armadale-第184章

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thoughts。　His　eyes　fell　guiltily　when　they　met　mine；　and　he
shrank　away　to　his　chair。　Believing；　as　he　did；　that　I　was　really
married　to　Armadale；　was　he　trying　to　discover　whether　the　news
of　Armadale's　rescue　from　the　sea　was　good　news　or　bad　news　in　my
estimation？　It　was　no　time　then　for　entering　into　explanations
with　him。　The　first　thing　to　be　done　was　to　communicate　instantly
with　the　doctor。　I　called　Bashwood　back　to　me　and　gave　him　my
hand。

〃　'You　have　done　me　a　service；'　I　said；　'which　makes　us　closer
friends　than　ever。　I　shall　say　more　about　this；　and　about　other
matters　of　some　interest　to　both　of　us；　later　in　the　day。　I　want
you　now　to　lend　me　Mr。　Armadale's　letter　（which　I　promise　to
bring　back）　and　to　wait　here　till　I　return。　Will　you　do　that　for
me；　Mr。　Bashwood？'

〃He　would　do　anything　I　asked　him；　he　said。　I　went　into　the
bedroom　and　put　on　my　bonnet　and　shawl。

〃　'Let　me　be　quite　sure　of　the　facts　before　I　leave　you；'　I
resumed；　when　I　was　ready　to　go　out。　'You　have　not　shown　this
letter　to　anybody　but　me？'

〃　'Not　a　living　soul　has　seen　it　but　our　two　selves。'

〃'What　have　you　done　with　the　note　inclosed　to　Miss　Milroy？'

〃He　produced　it　from　his　pocket。　I　ran　it　over　rapidlysaw　that
there　was　nothing　in　it　of　the　slightest　importanceand　put　it
in　the　fi　re　on　the　spot。　That　done；　I　left　Bashwood　in　the
sitting…room；　and　went　to　the　Sanitarium；　with　Armadale's　letter
in　my　hand。

〃The　doctor　had　gone　out；　and　the　servant　was　unable　to　say
positively　at　what　time　he　would　be　back。　I　went　into　his　study；
and　wrote　a　line　preparing　him　for　the　news　I　had　brought　with
me；　which　I　sealed　up；　with　Armadale's　letter；　in　an　envelope；　to
await　his　return。　Having　told　the　servant　I　would　call　again　in
an　hour；　I　left　the　place。

〃It　was　useless　to　go　back　to　my　lodgings　and　speak　to　Bashwood；
until　I　knew　first　what　the　doctor　meant　to　do。　I　walked　about
the　neighborhood；　up　and　down　new　streets　and　crescents　and
squares；　with　a　kind　of　dull；　numbed　feeling　in　me；　which
prevented；　not　only　all　voluntary　exercise　of　thought；　but　all
sensation　of　bodily　fatigue。　I　remembered　the　same　feeling
overpowering　me；　years　ago；　on　the　morning　when　the　people　of　the
prison　came　to　take　me　into　court　to　be　tried　for　my　life。　All
that　frightful　scene　came　back　again　to　my　mind　in　the　strangest
manner；　as　if　it　had　been　a　scene　in　which　some　other　person　had
figured。　Once　or　twice　I　wondered；　in　a　heavy；　senseless　way；　why
they　had　not　hanged　me！

〃When　I　went　back　to　the　Sanitarium；　I　was　informed　that　the
doctor　had　returned　half　an　hour　since；　and　that　he　was　in　his
own　room　anxiously　waiting　to　see　me。

〃I　went　into　the　study；　and　found　him　sitting　close　by　the　fire
with　his　head　down　and　his　hands　on　his　knees。　On　the　table　near
him；　beside　Armadale's　letter　and　my　note；　I　saw；　in　the　little
circle　of　light　thrown　by　the　reading…lamp；　an　open　railway
guide。　Was　he　meditating　flight？　It　was　impossible　to　tell　from
his　face；　when　he　looked　up　at　me；　what　he　was　meditating；　or　how
the　shock　had　struck　him　when　he　first　discovered　that　Armadale
was　a　living　man。

〃　'Take　a　seat　near　the　fire；'　he　said。　'It's　very　raw　and　cold
to…day。'

〃I　took　a　chair　in　silence。　In　silence；　on　his　side；　the　doctor
sat　rubbing　his　knees　before　the　fire。

〃　'Have　you　nothing　to　say　to　me？'　I　asked。

〃He　rose；　and　suddenly　removed　the　shade　from　the　reading…lamp；
so　that　the　light　fell　on　my　face。

〃　'You　are　not　looking　well；'　he　said。　'What's　the　matter？'

〃　'My　head　feels　dull；　and　my　eyes　are　heavy　and　hot；'　I　replied。
'The　weather；　I　suppose。'

〃It　was　strange　how　we　both　got　further　and　further　from　the　one
vitally　important　subject　which　we　had　both　come　together　to
discuss！

〃　'I　think　a　cup　of　tea　would　do　you　good；'　remarked　the　doctor。

〃I　accepted　his　suggestion；　and　he　ordered　the　tea。　While　it　was
coming；　he　walked　up　and　down　the　room；　and　I　sat　by　the　fire；
and　not　a　word　passed　between　us　on　either　side。

