anne of the island-第52章

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〃I　think；〃　said　Phil；　〃that　a　room　where　one　dreams　and　grieves

and　rejoices　and　lives　becomes　inseparably　connected　with　those

processes　and　acquires　a　personality　of　its　own。　　I　am　sure　if　I

came　into　this　room　fifty　years　from　now　it　would　say　'Anne；　Anne'

to　me。　　What　nice　times　we've　had　here；　honey！　　What　chats　and

jokes　and　good　chummy　jamborees！　　Oh；　dear　me！　　I'm　to　marry　Jo

in　June　and　I　know　I　will　be　rapturously　happy。　　But　just　now

I　feel　as　if　I　wanted　this　lovely　Redmond　life　to　go　on　forever。〃



〃I'm　unreasonable　enough　just　now　to　wish　that；　too；〃　admitted　Anne。

〃No　matter　what　deeper　joys　may　come　to　us　later　on　we'll　never　again

have　just　the　same　delightful；　irresponsible　existence　we've　had　here。

It's　over　forever；　Phil。〃



〃What　are　you　going　to　do　with　Rusty？〃　asked　Phil；　as　that

privileged　pussy　padded　into　the　room。



〃I　am　going　to　take　him　home　with　me　and　Joseph　and　the　Sarah…cat；〃

announced　Aunt　Jamesina；　following　Rusty。　　〃It　would　be　a　shame

to　separate　those　cats　now　that　they　have　learned　to　live　together。

It's　a　hard　lesson　for　cats　and　humans　to　learn。〃



〃I'm　sorry　to　part　with　Rusty；〃　said　Anne　regretfully；　〃but　it

would　be　no　use　to　take　him　to　Green　Gables。　　Marilla　detests

cats；　and　Davy　would　tease　his　life　out。　　Besides；　I　don't

suppose　I'll　be　home　very　long。　　I've　been　offered　the

principalship　of　the　Summerside　High　School。〃



〃Are　you　going　to　accept　it？〃　asked　Phil。



〃I　　I　haven't　decided　yet；〃　answered　Anne；　with　a　confused　flush。



Phil　nodded　understandingly。　　Naturally　Anne's　plans　could　not　be

settled　until　Roy　had　spoken。　　He　would　soon　　there　was　no　doubt

of　that。　　And　there　was　no　doubt　that　Anne　would　say　〃yes〃　when　he

said　〃Will　you　please？〃　　Anne　herself　regarded　the　state　of　affairs

with　a　seldom…ruffled　complacency。　　She　was　deeply　in　love　with　Roy。

True；　it　was　not　just　what　she　had　imagined　love　to　be。　　But　was

anything　in　life；　Anne　asked　herself　wearily；　like　one's　imagination

of　it？　　It　was　the　old　diamond　disillusion　of　childhood　repeated　

the　same　disappointment　she　had　felt　when　she　had　first　seen　the

chill　sparkle　instead　of　the　purple　splendor　she　had　anticipated。

〃That's　not　my　idea　of　a　diamond；〃　she　had　said。　　But　Roy　was　a

dear　fellow　and　they　would　be　very　happy　together；　even　if　some

indefinable　zest　was　missing　out　of　life。　　When　Roy　came　down　that

evening　and　asked　Anne　to　walk　in　the　park　every　one　at　Patty's

Place　knew　what　he　had　come　to　say；　and　every　one　knew；　or　thought

they　knew；　what　Anne's　answer　would　be。



〃Anne　is　a　very　fortunate　girl；〃　said　Aunt　Jamesina。



〃I　suppose　so；〃　said　Stella；　shrugging　her　shoulders。　　〃Roy　is　a

nice　fellow　and　all　that。　　But　there's　really　nothing　in　him。〃



〃That　sounds　very　like　a　jealous　remark；　Stella　Maynard；〃　said

Aunt　Jamesina　rebukingly。



〃It　does　　but　I　am　not　jealous；〃　said　Stella　calmly。　　〃I　love

Anne　and　I　like　Roy。　　Everybody　says　she　is　making　a　brilliant

match；　and　even　Mrs。　Gardner　thinks　her　charming　now。　　It　all

sounds　as　if　it　were　made　in　heaven；　but　I　have　my　doubts。

Make　the　most　of　that；　Aunt　Jamesina。〃



Roy　asked　Anne　to　marry　him　in　the　little　pavilion　on　the　harbor

shore　where　they　had　talked　on　the　rainy　day　of　their　first　meeting。

Anne　thought　it　very　romantic　that　he　should　have　chosen　that　spot。

And　his　proposal　was　as　beautifully　worded　as　if　he　had　copied　it；

as　one　of　Ruby　Gillis'　lovers　had　done；　out　of　a　Deportment　of

Courtship　and　Marriage。　　The　whole　effect　was　quite　flawless。

And　it　was　also　sincere。　　There　was　no　doubt　that　Roy　meant

what　he　said。　　There　was　no　false　note　to　jar　the　symphony。

Anne　felt　that　she　ought　to　be　thrilling　from　head　to　foot。

But　she　wasn't；　she　was　horribly　cool。　　When　Roy　paused

for　his　answer　she　opened　her　lips　to　say　her　fateful　yes。

And　then　　she　found　herself　trembling　as　if　she　were　reeling

