april hopes-第28章

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thatI'm　very　tired；　and　I'm　going　back　to　the　hotel。　　I　must　ask　you　to
let　me　go　back　alone。〃

〃Alice；　I　love　you。〃

〃I'm　sorry　you　said　itsorry；　sorry。〃

〃Why？〃　he　asked；　with　hopeless　futility。

〃Because　there　can　be　no　love　between　usnot　friendship　evennot
acquaintance。〃

〃I　shouldn't　have　asked　for　your　acquaintance；　your　friendship；　if〃
His　words　conveyed　a　delicate　reproach；　and　they　stung　her；　because　they
put　her　in　the　wrong。

〃No　matter；〃　she　began　wildly。　　〃I　didn't　mean　to　wound　you。　　But　we　must
part；　and　we　must　never　see　each　other　again：〃

He　stood　confused；　as　if　he　could　not　make　it　out　or　believe　it。　　〃But
yesterday〃

〃It's　to…day　now。〃

〃Ah；　no！　　It's　last　night。　　And　I　can　explain。〃

〃No！〃　she　cried。　　〃You　shall　not　make　me　out　so　mean　and　vindictive。　　I
don't　care　for　last　night；　nor　for　anything　that　happened。〃　　This　was　not
true；　but　it　seemed　so　to　her　at　the　moment；　she　thought　that　she　really
no　longer　resented　his　association　with　Miss　Anderson　and　his　separation
from　herself　in　all　that　had　taken　place。

〃Then　what　is　it？〃

〃I　can't　tell　you。　　But　everything　is　over　between　usthat's　all。〃

〃But　yesterdayand　all　these　days　pastyou　seemed〃

〃It's　unfair　of　you　to　insistit's　ungenerous；　ungentlemanly。〃

That　word；　which　from　a　woman's　tongue　always　strikes　a　man　like　a　blow
in　the　face；　silenced　Mavering。　　He　set　his　lips　and　bowed；　and　they
parted。　　She　turned　upon　her　way；　and　he　kept　the　path　which　she　had　been
going。

It　was　not　the　hour　when　the　piazzas　were　very　full；　and　she　slipped　into
the　dim　hotel　corridor　undetected；　or　at　least　undetained。　　She　flung
into　her　room；　and　confronted　her　mother。

Mrs。　Pasmer　was　there　looking　into　a　trunk　that　had　overflowed　from　her
own　chamber。　　〃What　is　the　matter？〃　she　said　to　her　daughter's　excited
face。

〃Mr。　Mavering〃

〃Well？〃

〃And　I　refused　him。〃

Mrs。　Pasmer　was　one　of　those　ladies　who　in　any　finality　have　a　keen
retrovision　of　all　the　advantages　of　a　different　conclusion。　　She　had
been　thinking；　since　she　told　Dan　Mavering　which　way　Alice　had　gone　to
walk；　that　if　he　were　to　speak　to　her　now；　and　she　were　to　accept　him；　it
would　involve　a　great　many　embarrassing　consequences；　but　she　had
consoled　herself　with　the　probability　that　he　would　not　speak　so　soon
after　the　effects　of　last　night；　but　would　only　try　at　the　furthest　to
make　his　peace　with　Alice。　　Since　he　had　spoken；　though；　and　she　had
refused　him；　Mrs。　Pasmer　instantly　saw　all　the　pleasant　things　that　would
have　followed　in　another　event。　　〃Refused　him？〃　she　repeated
provisionally；　while　she　gathered　herself　for　a　full　exploration　of　all
the　facts。

〃Yes；　mamma；　and　I　can't　talk　about　it。　　I　wish　never　to　hear　his　name
again；　or　to　see　him；　or　to　speak　to　him。〃

〃Why；　of　course　not；〃　said　Mrs。　Pasmer；　with　a　fine　smile；　from　the
vantage…ground　of　her　superior　years；　〃if　you've　refused　him。〃　　She　left
the　trunk　which　she　had　been　standing　over；　and　sat　down；　while　Alice
swept　to　and　fro　before　her　excitedly。　　〃But　why　did　you　refuse　him；　my
dear？〃

〃Why？　　Because　he's　detestableperfectly　ignoble。〃

Her　mother　probably　knew　how　to　translate　these　exalted　expressions　into
the　more　accurate　language　of　maturer　life。　　〃Do　you　mean　last　night？〃

〃Last　night？〃　cried　Alice　tragically。　　〃No。　　Why　should　I　care　for　last
night？〃

〃Then　I　don't　understand　what　you　mean；〃　retorted　Mrs。　Pasmer。　　〃What　did
he　say？〃　she　demanded；　with　authority。

〃Mamma；　I　can't　talk　about　itI　won't。〃

〃But　you　must；　Alice。　　It's　your　duty。　　Of　course　I　must　know　about　it。
What　did　he　say？〃

Alice　walked　up　and　down　the　room　with　her　lips　firmly　closedlike
Mavering's　lips；　it　occurred　to　her；　and　then　she　opened　them；　but
without　speaking。

〃What　did　he　say？〃　persisted　her　mother；　and　her　persistence　had　its
effect。

〃Say？〃　exclaimed　the　girl　indignantly。　　〃He　tried　to　make　me　say。〃

〃I　see；〃　said　Mrs。　Pasmer。　　〃Well？〃

〃But　I　forced　him　to　speak；　and　thenI　rejected　him。　　That's　all。〃

〃Poor　fellow！〃　said　Mrs。　Pasmer。　　〃He　was　afraid　of　you。〃

〃And　that's　what　made　it　the　more　odious。　　Do　you　think　I　wished　him　to
be　afraid　of　me？　　Would　that　be　any　pleasure？　　I　should　hate　myself　if　I
had　to　quell　anybody　into　being　unlike　themselves。〃　　She　sat　down　for　a
moment；　and　then　jumped　up　again；　and　went　to　the　window；　for　no　reason；
and　came　back。