〃The　tea　revived　me；　and　the　doctor　noticed　a　change　for　the
better　in　my　face。　He　sat　down　opposite　to　me　at　the　table；　and
spoke　out　at　last。

〃　'If　I　had　ten　thousand　pounds　at　this　moment；'　he　began；　'I
would　give　the　whole　of　it　never　to　have　compromised　myself　in
your　desperate　speculation　on　Mr。　Armadale's　death！'

〃He　said　those　words　with　an　abruptness；　almost　with　a　violence；
which　was　strangely　uncharacteristic　of　his　ordinary　manner。　Was
he　frightened　himself；　or　was　he　trying　to　frighten　me？　I
determined　to　make　him　explain　himself　at　the　outset；　so　far　as　I
was　concerned。　'Wait　a　moment；　doctor；'　I　said。　'Do　you　hold　me
responsible　for　what　has　happened？'

〃　'Certainly　not；'　he　replied；　stiffly。　'Neither　you　nor　anybody
could　have　foreseen　what　has　happened。　When　I　say　I　would　give
ten　thousand　pounds　to　be　out　of　this　business；　I　am　blaming
nobody　but　myself。　And　when　I　tell　you　next　that　I；　for　one；
won't　allow　Mr。　Armadale's　resurrection　from　the　sea　to　be　the
ruin　of　me　without　a　fight　for　it；　I　tell　you；　my　dear　madam；　one
of　the　plainest　truths　I　ever　told　to　man　or　woman　in　the　whole
course　of　my　life。　Don't　suppose　I　am　invidiously　separating　my
interests　from　yours　in　the　common　danger　that　now　threatens　us
both。　I　simply　indicate　the　difference　in　the　risk　that　we　have
respectively　run。　_You_　have　not　sunk　the　whole　of　your　resources
in　establishing　a　Sanitarium；　and　_you_　have　not　made　a　false
declaration　before　a　magistrate；　which　is　punishable　as　perjury
by　the　law。'

〃I　interrupted　him　again。　His　selfishness　did　me　more　good　than
his　tea：　it　roused　my　temper　effectually。　'Suppose　we　let　your
risk　and　my　risk　alone；　and　come　to　the　point；'　I　said。　'What　do
you　mean　by　making　a　fight　for　it？　I　see　a　railway　guide　on　your
table。　Does　making　a　fight　for　it　meanrunning　away？'

〃　'Running　away？'　repeated　the　doctor。　'You　appear　to　forget　that
every　farthing　I　have　in　the　world　is　embarked　in　this
establishment。'

〃　'You　stop　here；　then？'　I　said。

〃　'Unquestionably！'

〃　'And　what　do　you　mean　to　do　when　Mr。　Armadale　comes　to
England？'

〃A　solitary　fly；　the　last　of　his　race　whom　the　winter　had　spared；
was　buzzing　feebly　about　the　doctor's　face。　He　caught　it　before
he　answered　me；　and　held　it　out　across　the　table　in　his　closed
hand。

〃　'If　this　fly's　name　was　Armadale；'　he　said；　'and　if　you　had　got
him　as　I　have　got　him　now；　what　would　_you_　do？'

〃His　eyes；　fixed　on　my　face　up　to　this　time；　turned
significantly；　as　he　ended　this　question；　to　my　widow's　dress。　I；
too；　looked　at　it　when　he　looked。　A　thrill　of　the　old　deadly
hatred　and　the　old　deadly　determination　ran　through　me　again。

〃　'I　should　kill　him；'　I　said。

〃The　doctor　started　to　his　feet　（with　the　fly　still　in　his　hand）；
and　looked　at　mea　little　too　theatricallywith　an　expression
of　the　utmost　horror。

〃　'Kill　him！'　repeated　the　doctor；　in　a　paroxysm　of　virtuous
alarm。　'Violencemurderous　violencein　My　Sanitarium！　You　take
my　breath　away！'

〃I　caught　his　eye　while　he　was　expressing　himself　in　this
elaborately　indignant　manner；　scrutinizing　me　with　a　searching
curiosity　which　was；　to　say　the　least　of　it；　a　little　at　variance
with　the　vehemence　of　his　language　and　the　warmth　of　his　tone。　He
laughed　uneasily　when　our　eyes　met；　and　recovered　his　smoothly
confidential　manner　in　the　instant　that　elapsed　before　he　spoke
again。

〃　'I　beg　a　thousand　pardons；'　he　said。　'I　ought　to　have　known
better　than　to　take　a　lady　too　literally　at　her　word。　Permit　me
to　remind　you；　however；　that　the　circumstances　are　too　serious
for　anything　in　the　nature　oflet　us　say；　an　exaggeration　or　a
joke。　You　shall　hear　what　I　propose；　without　further　preface。'　He
paused；　and　resumed　his　figurative　use　of　the　fly　imprisoned　in
his　hand。　'Here　is　Mr。　Armadale。　I　can　let　him　out；　or　keep　him
in；　just　as　I　pleaseand　he　knows　it。　I　say　to　him；'　continued
the　doctor；　facetiously　addressing　the　fly；　'Give　me　proper
security；　Mr。　Armadale；　that　no　proceedings　of　any　sort　shall　be
taken　against　either　this　lady　or　myself；　and　I　will　let　you　out
of　the　hollow　of　my　hand。　Refuseand；　be　the　risk　what　it　may；　I
will　keep　you　in。