armadale-第87章

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and　night；　she　has　nothing　else　to　do　in　that　bed　prison　of　hers
but　to　find　out　the　way。

〃In　this　awkward　position；　my　own　cautious　conduct　is　admirably
seconded　by　the　dear　old　major's　perfect　insensibility。　His
wife's　jealousy　of　him　is　as　monstrous　a　delusion　as　any　that
could　be　found　in　a　mad…house；　it　is　the　growth　of　her　own　vile
temper；　under　the　aggravation　of　an　incurable　illness。　The　poor
man　hasn't　a　thought　beyond　his　mechanical　pursuits；　and　I　don't
believe　he　knows　at　this　moment　whether　I　am　a　handsome　woman　or
not。　With　this　chance　to　help　me；　I　may　hope　to　set　the　nurse's
intrusions　and　the　mistress's　contrivances　at　defiancefor　a
time；　at　any　rate。　But　you　know　what　a　jealous　woman　is；　and　I
think　I　know　what　Mrs。　Milroy　is；　and　I　own　I　shall　breathe　more
freely　on　the　day　when　young　Armadale　opens　his　foolish　lips　to
some　purpose；　and　sets　the　major　advertising　for　a　new　governess。

〃Armadale's　name　reminds　me　of　Armadale's　friend。　There　is　more
danger　threatening　in　that　quarter；　and；　what　is　worse；　I　don't
feel　half　as　well　armed　beforehand　against　Mr。　Midwinter　as　I　do
against　Mrs。　Milroy。

〃Everything　about　this　man　is　more　or　less　mysterious；　which　I
don't　like；　to　begin　with。　How　does　he　come　to　be　in　the
confidence　of　the　Somersetshire　clergyman？　How　much　has　that
clergyman　told　him？　How　is　it　that　he　was　so　firmly　persuaded；
when　he　spoke　to　me　in　the　park；　that　I　was　not　the　Miss　Gwilt　of
whom　his　friend　was　in　search？　I　haven't　the　ghost　of　an　answer
to　give　to　any　of　those　three　questions。　I　can't　even　discover
who　he　is；　or　how　he　and　young　Armadale　first　became　acquainted。
I　hate　him。　No；　I　don't；　I　only　want　to　find　out　about　him。　He　is
very　young；　little　and　lean；　and　active　and　dark；　with　bright
black　eyes　which　say　to　me　plainly；　'We　belong　to　a　man　with
brains　in　his　head　and　a　will　of　his　own；　a　man　who　hasn't　always
been　hanging　about　a　country　house；　in　attendance　on　a　fool。'
Yes；　I　am　positively　certain　Mr。　Midwinter　has　done　something　or
suffered　something　in　his　past　life；　young　as　he　is；　and　I　would
give　I　don't　know　what　to　get　at　it。　Don't　resent　my　taking　up　so
much　space　in　my　writing　about　him。　He　has　influence　enough　over
young　Armadale　to　be　a　very　awkward　obstacle　in　my　way；　unless　I
can　secure　his　good　opinion　at　starting。

〃Well；　you　may　ask；　and　what　is　to　prevent　your　securing　his　good
opinion？　I　am　sadly　afraid；　Mother　Oldershaw；　I　have　got　it　on
terms　I　never　bargained　for。　I　am　sadly　afraid　the　man　is　in　love
with　me　already。

〃Don't　toss　your　head　and　say；　'Just　like　her　vanity！'　After　the
horrors　I　have　gone　through；　I　have　no　vanity　left；　and　a　man　who
admires　me　is　a　man　who　makes　me　shudder。　There　was　a　time；　I
ownPooh！　what　am　I　writing？　Sentiment；　I　declare！　Sentiment　to
_you！_　Laugh　away；　my　dear。　As　for　me；　I　neither　laugh　nor　cry；　I
mend　my　pen；　and　get　on　with　mywhat　do　the　men　call　it？my
report。

〃The　only　thing　worth　inquiring　is；　whether　I　am　right　or　wrong
in　my　idea　of　the　impression　I　have　made　on　him。

