anne of the island-第34章

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〃Don't　these　remind　you　of　home　and　our　old　schoolday　picnics；　Anne？〃



Anne　took　them　and　buried　her　face　in　them。



〃I'm　in　Mr。　Silas　Sloane's　barrens　this　very　minute；〃　she　said　rapturously。



〃I　suppose　you　will　be　there　in　reality　in　a　few　days？〃



〃No；　not　for　a　fortnight。　　I'm　going　to　visit　with　Phil　in　Bolingbroke

before　I　go　home。　　You'll　be　in　Avonlea　before　I　will。〃



〃No；　I　shall　not　be　in　Avonlea　at　all　this　summer；　Anne。　　I've　been

offered　a　job　in　the　Daily　News　office　and　I'm　going　to　take　it。〃



〃Oh；〃　said　Anne　vaguely。　　She　wondered　what　a　whole　Avonlea　summer

would　be　like　without　Gilbert。　　Somehow　she　did　not　like　the　prospect。

〃Well；〃　she　concluded　flatly；　〃it　is　a　good　thing　for　you；　of　course。〃



〃Yes；　I've　been　hoping　I　would　get　it。　　It　will　help　me　out　next　year。〃



〃You　mustn't　work　too　HARD；〃　said　Anne；　without　any　very　clear

idea　of　what　she　was　saying。　　She　wished　desperately　that　Phil

would　come　out。　　〃You've　studied　very　constantly　this　winter。

Isn't　this　a　delightful　evening？　　Do　you　know；　I　found　a　cluster

of　white　violets　under　that　old　twisted　tree　over　there　today？

I　felt　as　if　I　had　discovered　a　gold　mine。〃



〃You　are　always　discovering　gold　mines；〃　said　Gilbert　　also　absently。



〃Let　us　go　and　see　if　we　can　find　some　more；〃　suggested　Anne　eagerly。

〃I'll　call　Phil　and　　〃



〃Never　mind　Phil　and　the　violets　just　now；　Anne；〃　said　Gilbert　quietly；

taking　her　hand　in　a　clasp　from　which　she　could　not　free　it。　　〃There　is

something　I　want　to　say　to　you。〃



〃Oh；　don't　say　it；〃　cried　Anne；　pleadingly。　　〃Don't　　PLEASE；　Gilbert。〃



〃I　must。　　Things　can't　go　on　like　this　any　longer。　　Anne；　I　love　you。

You　know　I　do。　　I　　I　can't　tell　you　how　much。　　Will　you　promise　me

that　some　day　you'll　be　my　wife？〃



〃I　　I　can't；〃　said　Anne　miserably。　　〃Oh；　Gilbert　　you　

you've　spoiled　everything。〃



〃Don't　you　care　for　me　at　all？〃　Gilbert　asked　after　a　very

dreadful　pause；　during　which　Anne　had　not　dared　to　look　up。



〃Not　　not　in　that　way。　　I　do　care　a　great　deal　for　you　as　a　friend。

But　I　don't　love　you；　Gilbert。〃



〃But　can't　you　give　me　some　hope　that　you　will　　yet？〃



〃No；　I　can't；〃　exclaimed　Anne　desperately。　　〃I　never；　never　can

love　you　　in　that　way　　Gilbert。　　You　must　never　speak　of　this

to　me　again。〃



There　was　another　pause　　so　long　and　so　dreadful　that　Anne　was

driven　at　last　to　look　up。　　Gilbert's　face　was　white　to　the　lips。

And　his　eyes　　but　Anne　shuddered　and　looked　away。　　There　was

nothing　romantic　about　this。　　Must　proposals　be　either　grotesque

or　　horrible？　　Could　she　ever　forget　Gilbert's　face？



〃Is　there　anybody　else？〃　he　asked　at　last　in　a　low　voice。



〃No　　no；〃　said　Anne　eagerly。　　〃I　don't　care　for　any　one　like

THAT　　and　I　LIKE　you　better　than　anybody　else　in　the　world；

Gilbert。　　And　we　must　　we　must　go　on　being　friends；　Gilbert。〃



Gilbert　gave　a　bitter　little　laugh。



〃Friends！　　Your　friendship　can't　satisfy　me；　Anne。　　I　want　your　love

　and　you　tell　me　I　can　never　have　that。〃



〃I'm　sorry。　　Forgive　me；　Gilbert；〃　was　all　Anne　could　say。

Where；　oh；　where　were　all　the　gracious　and　graceful　speeches

wherewith；　in　imagination；　she　had　been　wont　to　dismiss

rejected　suitors？



Gilbert　released　her　hand　gently。



〃There　isn't　anything　to　forgive。　　There　have　been　times　when　I　thought

you　did　care。　　I've　deceived　myself；　that's　all。　　Goodbye；　Anne。〃



Anne　got　herself　to　her　room；　sat　down　on　her　window　seat　behind

the　pines；　and　cried　bitterly。　　She　felt　as　if　something　incalculably

precious　had　gone　out　of　her　life。　　It　was　Gilbert's　friendship；

of　course。　　Oh；　why　must　she　lose　it　after　this　fashion？



〃What　is　the　matter；　honey？〃　asked　Phil；　coming　in　through

the　moonlit　gloom。



Anne　did　not　answer。　　At　that　moment　she　wished　Phil　were　a

thousand　miles　away。



〃I　suppose　you've　gone　and　refused　Gilbert　Blythe。　　You　are　an　idiot；

Anne　Shirley！〃



