armadale-第97章
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what I may； and do what I may； she always gets the better of me；
and always puts me in the wrong。 Everything I saw at Thorpe
Ambrose pleased me； everything I did at Thorpe Ambrose made me
happy； before she came。 Nothing pleases me； and nothing makes me
happy now！〃 If Neelie had ever been accustomed to ask her
mother's advice and to trust herself to her mother's love； she
might have said such words as these。 As。 it was； the tears came
into her eyes； and she hung her head in silence。
〃Come！〃 said Mrs。 Milroy； beginning to lose patience。 〃You have
something to say to me about Miss Gwilt。 What is it？〃
Neelie forced back her tears； and made an effort to answer。
〃She aggravates me beyond endurance； mamma； I can't bear her； I
shall do something〃 Neelie stopped； and stamped her foot
angrily on the floor。 〃I shall throw something at her head if we
go on much longer like this！ I should have thrown something this
morning if I hadn't left the room。 Oh； do speak to papa about it！
Do find out some reason for sending her away！ I'll go to
schoolI'll do anything in the world to get rid of Miss Gwilt！〃
To get rid of Miss Gwilt！ At those wordsat that echo from her
daughter's lips of the one dominant desire kept secret in her own
heartMrs。 Milroy slowly raised herself in bed。 What did it
mean？ Was the help she wanted coming from the very last of all
quarters in which she could have thought of looking for it？
〃Why do you want to get rid of Miss Gwilt？〃 she asked。 〃What have
you got to complain of？〃
〃Nothing！〃 said Neelie。 〃That's the aggravation of it。 Miss Gwilt
won't let me have anything to complain of。 She is perfectly
detestable； she is driving me mad； and she is the pink of
propriety all the time。 I dare say it's wrong； but I don't
careI hate her！〃
Mrs。 Milroy's eyes questioned her daughter's face as they had
never questioned it yet。 There was something under the surface；
evidentlysomething which it might be of vital importance to her
own purpose to discoverwhich had not risen into view。 She went
on probing her way deeper and deeper into Neelie's mind； with a
warmer and warmer interest in Neelie's secret。
〃Pour me out a cup of tea；〃 she said； 〃and don't excite yourself；
my dear。 Why do you speak to _me_ about this？ Why don't you speak
to your father？〃
〃I have tried to speak to papa；〃 said Neelie。 〃But it's no use；
he is too good to know what a wretch she is。 She is always on her
best behavior with him； she is always contriving to be useful to
him。 I can't make him understand why I dislike Miss Gwilt； I
can't make _you_ understandI only understand it myself。〃 She
tried to pour out the tea； and in trying upset the cup。 〃I'll go
downstairs again！〃 exclaimed Neelie； with a burst of tears。 〃I'm
not fit for anything； I can't even pour out a cup of tea！〃
Mrs。 Milroy seized her hand and stopped her。 Trifling as it was；
Neelie's reference to the relations between the major and Miss
Gwilt had roused her mother's ready jealousy。 The restraints
which Mrs。 Milroy had laid on herself thus far vanished in a
momentvanished even in the presence of a girl of sixteen； and
that girl her own child！
〃Wait here！〃 she said； eagerly。 〃You have come to the right place
and the right person。 Go on abusing Miss Gwilt。 I like to hear
youI hate her； too！〃
〃You； mamma！〃 exclaimed Neelie； looking at her mother in
astonishment。
For a moment Mrs。 Milroy hesitated before she said more。 Some
last…left instinct of her married life in its earlier and happier
time pleaded hard with her to respect the youth and the sex of
her child。 But jealousy respects nothing； in the heaven above and
on the earth beneath； nothing but itself。 The slow fire of
self…torment； burning night and day in the miserable woman's
breast； flashed its deadly light into her eyes； as the next words
dropped slowly and venomously from her lips。
〃If you had had eyes in your head； you would never have gone to
your father；〃 she said。 〃Your father has reasons of his own for
hearing nothing that you can say； or that anybody can say；
