april hopes-第31章

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he　grew　more　comfortable　he　reflected　how　he　had　calmed　that　woman；　and
he　resolved　again　to　spend　his　life　in　doing　good。　　〃Yes；　that's　the　only
ticket；〃　he　said　to　himself；　with　involuntary　frivolity。　　He　thought　of
what　the　officer　had　said；　and　he　helplessly　added；　〃Circus　ticket
reserved　seat。〃　　Then　he　began　again；　and　loaded　himself　with　execration。

The　boat　got　into　Portland　at　nine　o'clock；　and　Mavering　left　her；　taking
his　hand…bag　with　him；　and　letting　his　trunk　go　on　to　Boston。

The　officer　who　received　his　ticket　at　the　gangplank　noticed　the
destination　on　it；　and　said；　〃Got　enough？〃

〃Yes；　for　one　while。〃　　Mavering　recognised　his　acquaintance　of　the　night
before。

〃Don't　like　picnics　very　much。〃

〃No；〃　said　Mavering；　with　abysmal　gloom。　　〃They　don't　agree　with　me。
Never　did。〃　　He　was　aware　of　trying　to　make　his　laugh　bitter。　　The
officer　did　not　notice。

Mavering　was　surprised；　after　the　chill　of　the　storm　at　sea；　to　find　it
rather　a　warm；　close　morning　in　Portland。　　The　restaurant　to　which　the
hackman　took　him　as　the　best　in　town　was　full　of　flies；　they　bit　him
awake　out　of　the　dreary　reveries　he　fell　into　while　waiting　for　his
breakfast。　　In　a　mirror　opposite　he　saw　his　face。　　It　did　not　look
haggard；　it　looked　very　much　as　it　always　did。　　He　fancied　playing　a　part
through　lifehiding　a　broken　heart　under　a　smile。　　〃0　you　incorrigible
ass！〃　he　said　to　himself；　and　was　afraid　he　had　said　it　to　the　young　lady
who　brought　him　his　breakfast；　and　looked　haughtily　at　him　from　under　her
bang。　　She　was　very　thin；　and　wore　a　black　jersey。

He　tried　to　find　out　whether　he　had　spoken　aloud　by　addressing　her
pleasantly。　　〃It's　pretty　cold　this　morning。〃

〃What　say？〃

〃Pretty　cool。〃

〃Oh　yes。　　But　it's　pretty　clo…ose；〃　she　replied；　in　her　Yankee
cantillation。　　She　went　away　and　left　him　to　the　bacon　and　eggs　he　had
ordered　at　random。　　There　was　a　fly　under　one　of　the　slices　of　bacon；　and
Mavering　confined　himself　to　the　coffee。

A　man　came　up　in　a　white　cap　and　jacket　from　a　basement　in　the　front　of
the　restaurant；　where　confectionery　was　sold；　and　threw　down　a　mass　of
malleable　candy　on　a　marble　slab；　and　began　to　work　it。　　Mavering　watched
him；　thinking　fuzzily　all　the　time　of　Alice；　and　holding　long；　fatiguing
dialogues　with　the　people　at　the　Ty'n…y…Coed；　whose　several　voices　he
heard。

He　said　to　himself　that　it　was　worse　than　yesterday。　　He　wondered　if　it
would　go　on　getting　worse　every　day。

He　saw　a　man　pass　the　door　of　the　restaurant　who　looked　exactly　like
Boardman　as　he　glanced　in。　　The　resemblance　was　explained　by　the　man's
coming　back；　and　proving　to　be　really　Boardman。




XXII。

Mavering　sprang　at　him　with　a　demand　for　the　reason　of　his　being　there。

〃I　thought　it　was　you　as　I　passed；〃　said　Boardman；　〃but　I　couldn't　make
sureso　dark　back　here。〃

〃And　I　thought　it　was　you；　but　I　couldn't　believe　it；〃　said　Mavering；
with　equal　force；　cutting　short　an　interior　conversation　with　Mr。　Pasmer；
which　had　begun　to　hold　itself　since　his　first　glimpse　of　Boardman。

〃I　came　down　here　to　do　a　sort　of　one…horse　yacht　race　to…day；〃　Boardman
explained。

〃Going　to　be　a　yacht　race？　　Better　have　some　breakfast。　　Or　better　not
here。　　Flies　under　your　bacon。〃

〃Rough　on　the　flies；〃　said　Boardman；　snapping　the　bell　which　summoned　the
spectre　in　the　black　jersey；　and　he　sat　down。　　〃What　are　you　doing　in
Portland？〃

Mavering　told　him；　and　then　Boardman　asked　him　how　he　had　left　the
Pasmers。　　Mavering　needed　no　other　hint　to　speak；　and　he　spoke　fully；
while　Boardman　listened　with　an　agreeable　silence；　letting　the　hero　of
the　tale　break　into　self…scornful　groans　and　doleful　laughs；　and　ease　his
heart　with　grotesque；　inarticulate　noises；　and　made　little　or　no
comments。

By　the　time　his　breakfast　came；　Boardman　was　ready　to　say；　〃I　didn't
suppose　it　was　so　much　of　a　mash。〃

〃I　didn't　either；〃　said　Mavering；　〃when　I　left　Boston。　　Of　course　I　knew
I　was　going　down　there　to　see　her；　but　when　I　got　there　it　kept　going　on；
just　like　anything　else；　up　to　the　last　moment。　　I　didn't　realise　till　it
came　to　the　worst　that　I　had　become　a　mere　pulp。〃

