the old bachelor-第14章
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FOND。 Nay； I find you are both in a story； that I must confess。 But； whatnot to be cured of the colic？ Don't you know your patient； Mrs。 Quack？ Oh； 'lie upon your stomach； lying upon your stomach will cure you of the colic。' Ah！ answer me； Jezebel？
LAET。 Let the wicked man answer for himself： does he think I have nothing to do but excuse him？ 'tis enough if I can clear my own innocence to my own dear。
BELL。 By my troth； and so 'tis。 I have been a little too backward； that's the truth on't。
FOND。 Come； sir； who are you； in the first place？ And what are you？
BELL。 A whore…master。
FOND。 Very concise。
LAET。 O beastly； impudent creature。
FOND。 Well； sir； and what came you hither for？
BELL。 To lie with your wife。
FOND。 Good again。 A very civil person this； and I believe speaks truth。
LAET。 Oh； insupportable impudence。
FOND。 Well； sir； pray be coveredand you haveHeh！ You have finished the matter； heh？ And I am； as I should be； a sort of civil perquisite to a whore…master； called a cuckold； heh？ Is it not so？ Come； I'm inclining to believe every word you say。
BELL。 Why； faith； I must confess； so I designed you； but you were a little unlucky in coming so soon； and hindered the making of your own fortune。
FOND。 Humph。 Nay； if you mince the matter once and go back of your word you are not the person I took you for。 Come； come； go on boldly。What； don't be ashamed of your profession。Confess； confess； I shall love thee the better for't。 I shall； i'feck。 What； dost think I don't know how to behave myself in the employment of a cuckold； and have been three years apprentice to matrimony？ Come； come； plain dealing is a jewel。
BELL。 Well； since I see thou art a good； honest fellow； I'll confess the whole matter to thee。
FOND。 Oh； I am a very honest fellow。 You never lay with an honester man's wife in your life。
LAET。 How my heart aches！ All my comfort lies in his impudence； and heaven be praised； he has a considerable portion。 ＇Aside。＇
BELL。 In short； then； I was informed of the opportunity of your absence by my spy （for faith； honest Isaac； I have a long time designed thee this favour）。 I knew Spintext was to come by your direction。 But I laid a trap for him； and procured his habit； in which I passed upon your servants； and was conducted hither。 I pretended a fit of the colic； to excuse my lying down upon your bed； hoping that when she heard of it； her good nature would bring her to administer remedies for my distemper。 You know what might have followed。 But； like an uncivil person； you knocked at the door before your wife was come to me。
FOND。 Ha！ This is apocryphal； I may choose whether I will believe it or no。
BELL。 That you may； faith； and I hope you won't believe a word on'tbut I can't help telling the truth； for my life。
FOND。 How！ would not you have me believe you； say you？
BELL。 No； for then you must of consequence part with your wife； and there will be some hopes of having her upon the public； then the encouragement of a separate maintenance …
FOND。 No； no； for that matter； when she and I part； she'll carry her separate maintenance about her。
LAET。 Ah； cruel dear； how can you be so barbarous？ You'll break my heart； if you talk of parting。 ＇Cries。＇
FOND。 Ah； dissembling vermin！
BELL。 How can'st thou be so cruel； Isaac？ Thou hast the heart of a mountain…tiger。 By the faith of a sincere sinner； she's innocent for me。 Go to him； madam； fling your snowy arms about his stubborn neck； bathe his relentless face in your salt trickling tears。 ＇She goes and hangs upon his neck； and kisses him。 BELLMOUR kisses her hand behind FONDLEWIFE'S back。＇ So； a few soft words； and a kiss； and the good man melts。 See how kind nature works； and boils over in him。
LAET。 Indeed； my dear； I was but just come down stairs； when you knocked at the door； and the maid told me Mr。 Spintext was ill of the colic upon our bed。 And won't you speak to me； cruel Nykin？ Indeed； I'll die； if you don't。
