armadale-第12章

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its　mark　on　them　already。　A　distortion　at　the　corners　of　his
mouth；　which　had　been　barely　noticeable　when　Mr。　Neal　entered　the
room；　was　plainly　visible　now。　His　slow　articulation　labored　more
and　more　painfully　with　every　word　he　uttered。　The　position　was
emphatically　a　terrible　one。　After　a　moment　more　of　hesitation；
Mr。　Neal　made　a　last　attempt　to　withdraw　from　it。

〃Now　my　eyes　are　open；〃　he　said；　sternly；　〃do　you　dare　hold　me　to
an　engagement　which　you　forced　on　me　blindfold？〃

〃No；〃　answered　Mr。　Armadale。　〃I　leave　you　to　break　your　word。〃

The　look　which　accompanied　that　reply　stung　the　Scotchman's　pride
to　the　quick。　When　he　spoke　next；　he　spoke　seated　in　his　former
place　at　the　table。

〃No　man　ever　yet　said　of　me　that　I　broke　my　word；〃　he　retorted；
angrily；　〃and　not　even　you　shall　say　it　of　me　now。　Mind　this！　If
you　hold　me　to　my　promise；　I　hold　you　to　my　condition。　I　have
reserved　my　freedom　of　action；　and　I　warn　you　I　will　use　it　at　my
own　sole　discretion；　as　soon　as　I　am　released　from　the　sight　of
you。〃

〃Remember　he　is　dying；〃　pleaded　the　doctor；　gently。

〃Take　your　place；　sir；〃　said　Mr。　Neal；　pointing　to　the　empty
chair。　〃What　remains　to　be　read；　I　will　only　read　in　your
hearing。　What　remains　to　be　written；　I　will　only　write　in　your
presence。　_You_　brought　me　here。　I　have　a　right　to　insistand　I
do　insist　on　your　remaining　as　a　witness　to　the　last。〃

The　doctor　accepted　his　position　without　remonstrance。　Mr。　Neal
returned　to　the　manuscript；　and　read　what　remained　of　it
uninterruptedly　to　the　end：


〃Without　a　word　in　my　own　defense；　I　have　acknowledged　my　guilt。
Without　a　word　in　my　own　defense；　I　will　reveal　how　the　crime　was
committed。

〃No　thought　of　him　was　in　my　mind；　when　I　saw　his　wife　insensible
on　the　deck　of　the　timber…ship。　I　did　my　part　in　lowering　her
safely　into　the　boat。　Then；　and　not　till　then；　I　felt　the　thought
of　him　coming　back。　In　the　confusion　that　prevailed　while　the　men
of　the　yacht　were　forcing　the　men　of　the　ship　to　wait　their　time；
I　had　an　opportunity　of　searching　for　him　unobserved。　I　stepped
back　from　the　bulwark；　not　knowing　whether　he　was　away　in　the
first　boat；　or　whether　he　was　still　on　boardI　stepped　back；　and
saw　him　mount　the　cabin　stairs　empty…handed；　with　the　water
dripping　from　him。　After　looking　eagerly　toward　the　boat　（without
noticing　me）；　he　saw　there　was　time　to　spare　before　the　crew　were
taken。　'Once　more！'　he　said　to　himselfand　disappeared　again；　to
make　a　last　effort　at　recovering　the　jewel　box。　The　devil　at　my
elbow　whispered；　'Don't　shoot　him　like　a　man：　drown　him　like　a
dog！'　He　was　under　water　when　I　bolted　the　scuttle。　But　his　head
rose　to　the　surface　before　I　could　close　the　cabin　door。　I　looked
at　him；　and　he　looked　at　meand　I　locked　the　door　in　his　face。
The　next　minute；　I　was　back　among　the　last　men　left　on　deck。　The
minute　after；　it　was　too　late　to　repent。　The　storm　was
threatening　us　with　destruction；　and　the　boat's　crew　were　pulling
for　their　lives　from　the　ship。

〃My　son！　I　have　pursued　you　from　my　grave　with　a　confession　which
my　love　might　have　spared　you。　Read　on；　and　you　will　know　why。

〃I　will　say　nothing　of　my　sufferings；　I　will　plead　for　no　mercy
to　my　memory。　There　is　a　strange　sinking　at　my　heart；　a　strange
trembling　in　my　hand；　while　I　write　these　lines；　which　warns　me
to　hasten　to　the　end。　I　left　the　island　without　daring　to　look
for　the　last　time　at　the　woman　whom　I　had　lost　so　miserably；　whom
I　had　injured　so　vilely。　When　I　left；　the　whole　weight　of　the
suspicion　roused　by　the　manner　of　Ingleby's　death　rested　on　the
crew　of　the　French　vessel。　No　motive　for　the　supposed　murder
could　be　brought　home　to　any　of　them；　but　they　were　known　to　be；
for　the　most　part；　outlawed　ruffians　capable　of　any　crime；　and
they　were　suspected　and　examined　accordingly。　It　was　not　till
afterward　that　I　heard　by　accident　of　the　suspicion　shifting
round　at　last　to　me。　The　widow　alone　recognized　the　vague
description　given　of　the　strange　man　who　had　made　one　of　the
yacht's　crew；　and　who　had　disappeared　the　day　afterward。　The
widow　alone　knew；　from　that　time　forth；　why　her　husband　had　been
murdered；　and　who　had　done　the　deed。　When　she　made　that
discovery；　a　false　report　of　my　death　had　been　previously
circulated　in　the　island。　Perhaps　I　was　indebted　to　the　report
for　my　immunity　from　all　legal　proceedings；　perhaps　（no　eye　but
Ingleby's　having　seen　me　lock　the　cabin　door）　there　was　not
evidence　enough　to　justify　an　inquiry；　perhaps　the　widow　shrank
from　the　disclosures　which　must　have　followed　a　public　charge
against　me；　based　on　her　own　bare　suspicion　of　the　truth。　However
it　might　be；　the　crime　which　I　had　committed　unseen　has　remained
a　crime　unpunished　from　that　time　to　this。

