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第17章

the old bachelor-第17章

小说: the old bachelor 字数: 每页4000字

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HEART。  'Tis not in thy nature to give me joy。  A woman can as soon give immortality。

BELIN。  Ha; ha; ha! oh Gad; men grow such clowns when they are married。

BELL。  That they are fit for no company but their wives。

BELIN。  Nor for them neither; in a little time。  I swear; at the month's end; you shall hardly find a married man that will do a civil thing to his wife; or say a civil thing to anybody else。  How he looks already; ha; ha; ha。

BELL。  Ha; ha; ha!

HEART。  Death; am I made your laughing…stock?  For you; sir; I shall find a time; but take off your wasp here; or the clown may grow boisterous; I have a fly…flap。

BELIN。  You have occasion for't; your wife has been blown upon。

BELL。  That's home。

HEART。  Not fiends or furies could have added to my vexation; or anything; but another woman。  You've racked my patience; begone; or by …

BELL。  Hold; hold。  What the devilthou wilt not draw upon a woman?

VAIN。  What's the matter?

ARAM。  Bless me! what have you done to him?

BELIN。  Only touched a galled beast until he winced。

VAIN。  Bellmour; give it over; you vex him too much。  'Tis all serious to him。

BELIN。  Nay; I swear; I begin to pity him myself。

HEART。  Damn your pity!but let me be calm a little。  How have I deserved this of you? any of ye?  Sir; have I impaired the honour of your house; promised your sister marriage; and whored her? Wherein have I injured you?  Did I bring a physician to your father when he lay expiring; and endeavour to prolong his life; and you one and twenty?  Madam; have I had an opportunity with you and baulked it?  Did you ever offer me the favour that I refused it? Or …

BELIN。  Oh foh! what does the filthy fellow mean?  Lord; let me be gone。

ARAM。  Hang me; if I pity you; you are right enough served。

BELL。  This is a little scurrilous though。

VAIN。  Nay; 'tis a sore of your own scratchingwell; George?

HEART。  You are the principal cause of all my present ills。  If Sylvia had not been your mistress; my wife might have been honest。

VAIN。  And if Sylvia had not been your wife; my mistress might have been just。  There; we are even。  But have a good heart; I heard of your misfortune; and come to your relief。

HEART。  When execution's over; you offer a reprieve。

VAIN。  What would you give?

HEART。  Oh!  Anything; everything; a leg or two; or an arm; nay; I would be divorced from my virility to be divorced from my wife。


SCENE XIV。


'To them' SHARPER。

VAIN。  Faith; that's a sure way:  but here's one can sell you freedom better cheap。

SHARP。  Vainlove; I have been a kind of a godfather to you yonder。 I have promised and vowed some things in your name which I think you are bound to perform。

VAIN。  No signing to a blank; friend。

SHARP。  No; I'll deal fairly with you。  'Tis a full and free discharge to Sir Joseph Wittal and Captain Bluffe; for all injuries whatsoever; done unto you by them; until the present date hereof。 How say you?

VAIN。  Agreed。

SHARP。  Then; let me beg these ladies to wear their masks; a moment。  Come in; gentlemen and ladies。

HEART。  What the devil's all this to me?

VAIN。  Patience。


SCENE the Last


'To them' SIR JOSEPH; BLUFFE; SYLVIA; LUCY; SETTER。

BLUFF。  All injuries whatsoever; Mr。 Sharper。

SIR JO。  Ay; ay; whatsoever; Captain; stick to that; whatsoever。

SHARP。  'Tis done; these gentlemen are witnesses to the general release。

VAIN。  Ay; ay; to this instant moment。  I have passed an act of oblivion。

BLUFF。  'Tis very generous; sir; since I needs must own …

SIR JO。  No; no; Captain; you need not own; heh; heh; heh。  'Tis I must own …

BLUFF。That you are over…reached too; ha; ha; ha; only a little art military usedonly undermined; or so; as shall appear by the fair Araminta; my wife's permission。  Oh; the devil; cheated at last!  'Lucy unmasks。'

SIR JO。  Only a little art…military trick; captain; only countermined; or so。  Mr。 Vainlove; I suppose you know whom I have gotnow; but all's forgiven。

VAIN。  I know whom you have not got; pray ladies convince him。 'ARAM。 and BELIN。 unmask。'

SIR JO。  Ah! oh Lord; my heart aches。  Ah!  Setter; a rogue of all sides。

SHARP。  Sir Joseph; you had better have pre…engaged this gentleman's pardon:  for though Vainlove be so generous to forgive the loss of his mistress; I know not how Heartwell may take the loss of his wife。  'SYLVIA unmasks。'

HEART。  My wife!  By this light 'tis she; the very cockatrice。  O Sharper!  Let me embrace thee。  But art thou sure she is really married to him?

