armadale-第167章

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suggests　to　me　the　agony　of　lost　spirits　in　a　place　of　torment。
Come；　my　fingers　and　thumbs；　and　take　me　among　the　lost　spirits
this　morning！


〃October　13th。Our　windows　look　out　on　the　sea。　At　noon　to…day
we　saw　a　steamer　coming　in；　with　the　English　flag　flying。
Midwinter　has　gone　to　the　port；　on　the　chance　that　this　may　be
the　vessel　from　Gibraltar；　with　Armadale　on　board。

〃Two　o'clock。It　is　the　vessel　from　Gibraltar。　Armadale　has
added　one　more　to　the　long　list　of　his　blunders：　he　has　kept　his
engagement　to　join　us　at　Naples。

〃How　will　it　end　_now？_

〃Who　knows？


〃October　16th。Two　days　missed　out　of　my　Diary！　I　can　hardly
tell　why；　unless　it　is　that　Armadale　irritates　me　beyond　all
endurance。　The　mere　sight　of　him　takes　me　back　to　Thorpe　Ambrose。
I　fancy　I　must　have　been　afraid　of　what　I　might　write　about　him；
in　the　course　of　the　last　two　days；　if　I　indulged　myself　in　the
dangerous　luxury　of　opening　these　pages。

〃This　morning　I　am　afraid　of　nothing；　and　I　take　up　my　pen　again
accordingly。

〃Is　there　any　limit；　I　wonder；　to　the　brutish　stupidity　of　some
men？　I　thought　I　had　discovered　Armadale's　limit　when　I　was　his
neighbor　in　Norfolk；　but　my　later　experience　at　Naples　shows　me
that　I　was　wrong。　He　is　perpetually　in　and　out　of　this　house
（crossing　over　to　us　in　a　boat　from　the　hotel　at　Santa　Lucia；
where　he　sleeps）；　and　he　has　exactly　two　subjects　of
conversationthe　yacht　for　sale　in　the　harbor　here；　and　Miss
Milroy。　Yes！　he　selects　ME　as　the　_confidante_　of　his　devoted
attachment　to　the　major's　daughter！　'It's　so　nice　to　talk　to　a
woman　about　it！'　That　is　all　the　apology　he　has　thought　it
necessary　to　make　for　appealing　to　my　sympathies_my_
sympathies！on　the　subject　of　'his　darling　Neelie；'　fifty　times
a　day。　He　is　evidently　persuaded　（if　he　thinks　about　it　at　all）
that　I　have　forgotten；　as　completely　as　he　has　forgotten；　all
that　once　passed　between　us　when　I　was　first　at　Thorpe　Ambrose。
Such　an　utter　want　of　the　commonest　delicacy　and　the　commonest
tact；　in　a　creature　who　is；　to　all　appearance；　possessed　of　a
skin；　and　not　a　hide；　and　who　does；　unless　my　ears　deceive　me；
talk；　and　not　bray；　is　really　quite　incredible　when　one　comes　to
think　of　it。　But　it　is；　for　all　that；　quite　true。　He　asked　mehe
actually　asked　me；　last　nighthow　many　hundreds　a　year　the　wife
of　a　rich　man　could　spend　on　her　dress。　'Don't　put　it　too　low；'
the　idiot　added；　with　his　intolerable　grin。　'Neelie　shall　be　one
of　the　best…dressed　women　in　England　when　I　have　married　her。'
And　this　to　me；　after　having　had　him　at　my　feet；　and　then　losing
him　again　through　Miss　Milroy！　This　to　me；　with　an　alpaca　gown
on；　and　a　husband　whose　income　must　be　helped　by　a　newspaper！

〃I　had　better　not　dwell　on　it　any　longer。　I　had　better　think　and
write　of　something　else。

〃The　yacht。　As　a　relief　from　hearing　about　Miss　Milroy；　I　declare
the　yacht　in　the　harbor　is　quite　an　interesting　subject　to　me！
She　（the　men　call　a　vessel　'She'；　and　I　suppose；　if　the　women
took　an　interest　in　such　things；　_they_　would　call　a　vessel
'He'）she　is　a　beautiful　model；　and　her　'top…sides'　（whatever
they　may　be）　are　especially　distinguished　by　being　built　of
mahogany。　But；　with　these　merits；　she　has　the　defect；　on　the
other　hand；　of　being　oldwhich　is　a　sad　drawbackand　the　crew
and　the　sailing…master　have　been　'paid　off；'　and　sent　home　to
Englandwhich　is　additionally　distressing。　Still；　if　a　new　crew
and　a　new　sailing…master　can　be　picked　up　here；　such　a　beautiful
creature　（with　all　her　drawbacks）；　is　not　to　be　despised。　It
might　answer　to　hire　her　for　a　cruise；　and　to　see　how　she
behaves。　（If　she　is　of　_my_　mind；　her　behavior　will　rather
astonish　her　new　master！）　The　cruise　will　determine　what　faults
she　has；　and　what　repairs；　through　the　unlucky　circumstance　of
her　age；　she　really　stands　in　need　of。　And　then　it　will　be　time
to　settle　whether　to　buy　her　outright　or　not。　Such　is　Armadale's
conversation　when　he　is　not　talking　of　'his　darling　Neelie。'　And
Midwinter；　who　can　steal　no　time　from　his　newspaper　work　for　his
wife；　can　steal　hours　for　his　friend；　and　can　offer　them
unreservedly　to　my　irresistible　rival；　the　new　yacht。

