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第15章

the old bachelor-第15章

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 don't pause; if you do; I'll spoil all。  I have some private reasons for what I do; which I'll tell you within。  In the meantime; I promiseand rely upon meto help your mistress to a husband:  nay; and thee too; Lucy。  Here's my hand; I will; with a fresh assurance。  'Gives her more money。'

LUCY。  Ah; the devil is not so cunning。  You know my easy nature。 Well; for once I'll venture to serve you; but if you do deceive me; the curse of all kind; tender…hearted women light upon you!

BELL。  That's as much as to say; the pox take me。  Well; lead on。


SCENE IV。


VAINLOVE; SHARPER; and SETTER。

SHARP。  Just now; say you; gone in with Lucy?

SET。  I saw him; sir; and stood at the corner where you found me; and overheard all they said:  Mr。 Bellmour is to marry 'em。

SHARP。  Ha; ha; it will be a pleasant cheat。  I'll plague Heartwell when I see him。  Prithee; Frank; let's tease him; make him fret till he foam at the mouth; and disgorge his matrimonial oath with interest。  Come; thou'rt musty …

SET。  'To SHARPER。'  Sir; a word with you。  'Whispers him。'

VAIN。  Sharper swears she has forsworn the letterI'm sure he tells me truth;but I'm not sure she told him truth:  yet she was unaffectedly concerned; he says; and often blushed with anger and surprise:  and so I remember in the park。  She had reason; if I wrong her。  I begin to doubt。

SHARP。  Say'st thou so?

SET。  This afternoon; sir; about an hour before my master received the letter。

SHARP。  In my conscience; like enough。

SET。  Ay; I know her; sir; at least; I'm sure I can fish it out of her:  she's the very sluice to her lady's secrets:  'tis but setting her mill agoing; and I can drain her of 'em all。

SHARP。  Here; Frank; your bloodhound has made out the fault:  this letter; that so sticks in thy maw; is counterfeit; only a trick of Sylvia in revenge; contrived by Lucy。

VAIN。  Ha!  It has a colour; but how do you know it; sirrah?

SET。  I do suspect as much; because why; sir; she was pumping me about how your worship's affairs stood towards Madam Araminta; as; when you had seen her last? when you were to see her next? and; where you were to be found at that time? and such like。

VAIN。  And where did you tell her?

SET。  In the Piazza。

VAIN。  There I received the letterit must be soand why did you not find me out; to tell me this before; sot?

SET。  Sir; I was pimping for Mr。 Bellmour。

SHARP。  You were well employed:  I think there is no objection to the excuse。

VAIN。  Pox of my saucy credulityif I have lost her; I deserve it。 But if confession and repentance be of force; I'll win her; or weary her into a forgiveness。

SHARP。  Methinks I long to see Bellmour come forth。


SCENE V。


SHARPER; BELLMOUR; SETTER。

SET。  Talk of the devil:  see where he comes。

SHARP。  Hugging himself in his prosperous mischiefno real fanatic can look better pleased after a successful sermon of sedition。

BELL。  Sharper!  Fortify thy spleen:  such a jest!  Speak when thou art ready。

SHARP。  Now; were I ill…natured would I utterly disappoint thy mirth:  hear thee tell thy mighty jest with as much gravity as a bishop hears venereal causes in the spiritual court。  Not so much as wrinkle my face with one smile; but let thee look simply; and laugh by thyself。

BELL。  Pshaw; no; I have a better opinion of thy wit。  Gad; I defy thee。

SHARP。  Were it not loss of time you should make the experiment。 But honest Setter; here; overheard you with Lucy; and has told me all。

BELL。  Nay; then; I thank thee for not putting me out of countenance。  But; to tell you something you don't know。  I got an opportunity after I had married 'em; of discovering the cheat to Sylvia。  She took it at first; as another woman would the like disappointment; but my promise to make her amends quickly with another husband somewhat pacified her。

SHARP。  But how the devil do you think to acquit yourself of your promise?  Will you marry her yourself?

BELL。  I have no such intentions at present。  Prithee; wilt thou think a little for me?  I am sure the ingenious Mr。 Setter will assist。

SET。  O Lord; sir!

