armadale-第131章

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of　me；　I　wish　I　had　his　head　on　my　bosom　again；　I　have　a　good
mind　to　go　to　London　and　marry　him。　Am　I　mad？　Yes；　all　people　who
are　as　miserable　as　I　am　are　mad。　I　must　go　to　the　window　and　get
some　air。　Shall　I　jump　out？　No；　it　disfigures　one　so；　and　the
coroner's　inquest　lets　so　many　people　see　it。

〃The　air　has　revived　me。　I　begin　to　remember　that　I　have　Time　on
my　side；　at　any　rate。　Nobody　knows　but　me　of　their　secret
meetings　in　the　park　the　first　thing　in　the　morning。　If　jealous
old　Bashwood；　who　is　slinking　and　sly　enough　for　anything；　tries
to　look　privately　after　Armadale；　in　his　own　interests；　he　will
try　at　the　usual　time　when　he　goes　to　the　steward's　office。　He
knows　nothing　of　Miss　Milroy's　early　habits；　and　he　won't　be　on
the　spot　till　Armadale　has　got　back　to　the　house。　For　another
week　to　come；　I　may　wait　and　watch　them；　and　choose　my　own　time
and　way　of　interfering　the　moment　I　see　a　chance　of　his　getting
the　better　of　her　hesitation；　and　making　her　say　Yes。

〃So　here　I　wait；　without　knowing　how　things　will　end　with
Midwinter　in　London；　with　my　purse　getting　emptier　and　emptier；
and　no　appearance　so　far　of　any　new　pupils　to　fill　it；　with
Mother　Oldershaw　certain　to　insist　on　having　her　money　back　the
moment　she　knows　I　have　failed；　without　prospects；　friends；　or
hopes　of　any　kinda　lost　woman；　if　ever　there　was　a　lost　woman
yet。　Well！　I　say　it　again　and　again　and　againI　don't　care！　Here
I　stop；　if　I　sell　the　clothes　off　my　back；　if　I　hire　myself　at
the　public…house　to　play　to　the　brutes　in　the　tap…room；　here　I
stop　till　the　time　comes；　and　I　see　the　way　to　parting　Armadale
and　Miss　Milroy　forever！


〃Seven　o'clock。Any　signs　that　the　time　is　coming　yet？　I　hardly
know；　there　are　signs　of　a　change；　at　any　rate；　in　my　position　in
the　neighborhood。

〃Two　of　the　oldest　and　ugliest　of　the　many　old　and　ugly　ladies
who　took　up　my　case　when　I　left　Major　Milroy's　service　have　just
called；　announcing　themselves；　with　the　insufferable　impudence　of
charitable　Englishwomen；　as　a　deputation　from　my　patronesses。　It
seems　that　the　news　of　my　reconciliation　with　Armadale　has　spread
from　the　servants'　offices　at　the　great　house；　and　has　reached
the　town；　with　this　result。

〃It　is　the　unanimous　opinion　of　my　'patronesses'　（and　the　opinion
of　Major　Milroy　also；　who　has　been　consulted）　that　I　have　acted
with　the　most　inexcusable　imprudence　in　going　to　Armadale's
house；　and　in　there　speaking　on　friendly　terms　with　a　man　whose
conduct　toward　myself　has　made　his　name　a　by…word　in　the
neighborhood。　My　total　want　of　self…respect　in　this　matter　has
given　rise　to　a　report　that　I　am　trading　as　cleverly　as　ever　on
my　good　looks；　and　that　I　am　as　likely　as　not　to　end　in　making
Armadale　marry　me；　after　all。　My　'patronesses'　are；　of　course；
too　charitable　to　believe　this。　They　merely　feel　it　necessary　to
remonstrate　with　me　in　a　Christian　spirit；　and　to　warn　me　that
any　second　and　similar　imprudence　on　my　part　would　force　all　my
best　friends　in　the　plate　to　withdraw　the　countenance　and
protection　which　I　now　enjoy。

〃Having　addressed　me；　turn　and　turn　about；　in　these　terms
（evidently　all　rehearsed　beforehand）；　my　two　Gorgon　visitors
straightened　themselves　in　their　chairs；　and　looked　at　me　as　much
as　to　say；　'You　may　often　have　heard　of　Virtue；　Miss　Gwilt；　but
we　don't　believe　you　ever　really　saw　it　in　full　bloom　till　we
came　and　called　on　you。'

〃Seeing　they　were　bent　on　provoking　me；　I　kept　my　temper；　and
answered　them　in　my　smoothest；　sweetest；　and　most　lady…like
manner。　I　have　noticed　that　the　Christianity　of　a　certain　class
of　respectable　people　begins　when　they　open　their　prayer…books　at
eleven　o'clock　on　Sunday　morning；　and　ends　when　they　shut　them　up
again　at　one　o'clock　on　Sunday　afternoon。　Nothing　so　astonishes
and　insults　Christians　of　this　sort　as　reminding　them　of　their
Christianity　on　a　week…day。　On　this　hint；　as　the　man　says　in　the
play；　I　spoke。