〃I　shall　write　no　more　to…day。　If　so　lady…like　a　person　as　I　am
could　feel　a　tigerish　tingling　all　over　her　to　the　very　tips　of
her　fingers；　I　should　suspect　myself　of　being　in　that　condition
at　the　present　moment。　But；　with　_my_　manners　and
accomplishments；　the　thing　is；　of　course；　out　of　the　question。　We
all　know　that　a　lady　has　no　passions。


〃October　17th。A　letter　for　Midwinter　this　morning　from　the
slave…ownersI　mean　the　newspaper　people　in　Londonwhich　has
set　him　at　work　again　harder　than　ever。　A　visit　at　luncheon…time
and　another　visit　at　dinner…time　from　Armadale。　Conversation　at
luncheon　about　the　yacht。　Conversation　at　dinner　about　Miss
Milroy。　I　have　been　honored；　in　regard　to　that　young　lady；　by　an
invitation　to　go　with　Armadale　to…morrow　to　the　Toledo；　and　help
him　to　buy　some　presents　for　the　beloved　object。　I　didn't　fly　out
at　himI　only　made　an　excuse。　Can　words　express　the　astonishment
I　feel　at　my　own　patience？　No　words　can　express　it。


〃October　18th。Armadale　came　to　breakfast　this　morning；　by　way
of　catching　Midwinter　before　he　shuts　himself　up　over　his　work。

〃Conversation　the　same　as　yesterday's　conversation　at　lunch。
Armadale　has　made　his　bargain　with　the　agent　for　hiring　the
yacht。　The　agent　（compassionating　his　total　ignorance　of　the
language）　has　helped　him　to　find　an　interpreter；　but　can't　help
him　to　find　a　crew。　The　interpreter　is　civil　and　willing；　but
doesn't　understand　the　sea。　Midwinter's　assistance　is
indispensable；　and　Midwinter　is　requested　（and　consents！）　to　work
harder　than　ever；　so　as　to　make　time　for　helping　his　friend。　When
the　crew　is　found；　the　merits　and　defects　of　the　vessel　are　to　be
tried　by　a　cruise　to　Sicily；　with　Midwinter　on　board　to　give　his
opinion。　Lastly　（in　case　she　should　feel　lonely）；　the　ladies'
cabin　is　most　obligingly　placed　at　the　disposal　of　Midwinter's
wife。　All　this　was　settled　at　the　breakfast…table；　and　it　ended
with　one　of　Armadale's　neatly…turned　compliments；　addressed　to
myself：　'I　mean　to　take　Neelie　sailing　with　me；　when　we　are
married。　And　you　have　such　good　taste；　you　will　be　able　to　tell
me　everything　the　ladies'　cabin　wants　between　that　time　and
this。'

〃If　some　women　bring　such　men　as　this　into　the　world；　ought　other
women　to　allow　them　to　live？　It　is　a　matter　of　opinion。　_I_　think
not。

〃What　maddens　me　is　to　see；　as　I　do　see　plainly；　that　Midwinter
finds　in　Armadale's　company；　and　in　Armadale's　new　yacht；　a
refuge　from　me。　He　is　always　in　better　spirits　when　Armadale　is
here。　He　forgets　me　in　Armadale　almost　as　completely　as　he
forgets　me　in　his　work。　And　I　bear　it！　What　a　pattern　wife；　what
an　excellent　Christian　I　am！


〃October　19th。Nothing　new。　Yesterday　over　again。


〃October　20th。One　piece　of　news。　Midwinter　is　suffering　from
nervous　headache；　and　is　　working　in　spite　of　it；　to　make　time　for
his　holiday　with　his　friend。


〃October　21st。Midwinter　is　worse。　Angry　and　wild　and　unappr
oachable；　after　two　bad　nights；　and　two　uninterrupted　days　at　his
desk。　Under　any　other　circumstances　he　would　take　the　warning　and
leave　off。　But　nothing　warns　him　now。　He　is　still　working　as　hard
as　ever；　for　Armadale's　sake。　How　much　longer　will　my　patience
last？


〃October　22d。Signs；　last　night；　that　Midwinter　is　taxing　his
brains　beyond　what　his　brains　will　bear。　When　he　did　fall　asleep；
he　was　frightfully　restless；　groaning　and　talking　and　grinding
his　teeth。　From　some　of　the　words　I　heard；　he　seemed　at　one　time
to　be　dreaming　of　his　life　when　he　was　a　boy；　roaming　the　country
with　the　dancing　dogs。　At　another　time　he　was　back　again　with
Armadale；　imprisoned　all　night　on　the　wrecked　ship。　Toward　the
early　morning　hours　he　grew　quieter。　I　fell　asleep；　and；　waking
after　a　short　interval；　found　myself　alone。　My　first　glance　round
showed　me　a　light　burning　in　Midwinter's　dressing…room。　I　rose
softly；　and　went　to　look　at　him。

〃He　was　seated　in　the　great；　ugly；　old…fashioned　chair；　which　I
ordered　to　be　removed　into　the　dressing…room　out　of　the　way