armadale-第182章
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〃November 28th。The lawyers have heard from Mr。 Darch； and have
sent him the Declaration by return of post。
〃When the doctor brought me this news； I asked him whether his
lawyers were aware of my present address； and； finding that he
had not yet mentioned it to them； I begged that he would continue
to keep it a secret for the future。 The doctor laughed。 'Are you
afraid of Mr。 Darch's stealing a march on us； and coming to
attack you personally？' he asked。 I accepted the imputation； as
the easiest way of making him comply with my request。 'Yes；' I
said； 'I am afraid of Mr。 Darch。'
〃My spirits have risen since the doctor left me。 There is a
pleasant sensation of security in feeling that no strangers are
in possession of my address。 I am easy enough in my mind to…day
to notice how wonderfully well I look in my widow's weeds； and to
make myself agreeable to the people of the house。
〃Midwinter disturbed me a little again last night； but I have got
over the ghastly delusion which possessed me yesterday。
I know better now than to dread violence from him when he
discovers what I have done。 And there is still less fear of his
stooping to assert his claim to a woman who has practiced on him
such a deception as mine。 The one serious trial that I shall be
put to when the day of reckoning comes will be the trial of
preserving my false character in his presence。 I shall be safe in
his loathing and contempt for me； after that。 On the day when I
have denied him to his face； I shall have seen the last of him
forever。
〃Shall I be able to deny him to his face？ Shall I be able to look
at him and speak to him as if he had never been more to me than a
friend？ How do I know till the time comes？ Was there ever such an
infatuated fool as I am； to be writing of him at all； when
writing only encourages me to think of him？ I will make a new
resolution。 From this time forth； his name shall appear no more
in these pages。
〃Monday； December 1st。The last month of the worn…out old year
1851！ If I allowed myself to look back； what a miserable year I
should see added to all the other miserable years that are gone！
But I have made my resolution to look forward only； and I mean to
keep it。
〃I have nothing to record of the last two days； except that on
the twenty…ninth I remembered Bashwood； and wrote to tell him of
my new address。 This morning the lawyers heard again from Mr。
Darch。 He acknowledges the receipt of the Declaration； but
postpones stating the decision at which he has arrived until he
has communicated with the trustees under the late Mr。 Blanchard's
will； and has received his final instructions from his client；
Miss Blanchard。 The doctor's lawyers declare that this last
letter is a mere device for gaining timewith what object they
are； of course； not in a position to guess。 The doctor himself
says； facetiously； it is the usual lawyer's object of making a
long bill。 My own idea is that Mr。 Darch has his suspicions of
something wrong； and that his purpose in trying to gain time
* * * * * * *
〃Ten； at night。I had written as far as that last unfinished
sentence （toward four in the afternoon） when I was startled by
hearing a cab drive up to the door。 I went to the window； and got
there just in time to see old Bashwood getting out with an
activity of which I should never have supposed him capable。 So
little did I anticipate the tremendous discovery that was going
to burst on me in another minute； that I turned to the glass； and
wondered what the susceptible old gentleman would say to me in my
widow's cap。
〃The instant he entered the room； I saw that some serious
disaster had happened。 His eyes were wild； his wig was awry。 He
approached me with a strange mixture of eagerness and dismay。
'I've done as you told me；' he whispered； breathlessly。 'I've
held my tongue about it； and come straight to _you！_' He caught
me by the hand before I could speak； with a boldness quite new in
my experience of him。 'Oh how can I break it to you！' he burst
out。 'I'm beside myself when I think of it！'
〃 'When you _can_ speak；' I said； putting him into a chair；
'speak out。 I see in your face that you bring me news I don't
look for from Thorpe Ambrose。'
〃He put his hand into the breast…pocket of his coat； and drew out
a letter。 He looked at the letter； and looked at me。
'Newnewnews you don't look for；' he stammered； 'but not from
Thorpe Ambrose！'
〃 'Not from Thorpe Ambrose！'
〃 'No。 From the sea！'
〃The first dawning of the truth broke on me at those words。 I
couldn't speakI could only hold out my hand to him for the
letter。
〃He still shrank from giving it to me。 'I daren't！ I daren't！' he
said to himself； vacantly。 'The shock of it might be the death of
her。'
〃I snatched the letter from him。 One glance at the writing on the
address was enough。 My hands fell on my lap； with the letter fast
held in them。 I sat petrified； without moving； without speaking；
without hearing a word of what Bashwood was saying to me； and
slowly realized the terrible truth。 The man whose widow I had
claimed to be was a living man to confront me！ In vain I had
mixed the drink at Naplesin vain I had betrayed him into
Manuel's hands。 Twice I had set the deadly snare for him； and
twice Armadale had escaped me！ 〃I came to my sense of outward
things again； and found Bashwood on his knees at my feet； crying。
〃 'You look angry；' he murmured； helplessly。 'Are you angry with
_me？_ Oh； if you only knew what hopes I had when we last saw each
other； and how cruelly that letter has dashed them all to the
ground！'
〃I put the miserable old creature back from me； but very gently。
'Hush！' I said。 'Don't distress me now。 I want composure； I want
to read the letter。'
〃He went away submissively to the other end of the room。 As soon
as my eye was off him； I heard him say to himself； with impotent
malignity； 'If the sea had been of my mind； the sea would have
drowned him！'
〃One by one I slowly opened the folds of the letter； feeling；
while I did so； the strangest incapability of fixing my attention
on the very lines that I was burning to read。 But why dwell any
longer on sensations which I can't describe？ It will be more to
the purpose if I place the letter itself； for future reference；
on this page of my journal。
'Fiume； Illyria； November 21； 1851。
〃MR。 BASHWOODThe address I date from will surprise you； and you
will be more surprised still when you hear how it is that I come
to write to you from a port on the Adriatic Sea。
〃I have been the victim of a rascally attempt at robbery and
murder。 The robbery has succeeded； and it is only through the
mercy of God that the murder did not succeed too。
〃I hired a yacht rather more than a month ago at Naples； and
sailed （I am glad to think now） without any friend with me； for
Messina。 From Messina I went for a cruise in the Adriatic。 Two
days out we were caught in a storm。 Storms get up in a hurry； and
go down in a hurry； in those parts。 The vessel behaved nobly： I
declare I feel the tears in my eyes now； when I think of her at
the bottom of the sea！ Toward sunset it began to moderate； and by
midnight； except for a long； smooth swell； the sea was as quiet
as need be。 I went below； a little tired （having helped in
working the yacht while the gale lasted）； and fell asleep in five
minutes。 About two hours after； I was woke by something falling
into my cabin through a chink of the ventilator in the upper part
of the door。 I jumped up； and found a bit of paper with a key
wrapped in it； and with writing on the inner side； in a hand
which it was not very easy to read。
〃Up to this time I had not had the ghost of a suspicion that I
was alone at sea with a gang of murderous vagabonds （excepting
one only） who would stick at nothing。 I had got on very well with
my sailing…master （the worst scoundrel of the lot）； and better
still with his English mate。 The sailors； being all foreigners； I
had very little to say to。 They did their work； and no quarrels
and nothing unpleasant happened。 If anybody had told me； before I
went to bed on the night after the storm； that the sailing…master
and the
