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The¡¡Efficiency¡¡Expert
by¡¡Edgar¡¡Rice¡¡Burroughs
CHAPTER¡¡I¡£
JIMMY¡¡TORRANCE£»¡¡JR¡£
The¡¡gymnasium¡¡was¡¡packed¡¡as¡¡Jimmy¡¡Torrance¡¡stepped¡¡into¡¡the¡¡ring¡¡for¡¡the¡¡final¡¡event¡¡of¡¡the¡¡evening¡¡that¡¡was¡¡to¡¡decide¡¡the¡¡boxing¡¡championship¡¡of¡¡the¡¡university¡£¡¡Drawing¡¡to¡¡a¡¡close¡¡were¡¡the¡¡nearly¡¡four¡¡years¡¡of¡¡his¡¡college¡¡careerprofitable¡¡years£»¡¡Jimmy¡¡considered¡¡them£»¡¡and¡¡certainly¡¡successful¡¡up¡¡to¡¡this¡¡point¡£¡¡In¡¡the¡¡beginning¡¡of¡¡his¡¡senior¡¡year¡¡he¡¡had¡¡captained¡¡the¡¡varsity¡¡eleven£»¡¡and¡¡in¡¡the¡¡coming¡¡spring¡¡he¡¡would¡¡again¡¡sally¡¡forth¡¡upon¡¡the¡¡diamond¡¡as¡¡the¡¡star¡¡initial¡¡sacker¡¡of¡¡collegedom¡£
His¡¡football¡¡triumphs¡¡were¡¡in¡¡the¡¡past£»¡¡his¡¡continued¡¡baseball¡¡successes¡¡a¡¡foregone¡¡conclusionif¡¡he¡¡won¡¡to¡night¡¡his¡¡cup¡¡of¡¡happiness£»¡¡and¡¡an¡¡unassailably¡¡dominant¡¡position¡¡among¡¡his¡¡fellows£»¡¡would¡¡be¡¡assured£»¡¡leaving¡¡nothing¡¡more£»¡¡in¡¡so¡¡far¡¡as¡¡Jimmy¡¡reasoned£»¡¡to¡¡be¡¡desired¡¡from¡¡four¡¡years¡¡attendance¡¡at¡¡one¡¡of¡¡America's¡¡oldest¡¡and¡¡most¡¡famous¡¡universities¡£
The¡¡youth¡¡who¡¡would¡¡dispute¡¡the¡¡right¡¡to¡¡championship¡¡honors¡¡with¡¡Jimmy¡¡was¡¡a¡¡dark¡¡horse¡¡to¡¡the¡¡extent¡¡that¡¡he¡¡was¡¡a¡¡freshman£»¡¡and£»¡¡therefore£»¡¡practically¡¡unknown¡£¡¡He¡¡had¡¡worked¡¡hard£»¡¡however£»¡¡and¡¡given¡¡a¡¡good¡¡account¡¡of¡¡himself¡¡in¡¡his¡¡preparations¡¡for¡¡the¡¡battle£»¡¡and¡¡there¡¡were¡¡rumors£»¡¡as¡¡there¡¡always¡¡are¡¡about¡¡every¡¡campus£»¡¡of¡¡marvelous¡¡exploits¡¡prior¡¡to¡¡his¡¡college¡¡days¡£¡¡It¡¡was¡¡even¡¡darkly¡¡hinted¡¡that¡¡he¡¡was¡¡a¡¡professional¡¡pugilist¡£¡¡As¡¡a¡¡matter¡¡of¡¡fact£»¡¡he¡¡was¡¡the¡¡best¡¡exponent¡¡of¡¡the¡¡manly¡¡art¡¡of¡¡self¡defense¡¡that¡¡Jimmy¡¡Torrance¡¡had¡¡ever¡¡faced£»¡¡and¡¡in¡¡addition¡¡thereto¡¡he¡¡outweighed¡¡the¡¡senior¡¡and¡¡outreached¡¡him¡£