〃　'What　have　I　done　that　is　wrong？'　I　asked；　innocently。　'Mr。
Armadale　has　injured　me；　and　I　have　been　to　his　house　and
forgiven　him　the　injury。　Surely　there　must　be　some　mistake；
ladies？　You　can't　have　really　come　here　to　remonstrate　with　me　in
a　Christian　spirit　for　performing　an　act　of　Christianity？'

〃The　two　Gorgons　got　up。　I　firmly　believe　some　women　have　cats'
tails　as　well　as　cats'　faces。　I　firmly　believe　the　tails　of　those
two　particular　cats　wagged　slowly　under　their　petticoats；　and
swelled　to　four　times　their　proper　size。

〃　'Temper　we　were　prepared　for；　Miss　Gwilt；'　they　said；　'but　not
Profanity。　We　wish　you　good…evening。'

〃So　they　left　me；　and　so　'Miss　Gwilt'　sinks　out　of　the
patronizing　notice　of　the　neighborhood

〃I　wonder　what　will　come　of　this　trumpery　little　quarrel？　One
thing　will　come　of　it　which　I　can　see　already。　The　report　will
reach　Miss　Milroy's　ears；　she　will　insist　on　Armadale's
justifying　himself；　and　Armadale　will　end　in　satisfying　her　of
his　innocence　by　making　another　proposal。　This　will　be　quite
likely　to　hasten　matters　between　them；　at　least　it　would　with　me。
If　I　was　in　her　place；　I　should　say　to　myself；　'I　will　make　sure
of　him　while　I　can。'　Supposing　it　doesn't　rain　to…morrow　morning；
I　think　I　will　take　another　early　walk　in　the　direction　of　the
park。


〃Midnight。As　I　can't　take　my　drops；　with　a　morning　walk　before
me；　I　may　as　well　give　up　all　hope　of　sleeping；　and　go　on　with　my
diary。　Even　with　my　drops；　I　doubt　if　my　head　would　be　very　quiet
on　my　pillow　to…night。　Since　the　little　excitement　of　the　scene
with　my　'lady…patronesses'　has　worn　off；　I　have　been　troubled
with　misgivings　which　would　leave　me　but　a　poor　chance；　under　any
circumstances；　of　getting　much　rest。

〃I　can't　imagine　why；　but　the　parting　words　spoken　to　Armadale　by
that　old　brute　of　a　lawyer　have　come　back　to　my　mind！　Here　they
are；　as　reported　in　Mr。　Bashwood's　letter：　'Some　other　person's
curiosity　may　go　on　from　the　point　where　you　（and　I）　have
stopped；　and　some　other　person's　hand　may　let　the　broad　daylight
in　yet　on　Miss　Gwilt。'

〃What　does　he　mean　by　that？　And　what　did　he　mean　afterward　when
he　overtook　old　Bashwood　in　the　drive；　by　telling　him　to　gratify
his　curiosity？　Does　this　hateful　Pedgift　actually　suppose　there
is　any　chance　？　Ridiculous！　Why；　I　have　only　to　_look_　at　the
feeble　old　creature；　and　he　daren't　lift　his　little　finger　unless
I　tell　him。　_He_　try　to　pry　into　my　past　life；　indeed！　Why；
people　with　ten　times　his　brains；　and　a　hundred　times　his
courage；　hare　triedand　have　left　off　as　wise　as　they　began。

〃I　don't　know；　though；　it　might　have　been　better　if　I　had　kept　my
temper　when　Bashwood　was　here　the　other　night。　And　it　might　be
better　still　if　I　saw　him　to…morrow；　and　took　him　back　into　my
good　graces　by　giving　him　something　to　do　for　me。　Suppose　I　tell
him　to　look　after　the　two　Pedgifts；　and　to　discover　whether　there
is　any　chance　of　their　attempting　to　renew　their　connection　with
Armadale？　No　such　thing　is　at　all　likely；　but　if　I　gave　old
Bashwood　this　commission；　it　would　flatter　his　sense　of　his　own
importance　to　me；　and　would　at　the　same　time　serve　the　excellent
purpose　of　keeping　him　out　of　my　way。


〃Thursday　morning；　nine　o'clock。I　have　just　got　back　from　the
park。

〃For　once　I　have　proved　a　true　prophet。　There　they　were　together；
at　the　same　early　hour；　in　the　same　secluded　situation　among　the
trees；　and　there　was　miss　in　full　possession　of　the　report　of　my
visit　to　the　great　house；　and　taking　her　tone　accordingly。

〃After　saying　one　or　two　things　about　me；　which　I　promise　him　not
to　forget；　Armadale　took　the　way　to　convince　her　of　his　constancy
which　I　felt　beforehand　he　would　be　driven　to　take。　He　repeated
his　proposal　of　marriage；　with　excellent　effect　this　time。　Tears
and　kisses　and　protestations　followed；　and　my　late　pupil　opened
her　heart　at　last；　in　the　most　innocent　manner。　Home；　she
confessed；　was　getting　so　miserable　to　her　now　that　it　was　only
less　miserable　than　going　to　school。　Her　mother's　temper　was
becoming　more　violent　and　unmanageable　every　day。　The　nurse；　who
was　the　only　person　with　any　influence　over　her；　had　gone　away　in
disgust。　Her　father　was　becoming　more　and　more　immersed　in