back　from　a　precipice。　　To　her　came　one　of　those　moments　when　we

realize；　as　by　a　blinding　flash　of　illumination；　more　than　all

our　previous　years　have　taught　us。　　She　pulled　her　hand　from　Roy's。



〃Oh；　I　can't　marry　you　　I　can't　　I　can't；〃　she　cried；　wildly。



Roy　turned　pale　　and　also　looked　rather　foolish。　　He　had　

small　blame　to　him　　felt　very　sure。



〃What　do　you　mean？〃　he　stammered。



〃I　mean　that　I　can't　marry　you；〃　repeated　Anne　desperately。

〃I　thought　I　could　　but　I　can't。〃



〃Why　can't　you？〃　Roy　asked　more　calmly。



〃Because　　I　don't　care　enough　for　you。〃



A　crimson　streak　came　into　Roy's　face。



〃So　you've　just　been　amusing　yourself　these　two　years？〃　he　said　slowly。



〃No；　no；　I　haven't；〃　gasped　poor　Anne。　　Oh；　how　could　she　explain？

She　COULDN'T　explain。　　There　are　some　things　that　cannot　be　explained。

〃I　did　think　I　cared　　truly　I　did　　but　I　know　now　I　don't。〃



〃You　have　ruined　my　life；〃　said　Roy　bitterly。



〃Forgive　me；〃　pleaded　Anne　miserably；　with　hot　cheeks　and

stinging　eyes。



Roy　turned　away　and　stood　for　a　few　minutes　looking　out　seaward。

When　he　came　back　to　Anne；　he　was　very　pale　again。



〃You　can　give　me　no　hope？〃　he　said。



Anne　shook　her　head　mutely。



〃Then　　good…bye；〃　said　Roy。　　〃I　can't　understand　it　　I

can't　believe　you　are　not　the　woman　I've　believed　you　to　be。

But　reproaches　are　idle　between　us。　　You　are　the　only　woman

I　can　ever　love。　　I　thank　you　for　your　friendship；　at　least。

Good…bye；　Anne。〃



〃Good…bye；〃　faltered　Anne。　　When　Roy　had　gone　she　sat　for　a　long

time　in　the　pavilion；　watching　a　white　mist　creeping　subtly　and

remorselessly　landward　up　the　harbor。　　It　was　her　hour　of　humiliation

and　self…contempt　and　shame。　　Their　waves　went　over　her。　　And　yet；

underneath　it　all；　was　a　queer　sense　of　recovered　freedom。



She　slipped　into　Patty's　Place　in　the　dusk　and　escaped　to　her　room。

But　Phil　was　there　on　the　window　seat。



〃Wait；〃　said　Anne；　flushing　to　anticipate　the　scene。　　〃Wait　til

you　hear　what　I　have　to　say。　　Phil；　Roy　asked　me　to　marry　him…and

I　refused。〃



〃You　　you　REFUSED　him？〃　said　Phil　blankly。



〃Yes。〃



〃Anne　Shirley；　are　you　in　your　senses？〃



〃I　think　so；〃　said　Anne　wearily。　　〃Oh；　Phil；　don't　scold　me。

You　don't　understand。〃



〃I　certainly　don't　understand。　　You've　encouraged　Roy　Gardner　in

every　way　for　two　years　　and　now　you　tell　me　you've　refused　him。

Then　you've　just　been　flirting　scandalously　with　him。　　Anne；　I

couldn't　have　believed　it　of　YOU。〃



〃I　WASN'T　flirting　with　him　　I　honestly　thought　I　cared　up　to　the

last　minute　　and　then　　well；　I　just　knew　I　NEVER　could　marry　him。〃



〃I　suppose；〃　said　Phil　cruelly；　〃that　you　intended　to　marry　him

for　his　money；　and　then　your　better　self　rose　up　and　prevented　you。〃



〃I　DIDN'T。　　I　never　thought　about　his　money。　　Oh；　I　can't　explain

it　to　you　any　more　than　I　could　to　him。〃



〃Well；　I　certainly　think　you　have　treated　Roy　shamefully；〃　said　Phil

in　exasperation。　　〃He's　handsome　and　clever　and　rich　and　good。

What　more　do　you　want？〃



〃I　want　some　one　who　BELONGS　in　my　life。　　He　doesn't。　　I　was

swept　off　my　feet　at　first　by　his　good　looks　and　knack　of　paying

romantic　compliments；　and　later　on　I　thought　I　MUST　be　in　love

because　he　was　my　dark…eyed　ideal。〃



〃I　am　bad　enough　for　not　knowing　my　own　mind；　but　you　are　worse；〃

said　Phil。



〃_I_　DO　know　my　own　mind；〃　protested　Anne。　　〃The　trouble　is；　my　mind

changes　and　then　I　have　to　get　acquainted　with　it　all　over　again。〃



〃Well；　I　suppose　there　is　no　use　in　saying　anything　to　you。〃



〃There　is　no　need；　Phil。　　I'm　in　the　dust。　　This　has　spoiled

everything　backwards。　　I　can　never　think　of　Redmond　days　without

recalling　the　humiliation　of　this　evening。　　Roy　despises　me　

and　you　despise　me　　and　I　despise　myself。〃



〃You　poor　darling；〃　said　Phil；　melting。　　〃Just　come　here　and　let

me　comfort　you。　　I've　no　right　to　scold　you。　　I'd　have　married

Alec　or　Alonzo　if　I　hadn't　met　Jo。　　Oh；　Anne；　things　are　so

mixed…up　in　real　life。　　They