The¡¡boxing¡¡contest£»¡¡as¡¡the¡¡faculty¡¡members¡¡of¡¡the¡¡athletic¡¡committee¡¡preferred¡¡to¡¡call¡¡it£»¡¡was£»¡¡from¡¡the¡¡tap¡¡of¡¡the¡¡gong£»¡¡as¡¡pretty¡¡a¡¡two¡fisted¡¡scrap¡¡as¡¡ever¡¡any¡¡aggregation¡¡of¡¡low¡browed¡¡fight¡¡fans¡¡witnessed¡£¡¡The¡¡details¡¡of¡¡this¡¡gory¡¡contest£»¡¡while¡¡interesting£»¡¡have¡¡no¡¡particular¡¡bearing¡¡upon¡¡the¡¡development¡¡of¡¡this¡¡tale¡£¡¡What¡¡interests¡¡us¡¡is¡¡the¡¡outcome£»¡¡which¡¡occurred¡¡in¡¡the¡¡middle¡¡of¡¡a¡¡very¡¡bloody¡¡fourth¡¡round£»¡¡in¡¡which¡¡Jimmy¡¡Torrance¡¡scored¡¡a¡¡clean¡¡knock¡out¡£
It¡¡was¡¡a¡¡battered¡¡but¡¡happy¡¡Jimmy¡¡who¡¡sat¡¡in¡¡his¡¡room¡¡the¡¡following¡¡Monday¡¡afternoon£»¡¡striving¡¡to¡¡concentrate¡¡his¡¡mind¡¡upon¡¡a¡¡college¡¡text¡book¡¡which¡¡should£»¡¡by¡¡all¡¡the¡¡laws¡¡of¡¡fiction£»¡¡have¡¡been¡¡'well¡¡thumbed£»'¡¡but¡¡in¡¡reality£»¡¡possessed¡¡unruffled¡¡freshness¡¡which¡¡belied¡¡its¡¡real¡¡age¡£
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He¡¡was¡¡still¡¡deeply¡¡engrossed¡¡in¡¡the¡¡futile¡¡attempt¡¡of¡¡accomplishing¡¡in¡¡an¡¡hour¡¡that¡¡for¡¡which¡¡the¡¡college¡¡curriculum¡¡set¡¡aside¡¡several¡¡months¡¡when¡¡there¡¡came¡¡sounds¡¡of¡¡approaching¡¡footsteps¡¡rapidly¡¡ascending¡¡the¡¡stairway¡£¡¡His¡¡door¡¡was¡¡unceremoniously¡¡thrown¡¡open£»¡¡and¡¡there¡¡appeared¡¡one¡¡of¡¡those¡¡strange¡¡apparitions¡¡which¡¡is¡¡the¡¡envy¡¡and¡¡despair¡¡of¡¡the¡¡small¡town¡¡youtha¡¡naturally¡¡good¡looking¡¡young¡¡fellow£»¡¡the¡¡sartorial¡¡arts¡¡of¡¡whose¡¡tailor¡¡had¡¡elevated¡¡his¡¡waist¡line¡¡to¡¡his¡¡arm¡pits£»¡¡dragged¡¡down¡¡his¡¡shoulders£»¡¡and¡¡caved¡¡in¡¡his¡¡front¡¡until¡¡he¡¡had¡¡the¡¡appearance¡¡of¡¡being¡¡badly¡¡dished¡¡from¡¡chin¡¡to¡¡knees¡£¡¡His¡¡trousers¡¡appeared¡¡to¡¡have¡¡been¡¡made¡¡for¡¡a¡¡man¡¡with¡¡legs¡¡six¡¡inches¡¡longer¡¡than¡¡his£»¡¡while¡¡his¡¡hat¡¡was¡¡evidently¡¡several¡¡sizes¡¡too¡¡large£»¡¡since¡¡it¡¡would¡¡have¡¡entirely¡¡extinguished¡¡his¡¡face¡¡had¡¡it¡¡not¡¡been¡¡supported¡¡by¡¡his¡¡ears¡£