〃I　left　Madeira　for　the　West　Indies　in　disguise。　The　first　news
that　met　me　when　the　ship　touched　at　Barbadoes　was　the　news　of　my
mother's　death。　I　had　no　heart　to　return　to　the　old　scenes。　The
prospect　of　living　at　home　in　solitude；　with　the　torment　of　my
own　guilty　remembrances　gnawing　at　me　day　and　night；　was　more
than　I　had　the　courage　to　confront。　Without　landing；　or
discovering　myself　to　any　one　on　shore；　I　went　on　as　far　as　the
ship　would　take　meto　the　island　of　Trinidad。

〃At　that　place　I　first　saw　your　mother。　It　was　my　duty　to　tell
her　the　truthand　I　treacherously　kept　my　secret。　It　was　my　duty
to　spare　her　the　hopeless　sacrifice　of　her　freedom　and　her
happiness　to　such　an　existence　as　mineand　I　did　her　the　injury
of　marrying　her。　If　she　is　alive　when　you　read　this；　grant　her
the　mercy　of　still　concealing　the　truth。　The　one　atonement　I　can
make　to　her　is　to　keep　her　unsuspicious　to　the　last　of　the　man
she　has　married。　Pity　her；　as　I　have　pitied　her。　Let　this　letter
be　a　sacred　confidence　between　father　and　son。

〃The　time　when　you　were　born　was　the　time　when　my　health　began　to
give　way。　Some　months　afterward；　in　the　first　days　of　my
recovery；　you　were　brought　to　me；　and　I　was　told　that　you　had
been　christened　during　my　illness。　Your　mother　had　done　as　other
loving　mothers　doshe　had　christened　her　first…born　by　his
father's　name。　You；　too；　were　Allan　Armadale。　Even　in　that　early
timeeven　while　I　was　happily　ignorant　of　what　I　have　discovered
sincemy　mind　misgave　me　when　I　looked　at　you；　and　thought　of
that　fatal　name。

〃As　soon　as　I　could　be　moved；　my　presence　was　required　at　my
estates　in　Barbadoes。　It　crossed　my　mindwild　as　the　idea　may
appear　to　youto　renounce　the　condition　which　compelled　my　son
as　well　as　myself　to　take　the　Armadale　name；　or　lose　the
succession　to　the　Armadale　property。　But；　even　in　those　days；　the
rumor　of　a　contemplated　emancipation　of　the　slavesthe
emancipation　which　is　now　close　at　handwas　spreading　widely　in
the　colony。　No　man　could　tell　how　the　value　of　West　Indian
property　might　be　affected　if　that　threatened　change　ever　took
place。　No　man　could　tellif　I　gave　you　back　my　own　paternal
name；　and　left　you　without　other　provision　in　the　future　than　my
own　paternal　estatehow　you　might　one　day　miss　the　broad
Armadale　acres；　or　to　what　future　penury　I　might　be　blindly
condemning　your　mother　and　yourself。　Mark　how　the　fatalities
gathered　one　on　the　other！　Mark　how　your　Christian　name　came　to
you；　how　your　surname　held　to　you；　in　spite　of　me！

〃My　health　had　improved　in　my　old　homebut　it　was　for　a　time
only。　I　sank　again；　and　the　doctors　ordered　me　to　Europe。
Avoiding　England　（why；　you　may　guess）；　I　took　my　passage；　with
you　and　your　mother；　for　France。　From　France　we　passed　into
Italy。　We　lived　here；　we　lived　there。　It　was　useless。　Death　had
got　met　and　Death　followed　me；　go　where　I　might。　I　bore　it；　for　I
had　an　alleviation　to　turn　to　which　I　had　not　deserved。　You　may
shrink　in　horror　from　the　very　memory　of　me　now。　In　those　days；
you　comforted　me。　The　only　warmth　I　still　felt　at　my　heart　was
the　warmth　you　brought　to　it。　My　last　glimpses　of　happiness　in
this　world　were　the　glimpses　given　me　by　my　infant　son。

〃We　removed　from　Italy；　and　went　next　to　Lausannethe　place　from
which　I　am　now　writing　to　you。　The　post　of　this　morning　has
brought　me　news；　later　and　fuller　than　any　I　had　received　thus
far；　of　the　widow　of　the　mur