〃Yes；〃　said　her　mother　impartially；　〃he's　light；　and　he's　roundabout。　　He
couldn't　come　straight　at　anything。〃

〃And　would　you　have　me　accept　such　abeing？〃

Mrs。　Pasmer　smiled　a　little　at　the　literary　word；　and　continued：　〃But
he's　very　sweet；　and　he's　as　good　as　the　day's　long；　and　he's　very　fond
of　you；　andI　thought　you　liked　him。〃

The　girl　threw　up　her　arms　across　her　eyes。　　〃Oh；　how　can　you　say　such　a
thing；　mamma？〃

She　dropped　into　a　chair　at　the　bedside；　and　let　her　face　fall　into　her
hands；　and　cried。

Her　mother　waited　for　the　gust　of　tears　to　pass　before　she　said；　〃But　if
you　feel　so　about　it〃

〃Mamma！〃　　Alice　sprang　to　her　feet。

〃It　needn't　come　from　you。　　I　could　make　some　excuse　to　see　himwrite
him　a　little　note〃

〃Never！〃　exclaimed　Alice　grandly。　　〃What　I've　done　I've　done　from　my
reason；　and　my　feelings　have　nothing　to　do　with　it。〃

〃Oh；　very　well；〃　said　her　mother；　going　out　of　the　room；　not　wholly
disappointed　with　what　she　viewed　as　a　respite；　and　amused　by　her
daughter's　tragics。　　〃But　if　you　think　that　the　feelings　have　nothing　to
do　with　such　a　matter；　you're　very　much　mistaken。〃　　If　she　believed　that
her　daughter　did　not　know　her　real　motives　in　rejecting　Dan　Mavering；　or
had　not　been　able　to　give　them；　she　did　not　say　so。

The　little　group　of　Aliceolaters　on　the　piazza；　who　began　to　canvass　the
causes　of　Mavering's　going　before　the　top　of　his　hat　disappeared　below
the　bank　on　the　path　leading　to　the　ferry…boat；　were　of　two　minds。　　One
faction　held　that　he　was　going　because　Alice　had　refused　him；　and　that
his　gaiety　up　to　the　last　moment　was　only　a　mask　to　hide　his　despair。
The　other　side　contended　that；　if　he　and　Alice　were　not　actually　engaged；
they　understood　each　other；　and　he　was　going　away　because　he　wanted　to
tell　his　family；　or　something　of　that　kind。　　Between　the　two　opinions
Miss　Cotton　wavered　with　a　sentimental　attraction　to　either。　　〃What　do
you　really　think？〃　she　asked　Mrs。　Brinkley；　arriving　from　lunch　at　the
corner　of　the　piazza　where　the　group　was　seated。

〃Oh；　what　does　it　matter；　at　their　age？〃　she　demanded。

〃But　they're　just　of　the　age　when　it　does　happen　to　matter；〃　suggested
Mrs。　Stamwell。

〃Yes；〃　said　Mrs。　Brinkley；　〃and　that's　what　makes　the　whole　thing　so
perfectly　ridiculous。　　Just　think　of　two　children；　one　of　twenty　and　the
other　of　twenty…three；　proposing　to　decide　their　lifelong　destiny　in　such
a　vital　matter！　　Should　we　trust　their　judgment　in　regard　to　the　smallest
business　affair？　　Of　course　not。　　They're　babes　in　arms；　morally　and
mentally　speaking。　　People　haven't　the　data　for　being　wisely　in　love　till
they've　reached　the　age　when　they　haven't　the　least　wish　to　be　so。　　Oh；　I
suppose　I　thought　that　I　was　a　grown　woman　too　when　I　was　twenty；　I　can
look　back　and　see　that　I　did；　and；　what's　more　preposterous　still；　I
thought　Mr。　Brinkley　was　a　man　at　twenty…four。　　But　we　were　no　more　fit
to　accept　or　reject　each　other　at　that　infantile　period〃

〃Do　you　really　think　so？〃　asked　Miss　Cotton；　only　partially　credulous　of
Mrs。　Brinkley's　irony。

〃Yes；　it　does　seem　out　of　all　reason；〃　admitted　Mrs。　Stamwell。

〃Of　course　it　is；〃　said　Mrs。　Brinkley。　　〃If　she　has　rejected　him；　she's
done　a　very　safe　thing。　　Nobody　should　be　allowed　to　marry　before　fifty。
Then；　if　people　married；　it　would　be　because　they　knew　that　they　loved
each　other。〃

Miss　Cotton　reflected　a　moment。　　〃It　is　strange　that　such　an　important
question　should　have　to　be　decided　at　an　age　when　the　judgment　is　so　far
from　mature。　　I　never　happened　to　look　at　it　in　that　light　before。〃

〃Yes；〃　said　Mrs。　Brinkleyand　she　made　herself　comfortable　in　an　arm
chair　commanding　a　stretch　of　the　bay　over　which　the　ferry…boat　must
pass〃but　it's　only　part　and　parcel　of　the　whole　affair。　　I'm　sure　that