¡¨Hello£»¡¡Kid£¡¡¨¡¡cried¡¡Jimmy¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨What's¡¡new£¿¡¨
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¡¨I¡¡am¡¡here£»¡¨¡¡agreed¡¡the¡¡other£»¡¡¡¨to¡¡announce¡¡to¡¡the¡¡universe¡¡that¡¡you¡¡are¡¡right£»¡¡Jimmy¡£¡¡He¡¡didn't¡¡have¡¡anything¡¡pleasant¡¡to¡¡say¡¡to¡¡me¡£¡¡In¡¡fact£»¡¡he¡¡insinuated¡¡that¡¡dear¡¡old¡¡alma¡¡mater¡¡might¡¡be¡¡able¡¡to¡¡wiggle¡¡along¡¡without¡¡me¡¡if¡¡I¡¡didn't¡¡abjure¡¡my¡¡criminal¡¡life¡£¡¡Made¡¡some¡¡nasty¡¡comparison¡¡between¡¡my¡¡academic¡¡achievements¡¡and¡¡foxtrotting¡£¡¡I¡¡wonder£»¡¡Jimmy£»¡¡how¡¡they¡¡get¡¡that¡¡way£¿¡¨
¡¨That's¡¡why¡¡they¡¡are¡¡profs¡£¡¨¡¡explained¡¡Jimmy¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨There¡¡are¡¡two¡¡kinds¡¡of¡¡people¡¡in¡¡this¡¡worldhuman¡¡beings¡¡and¡¡profs¡£¡¡When¡¡does¡¡he¡¡want¡¡me£¿¡¨
¡¨Now¡£¡¨
Jimmy¡¡arose¡¡and¡¡put¡¡on¡¡his¡¡hat¡¡and¡¡coat¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨Good¡by£»¡¡Kid£»¡¨¡¡he¡¡said¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨Pray¡¡for¡¡me£»¡¡and¡¡leave¡¡me¡¡one¡¡cigarette¡¡to¡¡smoke¡¡when¡¡I¡¡get¡¡back¡£¡¨¡¡and£»¡¡grinning£»¡¡he¡¡left¡¡the¡¡room¡£
James¡¡Torrance£»¡¡Jr¡££»¡¡was¡¡not¡¡greatly¡¡abashed¡¡as¡¡he¡¡faced¡¡the¡¡dour¡¡tribunal¡¡of¡¡the¡¡faculty¡£¡¡The¡¡younger¡¡members£»¡¡among¡¡whom¡¡were¡¡several¡¡he¡¡knew¡¡to¡¡be¡¡mighty¡¡good¡¡fellows¡¡at¡¡heart£»¡¡sat¡¡at¡¡the¡¡lower¡¡end¡¡of¡¡the¡¡long¡¡table£»¡¡and¡¡with¡¡owlish¡¡gravity¡¡attempted¡¡to¡¡emulate¡¡the¡¡appearance¡¡and¡¡manners¡¡of¡¡their¡¡seniors¡£¡¡At¡¡the¡¡head¡¡of¡¡the¡¡table¡¡sat¡¡Whiskers£»¡¡as¡¡the¡¡dignified¡¡and¡¡venerable¡¡president¡¡of¡¡the¡¡university¡¡was¡¡popularly¡¡named¡£¡¡It¡¡was¡¡generally¡¡believed¡¡and¡¡solemnly¡¡sworn¡¡to¡¡throughout¡¡the¡¡large¡¡corps¡¡of¡¡undergraduates¡¡that¡¡within¡¡the¡¡knowledge¡¡of¡¡any¡¡living¡¡man¡¡Whiskers¡¡had¡¡never¡¡been¡¡known¡¡to¡¡smile£»¡¡and¡¡to¡day¡¡he¡¡was¡¡running¡¡true¡¡to¡¡form¡£