FOND。 Ah！ No； no； I cannot speak； my heart's so fullI have been a tender husband； a tender yoke…fellow； you know I have。But thou hast been a faithless Delilah； and the PhilistinesHeh！ Art thou not vile and unclean； heh？ Speak。 ＇Weeping。＇
LAET。 No…h。 ＇Sighing。＇
FOND。 Oh that I could believe thee！
LAET。 Oh； my heart will break。 ＇Seeming to faint。＇
FOND。 Heh； how！ No； stay； stay； I will believe thee； I will。 Pray bend her forward； sir。
LAET。 Oh！ oh！ Where is my dear？
FOND。 Here； here； I do believe thee。 I won't believe my own eyes。
BELL。 For my part； I am so charmed with the love of your turtle to you； that I'll go and solicit matrimony with all my might and main。
FOND。 Well； well； sir； as long as I believe it； 'tis well enough。 No thanks to you； sir； for her virtue。But； I'll show you the way out of my house； if you please。 Come； my dear。 Nay； I will believe thee； I do； i'feck。
BELL。 See the great blessing of an easy faith； opinion cannot err。
No husband； by his wife； can be deceived； She still is virtuous； if she's so believed。
ACT V。SCENE I。
SCENE： The Street。
BELLMOUR in fanatic habit； SETTER； HEARTWELL； LUCY。
BELL。 Setter！ Well encountered。
SET。 Joy of your return； sir。 Have you made a good voyage？ or have you brought your own lading back？
BELL。 No； I have brought nothing but ballast backmade a delicious voyage； Setter； and might have rode at anchor in the port till this time； but the enemy surprised usI would unrig。
SET。 I attend you； sir。
BELL。 Ha！ Is it not that Heartwell at Sylvia's door？ Be gone quickly； I'll follow youI would not be known。 Pox take 'em； they stand just in my way。
SCENE II。
BELLMOUR； HEARTWELL； LUCY。
HEART。 I'm impatient till it be done。
LUCY。 That may be； without troubling yourself to go again for your brother's chaplain。 Don't you see that stalking form of godliness？
HEART。 O ay； he's a fanatic。
LUCY。 An executioner qualified to do your business。 He has been lawfully ordained。
HEART。 I'll pay him well； if you'll break the matter to him。
LUCY。 I warrant you。Do you go and prepare your bride。
SCENE III。
BELLMOUR； LUCY。
BELL。 Humph； sits the wind there？ What a lucky rogue am I！ Oh； what sport will be here； if I can persuade this wench to secrecy！
LUCY。 Sir： reverend sir。
BELL。 Madam。 ＇Discovers himself。＇
LUCY。 Now； goodness have mercy upon me！ Mr。 Bellmour！ is it you？
BELL。 Even I。 What dost think？
LUCY。 Think！ That I should not believe my eyes； and that you are not what you seem to be。
BELL。 True。 But to convince thee who I am； thou knowest my old token。 ＇Kisses her。＇
LUCY。 Nay； Mr。 Bellmour： O Lard！ I believe you are a parson in good earnest； you kiss so devoutly。
BELL。 Well； your business with me； Lucy？
LUCY。 I had none； but through mistake。
BELL。 Which mistake you must go through with； Lucy。 Come； I know the intrigue between Heartwell and your mistress； and you mistook me for Tribulation Spintext； to marry 'emHa？ are not matters in this posture？ Confess： come； I'll be faithful； I will； i'faith。 What！ diffide in me； Lucy？
LUCY。 Alas…a…day！ You and Mr。 Vainlove； between you； have ruined my poor mistress： you have made a gap in her reputation； and can you blame her if she make it up with a husband？
BELL。 Well； is it as I say？
LUCY。 Well； it is then： but you'll be secret？
BELL。 Phuh； secret； ay。 And to be out of thy debt； I'll trust thee with another secret。 Your mistress must not marry Heartwell； Lucy。
LUCY。 How！ O Lord！
BELL。 Nay； don't be in passion； Lucy：… I'll provide a fitter husband for her。 Come； here's earnest of my good intentions for thee too； let this mollify。 ＇Gives her money。＇ Look you； Heartwell is my friend； and though he be blind； I must not see him fall into the snare； and unwittingly marry a whore。
LUCY。 Whore！ I'd have you to know my mistress scorns …
BELL。 Nay； nay： look you； Lucy； there are whores of as good quality。 But to the purpose； if you will give me leave to acquaint you with it。 Do you carry on the mistake of me： I'll marry 'em。 Nay； don't pause； if you d