against Miss Gwilt。〃
Many girls at Neelie's age would have failed to see the meaning
hidden under those words。 It was the daughter's misfortune； in
this instance； to have had experience enough of the mother to
understand her。 Neelie started back from the bedside； with her
face in a glow。 〃Mamma！〃 she said； 〃you are talking horribly！
Papa is the best； and dearest； and kindestoh； I won't hear it！
I won't hear it！〃
Mrs。 Milroy's fierce temper broke out in an instantbroke out
all the more violently from her feeling herself； in spite of
herself； to have been in the wrong。
〃You impudent little fool！〃 she retorted； furiously。 〃Do you
think I want _you_ to remind me of what I owe to your father？ Am
I to learn how to speak of your father； and how to think of your
father； and how to love and honor your father； from a forward
little minx like you！ I was finely disappointed； I can tell you；
when you were bornI wished for a boy； you impudent hussy！ If
you ever find a man who is fool enough to marry you； he will be a
lucky man if you only love him half as well； a quarter as well； a
hundred…thousandth part as well； as I loved your father。 Ah； you
can cry when it's too late； you can come creeping back to beg
your mother's pardon after you have insulted her。 You little
dowdy； half…grown creature！ I was handsomer than ever you will be
when I married your father。 I would have gone through fire and
water to serve your father！ If he had asked me to cut off one of
my arms； I would have done itI would have done it to please
him！〃 She turned suddenly with her face to the wall； forgetting
her daughter； forgetting her husband； forgetting everything but
the torturing remembrance of her lost beauty。 〃My arms！〃 she
repeated to herself； faintly。 〃What arms I had when I was young！〃
She snatched up the sleeve of her dressing…gown furtively； with a
shudder。 〃Oh； look at it now！ look at it now！〃
Neelie fell on her knees at the bedside and hid her face。 In
sheer despair of finding comfort and help anywhere else； she had
cast herself impulsively on her mother's mercy； and this was how
it had ended！ 〃Oh； mamma；〃 she pleaded； 〃you know I didn't mean
to offend you！ I couldn't help it when you spoke so of my father。
Oh； do； do forgive me！〃
Mrs。 Milroy turned again on her pillow； and looked at her
daughter vacantly。 〃Forgive you？〃 she repeated； with her mind
still in the past； groping its way back darkly to the present。
〃I beg your pardon； mammaI beg your pardon on my knees。 I am so
unhappy； I do so want a little kindness！ Won't you forgive me？〃
〃Wait a little；〃 rejoined Mrs。 Milroy。 〃Ah；〃 she said； after an
interval； 〃now I know！ Forgive you？ Yes； I'll forgive you on one
condition。〃 She lifted Neelie's head； and looked her searchingly
in the face。 〃Tell me why you hate Miss Gwilt！ You've a reason of
your own for hating her； and you haven't confessed it yet。〃
Neelie's head dropped again。 The burning color that she was
hiding by hiding her face showed itself on her neck。 Her mother
saw it； and gave her time。
〃Tell me；〃 reiterated Mrs。 Milroy； more gently； 〃why do you hate
her？〃
The answer came reluctantly； a word at a time； in fragments。
〃Because she is trying〃
〃Trying what？〃
〃Trying to make somebody who is much〃
〃Much what？〃
〃Much too young for her〃
〃Marry her？〃
〃Yes； mamma。〃
Breathlessly interested； Mrs。 Milroy leaned forward； and twined
her hand caressingly in her daughter's hair。
〃Who is it； Neelie？〃 she asked； in a whisper。
〃You will never say I told you； mamma？〃
〃Never！ Who is it？〃
〃Mr。 Armadale。〃
Mrs。 Milroy leaned back on her pillow in dead silence。 The plain
betrayal of her daughter's first love； by her daughter's own
lips； which would have absorbed the whole attention of other
mothers； failed to occupy her for a moment。 Her jealousy；
distorting all things to fit its own conclusions； was busied in
distorting what she had just heard。 〃A blind；〃 she thought；
〃which has deceived my girl。 It doesn't deceive _me。_ Is Miss
Gwilt likely to succeed？〃 she asked； aloud。 〃Does Mr。 Armadale
show any sort of interest in her？〃