〃Let　me　see；　I　have　been　four　times　in　his　company。　The　first
time　was　in　the　major's　garden；　where　we　met　unexpectedly；　face
to　face。　He　stood　looking　at　me；　like　a　man　petrified；　without
speaking　a　word。　The　effect　of　my　horrid　red　hair；　perhaps？　Quite
likely；　let　us　lay　it　on　my　hair。　The　second　time　was　in　going
over　the　Thorpe　Ambrose　grounds；　with　young　Armadale　on　one　side
of　me；　and　my　pupil　（in　the　sulks）　on　the　other。　Out　comes　Mr。
Midwinter　to　join　us；　though　he　had　work　to　do　in　the　steward's
office；　which　he　had　never　been　known　to　neglect　on　any　other
occasion。　Laziness；　possibly？　or　an　attachment　to　Miss　Milroy？　I
can't　say；　we　will　lay　it　on　Miss　Milroy；　if　you　like；　I　only
know　he　did　nothing　but　look　at　_me。_　The　third　time　was　at　the
private　interview　in　the　park；　which　I　have　told　you　of　already。
I　never　saw　a　man　so　agitated　at　putting　a　delicate　question　to　a
woman　in　my　life。　But　_that_　might　have　been　only　awkwardness；
and　his　perpetually　looking　back　after　me　when　we　had　parted
might　have　been　only　looking　back　at　the　view。　Lay　it　on　the
view；　by　all　means；　lay　it　on　the　view！　The　fourth　time　was　this
very　evening；　at　the　little　party。　They　made　me　play；　and；　as　the
piano　was　a　good　one；　I　did　my　best。　All　the　company　crowded
round　me；　and　paid　me　their　compliments　（my　charming　pupil　paid
hers；　with　a　face　like　a　cat's　just　before　she　spits）；　except　Mr。
Midwinter。　_He_　waited　till　it　was　time　to　go；　and　then　he　caught
me　alone　for　a　moment　in　the　hall。　There　was　just　time　for　him　to
take　my　hand；　and　say　two　words。　Shall　I　tell　you　_how_　he　took
my　hand；　and　what　his　voice　sounded　like　when　he　spoke？　Quite
needless！　You　have　always　told　me　that　the　late　Mr。　Oldershaw
doted　on　you。　Just　recall　the　first　time　he　took　your　hand；　and
whispered　a　word　or　two　addressed　to　your　private　ear。　To　what
did　you　attribute　his　behavior　that　occasion？　I　have　no　doubt；　if
you　had　been　playing　on　the　piano　in　the　course　of　the　evening；
you　would　have　attributed　it　entirely　to　the　music！

〃No！　you　may　take　my　word　for　it；　the　harm　is　done。　_This_　man　is
no　rattle…pated　fool；　who　changes　his　fancies　as　readily　as　he
changes　his　clothes。　The　fire　that　lights　those　big　black　eyes　of
his　is　not　an　easy　fire；　when　a　woman　has　once　kindled　it；　for
that　woman　to　put　out。　I　don't　wish　to　discourage　you；　I　don't
say　the　changes　are　against　us。　But　with　Mrs。　Milroy　threatening
me　on　one　side；　and　Mr。　Midwinter　on　the　other；　the　worst　of　all
risks　to　run　is　the　risk　of　losing　time。　Young　Armadale　has
hinted　already；　as　well　as　such　a　lout　can　hint；　at　a　private
interview！　Miss　Milroy's　eyes　are　sharp；　and　the　nurse's　eyes　are
sharper；　and　I　shall　lose　my　place　if　either　of　them　find　me　out。
No　matter！　I　must　take　my　chance；　and　give　him　the　interview。
Only　let　me　get　him　alone；　only　let　me　escape　the　prying　eyes　of
the　women；　andif　his　friend　doesn't　come　between　usI　answer
for　the　result！

〃In　the　meantime；　have　I　anything　more　to　tell　you？　Are　there　any
other　people　in　our　way　at　Thorpe　Ambrose？　Not　another　creature！
None　of　the　resident　families　call　here；　young　Armadale　being；
most　fortunately；　in　bad　odor　in　the　neighborhood。　There　are　no
handsome　highly…bred　women　to　come　to　the　house；　and　no　persons
of　consequence　to　protest　against　his　attentions　to　a　governess。
The　only　guests　he　could　collect　at　his　party　to…night　were　the
lawyer　and　his　family　（a　wife；　a　son；　and　two　daughters）；　and　a
deaf　old　woman　and　_her_　sonall　perfectly　unimportant　people；
and　all　obedient　humble　servants　of　the　stupid　young　squire。

〃Talking　of　obedient　humble　servants；　there　is　one　other　person
established　here；　who　is　employed　in　the　steward's　officea
miserable；　shabby；　dilapidated　old　man；　named　Bashwood。　He　is　a
perfect　stranger　to　me；　and　I　am　evidently　a　perfect　stranger　to
him；　for　he　has　been　asking　the　house…maid　at　the　cottage　who　I
am。　It　is　paying　no　great　compliment　to　myself　to　confess　it；　but
it　is　not　the　less　true　that　I　produced　the　most　extraordinary
impression　on　this　feeble　old　creature　the　first　time　he　saw　me。
He　turned　all　manner　of　colors；　and　stood　trembling　and　staring
at　me；　as　if　there　was　something　perfectly　frightful　in　my　face。
I　felt　quite　startled　for　the　moment；　for；　of　all　the　ways　in
which　men　have　looked　at　me；　no　man　ever　looked　at　me　in　that　way
before。　Did　you　ever　see　the　boa　constrictor　fed　at　the
Zoological　Gardens？　They　put　a　live　rabbit　into　his　cage；　and
there　is　a　moment　when　the　two　creatures　look　at　each　other。　I
declare　Mr。　Bashwood　reminded　me　of　the　rabbit。

〃Why　do　I　mention　this？　I　don't　know　why。　Perhaps　I　have　been
writing　too　long；　and　my　head　is　beginning　to　fail　me。　Perhaps
Mr。　Bashwood's　manner　of　admiring　me　strikes　my　fancy　by　its
novelty。　Absurd！　I　am　exciting　myself；　and　troubling　you　about
nothing。　Oh；　what　a　weary；　long　letter　I　have　written！　and　how
brightly　the　stars　look　at　me　through　the　window；　and　how　awfully
quiet　the　night　is！　Send　me　some　more　of　those　sleeping　drops；
and　write　me　one　of　your　nice；　wicked；　amusing　letters。　You　shall
hear　from　me　again　as　soon　as