〃Well；　you　won't　stay　so；〃　said　Boardman；　making　the　first　vain　attempt
at　consolation。　　He　lifted　the　steak　he　had　ordered；　and　peered　beneath
it。　　All　right　this　time；　any　way。〃

〃I　don't　know　what　you　mean　by　staying　so；〃　replied　Mavering；　with　gloomy
rejection　of　the　comfort　offered。

〃You'll　see　that　it's　all　for　the　best；　that　you're　well　out　of　it。　　If
she　could　throw　you　over；　after　leading　you　on〃

〃But　she　didn't　lead　me　on！〃　exclaimed　Mavering。　　〃Don't　you　understand
that　it　was　all　my　mistake　from　the　first？　　If　I　hadn't　been　perfectly
besotted　I　should　have　seen　that　she　was　only　tolerating　me。　　Don't　you
see？　　Why；　hang　it；　Boardman；　I　must　have　had　a　kind　of　consciousness　of
it　under　my　thick…skinned　conceit；　after　all；　for　when　I　came　to　the
pointwhen　I　did　come　to　the　pointI　hadn't　the　sand　to　stick　to　it
like　a　man；　and　I　tried　to　get　her　to　help　me。　　Yes；　I　can　see　that　I　did
now。　　I　kept　fooling　about；　and　fooling　about；　and　it　was　because　I　had
that　sort　of　prescienceof　whatever　you　call　itthat　I　was　mistaken
about　it　from　the　very　beginning。〃

He　wished　to　tell　Boardman　about　the　events　of　the　night　before；　but　he
could　not。　　He　said　to　himself　that　he　did　not　care　about　their　being
hardly　to　his　credit；　but　he　did　not　choose　to　let　Alice　seem　to　have
resented　anything　in　them；　it　belittled　her；　and　claimed　too　much　for
him。　　So　Boardman　had　to　proceed　upon　a　partial　knowledge　of　the　facts。

〃I　don't　suppose　that　boomerang　way　of　yours；　if　that's　what　you　mean；
was　of　much　use；〃　he　said。

〃Use？　　It　ruined　me！　　But　what　are　you　going　to　do？〃　　How　are　you　going
to　presuppose　that　a　girl　like　Miss　Pasmer　is　interested　in　an　idiot　like
you？　　I　mean　me；　of　course。〃　　Mavering　broke　off　with　a　dolorous　laugh。
〃And　if　you　can't　presuppose　it；　what　are　you　going　to　do　when　it　comes
to　the　point？　　You've　got　to　shillyshally；　and　then　you've　got　to　go　it
blind。　　I　tell　you　it's　a　leap　in　the　dark。〃

〃Well；　then；　if　you've　got　yourself　to　blame〃

〃How　am　I　to　blame；　I　should　like　to　know？〃　retorted　Mavering；　rejecting
the　first　offer　from　another　of　the　censure　which　he　had　been　heaping
upon　himself：　the　irritation　of　his　nerves　spoke。　　〃I　did　speak　out　at
lastwhen　it　was　too　late。　Well；　let　it　all　go；〃　he　groaned　aimlessly。
〃I　don't　care。　　But　she　isn't　to　blame。　　I　don't　think　I　could　admire
anybody　very　much　who　admired　me。　　No；　sir。　　She　did　just　right。　　I　was　a
fool；　and　she　couldn't　have　treated　me　differently。〃

〃Oh；　I　guess　it'll　come　out　all　right；〃　said　Boardman；　abandoning　himself
to　mere　optimism。

〃How　come　all　right？〃　demanded　Mavering；　flattered　by　the　hope　he
refused。　　〃It's　come　right　now。　　I've　got　my　deserts；　that's　all。〃

〃Oh　no；　you　haven't。　　What　harm　have　you　done？　　It's　all　right　for　you　to
think　small　beer　of　yourself；　and　I　don't　see　how　you　could　think
anything　else　just　at　present。　　But　you　wait　awhile。　　When　did　it
happen？〃

Mavering　took　out　his　watch。　　〃One　day；　one　hour；　twenty　minutes；　and
fifteen　seconds　ago。〃

〃Sure　about　the　seconds？　　I　suppose　you　didn't　hang　round　a　great　while
afterward？〃

〃Well；　people　don't；　generally；〃　said　Mavering；　with　scorn。

〃Never　tried　it；〃　said　Boardman；　looking　critically　at　his　fried　potatoes
before　venturing　upon　them。　　〃If　you　had　stayed；　perhaps　she　might　have
changed　her　mind；〃　he　added；　as　if　encouraged　to　this　hopeful　view　by　the
result　of　his　scrutiny。

〃Where　did　you　get　your　fraudulent　reputation　for　common…sense；
Boardman？〃　retorted　Mavering；　who　had　followed　his　examination　of　the
potatoes　with　involuntary　interest。　　〃She　won't　change　her　mind；　she
isn't　one　of　that　kind。　　But　she's　the　one　woman　in　this　world　who　could
have　made　a　man　of　me；　Boardman。〃

〃Is　that　so？〃　asked　Boardman　lightly。　　〃Well；　she　is　a　good…looking
girl。〃

〃She's　divine！〃

〃What　a　dress　that　was　she　had　on　Class　Day！〃

〃I　never　think　what　she　has　on。　　She　makes　everything　perfect；　and　then
makes　you　forget　it。〃

〃She's　got　style；　there's　no　mistake　about　that。〃

〃St