¡¨Mr¡£¡¡Torrance£»¡¨¡¡he¡¡said£»¡¡sighing£»¡¡¡¨it¡¡has¡¡been¡¡my¡¡painful¡¡duty¡¡on¡¡more¡¡than¡¡one¡¡occasion¡¡to¡¡call¡¡your¡¡attention¡¡to¡¡the¡¡uniformly¡¡low¡¡average¡¡of¡¡your¡¡academic¡¡standing¡£¡¡At¡¡the¡¡earnest¡¡solicitation¡¡of¡¡the¡¡faculty¡¡members¡¡of¡¡the¡¡athletic¡¡committee£»¡¡I¡¡have¡¡been¡¡influenced£»¡¡against¡¡my¡¡better¡¡judgment£»¡¡to¡¡temporize¡¡with¡¡an¡¡utterly¡¡insufferable¡¡condition¡£
¡¨You¡¡are¡¡rapidly¡¡approaching¡¡the¡¡close¡¡of¡¡your¡¡senior¡¡year£»¡¡and¡¡in¡¡the¡¡light¡¡of¡¡the¡¡records¡¡which¡¡I¡¡have¡¡before¡¡me¡¡I¡¡am¡¡constrained¡¡to¡¡believe¡¡that¡¡it¡¡will¡¡he¡¡utterly¡¡impossible¡¡for¡¡you¡¡to¡¡graduate£»¡¡unless¡¡from¡¡now¡¡to¡¡the¡¡end¡¡of¡¡the¡¡semester¡¡you¡¡devote¡¡yourself¡¡exclusively¡¡to¡¡your¡¡academic¡¡work¡£¡¡If¡¡you¡¡cannot¡¡assure¡¡me¡¡that¡¡you¡¡will¡¡do¡¡this£»¡¡I¡¡believe¡¡it¡¡would¡¡be¡¡to¡¡the¡¡best¡¡interests¡¡of¡¡the¡¡university¡¡for¡¡you¡¡to¡¡resign¡¡now£»¡¡rather¡¡than¡¡to¡¡fail¡¡of¡¡graduation¡£¡¡And¡¡in¡¡this¡¡decision¡¡I¡¡am¡¡fully¡¡seconded¡¡by¡¡the¡¡faculty¡¡members¡¡of¡¡the¡¡athletic¡¡committee£»¡¡who¡¡realize¡¡the¡¡harmful¡¡effect¡¡upon¡¡university¡¡athletics¡¡in¡¡the¡¡future¡¡were¡¡so¡¡prominent¡¡an¡¡athlete¡¡as¡¡you¡¡to¡¡fail¡¡at¡¡graduation¡£¡¨
If¡¡they¡¡had¡¡sentenced¡¡Jimmy¡¡to¡¡be¡¡shot¡¡at¡¡sunrise¡¡the¡¡blow¡¡could¡¡scarcely¡¡have¡¡been¡¡more¡¡stunning¡¡than¡¡that¡¡which¡¡followed¡¡the¡¡realization¡¡that¡¡he¡¡was¡¡not¡¡to¡¡be¡¡permitted¡¡to¡¡round¡¡out¡¡his¡¡fourth¡¡successful¡¡season¡¡at¡¡first¡¡base¡£¡¡But¡¡if¡¡Jimmy¡¡was¡¡momentarily¡¡stunned¡¡he¡¡gave¡¡no¡¡outward¡¡indication¡¡of¡¡the¡¡fact£»¡¡and¡¡in¡¡the¡¡brief¡¡interval¡¡of¡¡silence¡¡following¡¡the¡¡president's¡¡ultimatum¡¡his¡¡alert¡¡mind¡¡functioned¡¡with¡¡the¡¡rapidity¡¡which¡¡it¡¡had¡¡often¡¡shown¡¡upon¡¡the¡¡gridiron£»¡¡the¡¡diamond£»¡¡and¡¡the¡¡squared¡¡circle¡£