BELL。  I'll leave him with you; and go shift my habit。


SCENE VI。


SHARPER; SETTER; SIR JOSEPH; and BLUFFE。

SHARP。  Heh!  Sure fortune has sent this fool hither on purpose。 Setter; stand close; seem not to observe 'em; and; hark ye。 'Whispers。'

BLUFF。  Fear him not。  I am prepared for him now; and he shall find he might have safer roused a sleeping lion。

SIR JO。  Hush; hush! don't you see him?

BLUFF。  Show him to me。  Where is he?

SIR JO。  Nay; don't speak so loud。  I don't jest as I did a little while ago。  Look yonder!  Agad; if he should hear the lion roar; he'd cudgel him into an ass; and his primitive braying。  Don't you remember the story in AEsop's Fables; bully?  Agad; there are good morals to be picked out of AEsop's Fables; let me tell you that; and Reynard the Fox too。

BLUFF。  Damn your morals。

SIR JO。  Prithee; don't speak so loud。

BLUFF。  Damn your morals; I must revenge the affront done to my honour。  'In a low voice。'

SIR JO。  Ay; do; do; captain; if you think fitting。  You may dispose of your own flesh as you think fitting; d'ye see; but; by the Lord Harry; I'll leave you。  'Stealing away upon his tip…toes。'

BLUFF。  Prodigious!  What; will you forsake your friend in extremity?  You can't in honour refuse to carry him a challenge。 'Almost whispering; and treading softly after him。'

SIR JO。  Prithee; what do you see in my face that looks as if I would carry a challenge?  Honour is your province; captain; take it。  All the world know me to be a knight; and a man of worship。

SET。  I warrant you; sir; I'm instructed。

SHARP。  Impossible!  Araminta take a liking to a fool?  'Aloud。'

SET。  Her head runs on nothing else; nor she can talk of nothing else。

SHARP。  I know she commanded him all the while we were in the Park; but I thought it had been only to make Vainlove jealous。

SIR JO。  How's this!  Good bully; hold your breath and let's hearken。  Agad; this must be I。

SHARP。  Death; it can't be。  An oaf; an idiot; a wittal。

SIR JO。  Ay; now it's out; 'tis I; my own individual person。

SHARP。  A wretch that has flown for shelter to the lowest shrub of mankind; and seeks protection from a blasted coward。

SIR JO。  That's you; bully back。  'BLUFFE frowns upon SIR JOSEPH。'

SHARP。  She has given Vainlove her promise to marry him before to… morrow morning。  Has she not?  'To SETTER。'

SET。  She has; sir; and I have it in charge to attend her all this evening; in order to conduct her to the place appointed。

SHARP。  Well; I'll go and inform your master; and do you press her to make all the haste imaginable。


SCENE VII。


SETTER; SIR JOSEPH; BLUFFE。

SET。  Were I a rogue now; what a noble prize could I dispose of!  A goodly pinnace; richly laden; and to launch forth under my auspicious convoy。  Twelve thousand pounds and all her rigging; besides what lies concealed under hatches。  Ha! all this committed to my care!  Avaunt; temptation!  Setter; show thyself a person of worth; be true to thy trust; and be reputed honest。  Reputed honest!  Hum:  is that all?  Ay; for to be honest is nothing; the reputation of it is all。  Reputation! what have such poor rogues as I to do with reputation? 'tis above us; and for men of quality; they are above it; so that reputation is even as foolish a thing as honesty。  And; for my part; if I meet Sir Joseph with a purse of gold in his hand; I'll dispose of mine to the best advantage。

SIR JO。  Heh; heh; heh:  Here 'tis for you; i'faith; Mr。 Setter。 Nay; I'll take you at your word。  'Chinking a purse。'

SET。  Sir Joseph and the captain; too! undone! undone!  I'm undone; my master's undone; my lady's undone; and all the business is undone。

SIR JO。  No; no; never fear; man; the lady's business shall be done。  What; come; Mr。 Setter; I have overheard all; and to speak is but loss of time; but if there be occasion; let these worthy gentlemen intercede for me。  'Gives him gold。'

SET。  O lord; sir; what d'ye mean?  Corrupt my honesty?  They have indeed very persuading faces。  But …

SIR JO。  'Tis too little; there's more; man。  There; take all

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