armadale-第170章

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and　when　Allan　invites　us　to　sail　with　him；　it　is　my　wish　that
you　should　positively　decline　to　go。　He　will　try　to　make　you
change　your　mind；　for　I　shall；　of　course；　decline；　on　my　side；　to
leave　you　in　this　strange　house；　and　in　this　foreign　country；　by
yourself。　No　matter　what　he　says；　let　nothing　persuade　you　to
alter　your　decision。　Refuse；　positively　and　finally！　Refuse；　I
insist　on　it；　to　set　your　foot　on　the　new　yacht！'

〃He　ended　quietly　and　firmly；　with　no　faltering　in　his　voice；　and
no　signs　of　hesitation　or　relenting　in　his　face。　The　sense　of
surprise　which　I　might　otherwise　have　felt　at　the　strange　words
he　had　addressed　to　me　was　lost　in　the　sense　of　relief　that　they
brought　to　my　mind。　The　dread　of　_those　other　words_　that　I　had
expected　to　hear　from　him　left　me　as　suddenly　as　it　had　come。　I
could　look　at　him；　I　could　speak　to　him　once　more。

〃　'You　may　depend；'　I　answered；　'on　my　doing　exactly　what　you
order　me　to　do。　Must　I　obey　you　blindly？　Or　may　I　know　your
reason　for　the　extraordinary　directions　you　have　just　given　to
me？'

〃His；　face　darkened；　and　he　sat　down　on　the　other　side　of　my
dressing…table；　with　a　heavy；　hopeless　sigh。

〃　'You　may　know　the　reason；'　he　said；　'if　you　wish　it。'　He　waited
a　little；　and　considered。　'You　have　a　right　to　know　the　reason；'
he　resumed；　'for　you　yourself　are　concerned　in　it。'　He　waited　a
little　again；　and　again　went　on。　'I　can　only　explain　the　strange
request　I　have　just　made　to　you　in　one　way；'　be　said。　'I　must　ask
you　to　recall　what　happened　in　the　next　room；　before　Allan　left
us　to…night。'

〃He　looked　at　me　with　a　strange　mixture　of　expressions　in　his
face。　At　one　moment　I　thought　he　felt　pity　for　me。　At　another；　it
seemed　more　like　horror　of　me。　I　began　to　feel　frightened　again；
I　waited　for　his　next　words　in　silence。

〃　'I　know　that　I　have　been　working　too　hard　lately；'　he　went　on；
'and　that　my　nerves　are　sadly　shaken。　It　is　possible；　in　the
state　I　am　in　now；　that　I　may　have　unconsciously　misinterpreted；
or　distorted；　the　circumstances　that　really　took　place。　You　will
do　me　a　favor　if　you　will　test　my　recollection　of　what　has
happened　by　your　own。　If　my　fancy　has　exaggerated　anything；　if　my
memory　is　playing　me　false　anywhere；　I　entreat　you　to　stop　me；
and　tell　me　of　it。'

〃I　commanded　myself　sufficiently　to　ask　what　the　circumstances
were　to　which　he　referred；　and　in　what　way　I　was　personally
concerned　in　them。

〃　'You　were　personally　concerned　in　them　in　this　way；'　he
answered。　'The　circumstances　to　which　I　refer　began　with　your
speaking　to　Allan　about　Miss　Milroy；　in　what　I　thought　a　very
inconsiderate　and　very　impatient　manner。　I　am　afraid　I　spoke　just
as　petulantly　on　my　side；　and　I　beg　your　pardon　for　what　I　said
to　you　in　the　irritation　of　the　moment。　You　left　the　room。　After
a　short　absence；　you　came　back　again；　and　made　a　perfectly　proper
apology　to　Allan；　which　he　received　with　his　usual　kindness　and
sweetness　of　temper。　While　this　went　on；　you　and　he　were　both
standing　by　the　supper…table；　and　Allan　resumed　some　conversation
which　had　already　passed　between　you　about　the　Neapolitan　wine。
He　said　he　thought　he　should　learn　to　like　it　in　time；　and　he
asked　leave　to　take　another　glass　of　the　wine　we　had　on　the
table。　Am　I　right　so　far？'

〃The　words　almost　died　on　my　lips；　but　I　forced　them　out；　and
answered　him　that　he　was　right　so　far。

〃　'You　took　the　flask　out　of　Allan's　hand；'　he　proceeded。　'You
said　to　him；　good…humoredly；　〃You　know　you　don't　really　like　the
wine；　Mr。　Armadale。　Let　me　make　you　something　which　may　be　more
to　your　taste。　I　have　a　recipe　of　my　own　for　lemonade。　Will　you
favor　me　by　trying　it？〃　In　those　words；　you　made　your　proposal　to
him；　and　he　accepted　it。　Did　he　also　ask　leave　to　look　on；　and
learn　how　the　lemonade　was　made？　and　did　you　tell　him　that　he
would　only　confuse　you；　and　that　you　would　give　him　the　recipe　in
writing；　if　he　wanted　it？'

〃This　time　the　words　did　really　die　on　my　lips。　I　could　only　bow
my　head；　and　answer　'Yes'　mutely　in　that　way。　Midwinter　went　on。