SET。  Really and lawfully married; I am witness。

SHARP。  Bellmour will unriddle to you。  'HEARTWELL goes to BELLMOUR。'

SIR JO。  Pray; madam; who are you?  For I find you and I are like to be better acquainted。

SYLV。  The worst of me is; that I am your wife …

SHARP。  Come; Sir Joseph; your fortune is not so bad as you fear。 A fine lady; and a lady of very good quality。

SIR JO。  Thanks to my knighthood; she's a lady …

VAIN。  That deserves a fool with a better title。  Pray use her as my relation; or you shall hear on't。

BLUFF。  What; are you a woman of quality too; spouse?

SET。  And my relation; pray let her be respected accordingly。 Well; honest Lucy; fare thee well。  I think; you and I have been play…fellows off and on; any time this seven years。

LUCY。  Hold your prating。  I'm thinking what vocation I shall follow while my spouse is planting laurels in the wars。

BLUFF。  No more wars; spouse; no more wars。  While I plant laurels for my head abroad; I may find the branches sprout at home。

HEART。  Bellmour; I approve thy mirth; and thank thee。  And I cannot in gratitude (for I see which way thou art going) see thee fall into the same snare out of which thou hast delivered me。

BELL。  I thank thee; George; for thy good intention; but there is a fatality in marriage; for I find I'm resolute。

HEART。  Then good counsel will be thrown away upon you。  For my part; I have once escaped; and when I wed again; may she beugly; as an old bawd。

VAIN。  Ill…natured; as an old maid …

BELL。  Wanton; as a young widow …

SHARP。  And jealous; as a barren wife。

HEART。  Agreed。

BELL。  Well; 'midst of these dreadful denunciations; and notwithstanding the warning and example before me; I commit myself to lasting durance。

BELIN。  Prisoner; make much of your fetters。  'Giving her hand。'

BELL。  Frank; will you keep us in countenance?

VAIN。  May I presume to hope so great a blessing?

ARAM。  We had better take the advantage of a little of our friend's experience first。

BELL。  O' my conscience she dares not consent; for fear he should recant。  'Aside。'  Well; we shall have your company to church in the morning。  May be it may get you an appetite to see us fall to before you。  Setter; did not you tell me? …

SET。  They're at the door:  I'll call 'em in。


A DANCE。


BELL。  Now set we forward on a journey for life。  Come take your fellow…travellers。  Old George; I'm sorry to see thee still plod on alone。

HEART。  With gaudy plumes and jingling bells made proud; The youthful beast sets forth; and neighs aloud。 A morning…sun his tinselled harness gilds; And the first stage a down…hill greensward yields。 But; oh … What rugged ways attend the noon of life! Our sun declines; and with what anxious strife; What pain we tug that galling load; a wife。 All coursers the first heat with vigour run; But 'tis with whip and spur the race is won。 'Exeunt Omnes。'



EPILOGUE。 Spoken by MRS。 BARRY。



As a rash girl; who will all hazards run; And be enjoyed; though sure to be undone; Soon as her curiosity is over; Would give the world she could her toy recover; So fares it with our poet; and I'm sent To tell you he already does repent: Would you were all as forward to keep Lent。 Now the deed's done; the giddy thing has leisure To think o' th' sting; that's in the tail of pleasure。 Methinks I hear him in consideration: What will the world say?  Where's my reputation? Now that's at stake。  No; fool; 'tis out o' fashion。 If loss of that should follow want of wit; How many undone men were in the pit! Why that's some comfort to an author's fears; If he's an ass; he will be tryed by's peers。 But hold; I am ex

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