mavering's　thought　far　on　the
way　to　Ponkwasset　Falls。　　He　now　succeeded　in　saying　everything　to　her：
how　deeply　he　felt　her　giving　him　her　photograph　to　cheer　him　in　his
separation　from　her；　how　much　he　appreciated　her　forethought　in　providing
him　with　some　answer　when　his　mother　and　sisters　should　ask　him　about　her
looks。　　He　took　out　the　picture；　and　pretended　to　the　other　passengers　to
be　looking　very　closely　at　it；　and　so　managed　to　kiss　it。　　He　told　her
that　now　he　understood　what　love　really　was；　how　powerful；　how　it　did
conquer　everything；　that　it　had　changed　him　and　made　him　already　a　better
man。　　He　made　her　refuse　all　merit　in　the　work。

When　he　began　to　formulate　the　facts　for　communication　to　his　family；　love
did　not　seem　so　potent；　he　found　himself　ashamed　of　his　passion；　or　at
least　unwilling　to　let　it　be　its　own　excuse　even；　he　had　a　wish　to　give　it
almost　any　other　appearance。　　Until　he　came　in　sight　of　the　station　and
the　Works；　it　had　not　seemed　possible　for　any　one　to　object　to　Alice。　　He
had　been　going　home　as　a　matter　of　form　to　receive　the　adhesion　of　his
family。　　But　now　he　was　forced　to　see　that　she　might　be　considered
critically；　even　reluctantly。　　This　would　only　be　because　his　family　did
not　understand　how　perfect　Alice　was；　but　they　might　not　understand。

With　his　father　there　would　be　no　difficulty。　　His　father　had　seen　Alice
and　admired　her；　he　would　be　all　right。　　Dan　found　himself　hoping　this
rather　anxiously；　as　if　from　the　instinctive　need　of　his　father's　support
with　his　mother　and　sisters。　　He　stopped　at　the　Works　when　he　left　the
train；　and　found　his　father　in　his　private　office　beyond　the　book…keeper's
picket…fence；　which　he　penetrated；　with　a　nod　to　the　accountant。

〃Hello；　Dan！〃　said　his　father；　looking　up；　and　〃Hello；　father！〃　said　Dan。
Being　alone；　the　father　and　son　not　only　shook　hands；　but　kissed　each
other；　as　they　used　to　do　in　meeting　after　an　absence　when　Dan　was
younger。

He　had　closed　his　father's　door　with　his　left　hand　in　giving　his　right；
and　now　he　said　at　once；　〃Father；　I've　come　home　to　tell　you　that　I'm
engaged　to　be　married。〃

Dan　had　prearranged　his　father's　behaviour　at　this　announcement；　but　he
now　perceived　that　he　would　have　to　modify　the　scene　if　it　were　to
represent　the　facts。　　His　father　did　not　brighten　all　over　and　demand；
〃Miss　Pasmer；　of　course？〃　he　contrived　to　hide　whatever　start　the　news　had
given　him；　and　was　some　time　in　asking；　with　his　soft　lisp；　〃Isn't　that
rather　sudden；　Dan？〃

〃Well；　not　for　me；〃　said　Dan；　laughing　uneasily。　　It'syou　know　her；
fatherMiss　Pasmer。〃

〃Oh　yes；〃　said　his　father；　certainly　not　with　displeasure；　and　yet　not
with　enthusiasm。

〃I've　had　ever　since　Class　Day　to