Just¡¡for¡¡a¡¡moment¡¡the¡¡thought¡¡of¡¡being¡¡deprived¡¡of¡¡the¡¡pleasure¡¡and¡¡excitement¡¡of¡¡the¡¡coming¡¡baseball¡¡season¡¡filled¡¡his¡¡mind¡¡to¡¡the¡¡exclusion¡¡of¡¡every¡¡other¡¡consideration£»¡¡but¡¡presently¡¡a¡¡less¡¡selfish¡¡impulse¡¡projected¡¡upon¡¡the¡¡screen¡¡of¡¡recollection¡¡the¡¡figure¡¡of¡¡the¡¡father¡¡he¡¡idolized¡£¡¡The¡¡boy¡¡realized¡¡the¡¡disappointment¡¡that¡¡this¡¡man¡¡would¡¡feel¡¡should¡¡his¡¡four¡¡years¡¡of¡¡college¡¡end¡¡thus¡¡disastrously¡¡and¡¡without¡¡the¡¡coveted¡¡diploma¡£
And¡¡then¡¡it¡¡was¡¡that¡¡he¡¡raised¡¡his¡¡eyes¡¡to¡¡those¡¡of¡¡the¡¡president¡£
¡¨I¡¡hope£»¡¡sir£»¡¨¡¡he¡¡said£»¡¡¡¨that¡¡you¡¡will¡¡give¡¡me¡¡one¡¡more¡¡chancethat¡¡you¡¡will¡¡let¡¡me¡¡go¡¡on¡¡as¡¡I¡¡have¡¡in¡¡the¡¡past¡¡as¡¡far¡¡as¡¡baseball¡¡is¡¡concerned£»¡¡with¡¡the¡¡understanding¡¡that¡¡if¡¡at¡¡the¡¡end¡¡of¡¡each¡¡month¡¡between¡¡now¡¡and¡¡commencement¡¡I¡¡do¡¡not¡¡show¡¡satisfactory¡¡improvement¡¡I¡¡shall¡¡not¡¡be¡¡permitted¡¡to¡¡play¡¡on¡¡the¡¡team¡£¡¡But¡¡please¡¡don't¡¡make¡¡that¡¡restriction¡¡binding¡¡yet¡£¡¡If¡¡I¡¡lay¡¡off¡¡the¡¡track¡¡work¡¡I¡¡believe¡¡I¡¡can¡¡make¡¡up¡¡enough¡¡so¡¡that¡¡baseball¡¡will¡¡not¡¡interfere¡¡with¡¡my¡¡graduation¡£¡¨
And¡¡so¡¡Whiskers£»¡¡who¡¡was¡¡much¡¡more¡¡human¡¡than¡¡the¡¡student¡¡body¡¡gave¡¡him¡¡credit¡¡for¡¡being£»¡¡and¡¡was£»¡¡in¡¡the¡¡bargain£»¡¡a¡¡good¡¡judge¡¡of¡¡boys£»¡¡gave¡¡Jimmy¡¡another¡¡chance¡¡on¡¡his¡¡own¡¡terms£»¡¡and¡¡the¡¡university's¡¡heavyweight¡¡champion¡¡returned¡¡to¡¡his¡¡room¡¡filled¡¡with¡¡determination¡¡to¡¡make¡¡good¡¡at¡¡the¡¡eleventh¡¡hour¡£
Possibly¡¡one¡¡of¡¡the¡¡greatest¡¡obstacles¡¡which¡¡lay¡¡in¡¡Jimmy's¡¡path¡¡toward¡¡academic¡¡honors¡¡was¡¡the¡¡fact¡¡that¡¡he¡¡possessed¡¡those¡¡qualities¡¡of¡¡character¡¡which¡¡attracted¡¡others¡¡to¡¡him£»¡¡with¡¡the¡¡result¡¡that¡¡there¡¡was¡¡seldom¡¡an¡¡hour¡¡during¡¡the¡¡day¡¡that¡¡he¡¡had¡¡his¡¡room¡¡to¡¡himself¡£¡¡On¡¡his¡¡return¡¡from¡¡the¡¡faculty¡¡meeting¡¡he