〃　'Allan　laughed；　and　went　to　the　window　to　look　out　at　the　Bay；
and　I　went　with　him。　After　a　while　Allan　remarked；　jocosely；　that
the　mere　sound　of　the　liquids　you　were　pouring　out　made　him
thirsty。　When　he　said　this；　I　turned　round　from　the　window。　I
approached　you；　and　said　the　lemonade　took　a　long　time　to　make。
You　touched　me；　as　I　was　walking　away　again；　and　handed　me　the
tumbler　filled　to　the　brim。　At　the　same　time；　Allan　turned　round
from　the　window；　and　I；　in　my　turn；　handed　the　tumbler　to
_him。_Is　there　any　mistake　so　far？'

〃The　quick　throbbing　of　my　heart　almost　choked　me。　I　could　just
shake　my　headI　could　do　no　more。

〃　'I　saw　Allan　raise　the　tumbler　to　his　lips。Did　_you_　see　it？
I　saw　his　face　turn　white　in　an　instant。Did　_you？_　I　saw　the
glass　fall　from　his　hand　on　the　floor。　I　saw　him　stagger；　and
caught　him　before　he　fell。　Are　these　things　true？　For　God's　sake；
search　your　memory；　and　tell　meare　these　things　true？'

〃The　throbbing　at　my　heart　seemed；　for　one　breathless　instant；　to
stop。　The　next　moment　something　fiery；　something　maddening；　flew
through　me。　I　started　to　my　feet；　with　my　temper　in　a　flame；
reckless　of　all　consequences；　desperate　enough　to　say　anything。

〃　'Your　questions　are　an　insult！　Your　looks　are　an　insult！'　I
burst　out。　'_Do　you　think　I　tried　to　poison　him？_'

〃The　words　rushed　out　of　my　lips　in　spite　of　me。　They　were　the
last　words　under　heaven　that　any　woman；　in　such　a　situation　as
mine；　ought　to　have　spoken。　And　yet　I　spoke　them！

〃He　rose　in　alarm　and　gave　me　my　smelling…bottle。　'Hush！　hush！'
he　said。　'You；　too；　are　overwroughtyou；　too；　are　overexcited　by
all　that　has　happened　to…night。　You　are　talking　wildly　and
shockingly。　Good　God！　how　can　you　have　so　utterly　misunderstood
me？　Compose　yourselfpray；　compose　yourself。'

〃He　might　as　well　have　told　a　wild　animal　to　compose　herself。
Having　been　mad　enough　to　say　the　words；　I　was　mad　enough　next　to
return　to　the　subject　of　the　lemonade；　in　spite　of　his　entreaties
to　me　to　be　silent。

〃　'I　told　you　what　I　had　put　in　the　glass；　the　moment　Mr。
Armadale　fainted；'　I　went　on；　insisting　furiously　on　defending
myself；　when　no　attack　was　made　on　me。　'I　told　you　I　had　taken
the　flask　of　brandy　which　you　kept　at　your　bedside；　and　mixed
some　of　it　with　the　lemonade。　How　could　I　know　that　he　had　a
nervous　horror　of　the　smell　and　taste　of　brandy？　Didn't　he　say　to
me　himself；　when　he　came　to　his　senses；　It's　my　fault；　I　ought　to
have　warned　you　to　put　no　brandy　in　it？　Didn't　he　remind　you
afterward　of　the　time　when　you　and　he　were　in　the　Isle　of　Man
together；　and　when　the　doctor　there　innocently　made　the　same
mistake　with　him　that　I　made　to…night？'

＇〃I　laid　a　great　stress　on　my　innocenceand　with　some　reason
too。　Whatever　else　I　may　be；　I　pride　myself　on　not　being　a
hypocrite。　I　_was_　innocentso　far　as　the　brandy　was　concerned。
I　had　put　it　into　the　lemonade；　in　pure　ignorance　of　Armadale's
nervous　peculiarity；　to　disguise　the　taste　ofnever　mind　what！
Another　of　the　things　I　pride　myself　on　is　that　I　never　wander
from　my　subject。　What　Midwinter　said　next　is　what　I　ought　to　be
writing　about　now。＇

〃He　looked　at　me　for　a　moment；　as　if　he　thought　I　had　taken　leave
of　my　senses。　Then　he　came　round　to　my　side　of　the　table　and
stood　over　me　again。

〃　'If　nothing　else　will　satisfy　you　that　you　are　entirely
misinterpreting　my　motives；'　he　said；　'and　that　I　haven't　an　idea
of　blaming　_you_　in　the　matterread　this。'

〃　He　took　a　paper　from　the　breast…pocket　of　his　coat；　and　spread
it　open　under　my　eyes。　It　was　the　Narrative　of　Armadale's　Dream。

〃In　an　instant　the　whole　weight　on　my　mind　was　lifted　off　it。　I
felt　mistress　of　myself　againI　understood　him　at　last。

〃　'Do　you　know　what　this　is？'　he　asked。　'Do　you　remember　what　I
said　to　you　at　Thorpe　Ambrose　about　Allan's　Dream？　I　told　you
then　that　two　out　of　the　three　Visions　had　already　come　true。　I
tell　you　now　that　the　third　Vision　has　been　fulfilled　in　this
house　to…night。'

〃He　turned　over　the　leaves　of　the　manuscript；　and　pointed　to　the
lines　that　he　wished　me　to　read。

〃I　read　these；　or　nearly　re