〃Do　you　call　it　idiotic　to　refuse　to　marry　a　man　I　don't　love？〃

said　Anne　coldly；　goaded　to　reply。



〃You　don't　know　love　when　you　see　it。　　You've　tricked　something

out　with　your　imagination　that　you　think　love；　and　you　expect　the

real　thing　to　look　like　that。　　There；　that's　the　first　sensible

thing　I've　ever　said　in　my　life。　　I　wonder　how　I　managed　it？〃



〃Phil；〃　pleaded　Anne；　〃please　go　away　and　leave　me　alone　for

a　little　while。　　My　world　has　tumbled　into　pieces。　　I　want　to

reconstruct　it。〃



〃Without　any　Gilbert　in　it？〃　said　Phil；　going。



A　world　without　any　Gilbert　in　it！　　Anne　repeated　the　words　drearily。

Would　it　not　be　a　very　lonely；　forlorn　place？　　Well；　it　was　all

Gilbert's　fault。　　He　had　spoiled　their　beautiful　comradeship。

She　must　just　learn　to　live　without　it。









Chapter　XXI



Roses　of　Yesterday





The　fortnight　Anne　spent　in　Bolingbroke　was　a　very　pleasant　one；

with　a　little　under　current　of　vague　pain　and　dissatisfaction

running　through　it　whenever　she　thought　about　Gilbert。　　There　was

not；　however；　much　time　to　think　about　him。　　〃Mount　Holly；〃　the

beautiful　old　Gordon　homestead；　was　a　very　gay　place；　overrun　by

Phil's　friends　of　both　sexes。　　There　was　quite　a　bewildering

succession　of　drives；　dances；　picnics　and　boating　parties；　all

expressively　lumped　together　by　Phil　under　the　head　of　〃jamborees〃；

Alec　and　Alonzo　were　so　constantly　on　hand　that　Anne　wondered　if

they　ever　did　anything　but　dance　attendance　on　that　will…o'…the…wisp

of　a　Phil。　　They　were　both　nice；　manly　fellows；　but　Anne　would　not

be　drawn　into　any　opinion　as　to　which　was　the　nicer。



〃And　I　depended　so　on　you　to　help　me　make　up　my　mind　which　of　them　I

should　promise　to　marry；〃　mourned　Phil。



〃You　must　do　that　for　yourself。　　You　are　quite　expert　at　making

up　your　mind　as　to　whom　other　people　should　marry；〃　retorted　Anne；

rather　caustically。



〃Oh；　that's　a　very　different　thing；〃　said　Phil；　truly。



But　the　sweetest　incident　of　Anne's　sojourn　in　Bolingbroke　was　the

visit　to　her　birthplace　　the　little　shabby　yellow　house　in　an

out…of…the…way　street　she　had　so　often　dreamed　about。　　She　looked

at　it　with　delighted　eyes；　as　she　and　Phil　turned　in　at　the　gate。



〃It's　almost　exactly　as　I've　pictured　it；〃　she　said。　　〃There　is

no　honeysuckle　over　the　windows；　but　there　is　a　lilac　tree　by　the

gate；　and　　yes；　there　are　the　muslin　curtains　in　the　windows。

How　glad　I　am　it　is　still　painted　yellow。〃



A　very　tall；　very　thin　woman　opened　the　door。



〃Yes；　the　Shirleys　lived　here　twenty　years　ago；〃　she　said；　in

answer　to　Anne's　question。　　〃They　had　it　rented。　　I　remember　'em。

They　both　died　of　fever　at　onct。　　It　was　turrible　sad。　　They　left

a　baby。　　I　guess　it's　dead　long　ago。　　It　was　a　sickly　thing。　　Old

Thomas　and　his　wife　took　it　　as　if　they　hadn't　enough　of　their　own。〃



〃It　didn't　die；〃　said　Anne；　smiling。　　〃I　was　that　baby。〃



〃You　don't　say　so！　　Why；　you　have　grown；〃　exclaimed　the　woman；

as　if　she　were　much　surprised　that　Anne　was　not　still　a　baby。

〃Come　to　look　at　you；　I　see　the　resemblance。　　You're　complected

like　your　pa。　　He　had　red　hair。　　But　you　favor　your　ma　in　your

eyes　and　mouth。　　She　was　a　nice　little　thing。　　My　darter　went　to

school　to　her　and　was　nigh　crazy　about　her。　　They　was　buried　in

the　one　grave　and　the　School　Board　put　up　a　tombstone　to　them　as

a　reward　for　faithful　service。　　Will　you　come　in？〃



〃Will　you　let　me　go　all　over　the　house？〃　asked　Anne　eagerly。



〃Laws；　yes；　you　can　if　you　like。　　'Twon't　take　you　long　　there

ain't　much　of　it。　　I　keep　at　my　man　to　build　a　new　kitchen；　but

he　ain't　one　of　your　hustlers。　　The　parlor's　in　there　and　there's

two　rooms　upstairs。　　Just　prowl　about　yourselves。　　I've　got　to

see　to　the　baby。　　The　east　room　was　the　one　you　were　born　in。

I　remember　your　ma　saying　she　loved　to　see　the　sunrise；　and　I

mind　hearing　that　you　was　born　just　as　the　sun　was　rising　and

its　light　on　your　face　was　the　first　thing　your　ma　saw。〃



Anne　w